Clair's Extravagant Birthday Gift!

I have bought you nothing for your birthday. It doesn't look like a beard does it? Because we've got a secret mission. Hey Claire. Yeah. It's vlog time. It's also a very special day isn't it? Yeah. It's your birthday. Now, you asked me for something recently. Something you said you needed. What did you want? It's not what I wanted. Stop looking here, you're spoiling the surprise. It's not what I wanted. What did you want for your birthday? It's what you got me. Happy birthday baby. Put it out. Show everyone. How do I know where I'm gonna put it? There you go. Toilet brush. I mean it does look like a fancy one. It's quite fancy. The reason I said I needed this is because the bottom of the toilets are just really sort of looking a bit discoloured and yucky. And I've tried to bleach them and it wasn't coming off. I looked up what you can do and they said wipe vinegar, pour it down, leave it for 24 hours and then like scrub it. And I did it in the little toilet there and I left it for 24 hours and then I flushed it and some of the stuff did start to come off but I couldn't get to it. So I needed that. Yeah, you'll be able to do that today, won't you? So that's something to look forward to. Yeah. So genuinely, right? Yeah. I have bought you nothing for your birthday. But we'll talk about that in a second as to why I've bought nothing for your birthday. This is a good reason. It's an exciting reason, I guess. You're whisking me off to New York. No, can't go anywhere. Can't go anywhere. Can't go to New York or anywhere. But listen, I do have to go and just help the boys out with something quickly. So I'll be back in a sec. Okay. Right, we've come to the boys' room. Boys' bedroom. Because we've got a secret mission. Hey, boysies. And that mission is? What is the mission, Jude? Making mum birthday cards. Yeah, we're going to make... Oh yeah, got to be quiet. We're going to make mum some birthday cards, aren't we? And I've also managed to go and get a little chocolate cake for mum's birthday as well. And we need to put some candles on it. Right, we've been busy making cards. Jude's gone for a little dolphin. A little cartoon dolphin. Harrison's gone for a picture of... We've printed off a picture of Claire and the boys. And then I just suddenly thought, well, I haven't got her a card. So maybe I should make her a card as well. Right, the birthday cards are done. Now it's time to... Oh, I've been too loud. Been too loud. Now I need to put some candles on the cake. And then, I mean, this is it. Oh, that looks good. Right, let's go. I'm going to go down. And you've got to sing happy birthday, okay? Okay, Jude's got the cards. Happy birthday to you. Thank you, guys. Shall I blow it out? Yeah, yeah. Wait, I've got a wish. Hip, hip. Hooray. And one for luck. Hip, hip. Hooray. Thank you, guys. Got some cards as well. Oh, my God. Me and dad. What? Thanks. What? To Claire, you're now as old as me. James, only for six months, buddy. And then you are back in the league. Now, what is this one? I wish I could show you this picture. It's so cute. Me and my baby. Happy birthday, mum. Love you so much. Thanks for wiping my bum when I was little. I see the picture as of some sort of toilet roll coming off of a butt. It's a little hand wiping the bottom. Nice, nice card. Thank you. So this is Harrison's, I'm assuming? Yeah. Thank you, Harrison. And what is this one? Jude drew me a whale. It's a dolphin. Oh, no, it is a dolphin. Oh, it's a dolphin. Well, I thought it would either be a dolphin or a whale. It's my favourite. Happy birthday, mum. Love from Jude. These are cool cards. Where did you get these? Maiden. Didn't we, guys? Can I have a group hug? Thank you so much. Right, let me put these up. Well, it's the end of the day, Claire. Have you had a nice birthday? I've had a really nice birthday. I've got some good little bits, you know. George Harrison book. My mum and my sister got me a nice bottle of Veve. So I can add that to above the fridge. And that will actually have a bottle in it. My sister also got me a really cool poster for the kitchenette. Oh, ----. Oh, no. You ripped it. No, I've made a little dent in it. This is a poster of a film called Life is Beautiful. If you haven't watched this film, you have to watch this film. It is really funny and it's really sad. And it's just, it's a little masterpiece. Don't know why I ******* bother. Sorry, yeah, my toilet brush. Yeah, no, my toilet brush was the best. That is a state of the art toilet brush. Look at that. That's like space age. They wipe toilets on the Enterprise in Star Trek with this kind of thing. And also, I did get up this morning and I came downstairs to make myself a coffee. And I did notice that sitting in front of the kettle was another little gift, James. Yeah. I assume you wanted me to use. Yeah, it's a descaler for the kettle. Yeah, so thank you for that as well. I forgot to thank you for that, that you sat perfectly in front of the kettle. It's because we're not giving each other gifts this year for our birthdays and Christmases. And we're obviously not going to be going on holiday anytime soon or anything like that. So we thought that it'd be a bit more sensible if we spent our money on something that we need. For this year, our Christmas and birthdays is that we're going to buy a new kitchen. Yeah, we're going to get our kitchen done up. So, and I've been wanting to do the kitchen up for years. It's, I mean, it's getting quite old now and it's just, and it's a lovely kitchen on camera. The kitchen actually looks a lot better than it does in real life. It's knackered. The kitchen's knackered. We need a new kitchen. Kitchens are expensive. So we just thought we'd do the sensible thing and, you know, not bother with gifts or anything for each other this year. And, you know, have a nice kitchen out of it instead. Yeah. So we're going to be vlogging that, which is really exciting for me because I've wanted a new kitchen for a long time. Look at you tensing and pushing it up. It's Friday, treating myself to a little shower. Don't have many of those these days. I thought you weren't camera ready. I'm either. So you're just going to walk in the back. I was trying to make sure that you weren't in shot. You're moving all over the place. I'm either. I'm cleaning. Um, something sort of maybe interesting. I don't know, but it's vloggable. I've got a little package here from Joe Sugg, internet superstar. He's a real vlogger, isn't he? He's a real vlogger. Yeah, he does it properly. Joe's done a collaboration with, with Tiny Rebel. And today's the day where I'm going to drink some of his beer. This is it. This is what Joe did. Tiny Rebel, Joe Sugg, Joe Slug. I'm going to call it that from now. Joe Sugg Slush Gang, which is difficult to say. That's what I would have said. If I was in the marketing meeting with Joe, I would have gone Joe Sugg Slush Gang. I'm going to get this in the fridge. Can't get this anymore, can I? In fact, because I only made so much of it, I sold out in about two minutes, apparently. Oh, really? I might stick it on eBay. Lovely gift, thanks Joe. But if I can make a few quid out of it, I might stick on eBay, see how much they're going for. That would be very rude. Yeah, but if it pays for the next couple of weeks worth of curries... No, I'm going to stick these in the fridge because I'm going to drink these tonight. Four and a half percent. I'm going to enjoy those tonight. A couple of hours have gone by. Since when? Since I last did a little bit of vlogging. I was going to wait until the evening, but it's two o'clock now and it's Friday. I just want to try it now. I mean, that's beer. It doesn't look like beer, does it? That's actually really nice. Oh, you're not expecting it to be? No, I wasn't. You can still tell it's a beer. Can you? Is it not weird? What flavour is it? It's like a slush puppy flavour. Raspberry and cherry, ice cream float. Yeah. Can I try it? It's like a cocktail. It's like a cocktail beer. Oh, yeah, you can tell it's beer. Was it just a one-off? I think so, yeah. Tiny Rebel, if you're watching, make some more. Oh, we've got a cool little glass. Yeah. I've only got four cans. I've got three now. Well, I can't have any more because I need to go and pick up the kids. So that one's yours. That's all yours. Yeah, I'll be daring this. I'll be pissed by the time you get back. It's like nearly five percent. Is it strong? Yeah. Yeah, that's cool, that. And he drew that, right? I think so, yeah. So, anyway, it's Friday. Obviously, we didn't get a vlog out last Wednesday. Yeah, sorry about that. Yeah, I don't really know what happened. Well, I do know what happened. Obviously, everything sort of went back to normal last week. Well, the kids went back to school. But then you weren't very well at the weekend. I wasn't well at the weekend before. It wouldn't have been any fun doing it the way you were too grumpy. Because that was the other thing we were going to do. We were going to do like a little Q&A video. He was just... I wasn't in the mood. It was because we, you know, we did that Mr and Mrs vlog. And I wasn't in the mood to do that. And Claire said that I came across too grumpy and too miserable. Which you did. Yeah, well, I was stupid, that's all. But we're back. Again, got nothing to do. Still nothing today. I've got nothing to do. This was the excitement. Joe sent us a beer. But we've done that. So we've just had a lady come round from a kitchen company that we've been chatting to back and forward. And she did a little design of like the layout and the stuff that we wanted. And it looks cool. That looks good, doesn't it? I am excited. And I know that you... I get a lot of comments from you guys saying, Oh, I love your kitchen. But it's knackered underneath. It's falling apart. It's like, it's just... But like the worktop and stuff. Like, I hate that. It's just not... We didn't pick it. This was the kitchen that was here when we moved in. So it's never really been our kitchen. Obviously, we painted it this colour and stuff. But I'm excited to get... I mean, this is the first time we've ever bought a kitchen. Yeah, yeah. It's the first time I've ever bought a kitchen. Well, yeah, it's the first time I've ever bought a kitchen. So it's exciting to like sit down and look at what tap we want. And, you know, what the style of door we want and all that sort of stuff. The thing I'm most excited about is that we're also getting our utility room organised with built cabinets and stuff like that. But I promise you... No! We will... I'll do... I will put... I'll poke the camera in there and you can see what we were working with. Because believe me, it's a... It is just piled up sh** in there. Yeah, but whose sh**? Not mine, mate. Oh, come on! Not mine, baby! Come on! It's always just... You can't buy one thing. You've got to buy a pack of ten. Because you get it cheaper. Right, but... I keep telling you this. Buy in bulk, you get stuff cheaper. But it doesn't matter because we don't have anywhere to put it. Right. But anyway, that's gone in there. But that's going to be all tucked away behind some cupboards and stuff. But I will do a little before and after once it's done. Once it's done. Yeah, okay. Once it's done. Then I won't feel so embarrassed. But when you've got a room like that... It's just a tiny little room with a washing machine and a dryer. But because you can shut the door and pretend it's not there, you just keep chucking stuff in there. We were talking to the kitchen lady and she... And we were talking about... That's her official working title. We were talking about... Because there's a sink in the utility room as well. And she said, what size is the sink? And I said... When she went to walk in there, I was mortified. I was literally like, look, you can see what I'm working with it. But she was like, what size is the sink? I said, I don't know. I can't remember the last time I saw it. It's not that bad. You can see the sink. There's just some stuff. Yeah, you have to move a load of stuff. It needs done badly. So yeah, we're excited about that. That's really nice. Yeah, is that nice? You like that? Yeah. I've added a couple of things from Tiny Rebel. This is the best thing that they've done for me personally. There you go. I'm just thinking of summer. It smells good. Thinking of summer. It does smell good. Thinking of barbecues, obviously. I told you that would... I said that would happen. You did actually say that. I remember you saying that. Because you said... Are you going to pretend you like it? On camera, I went... And I went, yeah, no, obviously I'll pretend I like it. You're not supposed to say that. Well, we're nice people. I said, what if it... That's a nice thing to do. You just go, oh, it's good. It's great. You don't sit there and go, no, no, sorry. Jo, thanks anyway, Jo. But no, no thanks. But no, I genuinely do like it. And I said to you, if I like it, I'm going to be gutted because they don't have any more. No, they're not going to know whether we're telling the truth or not. They know we're telling the truth. Now, to be fair, if we didn't like it, we would have not featured it in the vlog, probably. Also, I'm really bad at that. I'm really bad at poker face. No, but also, that's something that we've both got in common is that we don't really give a f**k, do we? It does smell good. Should I save you one? Nah, I'm all right. So what's the plan for this evening then? Just the same as usual. It's a Friday evening. Can't go anywhere. Can't see anyone. So, curry, a few beers. Anything to watch? From Russia With Love tonight? No. I said Wednesday night. Well, we didn't do it because it was your birthday. I didn't want to push a Bond film on you for your birthday. I've not watched a Bond film this week. Nah. All right, well, you pick something to watch then. There's nothing. We've watched everything. Right, I'm going to go get the kiddies. All right, I'm going to get drunk. Hey guys, Saturday morning now. Yeah, check this out. Check this noise that always happens whenever someone sits down on this chair in the living room. That's insane. That's really weird. It doesn't used to do that. I wonder if it's busted or something. We're just spending the morning doing some research for the kitchen. Claire's drawing some diagrams and stuff. It's not a diagram. What is it? It's just a little design. Oh, anyway. The thing that I'm a bit annoyed about today is that it's windy, but it's like sunny. And I've been, you know, as a keen barbecuer, you're always keeping an eye on the weather. I've been looking like this time last week, it was like floods. The whole of Britain's going to be flooded. Lovely. It's absolutely lovely out there. So clear and sunny. So I could have prepared. I had some meat ready for the barbecue. So I'm annoyed about that. I have taken some meat out the freezer, but I don't think it's going to be ready to cook today. It'll be ready to cook tomorrow. And I bet you, I bet you it's pissing it down tomorrow. Oh, I've just remembered something I've got to do. Go on. Change the battery in there. I've got to change the battery in the camera. And I've also got to jumpstart my car. Yeah, you should see this thingies, but this is not gonna work. It's gonna work fine. I've had one in the past. Oh, really? I don't know what I did with it. So I had to buy another one. So it's in the garage somewhere, is what you're saying? Well, I can't get to it. But... Because I tried to jump in the car when you went to get the kids. On your birthday, you went to get the kids from school. And I was waiting for you to leave because I was going to jump in the car and go to Sainsbury's or something and just get a cake and a banner or something like that. You could have done that on the wee boat for getting the kids. Or the wee tour getting the kids. Then I wouldn't have had to have gone at all. You'd have known. You would have said, oh, I'm just gonna fill it up first. You would have thought I'd been up to something. Yeah, right. What? What? Because I always assume that. I understand. Well, it would be unusual behaviour. But remember that time you went to go to the butcher's and you were gone for like two hours? And I did phone you just before you were coming home and I was like, where the hell are you? Well, that's because I stopped at the barbecue place. Yeah, but I didn't know that though. We ended up having a conversation there for a while, didn't I? Yeah, but I didn't know that. Exactly. You were like, where are you? What are you doing? Yeah, after literally hours. In that situation, it'd be fine. And I wasn't going, oh, has he met some woman? No, but in that situation, it's fine because I hadn't met some woman and I wasn't trying to do anything in secret. I'm not very good at doing stuff in secret. So if you'd have phoned me up and said, where have you been? Like... You would go, what, what, what, what then? I know, yeah. You might have gone, why can't you tell me where you've been? But Harrison and Jude would have been there. No, because I'm not taking them to Sainsbury's. Oh, you would have gone before? I would have gone before, yeah. Well, can I just say something? I wouldn't have assumed that you were meeting up for a quickie before picking the kids up. Why not? I just wouldn't. I just wouldn't have assumed that. Why should I? I'm just a little bit offended. I don't think you'd think that a woman would want to. I think that's the point you're trying to make. I'm not trying to make that point. I'm just saying, obviously I trust you. I don't think you would do that. I don't think you trust me. I think you trust the fact that... Even if you wanted to. Remember when Being Here sent me a message the other day and you were like, let me read that. Yeah, I want to get to the bottom of this. And I've got to be honest, I still think it's code. Because it was like, your delivery will be here between quarter past one and quarter past two. We'll see you then. But yeah, I need to do that today. I can't really be bothered. Today? Oh, that's a tomorrow thing. Is that a tomorrow thing? Yeah. I'll tell you what, listen to this for a plan, right? See tomorrow, you can jumpstart your car. I'm going to descale the kettle. That's brilliant. But yeah, I need to jumpstart my car because I did... I planned on quickly sneaking out to Sainsbury's to get just some crap bits and bobs for Claire's birthday to make it actually feel like it was her birthday. Jumps in my car just wouldn't start because of coronavirus. I just don't drive it. Barry's dead. Barry's dead? Barry's dead. What do you mean? I'm lost. Oh, I've got an eye. I've got a... An eye? I've got a hair. Can you see it? Oh, that's it. Thank you. That's going to stink. I can tell how squeaky and airy it was. It smells like beans. Oh, nearly. I nearly booked there. I'm going to put my belly next to the microphone. I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm going to put my belly next to the microphone. Great content. Paisley! No. I knew you were going to do that. Sunday morning. Still not showered. Sweaty. Not good. Check out that hair. But I got my beef out. Very simple one. Simple one today. Just going to put some dirty cow on it. Leave it for a couple of hours. What is that? What? That? This. It's a cut of beef that I can't remember what it's called now. It begins with SC. I keep wanting to say Scirocco, but that's a false one. Leave that for a couple of hours. Then stick it on the barbecue, bring it up to temp. Bish bash bosh. Say temperature. Why do you keep doing this? Because I'm a pro. Is that what that means when you talk like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't. You don't say temperature. You don't say four words. We don't have any friends. Who's calling us? It's my mum. Where's the camera? You all right, H-Bomb? Yeah. You want to be a cameraman, don't you, for the vlog now, don't you? Yeah. All right, so what are we going to be doing? I'm going to be putting some steak on here. I'm actually going to be putting some potatoes on the barbecue as well. I've never done that before. Right, the steak's on. Now I've just got to play the waiting game. I've got this set to 125. So when it reaches an internal temperature of 125 degrees Fahrenheit, I work in Fahrenheit because most people do, the barbecue, that'll be time to take it off. And then I'm going to put some potatoes on. All right, we're ready to roll. Pick this out, that's completely burning my hand. All right, so this is ready. Needs to sit now for 10 minutes. That's steak. Looks like chicken, doesn't it? No, it looks like pork. Maybe it's pork. That is not steak in a million years. I'm sure it said beef on it. Did it? Good morning, it's Monday. I still haven't showered yet. I'm going to have a shower in a second, don't you worry about that. But I'm kicking off because, you know, a lot of people have noticed that I just eat meat and potatoes. I'm not very good at eating my vegetables, which is really embarrassing for an adult, for a grown adult. Still not sure if I cooked beef or pork yesterday, if you're interested. Trying this out. I saw this on an advert, Prime 50 Super Greens. It's like a little borocca tablet that is supposed to help if you don't have any, if your greens are supposed to help, that sort of thing. I've got one glass of water. One of these. Yeah, it's like a little, it's like a green borocca, isn't it? I'm guessing it's going to taste absolutely disgusting, but, you know, it's better than nothing, I guess. Any attempt to try and get some goodness into my body would be a good thing, especially when you need your immune system firing on all cylinders these days. This is, oh, we've got a little head going on there. It's like a green beer. This is going to be gross, isn't it? Have you drank that yet? No, I'm waiting for it to dissolve still. It's taking forever. I'm just talking crap to the camera. So what is that, a vegetable supplement? Yeah. Why don't you just have a bit of broccoli for dinner? It's gross. It's apparently nicer than that. It's weird. I'm just going to eat this. And I'm going to do that every day for the next 28 days. For the next what? 28 days. And what's supposed to happen? I think. Get six pack? Yeah. Cool. That green tablet, well, it's easier than eating vegetables, but the green tablet thing is... Some vegetables are nice. I mean, I genuinely think you should just try and eat some vegetables. At least with your vegetables, you can, you know, have them with your potatoes and some garlic and some salt. Yeah, we're adulting today. We're getting some boring stuff done that you have to get done. That I don't eat. I don't eat KFC. It tastes so good. I don't even think it does. It's finger-licking good, Claire. That picture that somebody put up, it was just like a chicken brain. Yeah, it's alright. It's not chicken. Nah. I love KFC so much, but they never, ever, ever get your order right. Ever. There's always something missing. And you, you get furious. You get really, really angry. I get hangry. See if we do get the wrong order, I'll phone because he's gonna be rude just because you're so annoyed. And I'm not about annoying people who are gonna be bringing my food. No, I'm not either. But you do though. And sometimes you just take the phone off me. But when it comes to food, you're always like that. You're always so annoyed. But then, like, in a restaurant, who do you think's most likely to send their food back? Like, you know when you're face-to-face? You. Me? Yeah. Why? Because I'm not. I never send anything back. I can't anyway because it's like, because I've been on TV, I can't go, this is a load of rubbish, can I have my money back? Because they just go, oh right, I get it. Yeah, you're off television. You think you're so, you think you're special, do you? It's like, no, I don't think I'm special. I just think I'm a customer that just wants what I paid for. So I always just go, oh, it's lovely, thank you. Thank you so much. What if there was a hair in it? What if there was a pube? Oh right, pube, yeah. Right, pube, I've got a problem with. Hairs are just hairs, aren't they? Little black curly hair. They're all over the place, hairs. So what would you do then? Just take it out and keep eating? What's a hair gonna do to you? I don't know, it's just push you off. Yeah, but I don't know. I maybe wouldn't send it back if I found a hair. I'd just go, oh, that's gross. And then I wouldn't really be able to eat. It is gross, but I'm asking the question, what? What is, what's a, what is it? Well, it's not gonna do anything. Exactly. But it is gross. You know, if someone has to prepare a meal, they have to put their hand in it. Yeah, their hair's probably cleaner than their fingers. Exactly. All right, got that sorted. Got that sorted, we've just, oh, kitchen door, the back door. But yeah, well excited. Nice, nice, sleek. Sort of, well, obviously I wouldn't say that. Well, we do, we need someone to get in to smash our old back doors in. We can get nice, clean, new ones. The back, our back door's pretty filthy as well. Also, another little update for you. I've decided I'm not gonna jumpstart my car because I can't be arsed. So I might do that next week's vlog. Little tease for you there. So stick around, don't go anywhere. We've got a lot, we've got some good stuff done today. I need to clean the kitchen because... Oh yeah, we've also got the kitchen people. Got some kitchens. Surveying the kitchen today. And we're starting to work on that. It's all go, it's all exciting. Should we leave the vlog here in the car then? Because we're pretty much done, aren't we? We're done and dusted, we can say our goodbyes. But in the meantime, if you did like this video, give it a thumbs up, subscribe if you haven't. And I guess we'll see you next week. Stay scummy. Also, yeah, exciting stuff about that little merch stuff as well. Yeah, once we can get that vlog, things will start heating up a bit. Also, it's not long until we can go and see friends and stuff. Yeah. So hopefully that'll be good. Get in the back garden. Smashing back doors in. All right, bye. Wanna say bye? Bye, stay scummy. Bye.