I'm Worried I'm Going To Be My Parents Retirement Fund

Brought to you by CHM, a budget-friendly, faith-based alternative to health insurance. chministries.org/budget I am very concerned about my parents. They are both retired. Their income that they bring in is roughly around $4,000 a month. And their debt has surmounted greatly since they have retired. And I'm very concerned at where that's going to lead because I feel like it's going to be directed toward me and my husband to help them. And I just don't think that's fair. I agree. How old are they? Let's see, 73 and 76. Okay. And how old are you guys? 53. Okay. And, but they... They own three homes, one of which my cousin lives in and my brother lives in the other one, and neither of them pay rent. My parents pay the insurance. They pay the taxes, and I don't think that's right, and I don't know how to address it, especially when my mom tells me that she is trying to scrounge for coins to go get a 5 for $14.99 from the grocery store. And she was asking my advice about consolidating her credit cards because that debt has gotten so much that she can't keep up with it. They need new tires on their van. And did you say to her, why don't you have my lame brother and my lame cousin pay you rent, and then we wouldn't be having this discussion? I've tried. No, I mean, that's the answer to her question. If she says, I'm trying to scrounge coins, well, the reason is because you give the house away to Lamo over here who needs to get a job and pay you rent. Exactly. And she don't call me one to listen. Right. And, you know, I don't know how to have a deeper conversation with her, you know, when they're in this situation. And they had a friend that gave them four hundred dollars. And, you know, I just I don't think that's fair because he's on a fixed income, too. Are they looking to change, Renee? I know she's calling and complaining to you, but do you have hope that truly, if you laid out some kind of plan, that they would want to follow it, or are they going to be just stuck in their ways? Because there's a point that they can just complain, right? And then there's other attitudes that are desperate and really wanting change. It doesn't sound like they want to change. I don't see a change. She tells me that she's actually trying to go back to work. Where's your father? Why are you having all this discussion with your mother? Where's he? When you're in the baby steps, every expense deserves a second look, and health care is one of the biggest. That's why I recommend Christian Health Care Ministries. CHM is a health cost-sharing ministry, and their programs start at just $115 a month. A lot of families find CHM gives them more room in the budget, and it's why members say they're better with CHM. Right now, new members can get a 50% credit towards their first month. Go to chministries.org slash budget and use promo code Ramsey. He won't go back to work for sure. No, I said, where is he? Why isn't he in this discussion? Because she wears the pants in that family. Oh, okay. Yeah, and his advice doesn't work, and so it's all her, and everything falls on her. and you Well, my grandmother used to say those convinced against know she's their will are of the same opinion still. So I doubt you're going to fix this. you You're just going to have to watch it burn to the ground, it sounds like. The only option you've got is to just sit down with your mom so and your dad in the room, in person, much. and turn off the television and say, we need to have a real serious discussion. You people are screwing up your lives, and I love you, and I don't want to watch you burn this to the ground. And, you know, you haven't been that direct. You've kind of just patted her on the hand. Right. And just kind of say, well, mom, I'm sorry. I mean, it's kind of known what you're doing, but you haven't really gone. You people are screwing up here. Well, and what's. Full stop, you know? Yeah. Right. And I don't, I doubt you're going to get their attention. Well, I was going to say, and the hard thing is, Renee, you almost have to. Because I would. I would have one last sit down of like, here it is. And then beyond that, Renee, I think it's the hard reality that you're not going to be able to change them. And they're making it to a point where they can't pay their bills. And I would say it's not up to you and your husband. At that point, they're going to be selling houses. You know what I mean? They're going to have to get equity. They will have to have problems solved. So I'm curious, is your fear, and even the reason you call, is it more out of concern genuinely for you and and your husband looking forward. Or is that of annoyance and what feels unfair with how they're treating other people in their lives and they haven't given you that same sentiment? Because it's probably hurtful too, right? Where you're watching them and what they're doing. Because you said that a few times in the call already. So there's probably a level of hurt, of golly, that look what they're doing for everybody else. They can't even do it for themselves. Right. And it is genuine concern Because I don't want all of our hard work to... It won't, it won't, unless you voluntarily hand it over. Yeah. Your hard work is not in jeopardy at all, unless you can't say no, unless you're your mother's daughter. I mean, if you want to follow in her path and go, oh, well, yeah, I'm going to be the next family enabler, then yeah, you could burn your own thing to the ground trying to keep these people afloat, but you can also stand back and watch them and go, well, that's interesting. Right. You know what I mean? Because we're trying to focus on our future. Yeah, just go build your thing. I think I would sit down with mom and dad. And I think you've got, maybe part of the discussion is, look, I've talked to, and I wouldn't even have your husband in the room. I would just, you sit down with your mom and dad, and you need to go full throttle in their face, very blunt. To be unclear is to be unkind. No southern sugarcoating. No, bless your heart. I can do that. No, bless your heart. Bust them. Okay? For their own good. And then part of that conversation is, I've discussed it with your husband's name, and we will not be supporting you because you have given away free rent to these two lame-os instead of taking care of your own self. and calling me up and whining about credit card debt when you've got equity in a house over here and Junior won't pay the rent because you're enabling him. So don't be calling me. I was going to say, stop that. Yes, yeah, go ahead. Go ahead and lay it down now, and then you walk away, and you are not at risk unless you have the inability to say no also. But debt is not inherited. Right. So you don't get, I mean, if they die with a negative net worth, it only affects the bank, not you. Mm-hmm. And so it's just it's just harsh. It's so hard to watch people you love be stupid It's more entertaining to watch stupid people when they're not yours Right, you know But when they're yours, true, when you're yours, when they're yours. It's hard, you know when it's like your family You're my god. I'm kin to you. You know, I mean, it's just like you know, it's it's hard Yeah. And there's an innate level within a family. And I get your concern, Renee, of, you know. Your parents take care of you for 18, 21 years. You know what I mean? And it's that feeling of what's going to happen. Am I literally going to let them starve? And they won't. I think your mind's probably gone extreme of, oh my gosh, we're going to have to save the day. You're not. They have equity in probably two of these houses, I pray, right, that they're going to end up selling. They're going to eat and be fine. It's fine. But man, it's a pull on your heart of like, here are my parents and I don't know what to do. Christian Healthcare Ministries can save your family hundreds of dollars on healthcare every month. Learn more at chministries.org slash budget.