The Toxic Obsession From The Borderline

hi everyone thanks for watching this video with me today I'm going to talk about stalking and more so with people that have borderline personality disorder how they tend to stock what it looks like what you can do I'm not going to get into and this is going to be short video and I'm not going to get into statistics and all this stuff I'll read a brief definition of stalking because I'm also talking about you know biggest thing is Obsession smear campaigns stuff like this stalking is unwanted Andor repeated surveillance or contact by an individual or group toward another person it's interrelated to harassment and intimidation um a lot of you guys have been with me a long time a lot of you guys know that I've had people stalking me and and definitely had someone make videos about me you know 100 200 videos over 7 years um about every detail of what I'm doing my videos um commenting under the videos stalking me on different platforms trying to contact people in my life and then make up fake people in my life but claims that's not stalking it is it's repeated unwanted surveillance attention contact yeah unwanted attention is harassment but so and and also just the last thing possibly probably everyone may have been stalked especially online nowadays people looking at your account a lot but don't talk to you never met you don't know you know someone who knows you or uh can't get over a relationship friendship you know lovers whatever dors can't heal from it stalking watching um and and so obviously some people stalk people they don't know try and get into their lives and stuff like this some people stalk for different reasons but I'm talking about someone with borderline personality disorder after a relationship has ended you ended it they ended it and he keeps talking you and it's about Obsession this is what we're talking about and it doesn't matter if they have a vendetta to try to ruin your life I mean it does matter but just as far as it's just all obsess doesn't matter if they're claiming that they're exposing you and telling everyone you're a narcissist it doesn't matter if they just can't you know quite accept that the relationship is over and they lost you it doesn't matter if they're pretending that they're worried or concerned about you it's Obsession it's Obsession and if I'm going to obsess because everything people do takes space and time in their lives and we all have the same amount so if I'm going to spend any space and time on someone not in my life currently that's weird and if I'm doing that I don't have a life I don't like my life one of the two combination of both you talk about like a pre- teenager that has Idols you know most most 40y olds don't have Idols right we may be a fan of someone's work but we don't have crushes on people we don't know unattainable people like B Obsession here's just some components of obsession don't have to have all these just some components we have usually ruminating rumination obsessive thoughts after a traumatic relationship has ended and we don't know everything quite understand that happened and it just you know uh it took up a lot of space and time it's gone now there's a void how do I feel this void you know and we have obsessive thoughts so everybody may be watching this video can understand Obsession a little bit Yeah but here's just some components don't know yourself shame can't look at yourself hurts traumatized no life that's a very important one no life um you know I'll have clients tend to keep obsessing on their aggressor their abuser and they haven't talked to him for like 6 months and they still just can't answer some of their own simple questions and stuff and it's hard for them to kind of move forward still and it's like well let we need to focus on our life and kind of do something you know I'm not saying work let's you know if you don't want to work or you don't have to you need to what are we going to do with our time and our space for ourselves and usually if we're still obsessing on somebody for a long we're not really doing at least not what we want what we like um not accepting not accepting person envious hatred and anger psychological splitting leading to possibly delusional thinking perceive thoughts about somebody that might not be even true borderline splitting saying you're the most evil person in the world I can't believe I just was with the devil I'm going to go look at their picture again that's the devil that's what a devil looks like all of that I just read sounds like a borderline doesn't it and a preee who idolizes people who doesn't know who they are who doesn't have a life not control over their life I if you have someone if the borderline that was in your life should say was very controlling which is a very very typical thing behaviors oh and uh-oh I didn't say not all disclaimer not all Border Lines do any of these things okay shoot I'm going to get it I don't care controlling borderlines typically very controlling anybody who's controlling you know it's it's dehumanizing it's it's all this stuff but it's it's neglectful and it's it's narcissistic but I have no control over my life I can't manage my life I can't accept you know and be agreeable with you and that you have some of your life and all this and meet you halfway and know that I can't have what I want from you sometimes and sometimes I can no I can't control my life I can't manage my life therefore I would control yours classic codependent classic codependent behaviors I I I try to control your life and tell you what you should do and you you tell me what I should do but we're really not going to ever fix nothing or do anything can't make man their own life did they control you because and and how you know a borderline controls they control by baiting they they accuse they fear they threaten they uh use compassion and empathy and and pity me and victim and all these things to control your emotions and how you feel and if and and here's a smear campaign I no longer can control you so I will control the opinions and the emotions and feelings of the people around you I will I will make your boss not trust you I will make your best friend hate you I will make uh these people that you know you hang out with whatever so you're co-workers or something think you're the worst nastiest person in the world I will get to their emotions I will make up lies and accusations and I'm trying to control the people around you that's the Samir campaign and if they can't control the people around you they may continue to stalk you they may continue to check on you social medias and stuff like this it's a good idea after relationships with toxic people to not play the game like hey my life is is great now and um I think it's over now and you know with this extremely toxic jealous envious insecure obsessed person um and I'm just going to post my life on Facebook and let them know you know I don't really care what if they know or I'm doing it on purpose it it's good to you know not let them see you so someone who is obsess obessive like most common borderlines are the more it's like they can't heal already they can't introspect and begin healing which is closer to acceptance they can't accept things they keep trying to control things if they can't control you and the people around you they will smear you and they if they can't if they're not smearing you they will stalk if the smearing doesn't work making it l they will stalk you and stalk you and stalk you and they can't introspect because they have shame and hate themselves you can tell how someone feels about themselves when you show them a mirror not a literal figure figuratively a mirr when you tell them something they did that was wrong or a failure or you didn't like when you know they have to introspect look at themselves apologize take inventory that's their reaction to that oh whatever it's your father I hate you screw you girl cry it's how they feel about themselves they don't want to be alone they don't want to be alone they're in Bad Company when they're with themselves they hate themselves and this is makes acceptance very difficult if not impossible and so they may watch and see what you're doing and stalking you but when it comes back to Obsession it's going to be hard for them to heal anyway or even try to accept that the relationship is over if they live next door to you which heard it before and they sit there and watch you go in and out every day if they work next with with you they work with you if you know what I mean you're not just going to be friends and things like that it's got to be cut off gone done and we don't want them to see us and hear from us if they keep if someone that keeps obsessively calling you anyone right in high school I had uh a girl that called me you know whatever 27 times a day for four years uh it's not going to help to answer the phone it's not going to help to keep talking to them it's not going to help you know what I mean to keep giving what they want like a reward so we don't want to talk to them we don't want to respond and reply and write letters and send them photos and give them emotional reactions to things and have them come over once in a while it's not okay to even have a line to me probably and we don't want them to see what we're doing on social media and now that we have you know here's pictures of my children that are getting older that they knew and here's you know my new boyfriend or girlfriend or here's new friends I have here's oh I'm going to this place and that place and I'm having so much fun and here's my meal that I I'm eating no nothing dead crickets crickets you better turn it off better turn it off and so we don't we want the obsession to stop and so we don't want people to say anything to them about us we just don't want anything we want them to have a life we want them to get a job I mean these are people who are unstable who can't keep a job very well sometimes the the higher Spectrum lower functioning not all can't keep a job can't keep relationships I mean they'll lose their job and their best friend and someone else close to them and you know all in the same month every month you know and it's devastating and so we want them to have a life we want want them to get that job finally they want want them to get a new boyfriend that's a good thing yeah new boyfriend new girlfriend good good not see what we're doing not hear about us and we do too we need to not hear about them and see what they're doing either guys okay if you guys are checking on them I understand ask yourself why are you doing this what do you want from it what are you trying to find or see if it's in know a very common one I guess oh I need to what they're doing to be safe and be careful okay what are you exactly afraid of them doing you know take preventative measures but you have no control you can't control them have somebody else check for you tell people not to tell you things anyways and stuff unless it's something you you know lifethreatening you need to know but how does it feel when you go look it feels like [ __ ] stop doing it the obsession there's kind of some Marks here usually Border Lines will stop you know within one to three months we hope and it very typically could go on to 6 months we hope it stops after 6 months if it doesn't it could get pretty ugly and then almost always it stops within two years the ones that continue past two years it never stops that's really some hardcore statistics I've I've seen and I don't this is something I learned a couple years ago or so and I just realized it' be good if I had the link to that statistic but I've read it I've seen it it's kind of scary life and I've you know doing this and helping people with with these kinds of things I've heard of you know 27 years later the borderline contacts you again and they know all about you from different social medias maybe stalking in person you know they know everything about you scary scary so be prepared for the Hoover like I said we may have all been stock be careful what you guys Post online be very very careful I see some amazing things sometimes don't post online that you're on vacation or you're going on vacation don't post that you're somewhere else besides home don't post that you're at home don't post that you're by yourself don't post that you're with other people don't post things for other people to see and gather more information about you okay be careful probably everybody has been stocked for whatever reasons tons of different reasons but it's hard it can be very difficult to end relationships with borderline unless they've split on you for the last final time and they believe you're the worst person in the world and they just need to stay away from you and they're right on to somebody else and they you don't have this object permanence constancy they don't start to forget about you not healed forget they idealize relationships extremely and maybe they're upset that it didn't work out between you guys it's hard to accept and they're still idealizing the relationship they could have had with you and they keep checking on you maybe they just don't have a life at all let me know what you guys think ask questions share your own experiences I'd really appreciate that appreciate a thumbs up subscribe to the channel if you want coaching David de mars.com love yourself first guys thank you bye-bye