HOW I FOUND OUT THAT I HAVE ASPERGERS (AUTISM) #autism #narcissist #narcissisticabuse

Hey guys, Spiritual Whistleblower here. I have a heated blanket wrapped around me because I'm chilly and it's a really rainy, cold, damp day. So yeah, this heated blanket feels amazing. So if you're wondering, it's not a coat. As I stated, I was going to do a video on my diagnosis. I want to talk about mental health when it comes to narcissistic parents, how they weaponize it and use it against us. You know, with narcissists, when it comes to your parents and grandparents, there's like this double standard when it comes to mental health. For me, as an adult in my late 40s, I was recently clinically diagnosed with having Asperger's. I have autism. I suspected it for a very long time, but I needed to go through the actual, uh, testing and, um, observation of a psychiatrist, which I did. I paid $700 for my testing. Um, it was worth it. Um, I had an amazing psychiatrist. He was wonderful. And, um, he just broke things down to me, why he felt I was autistic, what things he saw in me, you know, he had a really simplistic way of explaining my past life to me in a nutshell, and how it made me autistic. So I want to talk a little bit about that, as well as now that I know what I am, Um, I want, I want to focus on my parents and their behavior and how they have played with therapy to use it against me while they avoided going to therapy. You know, this is the thing, when you come from a narcissistic household, one or both parents are narcissists, your grandparents, and you're a child and you have potentially a developmental disability you you're neurodivergent let's just say you're in kindergarten and your teachers notice you may have ADHD they're seeing the early signs of autism and they try to tell your parents you know they try to suggest that Your parents get you evaluated because you're having certain difficulties in class, dyslexia. You know, there's a whole barrage of things that can, you know, affect children, developmental disabilities. And because your mother or father are narcissists, what usually ends up happening is they're very prideful. Well, I can definitely speak for the baby boomers. My parents are baby boomers. that's the baby boomer era so if your parents are from the baby boomer era you will definitely be able to identify with this video now parents today because autism is so trendy now it's like a cool trend when your children are autistic and the parents can be narcissistic but now you know since autism is bringing them all types of this special attention they they now out here talking about it and exploiting it. That's a whole nother video. As I see, there's a woman on TikTok. There's a few parents on TikTok who have children that are autistic, but they exploit their children and make videos about their children's autism to collect, you know, they're, they're making money. So it's not a genuine video, you know, to educate people. It's, it's simply them exploiting their children for money and attention and views and likes now back in my parents era when the baby boomers this is way before social media uh baby boomer parents were very prideful if a school teacher say an elementary school would suggest to your mom or dad uh that they feel you need to be evaluated the first thing will come out well this is what my mother said no no nobody's evaluating my child um she'll grow out of it um i don't want anyone putting labels on my child you know my family will pray pray on the child the child will grow out of it will beat it out of her you know if you had any behavioral issues as a result of having a developmental disability you got beat like me you were beat and bullied the baby boomer generation is straight up trash our parents were ******* trash they did not know how to love or nurture us their definition was of their definition of love is basically providing a roof over your head and food on the table and clothes on your back the financial obligation and the only reason that they financially provided is because they had to by law legally if they did not take care of their children their children could be taken from them and put in foster care so the narcissist is forced to be a provider because it's against the law not to take care of your children to abandon them not feed them clothe them all that you'll get your kids taken from you you could go to jail for you know child abuse and neglect so that's the only reason but the thing is your narcissistic parent will call that love I made sure you was well fed I took care of you I can't remember that's not love that is financial obligation your children did not ask to be here however you are in fact financially obligated to take care of them does that mean that you love your children no it does not it means that you you you are financially you are to be held accountable for their needs clothing food and shelter now unfortunately there aren't any laws or rules that can be enforced to make a parent love a child have an emotional connection to a child that's the sad and unfortunate I wish there were laws you know I wish there was a law where, you know, if your parents abused you and didn't love you and they mistreated you, that you could divorce them and choose not to be their child anymore. I would have divorced my parents a long time ago if that was the case. But yeah, your parents were like mine from the baby boomer era they were very prideful and because they're obsessed with their public persona they're worried about what people think about them they want people to constantly put them on a pedestal and praise them you know they want to appear to be saints and perfect to the public eye so therefore if they have a child with a developmental disability that child having that disability it taints and ruins the image the persona that the narcissistic mother and father have created we have this perfect image of a perfect family now if our child is diagnosed with a disability a developmental disability what will people think about us they will think our child is retarded and stupid and therefore it makes makes us as parents look flawed and fucked up so we rather not get our child the help and therapy and and the things that our child needs to support her disability because we're too prideful so we don't care about our child's special needs as long as our child has a roof over her head food on a table clothes on her back She has enough. That's enough love. And what ends up happening because your narcissistic parents ignored you getting your evaluation, your your special needs addressed as a young child in elementary school, you grow up, you go to middle school and high school, you get bullied for being different and weird. and and you know because you have all these different traits of autism and and you know different things going on with you that nobody understands so you're like an outcast so you go to school the kids are gonna bully you for sure I went through all of this but your family members will also bully you I told y'all my mother used to talk about me how slow I would move slow talk slow, like I was retarded or dumb or something. She talked to me like I was trash, like I was gum on the bottom of her shoe as a child. And nobody realized that I was autistic in the household. I had a developmental disability. But she was too prideful. She was worried about her perfect image as a mother. What would people think about her if her child, if everybody found out her child had a disability so I went without you know the proper support I probably would have made better grades I probably would you know I would have functioned and done so much better had my mother gotten me the tools and the support I needed as a little girl I really can't ******* stand her my parents failed me they really did um and what happens here's the hypocrisy of of what your parents will do you'll go through life undiagnosed and when you become an adult um and you you start living independently and you realize that there are things going on inside of you you know that's the the importance of therapy but when you make a decision to cut your family off because you're sick and tired of their dysfunction, their toxicity. One of the things that mom and dad will do is they'll run a nasty smear campaign. And because you've taken a stand against family and you're speaking out against family and their dysfunction and you are trying to change your ways and you don't want to be like your family, you don't want to gossip, you don't want to be messy, you don't want to be toxic, you don't want to excuse abuse, family will hate you. and not only that whoever the ringleader is in my case my mother is the ringleader the ringleader is going to put out a vicious rumor to the rest of the family that you're mentally ill you're mentally unstable something's wrong with you you need to get help they weaponize the whole mental health thing against you to make you look bad because you decided to take a stand against the family and their dysfunction you don't want to live like that anymore so you've set a boundary and said, I got to get away from my family to work on myself because I don't like y'all toxic ways. I don't like how y'all function. I'm sick of it. I can't live like this anymore. So now you have been casted out. You are the black sheep. You are the scapegoat. You're the problematic child. You're going to get talked about like a dog to your family. And more importantly, there will be this whole issue where something's wrong with you mentally. My mother then told the whole family that I'm fucked up mentally. And see, what happens is, let's just say you go and get help. Because honestly, if you come from abuse, a long history, like me, a very long history of child abuse and neglect. Yeah, of course, you're going to be mentally messed up. You're going to have PTSD. You're going to have, you know, trauma responses to everything. You're going to have difficulties building friendships and relationships. You're going to attract abusive men. You have all these problems that are connected to your upbringing as a child. So, yeah, you know, in a sense, mentally, yeah, you know, we all are messed up. If we all come from dysfunction, we're all messed up. But then it's my responsibility to do something about it as an adult. So while my mother was busy spreading vicious rumors about my mental health, I was somewhere getting that help. I went and got help. Yes, I did. I went and got my therapy. I went and got my evaluations. I went and did all of that. And I'm so glad I did, because I received so much validation from the abuse that I suffered as a child. the sexual molestation all that my therapist told me to stay away from my family my family is the cause of my downfall my family is the cause of my low self-esteem more specifically my mother my mother destroyed my self-esteem as a child horrible called me horrible names i was fat you know your sister's better than you your sister's prettier than you you're a **** up you're slow you're dumb every type of verbal abuse to affect me body shame me fat shame me dumb me down water me down she did it and she knows she did it my self-esteem was shattered and destroyed before I turned 18 years old I didn't stand a chance so no wonder I attracted toxic men if I don't think much of myself why would any man honor and and you know praise me and love me properly or treat me special when I don't, I don't think highly of myself. All that came from her. And it also came from my daddy being a weak ass man, not being there for me to protect me, guide me and teach me how to love myself. And what type of men should I entertain? My father did not do any of that. So I blame both of them. However, as a young child, because I had a developmental disability that went unaddressed i would my parents did not get me evaluated and if they did i have no knowledge of it however um there was no type type of uh recreational therapy occupational therapy speech therapy where where was the support and tools that i needed to sustain me to help me you know and then god lord knows we transferred so many elementary schools because my parents were not stable they we moved from motel to motel and every time we would move to different cities all over New Jersey that meant we had to be uprooted and transfer schools so yes I transferred to several elementary schools we could not sit still in one spot one neighborhood it was just unstable all the goddamn time um and you can add getting my ass beat all the time witnessing my parents fistfight all the time completely tumultuous so yeah by the time i get to become an adult i'm walking around undiagnosed with a disability thanks to mom and dad not you know getting the help that i needed thanks to them being dysfunctional they could not stop fighting they could not put their heads together my daddy kept getting fired from his jobs my mother was every time she she was mad and angry at him she would beat and bully me and my brother she took her anger out on us so um this is where I'm at today yeah so for her to sit up and tell the family that I have mental issues yeah I do these are mental issues that you and my father created this is trauma that you and my father created so i absolutely agree that i had mental issues but i did something about it i got the help that i needed i got evaluated as an adult and i learned a lot of new things new things like i you know my therapist said you were raised by two narcissists and it's very dangerous for you to stay in contact with them uh you need to cut them off you need to thrive. You need to break your codependency because both parents taught you to be incredibly codependent. You know, your parents taught you toxicity and you cannot change or evolve if you continue to have a relationship with them. So my therapist 100% agrees that I need to cut my family off. And ever since I've cut my family off, I've done nothing but gotten wonderfully. I've blown up. I've leveled up. I've glowed up. Life has been beautiful. I can breathe. I can see. I've accomplished great things. Lots of success. Graduated college, two degrees, going on three degrees. Amazing things have happened since I've gotten rid of family. And thanks to therapy, thanks to the treatment I received, I was able to see that. So now I'm looking at my mother. Okay, you've told family that mentally something's wrong with me. Now that I've gotten the help that I've needed and my therapist has strongly suggested to cut the family off and never deal with y'all again. Now, what are you going to do? See, when you have a narcissistic mother and father, their goal is to tell family that you're crazy and you're mentally ill. And that's to get you to run back to them. They want you to cringe and be, you know, they want you, uh, oh, I wish mom and dad would stop putting these rumors out about me. So they want to regain control of you. So they think by putting a vicious smear campaign out on you that, you know, you'll, you'll have all this anxiety and, and, and, um, you know, you'll, you'll be depressed and sad and you'll just want them to stop talking bad about you. So in order to get them to stop talking bad about you, you'll allow them to control you again. You'll reestablish a relationship with them just so they can control you again. That's what they want. They want to suck you back into the family structure, the family dysfunction so that they can have their scapegoat. You are the scapegoat. They want the scapegoat to come back so they'll have somebody to target and bully in the family if you do not cooperate and allow family to bully you and you make a stand and say no more I'm setting a boundary and I'm cutting y'all off you will be smeared your mother and father will smear you for not cooperating so these dirty labels of you being mentally ill yeah but what happens when you you do something about it you go to a therapist a psychologist and you get the treatment you need now it puts your family in this position like uh-oh she went and got help and since she's gotten help she's gotten stronger she looks good she she you know now she really is not ******* with us it's something that her therapist told her in those therapy sessions and now she's not ******* with us for real now so now what are we going to do how are we going to pull her back in so that's how it backfires guys that you know I want you to allow your mother and father to spread gossip about you because the beauty about gossip is that if you ignore it it has a way of backfiring on the people who started the rumors about you you got to let time play out time has a way of telling the truth better than don't open your mouth allow time and silence the power of silence is amazing allow time and silence to do its job because it it will expose the person that ran the dirty smear campaign on you. My mother looks foolish telling everybody I had mental issues. These are issues that she caused, she created in my childhood. She was the reckless, irresponsible parent that did not get me evaluated when my teachers suggested it when I was in elementary school. I walked around the entire time as a child undiagnosed with a developmental disability and my mother should be ashamed of herself and not only that I was beaten bloodied bruised up punished on a daily basis I was sexually molested by her second husband a recipe for a disaster as a young girl self-esteem shattered destroyed before I turned a grown woman and they still continue to talk ---- about me because I kept getting into relationships with abusive men and of course I would attract abusive men because my self-esteem is low and why is my self-esteem low because my mother broke my self-esteem in half when I was a little girl and I was a little bit slow due to my disability everything points back to mom and dad and because they're narcissists they lack accountability they can't handle the shame but that's my job that's why I'm on this platform now I'm gonna shame the **** out of them I don't care because they're the worst types of parents to have for anyone to have the worst type they are the worst type of parents to ******* have I am in my late 40s almost 50 years old and I'm just learning that I am autistic so many things could have been avoided in my childhood had I had an early diagnosis. I'm cleaning up the mess. My parents were supposed to get that support for me, but they tried to weaponize the whole mental health thing against me. And like I said, it backfired because I'm good. I'm good up here now. I got my papers. The therapist told me you have PTSD from the child abuse and sexual molestation. And the psychiatrist told me I'm autistic I have it on paper I want to know where the **** is my mother and father's paperwork when will they step into the therapist's office and get a diagnosis since they're so busy pointing fingers at their children and our fucked up mental issues that they ******* created let's point fingers back at mom and dad where the **** is your evaluation why did you turn out to be such a piece of ---- mother and father why don't you get in the therapist's office and let's find out why you turned out to be a piece of ---- parent let's get to the bottom of your ---- while you're busy pointing fingers hypocrites i want to end this video by saying i encourage all of y'all to go get evaluated for autism adhd you know it's nothing to be ashamed of if you had a baby boomer parent like me they they was not trying to get you no therapy or help they didn't care they're too busy fighting too busy cheating on each other too busy they had kids for the wrong reasons and now they're big mad that we're all taking accountability to cut them off and work on ourselves in therapy they don't like it that we're taking a stand against them this is a universal thing going on us adult children us gen xers especially we are taking a stand against our parents being pieces of ---- tripling motherfuckers who who had no business having ******* children no business, it's extremely selfish to bring a child into this world. Number one, when your finances ain't together, number two, you're too selfish, you you don't have the capacity to love anybody but yourself, so why would you bring a child into this world and improperly love that child but then go around justifying saying, well I provided a roof and food and clothes, that's not love. Love is picking your child up every day, hugging and kissing and reassuring your love your love and and mommy got you, daddy got you, love is having your child evaluated and getting your child the tools and support they need for their developmental disability at a very young age so that they don't have to go through life, it's so hard I was bullied by so many people for being different all because I was autistic shame on my ******* parents, shame on them but got the nerve to talk about me and and telling everybody something's wrong with me, you know what's wrong with me I was raised by two shitty horrible human beings, that's what's wrong with me but that changes with me and my child, my family. I will not be raising my child the way that I was raised. And my daughter does have a disability and I put my daughter in therapy before the age of two. My daughter has been in therapy almost her entire life. I said, I'm not going to do how my parents did me. My baby needs help now. I'm not going to wait. So I encourage y'all get yourself evaluated and if you feel that your children have some sort of issues or your teachers are suggesting it, stop worrying about labels. Put your pride aside and get your child the help that they need. Don't allow them to go through life being bullied by so many people who are committed to misunderstanding them, their disability. The world is cruel already. The one place that a child should feel loved and nurtured and safe is with mom and dad but when your parents are narcissists they're going to deny all that love and support you need because they're too ******* prideful and worried about their own reputation and what people will think about them over their child's needs let that marinate and let's talk about it in the comment section i'm a proud neurodivergent. I'm proud to be autistic and I encourage you to get screened. Y'all have a blessed day.