Betrayal Trauma & Controlling Behaviors

hello everyone thank you for joining me for today's video this is this week's question answer video I do every single Monday uh who's has who has a Halloween hangover from Halloween too much candy do you have kids did you eat all your kids candy did you go trick or treat and act like a kid uh hopefully it went well hopefully it wasn't triggering traumatizing abusive hopefully a little peaceful so I do this every single week for those of you who are new here Welcome to the Channel please ask me questions ask me anything you want write down below in the in the uh comment section little slow today sorry ask me anything and just come back for the next video for my answer let me know what you think of my answer if I missed your question I'm sorry if I misunderstood it I'm really sorry please ask me again okay I don't miss them on purpose sometimes it happens and sometimes I don't understand your question sometimes you can't understand my answer so please ask me anything repetitive questions are good stupid bad questions there's no such thinging only stupid bad answers um all I ask is please tell us your location if you could please I'd appreciate that so what other people we kind of like to know where you are we like to know that this stuff isn't just me I'm not the only one suffering other people are suffering and this stuff's going on all over the world okay um another thing I ask is please if you could if you haven't already please consider uh signing a petition that I started stop narcissistic online bowling it's the number one reason why young people are taking their lives today and it's getting it's growing rapidly so if you could just follow the petition link right down below it's in the comment section it's in the description box ask me for it if you don't know look at change.org stop bullies you can find it there and just sign it it's everyone around the world you don't have to pay anything do anything else just yes I support it if you want to do something else you can share it with someone else thank you very much let's get into the questions there's lots of good ones and uh there's a lot of them so I'm going to try to be a little fast today I try not to I don't want videos to be very very very long Emily from South Africa hi Emily the longer I am away from my parents and starting to learn how to take care of myself the more I recognize how little they equipped me to be able to take care of myself um if any of you watching this video believes that you have not been neglected or abused in your childhood I'd like to challenge that I think that if we are neglected and abused in adulthood it's because we were in childhood period there might be some r medical condition or something in our brains that may make us be abused later when we were never abused before I don't know never heard of one never seen anyone never never I mean of the hundreds of people I've helped I've always been able to pinpoint exactly what the abuse and neglect was it's it's easy for me it might be very difficult for most of you but it is uh extremely clarifying it's can be very beneficial to know what we didn't get because that's what we need if you have dysfunctional relationships now your needs aren't being met in them and if you if they're not probably weren't in childhood and if we're still doing this since childhood having a relationship without our needs met then we still don't know how to have a good relationship where we meet each other's needs and it could start right there back in childhood where I didn't have the Met understanding that healing from that also and say saying this is what I need now now I know and thank you Emily uh cowboy no horse from South Florida or just sorry Cowboy from South Florida hi Cowboy I got out of a relationship with a borderline girlfriend five months ago no contact ever since I started therapy and depressants probably anti-depressants I doubt that they made you wanted you to be depressed attend Kota meetings and I'm drug and alcohol free that's awesome still feeling crappy but getting better every day good spending time with family and friends is my salvation totally good forcing myself to get out and try to enjoy life when does the discomfort end not dating for at least a year so you you started therapy you're taking oh it does say anti-depressants I'm sorry um and you're attending meetings family and so I guess the the relationship ended 5 months ago I don't know how long you've been getting help for when does the discomfort end I I'm sorry Cowboy I can't tell you that obviously I don't think your therapist could tell you that knows you a lot better than me what's important is that you are getting better and that's something that's really good to track every day guys CU we are not aware of ourselves too much after relationships like this and we cannot be aware that we're actually getting better and we could feel have a real bad day one day and think that we're just getting worse and that's why it might be good for you guys to maybe just chart yourself your your healing every day you could just you know date a feeling why I feel that way and rate yourself you see yourself getting better every day that's encouraging it's hopeful I can't tell you when the discomfort ends typically if a relationship if you still feel just as bad as the day the relationship ended still after a month or two they say say that's PTSD that can continue for the rest of your life or it can end very quickly most of it not all most of it is what you're doing not doing talking and therapy is number one it makes no sense to do all these supplemental things and exercise and give yourself tons of years and stuff and just not do what you're supposed to do talk therapy just talk about it that's it just talk about it that's what heals it number one writing number two many other things gardening cooking creativity artwork uh uh meditating but I guess I would I ask most people what are you doing right you told me some things here you're doing be very aware anybody everybody out there when you hire a professional to help you whatever it is psychologist psychiatrist a therapist a coach whoever you hire to help you must be the absolute help you need anything less than that can actually be more damaging and we want progress right if if I'm not getting better in five months and I'm writing it down and I'm like I'm still a four seven months later you know we're not getting better that's not the help you need make sense if we're not at least getting better it's not the help we need we need something more uh so just be aware of that for you particularly Cowboy after if you've been seeing someone for 5 months if you're not any better it may not be the help you need if you but you are say you're getting better every day okay so maybe soon the discomfort one I hope the discomfort is getting better right is it getting better you see you're it sounds like you're doing what you're supposed to so that's good and it's working and you're getting better every day I couldn't tell you when it's all but I couldn't 63 days from now at about 2: p.m. eastern time I sorry I can't tell you it's there is none there is no way to tell anybody there's no graph there's no typical really there's none we all have different brains we all have different experiences we react differently and we do different things to heal I mean so much going on right just make sure you're getting the help that you need that's what's important and that you're getting better every day thanks um oh boy I'm going to mess this name name up should I even try I've had from Handover region Germany I've taken two years of German so I know it fluent just kidding but I've never seen or heard this name and it it almost doesn't seem German maybe you're from somewhere else I'm going to try on AE a n TJ e let me know sorry if I messed it up it does not stop hurting but Gathering knowledge about cluster bees starts to set me free a tiny little bit thank you for your help talk to somebody okay I promise you videos are not what heals us I don't care if they feel a little better usually they're just replacing the void that we lost we're trying to make a little sense of our experience that helps okay but that is not what the he most important part of healing is or significant and this is not how we do it I'm not telling you not to watch them I understand more believe me I do I understand right this is what I do it helped me talk to somebody okay and I'm sorry if I said your name wrong Dan from Nebraska hello Dan it occurs to me certain BPD individ individuals appear to be influenced heavily by others around them have you observed this well I talked about it in the video you just commented on did you see that part and I uh I've made multiple videos about this uh directed at more borderline and history onic I think I made a video recently about this sorry I can't refer you to it Dan but yes you're and you're correct you're correct you said certain BPD individuals cuz I cannot even explain I'm not really going to go into it much but anything I say this can I say Borderland not me not all yeah so it's just obviously not all certain okay everyone out there certain individuals appear to be influenced heavily by others around them yeah way more than certain if if you put human beings on a scale who's easily influenced you've got borderline and and like histrionic things like that at the very top you would have um low intelligence you know but here's here's the big picture it is influence is not as important as vulnerability a someone that's let's make someone dangerous right a predator is e is influential right and they're all out there and and I can't change them and I can't run from them and hide from them and protect myself from them except that I can not be vulnerable my vulnerability may be to certain influential people like this I need to know this and know and be aware and know what to do okay but yes certain BPD individuals appear to be and are very influenced easily by other people um thanks Dan there's a couple more questions I get into this more hey David Susan from Minnesota hello Susan my question I have survived every abuse imaginable sometimes I wonder if the Betrayal of Family Friends Church is worse than the actual abuse just wondering your thoughts thank you so much for being a voice for survivors thank you Susan there's different forms of abuse I think they all kind of they're all emotionally significant if unless they're not but that would make them emotional abuse and betrayal and and and abuse can be traumatic right not all right someone can call you the B- word and you're okay that's abuse maybe not traumatized maybe every day call okay yeah but betrayal is the worst it's the absolute worst it's like children can handle trauma why because they have their parents there do you see that I get this a lot I get people that'll tell me some significant inent of trauma in their childhood late teens and they'll tried to attribute that to the relationships they're having now no no I don't care if your house burnt down when you were 12 that's not why you're dating Psychopaths now in your 30s no no no no it's because your house burnt down at 12 and your parents suck CU your parents were also traumatized they weren't there for you didn't comfort you that's why it's so traumatizing not cuz your house burnt out that may be traumatic at the time wow big fire had to run out lost my stuff sure but if I have two parents there meeting all my needs I'm going to be okay if not I'm screwed I will talk about this fire for 40 years be traumatized by it and I'll think that's why I'm doing this now and this now because of the fire sure but if you had parents there to comfort you reassure you emotional connection all these things you'd be okay same with this same with this um because the family and friends and church church big one abused you and then they betrayed you and weren't there for you no one there for you do you see that it's the Betrayal that's the worst people that just turn on you like that is so traumatic we may not understand it can't program it process it accept it oh [ __ ] my life is flipped upside down the world is not what I thought it was worst worst [ __ ] thing you can do to anybody is betray them hit me slap me talk [ __ ] about me steal from me don't betray me I mean those are forms of betrayal aren't they but but yeah tell me you love me and then go tell my family I'm crazy tell my friends I'm on drugs and beat you tell my job my boss that I steal from him tell you know what I mean and just trying to ruin my life evil I think ghosting someone that you've told you love and you never will do that to them doing that is pure evil it's pure evil that you convince someone that you love them and then you just boom last message I love you next nothing that'll [ __ ] someone up uh I'm sorry Susan we can all heal from this I hope you do uh Maria Williams would love to know where you are at next time please let us know hi David can you do a video about borderline personality disorder and stalking I have and I will do another one thank you Elizabeth don't know where you're from let us know your location please tell us where you are at everyone thank you older women with long hair are magical thinkers wow no I did not say that in this video the last week's Q&A people wanted to know what you know I I was giving kind of descriptions about people that are magical thinkers people that are easily influenced and believe things that aren't true that quick and easy that are very vulnerable to very influential people and I talked about younger very common to be very alternative piercings tattoos Maybe green hair weird clothing and older women May tend to have long hair maybe into may maybe kind of schizotypal maybe uh dress weird lots of attention say weird things I did not say that older women with long hair are magical thinkers please Elizabeth tell me you know the difference please everyone else do I make that difference when I talk about things because I was sitting there trying to describe what generally generalizing stereotyping easily influential easily influenced people I wasn't talking about old women with long hair and saying they're all easily influenced there are a hundred million billions maybe more older women with long hair that are not magical thinkers but it's very common for older women that are magical leers to have still have longer hair this is these things are not even my opinion I just agree with it you can look it up um and then here's the next one is just like this uh offen tone bulla from New York did you just make the sweeping generalization that people with alternative style like tattoos and piercings are easily influenced did I you're asking me do you not know are you not sure LOL Bro I laughed at you not with you capitalized this time okay I wasn't laughing when I said it so obviously you weren't laughing at me that's weird to say or you weren't laughing with me so you were laughing at me I get it I don't care um and and you're not sure well I'll answer it for you no I didn't make a general a sweeping generalization that people with alternative style like tattoos and piercings are easily influenced do do do you really not understand that do you seriously not understand that there are a billion people let's just pretend let's say a 100 million with tattoos and piercings that I've used to have on my ears that are not easily influenced that's not what I'm saying I'm saying easily influenced younger people tend to have tatto piercings green hair weird clothing say weird stuff that's there's a huge difference please please let me know you guys if you understand the difference please I mean if I can't say that what are we going to do here isn't it good to just be able to talk about things sometimes without being censored and so so like sensitive and and and um yeah I've never known you obviously must have tattoos and Pi I've never known anybody with tattoos that's so sensitive about them I don't give a flying rat's ass [ __ ] what anyone thinks about my tattoos they're not for other people they're for me and I understand sometimes people have tattoos they don't like and they want to get remove they regret it but holy [ __ ] there's ton most people with tattoos are not easily influenced doesn't that make sense stereotypes are stereotypes you know why because they're true or they wouldn't be a stereotype yeah please I just get this so much it's so splitting and by the way uh you're not saying your name but you you always leave nice comments you've been very supportive this is all it took for you to just switch on someone CU you're hyper sensitive about your tattoos holy [ __ ] man I might have more than you my last one was four years ago I'm getting another one soon do you not if I say some group of people tends to have shaved heads am I saying that people with shaved heads are always like this no God Jesus how much more time I'm not going to spend more time but I would love to know what you guys think do I clarify enough do I give enough warnings not all not all I swear I'm going to just call my Channel not all not all and it's not like it's just one person every now and then that does this it's constant it's daily it's on every video if you're that sensitive don't watch my videos and I don't need people to tell me that I'm wrong that I'm false that I'm a front that I'm a fraud that I'm a psychopath every video the same person that's stalking leave me alone go watch the videos that you like that tell you that your toxic behaviors are great great and wonderful and loving if you want to live in an echo chamber and you can't look at yourself go do that I don't care I am talking about people who abuse others because abuse sucks doesn't it but apparently we all have to be careful of what we say about the abuser [ __ ] amazing anyway Victoria from the Bay Area I've been trying to get used to my son leaving for the military I know you have been I had to take depression medication to deal with it my question is what happens when I stop the medication will I be depressed and addicted to pills these pills are the only thing that keeps me from crying every day I'm so sorry Victoria it's it's good they're working then would you is that what you're saying be be aware are they helping are you sure that's what's helping know what's helping you and try to know what the pills are doing I can't tell you you know what's going to happen to you I can tell you some typical things okay for one these are not highly addictive so don't worry about being addicted to them um except that addiction is dependency and we may be depending on these to feel better for a while what what typically happens when we stop taking anti-depressants is a lot of people get very depressed for a little while okay it's nothing to be scared of you're saying they're helping you now that's what's important I'd be really in tune with your therapy and always trying to get better and you know I just just to let you guys know about anti-depressants because we're talking about trauma and Trauma tends to damage our receptors for the very very essential chemicals we need to help us out of depression like serotonin is one of them and so a lot of times when people are traumatized enough and I I see this actually most frequently because that's who I'm dealing with is the the medication didn't help it didn't do anything they didn't feel anything when they started taking it and and I'm kind of like well are we okay we're not H really depressed no okay do you want to keep taking them I mean what's the plan here um I I read a comment today I don't know if I read it or I'm about to someone was on it for like four years it's like geez are you sure you need them that that that four years um what typically happens to the traumatized brain is the anti-depressant does not work there's the The receptors are damaged from trauma like alcohol does things like that and and so they don't work and then when the person stops taking them nothing either no depression at all that they know the difference taking them being on them or getting off of them that's just typical it's good to hear that they're helping you Victoria come up with a plan be very aware with your therapist how long we're taking these for what's the goal and start just really working on yourself and depression Victoria um your son's doing what he wants to do so tell yourself that that's good and you start focusing on you and what you want to do okay and you can plan for when your son's back or when you get to see him again and I'm sorry this has impacted you so much it's good that you're being a good mom and letting him do what really he wants to do no matter how bad it makes you feel oh you got another question here Victoria from the Bay Area I was getting out of my Uber car and told the Uber driver you have a beautiful accent he was from Africa my friend responded by saying stop flirting you should have said you have a nice accent was she right no it's real easy when you say someone told me to do something should I no never never someone asks you to do something and then you can considerate by checking with you first going by what you need what you want how you feel what you believe in and value and protect yourself that what comes first then we can consider the option of someone we care about is asking us to do something or stop doing something but we never tell someone what to do your friend is toxic absolutely and if you want to flirt with someone why can't you flirt with someone oh don't say that that's flirting well maybe I wanted to flirt with him right maybe she doesn't like to but guess what you guys are different so separate yourself go and we all have different things and we're going to accept that about each other and if she can't accept that about you start wondering if you want to accept her in your life but communicate and tell her how did that feel when she told you that that's what's important Victoria if it felt good then it's not a problem it must not felt good did it you didn't like it how did it feel write down the feelings the more and and describe not just I got mad you know no I my blood was boiling we don't judge people we don't control people we don't tell people what they should do and should have and shouldn't have and felt this you shouldn't have felt that should all that's [ __ ] okay we have free will we're different we have autonomy Okay so if you want your friendship to get better and her not to make you feel this way again then you simply say friend you made me feel this this this this and it was like this to my body and I didn't like it and then if she cares she'll say why you'll say oh it was when you told the told me not to flirt with them to say this instead I would rather you not tell me what to do and if there's something that I did that made you feel uncomfortable then you tell me how I made you feel uncomfortable but please don't tell me what to do and I liked what I did and I'm going to do it again yeah if that's how you feel okay make your friendship better don't don't keep it secret how you feel you you've just told a thousand people so maybe you can tell her thanks Victoria hi David Willer from New Jersey hi Willa good to see you always Willa makes videos every now and then about crumble cookies and if I watch them I have to eat cookies afterwards can you explain what exactly is emotionally abuse um I kind of did a few minutes ago we have different forms of abuse don't we have verbal abuse abuse we have Financial abuse we have physical abuse we have SE like I if I could say that s abuse um and then there's emotional abuse but if all of that abuse feels bad then it's emotional abuse how how can you sit there and abuse your wife and and punch her and hit her every day and then not be emotional abuse too right how can I call you bad names and criticize you and tell you how bad you suck and ugly and all this stuff all day and that not be emotional abuse emotional abuse is I make you feel bad on purpose pretty simple pretty simple thanks will and hi cindyc always good to see you hi David Dan here from Dublin Ireland hi Dan love the channel thank you I was diagnosed with ASD and comorbid that's uh autism autism spectral disorder and comorbid anxiety age seven and remember just being unusually anxious for a young child I could barely talk to other people my age and was quiet asocial very common uh I found playing sports was a great way for me to get rid of my negative emotions but I put too much pressure on myself which I feel caused me to reach for alcohol on my teenage years I had very unstable interpersonal relationships and just two weeks ago just told that I have e upd BPD oh no traits oh traits okay that I'll get to that traits as a result of my trauma in childhood do you think there is a link between Autism and eupd BPD many things so borderline personality disorder now called emotionally unstable personality disorder when a when a therapist just let you know guys when a therapist is telling you you have traits of this disorder they're telling you you have the disorder but they don't want to diagnose you you usually I mean I can't speak for every therapist but I hear this a lot and I know this borderline is something that most therapists do not want to diagnose people with they they just don't it's an it's an awful awful disorder just the diagnosis itself usually causes depression and and do doctors therapists don't usually want to be responsible for that it could take a long time to be 100% sure but they're hinting they're going towards okay you're lot not just a couple we all may have one or two go see another doctor Dan okay go see another doctor that is very familiar with cptsd complex post-traumatic stress disorder because if you're go if this doctor is not familiar with that at all at all this is very common this is very common to go from autism to anxiety disorders to borderline now later in life it when you may just have cptsd maybe autism in cptsd I don't know um your question is is do you think there's a link I don't know I don't know enough to even say I think there might be I really don't we all need more information about autism it's not agreed upon some you know the common question with autism is which came first autism or trauma um and a very common misdiagnosis is BPD when you in fact you have cptsd same with an umbrella very common people are have cptsd or are di diagnosed with a slightly on the spectrum of autism because the doctor just it I've worked with a hundreds of people that have been traumatized and I and so many I see signs with autism looks like it could be autism looks like a little borderline stuff like this but it's just cptsd but I can't tell you Dan what I would tell you highly recommend is go get another opinion but make sure that they know what cptsd is okay you're okay diagnose doesn't change anything it just increases awareness but let's get the right one very very important um Bobcat don't know where you're from let us know next time thank you for your great contribution this makes my YouTube feed nutritious thank you and you signed the petition thank you Bobcat I appreciate you and everybody else that supports everything I do thank you so much Rory from Ohio hello Rory I hope you are enjoying your weekend David I did thank you I hope you did too just finishing up getting my garden ready for next year's planting in Ohio what does that mean rip everything out for the winter it's going to die anyway I feel like or maybe cover some with bags some things might make it I feel like my late husband expected my forgiveness on everything unconditional 100% do narcissist not all see even you guys are getting trained it's freaking ridiculous do narcissists not all see forgiveness as an entitlement totally right totally I mean I'm entitled to exploit you I'm entitled to use you I'm entitled to go through your [ __ ] I'm entitled to talk and and share with other people private things about you yeah right and if anything I do wrong to you who cares forgive me forgive me forgive me and I'm never going to ask for forgiveness you're just going to it's always given right I mean how if I'm if I'm a narcissist how do I act when I freak the when I freak out and just totally lose my [ __ ] and abuse the hell out of here and go to bed I wake up in the morning like everything's fine hey it's a new day because I'm entitled first what I do is not wrong second I can't look at myself so third I'll never apologize and we're just going to move on because I'm a great human being I'm entitled to anything I want don't make me feel bad of course I I definitely believe so uh healing F family from California again hello I've done sand playay twice with my therapist what are your thoughts on Sand playay thank you for all you do I love building sand castles yeah intricate ones big ones in the sand so cool I think you're asking about sand uh you you call it sand playay something that has to do with therapy so I know that hypnotherapists often use sand to calm you relax you stuff like that is that what you're talking about or is it you and your therapist has a little sand box in their office that you guys play with thank you good to see you oh another question I love your thoughts and answers do all borderlines have to have a favorite person all the time or is there borderlines that don't like to have a favorite person can you explain this A bit thank you um you know that's a that's a slang term right uh the favorite person that a borderline has and do they have to have one all the time you know I don't know right we I I'm so picked on about every single word I use um yes they want look B lines have a harder time being alone than the rest of us borderlines don't have a good relationship with themselves they often get lonely bored scared lost confused and they are very dependent not self-reliant very reliant on others lean on others very dependent on others and exploit others not all oh my God I almost almost lost it won't matter though I'll still get it um not all and I mean does that make sense whatever people's opinions are about the favorite person you know oh no it's just someone I love so much okay sure but you know let's start examining all the things they do for you right Carry Me Through Life make me feel better that's the favorite person the most person the person I'm dependent on and rely on the most the person that makes me so excited about meeting them and being around them and you know good sex good good attention whatever it might be but yes they they're they're dependent and Reliant so they need that do they have to I don't know what have to means um and or is there borderlines that don't like to have a favorite person well that would make sense you know I I don't know sure yes one not all yes yes or is there border I have to say that or I'm going to get a ton of crap um I I hope I've explained it it's it's not a positive thing it's more in mesh a borderline does not know who they are not all and not not anyone watching I'm not talking about any Border Lines watching right now not you the other ones a borderline has such an empty self let's say they they severely lack identity and personality like a child like a teenager and they will be very excited and intrigued by who are your personality they'll like it and they'll take something from your personality and make it theirs they'll mirror you and start saying yes and like maybe you the most biggest thing you're excited about all the time they will get extremely excited about that never gave a [ __ ] about it before but just because you do now they love it right and they find that identity in themselves they it's like they create now they feel like they have it identity they can identify with something along with someone else and they want to in mesh with that person that's that's why the fear of Abandonment means I'm not losing you I'm losing me I'm losing one little single fragmented part of myself that I'm aware of now and it will be gone again that's fear of Abandonment not that because you're so amazing do they need that yeah they can't make themselves feel better they can't validate themselves they may not even be able to care for themselves okay they're the dependent they're reliant on other people to the point where it's total emotional exploitation but they don't think so and no one watching this one just the other ones okay make sense thank you all right I think this last one and I I don't read a lot of good great positive comments to me because I just don't have time but I'm very appreciative this was very nice calm before the storm 76 hi David thank you so much for answering my question while I asked it currently in hell what can you do for those of us here tongue and cheek you gave an outstanding genuine answer it made a real difference because for a moment I felt truly heard by someone who I feel like has been through emotional trauma similar to my own honestly man I can't express how good that felt hope is a rare and fragile thing right now but it's when you feel like you're in hell that it's most important to hang on to that bit of Hope no matter how small this is why I do this I know because I've been there I know I'm a good and not that long ago and I'll never forget I'm not that far away from it ever could be right back in it like that I know I'm a good decent human being I know I make mistakes I do my best to acknowledge them also that Compass becomes skewed when you put your faith in another human being who then radically shifts from adoration to condemnation but one thing I've been practicing since starting to listen to your podcast is blaming the behavior not the person I grew up believing a man is defined by his actions and by that metric mistakes can carry so much shame thank you for helping me to forgive myself as well as the person in my life along with myself is responsible for much of my stress hating someone who hurts you doesn't change the fact that they hurt you or even whether they will hurt you again it just adds more emotional burden to your mind and it does one any good thank you again for answering my questions and the Churchill quote I was thinking of was never never never give up however you inspire me to look up his never given speech as well thank you for your Humanity Albuquerque New Mexico thank you for sharing this because this is why I do this I don't do it for money I I'm not monetized I don't make a dime I don't get donations I I get like $ 20 $40 a year in donations very appreciative thank you but I get one or two donations if that a year for 2040 bucks I do not I do this to make me feel better to know that the millions of people going through this [ __ ] have something something someone there for them because most of us don't number one cause of taking our lives thank you very much for sharing that um whatever your name is thank you and thank you all of you extremely much for being here and supporting this and answering asking questions okay uh please keep asking questions let me know what you think of my answers okay and am I being clear when I talk about a group of people not all not you let me know thanks love yourself first have a beautiful week see you bye