My Friends Are Stupid With Money And It Drives Me Crazy

[Music] brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. >> So, my best friend um claims to essentially live by the Ramsay method, but nothing they do is like Ramsay approved, I guess you could say. >> Oh, no. What do they What do they do, Sarah? >> Well, okay. So, since I've been friends with her, which was starting at the beginning of the year, like they have owned like four or five different vehicles. >> Like they're constantly buying and trading and and they claim they make money off of these vehicles. And I'm thinking like buying a $90,000 vehicle to make four grand doesn't make sense. >> Well, are they paying cash for it? >> No. >> Oh, okay. Why does it What do you care? What do you care? cuz it kind of drives me crazy >> because I know like what they're doing. Like they just went out and bought a $120,000 Escalade and I literally was like, "You all could have paid off half of your mortgage for what you just spent on this car." She says, "Well, I get too many tax deductions from having a house. I don't want to pay off mortgage." >> So, she doesn't follow the Ramsay plan, but you do. >> Yes, I have. Yes, I've started listening to you all in the last few months. I've just got my thousand dollar saved up and now I'm working towards um I've got like $3,000 of debt, so I'm working on that. But yeah, I I listen to you guys every single day. I clean houses for a living and I'm a single mom, so I have nothing but time on my hands to >> You're amazing. Okay, so how can we how can we help you? >> I'm going to help I'm gonna help you right now. >> Well, what's your what's what's the what Yeah. How what can we do for you today? I I struggle being their friends because of the lifestyle that they live. >> There you go. >> Sarah, I'm going to tell you what I tell my son all the time. >> Okay. So, I can tell my son, "Prince, go upstairs and brush your teeth." And the minute I say that, he's like, "Well, Zezy didn't brush her teeth." And he's always looking over at what she's cuz I've given him a responsibility and he wants to make sure that the other person has to do their responsibility as well. And I told him the other day, I said, "You want to know what you need to do, Prince? Just mind your business. Take care of yourself. >> Take care of yourself and mind your own business. And I, you know, she'll get dealt with. Don't worry about that. I'm looking and I see what she's doing over here. You don't have to worry about that. Just mind your own business and go brush your teeth. And I would tell you the same thing, Sarah. Mind your own business and pay off your debt. And if she's your friend and she's like, "Well, I'm doing the baby steps, too." All you have to do is say, "No, you're not." >> Or just smile. >> And just smile. that sweet Kentucky southern passive aggressive to smile and nod. Bless your heart. >> It's all you need to do. You just look at her and smile. >> It stresses me so bad. >> Okay. So, hey, okay, but you're but it's not your bills. You know what I mean? Now, now Sarah, I will say I will say there there there is um and I don't want this to sound isolating this comment, but just the idea of when you shift your mind and you change your mind, you do start to want to gravitate towards people that are like-minded. >> That's true. >> And so there may be a point and I'm not saying you can't be friends with people in debt. Okay. My I mean like >> if we lived by that we would have probably >> and have no friends. >> Yeah. Yeah. So it's not even that. It's not an isolating comment, but I think it's good self-awareness to say, "Wow, I have changed the way I'm viewing this part of my life and people that are not congruent with it. I can feel this like tension point and man, it kind of sucks that I feel like I'm like, you know, growing in this area and other people aren't." And you're going to probably feel that tension. And over time, does that naturally maybe, you know, start to separate you guys? I don't know. Maybe, Sarah. I have no idea. Um, >> I mean, we go to church together and everything. I feel like there's no getting away from her. I'll just be honest. >> Well, do you want to get away from him for other reasons, too? It sounds like maybe you do. >> Is she like a just not a fun person? Cuz Yeah, if that's the case. >> Well, no. I mean, we have a good time together, but like she does not work or anything. Like, she has a little boutique she's been running on the side and she claims to make like 10 or 15 grand a month off of this business. >> What's wrong with that? And I know that. >> What do you mean? What's wrong with it? >> What can I tell you? I'm I'm your buddy right now. I'm I'm going to be your your >> Y'all aren't going to offend me. I promise. I want y'all to be open. >> I think there's certain things that I'm tracking with you where I'm like, yeah, that could be a little bit annoying or, you know, yeah, she's wrong. But there's certain things, Sarah, that you're saying that actually sound a little bit like you're kind of hating on them a little bit. I just she's not considerate of like my life if that makes sense. Like she has nothing to do. She doesn't have a job or anything. >> But you said she runs a boutique. Her life is different from yours. And Sarah, she might >> But she doesn't like she only does events. >> That's okay. >> Sarah, she could do less. She could be putting in less hours than you and making more money than you. And you cannot hate on her for that. And Sarah, her and her husband can buy whatever cars they want. They can. And I get it that you don't like it, but that doesn't affect you. And you're letting it get too much in your life. And as much as you think that she's not being a good friend right now, you're also not being that great of a friend because you're hating on her a little bit. And this is just be me being a good friend to you. I don't I don't want to feel like I'm hat I I don't want it to seem like I'm hating on them. It's just >> I know >> the lifestyle they live and she like and she's well we live a normal life and I'm just like no you don't though like I just >> we've only been friends for like nine months. So I mean it's this is all kind of really new for me and >> yeah I think you here's what I think. I think you're a really hard worker and I think you know how to grind and I think you know how to you know what I'm saying? You're willing to put in lots of work. you you understand struggle. You you're ready to get in the ring all the time. I can sense that about you. And I think it's irking you that somebody is acting like they're working as hard as you when you're like, "No, you're not." And I get that. >> She does. She does. And and my friend Amanda from church, she's like, "It's all about perspective with the work." And I get that. I do. >> I know. Well, and Sarah, so I think and and I've had to do this for myself throughout the years, too, because >> when you're comparing your life to someone else, I wanted to blame the other person. And I even in my head would sometimes be like, I bet they're on the trip to Europe on credit cards, and I bet they can't even afford. Here I am, and I have to wait another six months, so we go on, you know, you make up a story about someone and I had to finally tell myself, Rachel, you don't know. You don't know how hard they work. You don't know how much money they actually make. You don't you don't know. You don't know. And I shouldn't know. It's none of my business. And actually, the problem is not them. It was me. It's me. In the comparison world, we want to blame social media. We want to blame the neighbor. We want to blame everyone else. >> But to be honest, it ends up being more of our issue. And so where can you get to a point Sarah that number one you are confident in who you are and the choices you're making around money and your lifestyle that when other people come up and that their lifestyle looks so different than you andor you know you have thoughts about it if you get could get to the point where you just think honestly like you know good good for y'all great job okay and I get to move on because the amount of energy and effort that she's >> in your brain right now like the the the rent freeze space that she has in your brain. Sarah, it's not worth it. Now, the friendship element, if Dr. John Zaloney was sitting here, we could have a relational conversation of, hey, she may not be somebody that you guys share similar values and I'm probably not >> kept a lot of friends throughout like she's not been able to ever keep friends for a long time. >> And that's great to know. Then I would put that in your data in your head of okay, she may be a she may be a hard person to love and be in relationship with, and that's okay. But we can be kind. We can be curious and not judgmental. Um, and y'all go to church, Sarah. Let's let's bring some of this peace and patience and kindness and goodness. Let's let the fruit of our faith live out and love people well. Even though some people are hard to love and as as my dad says, some children of God are stupid children, right? Like there are some. But I think we can say it all. But have a level of grace for her um and yourself. And it's okay to have boundaries, Sarah. If you need to put up relational boundaries with her, that's okay, too. >> Create your free every dollar budget today.