Narcissistic Personality Disorder

so going to look at the diagnostic criteria just going to talk you through it I said earlier uh these things would have to be long-term persistent pervasive now this is the thing about a disorder again I can't diagnose so I'm just giving you my thoughts on it this is how I view disorders when you think of a disorder regardless of what it is you know could be obsessive compulsive disorder it could be an anxiety disorder when you think of a disorder you think of something that is long-term and pervasive that is having a huge impact on someone's day-to-day functioning it's having a huge impact on their relationship relationships with other people as well as with themselves so it's having a negative impact in a lot of different areas again has to be long-term consistent and pervasive so the first one is a grandiose sense of of self-importance this is often associated in fact a lot of the criteria you'll find are largely uh focusing on grandiose narcissism with covert narcissism a lot of the grandiosity is internalized um it comes out differently but a lot of it's internalized they believe that they're very misunderstood they believe that they are um put upon they believe that they are victimized and the behavior would see uh manifesting is like low mood sense of unfairness sense of helplessness and things like that but a grandal sense of self-importance so you see a lot of exaggeration you see a lot of hoty behavior you see a lot of one-upmanship things like that and they want to be recognized as being Superior as being more intelligent being uh more athl being better skilled whatever it is the self-importance it's the it's the person who who goes into the office goes into the workplace the factory whatever it is and they're convinced they've convinced themselves they're trying to convince everyone else that they're the most important person there it doesn't matter what the role is they are the most important person there if they left the whole place would close um the boss the manager you know the owner the CEO whatever the directors all depend on them because they are so important so there's a grandio sense of self importance there's a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success power Brilliance beauty or ID love so again go back to the delusional side the rejection of reality there a lot of fantasies about how important they are how special they are how much everybody likes them how competent they are there's a lot of fantasies and again this is um part of that that false sense of self it's very very fragile very very easily shattered very easily bruised they believe that they're special and unique they can only be understood by or should associate with other high status people special people which is why if you're ever uh in a discussion or in an argument with someone who's narcissistic and they're talking around in circles it's illogical logic it's it's circular r in it's nonsensical um and you're trying to point out what what is what is it you're actually trying to say here it's like they put it on to you that there's something wrong with you for not understanding you're of low intelligence or something um there could be making up words throwing out sound bites just Snippets they've heard things that they don't even know what they mean but they sound intelligent and you're asking them about well what what are you actually talking about again it's all about the other person doesn't understand when it comes to other you find this in workplaces as well um what you often find is unless they're being they feel rejected and there's some kind of envy and bitterness what you might find is they're trying to associate with the people at the top not not even just their manager but people above their manager they're trying to um trying to mix in those kind of circles at Social Gatherings what you might find is as they're getting to know people it's like they're looking for the most powerful or the most influential person in the room and they're zeroing in on them to try to ingratiate themselves into their company you might find as well um sometimes you get conversations and they might name drop important people famous people they've met whatever you know we we have each other's phone numbers and you know we went on holiday once together and things like that and so there's a lot of name dropping they believe that because they're special they they only should be mixing with special people there's requiring excessive admiration now this would um come into things like the validation and the collusion they need others to actually believe that they are special they are amazing they they are either the funniest person in the room everybody has to laugh they are the most beautiful person the most handsome person so everyone has to lust after them um they could be the most put upon person in the room so everybody has to sympathize with them everybody has to pity them everyone has to you know feel sorry for them they need that constant attention that constant admiration they can be very exploitative this would be quite the melli and the duplicit the manipulation and so on they can take advantage of others just to achieve their own ends a lot of times again it depends on the person where they are on that Spectrum but a lot of times they look at people more as a a resource a thing a thing thing they might benefit from going back to the example of being at a social Gathering they could be there they could be getting introduced to people if the person they're introduced to if they don't think they're of any value to them they're of no importance they have nothing to offer them nothing they could use might just say hello that's it go off there and talk to someone else they're of no value they could be demanding and demanding and demanding but as soon as that person has nothing left they're exhausted no money left whatever it is that's it they're just discarded they're of no further value so they'll just leave them they might go back to them at some other point in the future if they need them for something else but other than that no they're they're they're don't they they don't need that person anymore number seven there's a lack of emply and this is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and the needs of others now empathy is one of those things that it's not just being able to recognize what others are thinking and feeling it's not just being able to read facial expressions it's not just being able to imagine what something must feel like for someone else empathy helps people have insight and to self-reflect it helps them to to think over the the their actions the impacts of their actions and to think ahead to maybe learn not to behave in such a way again with that lack of empathy narcissistic people don't really have that a lot of their relationships uh tend to be very surface level their conversations tend to be very superficial yes they are all about themselves but very rarely would they go in depth um you know about this about that about the other thing about the impact of this what they learned from it what it meant to them they could maybe tell you what happened or a version of what happened but not necessarily explain it the the other thing about that that lack of insight that lack of depth is when it comes to the rage the temper tantrums the depression things like that the things that the narcissistic people do what you sometimes see is like an emotional disregulation they know they're annoyed they know they're hurt they know they're in pain they know all these sorts of things but they don't necessarily know why they don't necessarily know what to do with it or how to address it that feeling is is just far too uncomfortable they can't own it so it gets thrown out a lot of it just gets dumped onto other people it's because of you it's because you were 2 minutes late it's because you wore that hat it's because you know whatever it was uh it's nothing to do with their own stuff they're just feeling something they don't like and they don't necessarily understand why they don't understand someone telling them no I'm telling you no because I don't have the time I don't have the resources that's disappointed them but they don't necessarily understand as far as they're concerned they've been treated badly they've been treated unfairly because they've been told no they don't grasp that whatever it was that person is not capable they're not in that place and they might not be saying no forever they're just saying no In This Moment number eight is being envious of others believing others are envious of them now I mentioned this earlier if others aren't envious of them they should be they believe they should be sometimes this is the guy I used to know I worked with him years ago anybody who didn't like the way he behaved he would accuse them of being envious and being jealous they weren't they were just frustrated and bloody annoyed but that belief that people are envious or should be envious so whenever they get called on for bad behavior whatever it's because of how that person feels about me rather than what I've been doing they can be very highly envious of other people as I mentioned earlier yeah even just a good day even just a good day even you know getting a good haircut or something whatever it is they can be very envious and the Envy I think often brings up the competitive nature in them it's not NE it's not in the criteria but I think uh the competitive side to narcissism is a very it's a very huge sign everything is a competition to them when they're feeling Envy uh if you have a nicer car a better job there's something unfair there rather than just acknowledge maybe I need to work a bit harder maybe I'm nothing wrong with the car I have maybe it's fine rather than that you they will try to find some way to play this game of oneof ship okay you might have a better car than me but I've got a pen you know what whatever it is it's always trying to outdo somebody if someone is in pain someone is in misery someone is in agony well that's not as bad as what you hear what happened to me it's always about competition Envy I think is one of the things that triggers the competitive side in them lastly number nine shows arrogant hotty behaviors or attitudes again very common with grand de narcissism you know the biggest person in the room they they they arrive with a Fanfare you know um they have their own theme tune you know um a lot of arrogant Hoy Behavior something doesn't work their way someone says no right you know what not having that that's not an answer and they just keep on going it's it's there can be very domineering when things go when they do something and it doesn't work out the way they would would hope what they were doing they thought was a a good idea was the right idea but what they can't do is they can't accept that it was a wrong idea was the bad idea maybe they should have asked someone else maybe they should have done this maybe there was a better way of doing it instead it's always going to be something or someone else's fault even if they did something and they are being held to account for it their motivations are misunderstood um no one gets it the way they do they were maybe seeing the bigger picture they were seeing this this Grand thing and other people are just looking at this small bit that went wrong that's the diagnostic criteria out of that nine only five have to be met but they would have to be met all the time okay that being said there can't be different combinations as I say there might be one three and five six and nine whatever they might meet them all but not all day and every day so when we talk about narcissism we're not necessarily talking about a oniz fits all