I Make Sense of Borderline Behaviors

Hi everyone, thanks for joining me for today's video. I'm going to try to explain a lot of people's, people that have Borderline Personality Disorder, their behaviors. My viewers, you guys, most of you, have had people with Borderline Personality Disorder in your lives, and we need to understand what happened. You're trying to make sense of this, trying to heal from it. It's psychologically traumatic, it can be. So I hope that I can do that today. Let me know. Please share. Please tell us your own experiences and examples and ask questions, okay? I'm going to try to be as general as I can, not too specific, not too complex. I'm trying to explain behaviors of why they have troubles holding employment, why they might move around a lot, or stop and start relationships, why they love you and hate you, why they abuse substances maybe, why they might falsely accuse you, cheat, lie to you. Let me first say that this is not something, things that I'm going to say today, are not something that all people with Borderline do. So you don't need to tell me. And none of this information means that you have Borderline Personality Disorder, okay? Very distinct criteria for it. Today, I'm talking about impulsivity first. Acting without thought or consideration of consequences driven by immediate desires or emotions. Impulsivity often leads to obesity. Impulsivity is a result of unstable self, a sense of self emotionally unstable in an unstable life, living arrangements, job, relationships. We're talking about relationships. This can, doesn't have to, it can begin at birth. I think this might explain most people with this disorder. Not a healthy bonding, not a healthy attachment with the child, mother and child. This causes massive stress, lacking to self-development and connection with others. Postpartum depression or postpartum psychosis, causes and mechanisms are still not fully understood. But there are many, many factors. Some are stress, trauma, lack of support, many more. This inhibits healthy bonding. I think this might be a major factor with people with this disorder. Maternal rejection causes stress, trauma, inhibits healthy attachments for the child. Disorganized attachment style is what most people with this disorder have. This is where the caregiver was both a source of comfort and fear to the child, offered comfort and fear to the child. And this explains later why this child will have chaotic relationships, sit there and play push-pull game, why they have extreme emotional reactivity, can't regulate their emotions, and why they have fear and ambivalence toward intimacy while craving closeness. Struggles with trust, identity and internal conflict, especially with emotional needs. The perfect borderline, say, how the perfect borderline was formed or the perfect way someone with this disorder could be formed, would be a predisposure to neurosis, now anxiety, nervousness. Maternal rejection, childhood neglect, trauma, other environmental factors, and in a culture where mental illness is a stigma, not promoting to get help. That would just be perfect. A healthy mother-to-child bonding. Things like skin-to-skin, touching, breastfeeding, eye contact, facial expressions, mirroring, meeting emotional needs, making them feel secure, emotional connection, emotional attention, a routine, playing with them, interacting with them, massaging them, sleeping proximity, presence, patience, affection. Healthy bonding in adult relationships looks like this. Not like yours. Some of these things maybe. Shared thoughts and feelings. We share our thoughts and feelings with each other. Active listening, open communication, reliability, transparency, emotional support, prioritizing time together, shared activities, physical affection, intimacy, mutual respect, valuing each other, fairness, conflict resolution, staying calm, finding solutions together, shared goals and values, aligning your futures together, supporting each other's self growth. Emotional connection between two people. Two major factors is that we know each other very well. And we only do what feels good to each other. They don't know themselves, and they do what feels bad repeatedly. No emotional connection. Healthy bonds, healthy attachment, healthy connection required. They don't. They don't, so they feel unstable. Does that make sense? So they look elsewhere. So when they find something elsewhere, they feel empty inside and more unstable. A fragmented self losing whatever part they had with you. Going to a new stranger. So I hope this explains a lot of their impulsive behaviors that they might have had with you. Things they did in your relationship. Things they did to you. The way they sabotaged relationship, abused you, neglected you, traumatized you. This is their inner turmoil and lack of being able to have relationships with people, healthy ones. Find yourself like this. Find yourself a relationship that looks like this, that feels like this, that sounds like this. Step outside of it. Tell someone. Ask for help. Appreciate a thumbs up. Subscribe to the channel. Anybody that wants coaching, you can find me at DavidDemars.com. And again, I appreciate any examples and experiences you feel comfortable sharing down below. Thank you. Love yourself first, guys. Bye-bye.