SWB DISCUSSES HER AUTISM SYMPTOMS #autism #aspergers #neurodivergent #narcissist #narcissisticabuse

Hey y'all, Spiritual Whistleblower here. Happy Holidays. We are officially a couple days away from Christmas. I hope you guys are having a very peaceful time this year. Me personally, me and my daughter, we're going to do it very casual. I got a little bitty Christmas tree that lights up. My daughter does not do holidays either. Like, we are so New Yorker-ish. We go out to eat and all that. So we probably do the movies, go out to eat at a nice restaurant, something casual. maybe ice skating or something but we're gonna relax and have a very peaceful um holiday like we always do no drama from family we don't want to be invited to nobody's house leave us alone okay so um i think i'm gonna post toxic family videos all week long and i got a little challenge for y'all you know i'm petty but i always say one way that you could tell you know if you want to find out if you have any narcissists in your family play my videos around around your family play one of my videos about toxic family play it around your family if they get irritable they get pissed and disgruntled that's because my big mouth is irritating their demons they're narcissists okay i just gave y'all some free game anyway um as you know a few days ago i posted that i was clinically diagnosed by a psychologist here in new york city i have autism i am on the spectrum i have asperger's um i am neurodivergent i suspected it for a very long time i just you know didn't get around to to actually getting tested my primary care this is crazy my primary care doctor saw it in me she sent me to uh get some electro she sent me to get an electrophysiology test which is they put this cap on your head with uh electro it's like these little dots that transmit electricity or something into your head they got to gel it down so i had that and based on the results of that test my primary care my primary care doctor she was like i suspect you have autism, I'm going to refer you to a psychologist. And then I was told, you know, when I went on my girl's trip last year with a group of girlfriends, you know, um, one of the ladies in the group was analyzing me just on the vacation in the group. She said, um, you have Asperger's. And I said, what are you talking about? She said, you, you have, I can, I can tell you have Asperger's you're autistic. Have you been tested? And I said, no, I haven't been tested. so I've always suspected this y'all multiple people have told me my primary care doctor suspected it so I I kind of knew so I went ahead and just got tested it's $700 on my end it's a lot more in other places $1,000 $1,500 it's expensive y'all I'm not even gonna lie and our ******* insurance companies do not ******* cover it that's what pissed me off the insurance my health insurance they take $500 out my ******* paycheck every month you would think I would have full coverage in getting uh tested for autism no no insurance is petty by the way free Luigi but anyway so I'm going to list some of the symptoms the signs that I you know a lot of people want to know well what were some of the things that were going on with you your body that made you autistic when when the doctor was asking you questions and interviewing you He was also studying my body language. What were some of the things? And I said, okay, I'll do a video. I'm, you know, since TikTok is going to be banned, I don't think it's going to be banned, but just in case they ban it, I'm sending all my followers over here to YouTube. So I'm just going to do all my video requests from TikTok. I'm going to send them on over here. Okay. So I'll share with y'all what were a lot of my symptoms and traits of autism. I can't tell y'all everything because some things are a little too personal that I shared with my psychologist but um i'll you'll get the gist of it so these symptoms are not just symptoms that i'm dealing with right now i've been dealing with this since i was a little girl uh sensory sensory touch so with me um i've always loved to walk barefoot ever since i was a little girl my grandparents used to get on me all the time Chanel stop walking around barefoot why are you always barefoot and I would walk on my toes and I never really explained this to my family but I don't like the feel of socks I don't like the feel of shoes on my feet it hurts I don't know if that makes sense y'all it just the sensation of something rubbing on my feet I hate how it feels now I love wearing flip-flops because that's close to nothing but actual socks and shoes i struggle with that so i i always remember i was a really little girl small child seven eight years old i give my grandparents these are my mother's parents i always remember them they get on me stop walking around barefoot and nobody knew that i was autistic i had sensory issues i didn't like the feel of things touching me matter of fact i should not be sharing this with y'all but when I go to use the bathroom, I take all my clothes off. I don't know if I should have told y'all that I cannot use the bathroom unless I take all my clothes off. It is something that, uh, unnerves me. Um, I don't know. Well, you know, yeah, it is autism, but I just had issues where I had to disconnect. Let me try to make sense of this. Mentally, I had to disconnect from anything touching my skin in order for me to use the bathroom that's the best way that I can explain it I did not like the sensation of clothing or fabrics or anything on my body every time I went to the bathroom to use the toilet yeah so I know that's a little too much information but I'm you know I hope it helps somebody I had sensory issues with with how things felt on my skin I don't like nobody touching me this is something that me and my daughter struggle with because I love her to pieces I tell her I love her every day but something and you know my daughter has she's been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and as you know borderlines are extremely clingy she's extremely clingy touchy-feely oversteps boundaries you know so she has to constantly be up under me or she likes to touch me and I have to tell her I have to constantly remind her I love you very much but mommy is autistic and I don't like the feeling of people's fingers touching me it sends me and given that I you know what happened to me at the age of 13 I was sexually molested by my mother's second husband and he used his hands to fondle and grab me, you know, in my private, you know, my lower, I don't even want to say it y'all. He touched me where he wasn't supposed to touch me. And that feeling, that's a feeling that will never, as much as I try to forget about it, it's like embedded in my head. I just do not like people's fingers touching me. Even if it's a gentle pat, even if it's just something friendly, don't touch me that's a sensory issue that i have i my daughter does it too sometimes she forgets she'll touch me and i'll say what are you doing i'll snap at her then i have to apologize but okay so another sensory uh issue audio audio i'm super sensitive to audio sounds like i will close my bedroom door and go to sleep now the way that my apartment is set up my daughter has her own bedroom she never sleeps in her bedroom she's got a gigantic tv her room is super cozy i got an air conditioner in her room she ain't gotta leave her room she's got a refrigerator in her room i set her room up so it could be super cozy she never sleeps in it uh she likes to sleep in the living room for whatever reason the living room's cozy too but um but she blasts the tv and it's not even that she blasts the tv i just personally think it's too loud i could shut my door and i wake up in the middle of the night irritated i said that ******* tv and i have to get up go she'll fall asleep and i have to turn the tv down in the living room because i can hear it all the way in my room and it really it upsets me y'all and i tell her over and over again please i hate the sound she likes to watch Family Feud that Steve Harvey his mouth i it irks the ******* ---- out of me turn the tv down so that's an audio issue that i have with sounds another thing too is visual i have a sensitivity to light um most of my apartment uh with the exception of this room because it's this room i painted i love rose gold and blush and you see the color here on my headboard um most of the time the lights are out in my bedroom i have a pretty um i have a nightlight here angel light that one of my supporters gave me i think it was in Dallas Texas when i did a support group in Dallas, she gifted me with this angel, it's a pink salt Himalayan salt um nightlight, it's an angel and it's really big but the nightlight is so beautiful and subtle, so most of the time the lights are out in here, i only turn the lights on to do videos but y'all know too when i first started my YouTube channel, what was i doing y'all, i did all my videos in the dark, i'm more comfortable when the lights are dim or dark. So I'm doing this video in a light just, you know, for video purposes. But once I turn this video off, the lights are going to go off and I'm going to resume enjoying my peace and quiet with the nightlight on. Um, most of my apartment walls are painted black because visually I like dim. I like things dim because I have a sensitivity. Um, my computer, whether it's at work or at home um all my emails, you know for those of you that work whether it's corporate or whatever, i have a government job so i get Outlook, my emails and my Outlook inbox the whole background is dark, i've changed all my settings to dark mode, i cannot stand the white background, my TikTok, my Instagram, Facebook, whatever, everything is set to dark mode, i don't want the white background, it irritates my eyes, i have a light sensitivity um when it comes to my eyesight and that is part of my autistic traits, i hope i'm helping y'all, you know, i hope i don't sound like a weirdo um now another thing that i do is i repeat myself when i don't know if y'all pay attention when i'm doing a lot of my videos, i i talk in circles, i it's not word salad that's what the narcissist does but I like to repeat myself, I'll repeat words over and over again repetition, that's a that's a sign of autism um the the sound of my voice, the cadence of my voice the tone um I have a habit of slurring my words together I don't know if you guys can tell I I it irks me I can pick it apart but I definitely repeat myself a lot um what else oh stimming stimming stimming is when you you know you the need to stim you know you need to stimulate yourself or self-soothe so one of the things I do and I've been doing this since I was a little girl I like to curl my toes I thought I fidget with my feet I'm doing it now but it's very soothing to you know rub my toes together you know constantly I also have a habit of repeating if there's a particular song that I love at the moment I can put that song on repeat and let it play all night all night long while while you know i'll put my iphone down and i will just put the same song on repeat like that song by her i love uh the singer her i don't know if you know know who her is all her music to me it's like a dark r&b she has like a dark r&b sound a lot of her music and it's just something about it well there's a song that she has called avenue she has several songs that I love but right now it's Avenue the song by her is called Avenue I will let that play for like 10 hours straight it'll play while I'm sleeping I'll let it blast from my iPhone it's just something in it that's soothing to me and that's stimming okay so autistic people have the need to to stim stimming is something whether it's flapping your hands curling your toes rocking i do rock a lot um we do things pick my nails i pick my nails and i i constantly i've been cracking my knuckles since i was a little girl that was another bad habit my family would get on me stop shell stop cracking your knuckles you're gonna have big knuckles i don't have big knuckles my hands are all they're slim and ladylike so that was a lie my family was just they just wanted me to stop cracking my knuckles but that's a part of of stimming um i was autistic that's the reason why i was cracking my knuckles i still crack my knuckles to this day um skin picking um what else what else do i do um so and and other weird things like like i told y'all like um counting telephone poles i have an obsession with alignment and patterns um that's why i'm the way that i am you know a lot of people are like you're such a truth teller you're you're straightforward you shoot from the hip you you know you say what's on your mind you're like unfiltered and unhinged that is autism autistic people we pick up on patterns pattern recognition that's why I can pick up on a narcissist because their behavior is so ******* triggering once I see the pattern in somebody I call it out that is autism we are we recognize patterns and because the narcissist is not an authentic person they're unoriginal they copycat they steal from people they hate that autistic people we are original we don't know what else to be you know and i want y'all to really look back at your childhood if you were bullied if you were bullied by your family and friends you baby you're there's a strong possibility you're autistic i think jesus christ was autistic because of how he was treated autistics are, are, I feel they're gifted and talented, um, they're brilliant, their brains are just wired differently. Another thing too, that makes me autistic that, uh, my psychologist told me, um, it's so easy for me to do my self-care videos. You guys see when I do my self-care videos, I get all dressed up and real pretty. I put on my makeup, my wig, my lashes, I dress real pretty. And I go, I'll treat myself to a five-star restaurant and take myself out a night on the town in New York. I'm always out and about eating at the best restaurants all by myself. and a lot of people are like, how do you do it, how do you travel around the world? I'll get on an airplane and I'll fly to India I'll fly to Europe all by myself and people are like, how do you do it? I would be too scared. You're always doing everything by yourself and I said I love being alone, there's just something about being isolated. I don't have to depend on anybody, nobody's bothering me, touching me, bossing me around, controlling me. There's this is the point in my life where I feel free, y'all got to understand the, the way that I was raised, I was raised like a ******* slave I was bullied, I was disrespected, teased, picked on, um, and I'm, for once in my life, I'm free I'm free to be me so I don't want anybody jeopardizing my peace of mind, my, my isolation my tranquility, that's why I'm so comfortable doing everything by myself, but my, the way that my psychologist explained it most autistic people don't like being around groups of people, most autistic people are cool being alone, we isolate, we we don't like crowds, we don't like to be around groups of people, we actually feel weird, we feel excluded. I could be walking in a group of people and I feel totally disconnected I don't feel like I'm a part of the conversation I feel like I'm being excluded. I feel like an outcast. It's always been like that since my childhood. I never fit in in school. My friends treated me like ----. People like treated me like I was ******* invisible. So you ask any autistic person, how were they treated in high school? How were they treated in middle school? How did their family members treat them? It always, even if you were in a room full of people, there's this loneliness. There's this feeling like I don't belong here. I don't fit in with these people that's autism, autistic people are better off as single and alone we are comfortable being alone we don't want to be bothered we it's hard for us to be fake in a group of people if we go around people we have to mask and that's another thing that I do masking I have to mask to pretend to be normal to fit in I don't like that it's uncomfortable that's why i do these videos and y'all get to see this unfiltered side of me because this is the real spiritual whistleblower this is all i know how to be when i go to work i have to mask to pretend to be ******* normal to fit in it's it's uncomfortable and it's ******* exhausting and another thing one last thing that i do and there's many more things i can go on and on but i think i i've given y'all the bulk of of my autistic traits is autistic people because we are so burnt out every single day from having to mask we have to simulate uh stimulate and self-soothe we get exhausted from being around a neurotypical people those are the people that are not autistic the narcissist and the other people that are not autistic are ******* exhausted to ******* deal it on a day-to-day basis so what happens when we come home like we like crash out we burn out we crash out which means you know sometimes i don't get out of bed for days because i i literally have to detox from being around ******* people i don't like people now i have always put together support group meetups for survivors of narcissistic abuse survivors of domestic violence because that's my good heart uh trying to help women and children but it's it's not easy because i'm not a people person i'm empathetic like jesus christ but if i have my preference i would choose to just stay away from people so i hope this video helps some of you guys um i hope i've answered some questions about insurance most if not all insurance companies do not pay for adult testing i believe an insurance company will cover testing for children the same way with braces because i got my my when my daughter was in elementary school i got her braces so our insurance my insurance paid full price for her braces but once you turn 18 they do not cover braces so i think it's the same for autism you know everybody has different insurance health insurance but i know them motherfuckers bill me 500 they take 500 out my paycheck every ******* month yet you know insurance companies are ******* disgusting they really are ******* trash they they will not they should pay for adult testing for autism unfortunately it's not covered by insurance i had to save up my pennies um i think 700 is good considering uh you know other quotes that i've heard some people got to pay a thousand dollars some people got to pay two thousand dollars it depends on where you live um i went to Sacks Institute Sacks Center in New York City i believe they have other locations in other parts of the country i can post the website you guys can go they do test for ADHD as well so um i hope this video has been helpful please let's open up the floor of discussion in the comment sections i learned so much about you guys when you leave comments and give me your opinions as long as we're not disrespecting each other i respect everybody's opinion but let's help each other as a community and yes i am doing coaching if you're dealing with your trifling family and you need some advice to get through the holidays i'm running a 50% off discount for the holidays it's over on december 31st so all of my rates for phone i do 15 minute phone sessions i do 30 minute and i do one hour it is 50% off the original price just for the holidays guys okay so everything the information is down below um i love you guys until the next video and happy holidays be safe and ******* narcissistic free guys love you