Narcissists feel superior by association

Hi everyone, it's Petra. I'm a life coach and advocate for survivors of narcissistic and emotional abuse. I was just reading through some old journals again, as I very often do, you know, and I tend to document a lot of things in my life by way of journaling. So what I love to do is sometimes just take out an old journal and just leaf through it and read about how I was, how I thought, what happened in my life. And I came across an entry that I'd made into my journal a couple of years ago. And I was just describing certain situations that I had been through with some of the narcissistic friends that I used to know. And I had written under one of the entries this is what you would call feeling superior by association. And I read through that again, and I went back and read the descriptions that I had given about these situations in my life, and about what I had experienced with some of the friends. And I thought, well, it fits, it exactly fits what they were describing and how they led their lives in certain situations, is that they felt very superior by association. And where this comes from, or what I'm actually trying to say with this, is that I found that I was involved with four very toxic friends over a duration of time. And they all, no, I won't say all, of the four, there were three of them who were very into name-dropping of well-known people. And they would name-drop to ad nauseam, and have their Facebook filled with all these pictures of all these famous people, and famous coaches, and famous footballers, and all of these famous people. They would be photographed with them, and would feel superior by doing that. Now, there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, if you happen to meet a celebrity or famous person, and you take a snapshot with them, and you're very proud of the fact that you met them, and that you took a picture with them, that's wonderful. But again, as it always is with narcissists, and especially COVID narcissists, is that you will see a pattern forming over time. And this pattern, it will just continue, and it will get larger than life. And this is what I noticed with three of these toxic friends that used to be in my life, is that they would always name-drop. They would always be mingling with celebrities. They would always be putting certain celebrities on a pedestal, and would fabricate stories about what they had experienced with these celebrities, what they did together, how the celebrity wanted them to get into a collaboration with certain projects, or coaching seminars, for example. And it was just so out there, and so it just didn't feel real. I think that's the word I'm looking for. It's very difficult to explain this. And maybe some of you will know what I'm speaking of. But I remember that this used to make me feel very uneasy when these names were dropped, when certain names were put on their websites for those that had websites, these toxic friends. And I thought, well, yes, you work together with them, but not to the degree in which you are portraying on your website. So it was all about the fame. And this is how they feel superior, when they can associate themselves with famous people, famous names. And I used to always feel very uneasy, because several times I would be taken to a function, or I would be invited, let me put it that way, taken to, that sounds so victimized, I would be invited to certain functions with these toxic friends. And the celebrities would be there, and I would be then introduced to them, not so much as this is my friend, but it would be said in such a way that it would come across as being introduced as a protege. So I have this person, meaning me, under my wing, because I'm teaching her certain things. And I'm helping her to elevate her business. And I'm giving her all of this knowledge that I have. And that would be sort of the undertone. And I could never pinpoint it. I didn't know what it was. I just knew that it made me feel very uneasy. So I would come home and write out these experiences that I'd had, because I was just trying to make sense of them. You know, that feeling that you get, and you don't know how to describe it, and you don't really know what's going on. So this would be my way of trying to find logic in these experiences, would be by writing them out. And this is the great thing about keeping a journal, is when you read back with the knowledge that you have now, with the knowledge that I have now, I can read back and then fathom out what exactly was going on. And this is the narcissist, especially the covert narcissist, feeling superior by association. So don't forget that these celebrities that they like to involve in their lives are all stage props, because this is what a narcissist does. They use people as stage props to back up their illusion, their illusions of their life. So they will use anyone who makes them look good, who makes them come across as being kind and caring and loving. So if the celebrity, for example, was a very nice person to be around, then the narcissist would want to be associated with that person because it made them look good. It made them come across as also being a nice person, also being a philanthropist, also being very successful, being a high achiever. And this is something that I noticed throughout these friendships. Sometimes very subtle, but most of the time very much out there, and especially using social media to promote the fact that they knew this celebrity. So to me, it's very hilarious now, you know, when I read through these entries into my journal. It is just, it's ridiculous. It really is ridiculous. But they will use anyone, again, to make them look good, to make them come across as having this fantastic life. And behind closed doors, there would be none of that because sometimes they would make out that they would have very close relationships with these celebrities and that they would hang out all the time. But I knew, of course, being involved with these women, I knew that this simply wasn't the truth. So, you know, and I must say that I was coaxed into being at certain important events where there were speakers involved and there were these high profile coaches involved. And when the room would clear during a break, for example, these toxic friends in my life would then get up on stage and pose in such a way that it made it look as if they were giving a speech on stage. And I was coaxed into taking a picture of them. And then an inscription would be put on their social media with this picture that I had taken. And they would make it come across as being a totally different situation than the reality of the situation. So, it sounds to me, as I'm saying this, it just sounds very old, you know, it sounds very jumbled up. But I hope that some of you can connect to what I'm meaning and that it resonates with you. Because probably you have also been in these situations in your life where you just see how people are being used in your presence to make the narcissist look even better than they actually are. So, share your stories on this. Maybe you've been through it and maybe you can relate, as I just said. For now, have a great weekend. I look forward to speaking to you all very soon again. Bye for now.