The High-Functioning Borderline

Hi everyone. Thanks for joining me for today's video. My name is David. This video is going to cover the high-functioning person with borderline personality disorder. I've made another video about this before. It's been quite a while. I've got new information. A lot of people ask me not just about this disorder, but about the quiet, the high-functioning, can we have relationships with them, can they get better, things like this. And I may not be able to answer all those questions for you because each person is different. And I'm not going to say that somebody can or can't have relationships or find love or things like this. But hopefully I can help you guys a little bit if you have those questions. Borderline personality disorder, I covered it and made an entire playlist for the disorder, for the diagnosis. I made a video for each of the diagnostic criteria to help you guys better understand this disorder. So when we're talking about high-functioning, it still is borderline. They still meet the criteria. Today, borderline personality disorder is called emotionally unstable personality disorder, but I still refer to it as borderline. That's how most people know it. And I always have to preface by saying not all. Not all borderlines are like this. Not all high-functioning borderlines are exactly how I say. Okay, like I said though, it still meets the criteria. You need five out of nine of the diagnostic traits to have the disorder. And people that are high-functioning or higher spectrum, I was about to say, they still meet the criteria. They still have five out of those nine. But it may look different. It may feel different, a lot. It could be, it's more inward. It's more internalized or maybe introverted. Quiet is how most people seem to know it as. They may not seek help. These are people that may not want to show how dysfunctional they are. They may function better and keep everything inside and not let people know. It doesn't mean that they don't still have that inner turmoil. They do. It's a storm inside and it will come out sometimes. It can very often go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. The most common misdiagnosis for borderline is bipolar. Now you may see CPTSD. It's like this, but it can be treated. Not my opinion. Doctors, professionals, that this disorder can be treated, especially maybe with someone on the lower spectrum, higher functioning. So they may appear to function well. I'll use an example in a little bit. But this internal inside turmoil causes loneliness, isolation, big time. But you always still see it in their eyes. It's called the empty eyes. They feel empty inside and they may show it. It may be massive stress, lost, scared, confused. They will keep others at arm's length. Most higher spectrum, lower functioning borderlines, I mean, it's just a constant narrative. If I'm a victim and I need your help, right? And then as you commit to this, you'll see that they need more and more and more help. No matter how much you provide, they're always going to need more. Always telling you every problem they ever have. Every experience they have is very dramatic. They're very fragile. Yeah. So this looks a lot different. It's quite the contrast. I help victims, a lot of victims of people that have suffered in relationships with people with this disorder. So I'm more experienced with the higher spectrum, lower functioning, right? But that doesn't mean I'm not experienced with the higher functioning borderlines. I am. I hear about them a lot. I think I knew one really well, at least exhibited all the traits. Don't forget, they still meet the criteria. The things that you see that a lower functioning borderline does, they may still think and feel this and not so much act it out. Still in there. That's what's important to remember. It's not saying that they're going to be a lot better at this or at that, or they have a lot better chances for this and that. It's just internalized. Depression, anxiety, unstable sense of self, codependency, rumination, intense emotion, self-criticism, and judgment are common with people that have higher functioning borderline personality disorder. These are the very common ones. And you might say, well, David, isn't that CPTSD? Well, sure, but they still meet the criteria for BPD, okay? Relationships may last longer with longer golden periods. If someone's abusing you, typically an abuser doesn't abuse someone every second, every minute, every hour of the day, do they? Whether they have to even sleep or maybe go to work, but typically it's a cycle of positive and negative reinforcement or periods, golden periods, right? They might have, you know, they might lose their shit and get it all out and feel better and then everything's okay for a few days, weeks, months, yeah? And you will look forward to these golden periods and hold on to these. And then when you have these little problems, right? A fits, a rages, a meltdowns, they're so long, they're so spread out, it's easier to accept. They may be better with mood swings, with anger and impulsivity may not come out as much. Brandon Marshall is a football player in the NFL, and he was very, he's been very vocal about his diagnosis of borderline. He sought treatment, he's still in treatment, and he speaks loudly about it to spread awareness. I think that he was high-functioning borderline. I can give you my own example. I dated someone for about three, four years, and she absolutely told me nothing, nothing. It wasn't that she didn't tell me just the bad things, she would tell me absolutely nothing. It was incredible. You could ask her a question about something that every single human being has done ever in their life. Definitely, we've done this. I'm not going to get into it, but I mean like touching yourself, like trying alcohol, I mean just it didn't matter what it was. It was always, no, literally, I mean stark contrast, difference than what we're used to, isn't it? And still had rage, had depression, would lie, was scandalous, betrayal, hooked up with my friends. She would beat me and cheat on me, and then smeared me and told everybody I'd beaten, beat her, and cheated on her, just like a borderline. Felt empty inside, has told me that, but that didn't say empty, something like it, just would literally tell me nothing. It was just insane. It felt like two years of being with this person every day. I felt like I had no idea who they were. I don't know about their past. There's no way that they can't have never done this and this and this and this and this when everyone has, so I knew she was just hiding everything, and I just took it as she was embarrassed, ashamed at the time. Now I realize that she's just purely manipulative and can't be vulnerable, can't tell anybody. That was her way of staying safe, never getting too close, emotionally connected, never ever tell the truth, never tell anyone about you ever, crazy. This can be harder to identify. This could take longer to identify for the treats to surface. Very much codependency. It's really the frog in the boiling water reference, where you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water, it jumps right out. It's too hot. Put it in a pot of lukewarm water and turn the heat up, and it slowly heats up, and it slowly heats up over a year or two, and then, oh shoot, I can't leave them. I'm addicted. I'm dependent, because they are, and you can't be in a relationship with someone that's codependent without you having codependent behaviors. Eventually, it took me a while to realize this, and I know your guys' questions. Can they get better professionals? Yes. It doesn't mean they will. They may be capable. They may be capable of loving, loving their children. You can stay in a relationship with them. That's not really a question. Can you stay in a relationship with them? Will a relationship work? I mean, you guys were in relationships with your abusers. Can you have happy, functioning, loving relationships? I don't know. I can't say that. Sure. Why not? Each person's different, you know. Each person's different. Each borderline is different. Each person with this diagnosis, even if it's the correct diagnosis, all different. I think that when we are abused and neglected and traumatized, we have the lowest standards and expectations, don't we? I mean, it literally can come down to, you won't abuse me, right? Okay, good. Then we're good. They don't abuse me. There's so much more to a relationship. Unconditional love. Total emotional connection. Autonomy. Emotional attention. Privacy. Meaning. Purpose. Friends. Circles. Social groups that need me. There's so much more to a relationship than, am I safe? That starts to sound like dependency, doesn't it? If you guys ever get to the point in your life where you can say, I don't need a person. I don't need anybody specifically. I need myself. And I love who I am. And I love the relationship I have with myself. You won't be dependent or reliant on anyone. Your standards will go up, okay? And they need to be. Instead of two standards, how about 20? That's it. Let me know what you guys think. If you find yourself in a relationship like this, if you have this disorder in your relationship that's abusive and neglectful, there's turmoil, things like this, step outside, ask for help, tell someone, okay? Anybody who finds this video beneficial to you or maybe to someone else, I appreciate it. Thumbs up. Subscribe to the channel. Anybody that wants coaching, you can find me at DavidDemars.com. Please consider leaving your own experiences, your own examples. It really helps the viewers. Thanks, guys. Love yourself first. Bye-bye.