The Narcissist / Borderline Parental Alienation

hi everybody thanks for joining me for today's video I'm going to disc or talk about parental alienation something so many of you have have experienced are still experiencing and I'm very very sorry I can't imagine what it would be like you know I I've had traumatic abusive relationships with I think narcissists and Border Lines stuff like this and they were so traumatic in the ending of them were so horrible I felt so bad um I count my blessings I'm grateful for many different things one thing I'm grateful for is I didn't have children to take care of at that time I was a mess I had a dog and I still wasn't the best parent even for my dog at that time then I couldn't imagine the parent turning the children against me losing my children maybe I know a lot of you have lost your children and I am deeply sorry it may not be forever we hope yeah parental alienation an active campaign to alienate disrupt the relationship between the parent and the child um I I talk a lot of about borderlines and narcissists and they do this a lot of them do this it's just profound um it's it's never going to be a clean break a clean divorce they're never going to be respectful to the children about you never never all and I mean all they're awful they're not good parents they can't have relationships of any kind they definitely can't be a parent and when they have this uh you know access to them all the time just manipulating them awful awful doing what they want to do how because of how they feel or what they need Revenge whatever it is at the cost of the children's development when they really need both parents children do not have their own autonomy their own agency their own Authority and borderlines and narcissistic parents use these children as extensions of themselves as objects many believe children are beneath them they had such a horrible childhood they hate children even though they have them and they think of children as less than you know they're so glad they're not children anymore they look down on children they may hate children they may be used as Pawns pawns to manipulate you they may be used as a kicking post to scapegoat to exploit to control they may be possessive over the children they may reject them but they can all be used every child can be used against you to try to control you that's what it's for control parental alienation can be for many different reasons whether they're competing with you they want want to just abuse you but it's all control it's all control if they can't control you they will control the opinions of those around you that is the smear campaign and this is a smear campaign they will use they will do it using different tactics from bribery guilt pity blame projection lies and manipulation the smear campaign to form an alliance against you they prep them to set you up you will fall into the Trap which is them warning the children what you are going to do how you're going to react what this means to them both mother and father are susceptible to this it's not just one-sided parental alienation syndrome is a term coined by a child psychologist Richard Garder it describes the signs and symptoms exhibited by the child who is being alienated from apparent he says the two big proposed symptoms are extreme but unwarranted fear and disrespect or hostility towards a parent Gardner's Theory his syndrome is not accepted amongst medical or legal communities it's highly criticized but I thought those two were pretty interesting it's important to note the signs and tell your lawyer and bring this up in litigation litigation May there may be a chance where you can use a diagnosis of psychological manipulation or undo the influence of a child by a parent litigation can can help and so many of you guys tell me doctors don't know anything about this psychiatrists don't know therapists don't know anything about this lawyers don't know judges police officers and it's simply not true and I'm very sorry for the experience that you had where they didn't know I am just know that law is tricky and sometimes in law examples and stuff like this don't matter um like a uh like a no fault state there's no fault states where when you get divorced it doesn't matter why or what the other parent did and if you keep telling them what the other parent did the other parent abused me and abused the children and cheated on me and lied to me you can get in a lot of trouble if you don't shut up that's not the way the legal process works and so it can be very stressful very frustrating and we can have a very very bad negative outlook on the world and think that the whole world's not just against us but mean bad evil doesn't care there's people like this everywhere and nobody cares Mom Dad you must get well first you better get well first it's the chance that you have now that this relationship is over to get better and it's what your children need they need a healthy Mom and Dad okay if they don't have one they definitely need the other it's the best thing you can do for for all of you therapy therapy therapy therapy have support know what's going on get help with this stuff get a lawyer know your rights get the children in therapy very very important that we have children in therapy because when you have two parents pitting or one parent pitting the children against the other one children are extremely loyal and it's going to be difficult for that for you to talk about this and talk about the other parent or anything they may not do that they may be very loyal and protect the other parent a therapist will have better luck with that somebody that the children feel like they can tell to somebody else that won't hurt mom or dad don't talk bad about the other parent I've made other videos about this I hope that you guys have seen them if you're in these situations but do not talk bad about the other parent it will push the child further away and that's something you have going good for you children don't want it I mean the worst thing you can do if you want to bond with a child or gain a child's trust or be a friend or whatever do not talk bad about mom or dad you guys don't like it right even if you had not good mom and dads you don't want anyone to start talk bad about your mom and dad don't do it don't do it um we do it with compassion love may not even be able to talk about them be careful children need structure punishment reward schedules and spontaneity so that's what we do okay we don't overcompensate and we don't try to reward the children more and be more fun and things like this the other very common with parental alienation do the other parent make sure that it's always so good over here right we have parties every day we eat ice cream and cake every day even if our stomach hurts and I don't have to do any chores and I get to have my friends over and I get to have every toy I want and stuff like this special privileges it doesn't work with children not forever and and to be honest starting at an earlier age might be even better because children need structure they need a schedule they need consisten see they really do everything else is chaos they don't like it eventually they won't it will be fun for a little while just be patient and wait and you be consistent if if your mom and and they don't have much of a dad and all they're doing is spoiling him we don't try to overcompensate and be Dad we just be mom a mom make sure that children feel safe and secure help them a little bit in life with doing things you know you know Dad is supposed to get involved in their life and show them Direction it wouldn't hurt to help them date and dress and shave and things like this okay things that their dad might do that's it ending a traumatic relationship being abused for so long stressed for so long feeling depressed and anxious and self-doubt and then you also have to raise these children and take care of these children right now and then you're dealing with a toxic ex who's threatening you Abus you taking to Children's courts false accusations and then the children start being turned against you how awful is that God I just it's just horrible I I am so sorry for all of you don't do this alone your children don't have time to wait for you to feel better do you understand that I know we just want to feel better and willing to wait years you can start feeling better right away come see me I'll I'll help you feel better right away but there's a hell of a lot more we need to learn and if you're having problems with relationships that means that we don't meet each other's needs very well and that's what your children needs so at least learn that start meeting your children's needs because they can't they won't and that's the leverage you have is that you're going to provide what they need the most security autonomy attention emotional attention privacy emotional connection meaning and purpose these kinds of things is what your children needs provide that for them unconditionally and you have something that you're providing them that the other parent won't because parents that do this they ain't meeting the kids' needs believe me not their emotional needs you're not alone you're not alone talk to other parents that have gone through this you can find them online in chat groups this will stop being stressful as you heal so don't do this alone find help and heal from this right away this usually calms down over time and gets easier they usually stop being such a big problem children usually tend to come around after a while maybe a few years um and you will find ways to do this easier and raise the children until they're raised it's not a death sentence guys there's things like parental apps that you can use so you don't communicate anymore find out these suggestions go to somebody that can help you that is experiencing this okay you're not alone uh ask me questions thumbs up subscribe to the channel appreciate it you want coaching you can find me at David dear.com okay love yourself first guys thanks bye bye