Boris Johnson's best gags in NYC

There are more UN officials than there are lions in the wild in Africa. There are more EU officials than there are tigers. In fact, there are more members of the House of Lords in the United Kingdom than there are Siberian tigers. What is the answer? Obviously, it occurs to me to feed the House of Lords to the tigers. There's been a court case in our country this morning, which I think one or two of you may have picked up on the media. There are many ways in which New York and London are not just similar, but actually united. It's not that both cities obviously share a language, kind of. Mr. President, Your Excellencies, ladies and gentlemen, faithful late-night audience. I think I'm only saying that a third of the world's emperor penguins are British. Smart cities will pollulate with sensors, all joined together by the Internet of Things. Bollards communing invisibly with lampposts, so there is always a parking space for your electric car, so that no bin goes unemptied, no street unswept, and the urban environment is as antiseptic as a Zurich pharmacy. What will synthetic biology stand for? Restoring our livers and our eyes with miracle regeneration of the tissues like some fantastic hangover cure? Or will it bring terrifying limbless chickens to our table? I hope very much that all of you will come to the COP next year in Glasgow in November. It will be absolutely fantastic in Glasgow in November, and it will be wonderful. Please, please come. Exactly. It will be not unlike Norway. When Prometheus brought fire to mankind in a tube of fennel, as you may remember, with his brother Epimetheus, Zeus punished him by chaining him to a Tartarian crab while his liver was pecked out. I talked about a hangover cure. His liver was pecked out by an eagle, and every time his liver regrew, the eagle came back and pecked it again. And this went on forever, a bit like the experience of Brexit. But it is also absurd and indefensible that the population of America, to the best of my knowledge, has gone for decades without eating a morsel of British lamb or beef, let alone haggis. And I invite you next year to a summit in London, a wonderful city where, by the way, it is not raining 94% of the time. And where at one stage, when I was mayor of London or shortly before, we discovered that we had more Michelin-starred restaurants even than Paris. Though the French somehow rapidly recovered by a process that I wasn't quite sure was entirely fair. Only certain ports in the United States are licensed for the import of British cauliflowers. Can you believe that? And the U.S. military are banned from buying British tape measures, as though there was some kind of general prejudice still against British rulers of all kinds. So I ask you, is this, my friends, is this really necessary? Let us work together to break down these barriers.