Mr Bean Has Everyone Crying With Laughter | Des O'Connor Tonight

One, one of those. Three steps. Six of those. You've got to plan your escape route if you see those. If there's a power cut and all the lights go out and you have to rush out because if the lights go out, I'm off like a rat by the wayside. My escape is like three, or is it four steps? Three steps. And then six steps. So that's one, two, three. Hey, Paul. There's a phantom step here. You ought to get a priest to exorcise it or something. You've done a trick on that. I'm really pleased to meet you, Paul. It's very nice to be here. Thank you. Paul. There are hundreds of people in this room. It's, you know, this is an audience. It's a show. You said it was just going to be a chat. It'll be a bit of people. You said it was just going to be a chat. This is a conference, Dan. What is in this? There aren't enough. You see, I haven't got enough. I can't hear you. I haven't got enough biscuits to go round. It's not going to work. We'll keep these for ourselves, all right? Good idea. I'll hide them under the cushions so they can't see them. Yes, I promise. I'm fascinated. Bouncy, bouncy, isn't it? This is bouncy. Bouncy. They are, aren't they? Mr. Bean, I have a copy here of your diary. Oh, thank you. Why have you got a copy of my diary? Well, it's on sale. It's not. It is. But that's my... But it's got... But that's got all my privates in it. It's very private. Yes, well, I'm sorry. I've been looking through it and it's fascinating. I didn't realise that you had this talent for poetry. Oh, well, that's just one of those things. But it is. It's splendid. Would you care to read a little poetry? No, no, not really. I'm really no good at all. We'd like to hear a little poetry, wouldn't we? Yes! Come on. I'll read. Oh, I know one, yes. Right, do you want to hear a poem? A poem? My poem. If I had a newt, I'd have a pursuit. There are longer ones in there, though. Oh, yes, if you don't mind. I personally would like to hear them. I think there's a talent there. Well, there's... Well, as you may know, I'm a tremendous fan of this lady here. Shirley Bassey. Shirley Bassey, yes. I wonder what she was doing in your diary. I've got a signed photograph to Mr Boone. Mr Boone, not Mr Bean. Well, she got it wrong, unfortunately. Anyway, it's her, isn't it? I want to get back to this diary. I'm fascinated with this diary. Because, I mean, it's 1993 and every day is already filled in. Yes. Well, the thing is, I'm going to have a very busy year in 1993, so I thought I'd fill it all in in advance and then I don't have to bother with it next year. You see, it's all going to be... It sort of gets it out the way. You see, actually, most evenings I have my breakfast just before I go to bed. And that sort of gets it out the way. You know what I mean? So the next morning you can get up and whoosh, you're out the house. You see, there's no breakfast time required. Can I just pick out a few odd entries here? February the 3rd. Nine o'clock, ring gob. Ten o'clock, ring gob. Eleven o'clock, ring gob. Twelve o'clock, ring gob. One o'clock, ring gob. And then the next day, there's 42 phone calls. Ring gob. Yeah. Who's gob? Um... Uh... Well... She's a woman in my life. Um, Irma. Irma gob. And I was trying to ring her, which is why it says ring gob. Yeah. Do you, uh... Do you... Do you have much... spare time with ladies to know about women? Well, I don't know about women, Rick. I've met a few women in my time, and they're all very nice. Um... My mother was a woman. Um... And her mother before her was a woman. But her grandmother... I'm not sure if she was a woman or not. But she was something. I think it was a woman. Let's, um... July the 3rd. 9.20. Go out. 10.04. Come in. 10.24. Go out. 12.10. Come in. 1.45. Go out. 2.05. Come in. 2.55. Go out. 2.56. Come in. 2.57. Go out. 4.50. Come in. Quite a busy day, actually. It was a busy day. I was coming in and out. I was in and out. 6.03. Go out again. 6.43. Forgot to come in again. Yes, I forgot to come in that time. And I came in again later. It says 7 o'clock. Missed the program. Yes. El Dorado. I missed it. And I eventually came in again, 7.28, but I missed it. It was a great disappointment, because I like the sunshine. Tell us about your hobbies, then. I mean, apart from catching insects, do you do anything more physical? Are you out and about? Are you physical? Yes, I sort of... Well, I do some country dancing. Which I enjoy a great deal. Was that the kind of thing you meant? Well, sort of. Sort of thing. I mean, country dance... In fact, I've got a note. I made a very careful note of a step that the country dance teacher taught us. I'll just find it here. Here it is, you see. Oh, yeah, the feet. And I wrote it all out. Let's have a look at that. Move the feet. One, two... It's really easy. Don't make me show you. It's complex. Oh, what? Sorry, I'm boring you. No, no, no. Fascinating. One, two... It's quite complicated. I'm sorry. La, la, hop, skip. Whatever you say, this is on sale. And I do want to thank you for coming along and sharing some of these intimate, personal moments, Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean? Sorry, Mr. Boon, Bean, Ben. Mr. Bean. Well, Mr. Bean, it's been a pleasure. And I want to thank you for coming along. I do hope you'll come along again. Thank you very much. And I hope the photographs turn out fine. Mr. Bean, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much. Mr. Bean, ladies and gentlemen.