Meditation Is What We Are, Not What We Do

And my question is about something that I have heard you say several times at this retreat, also on YouTube. And I've also read in your book how you talk about it in The Nature of Consciousness on page 89. But although I understand the words, I really don't understand how. And I really want to know before I go home. So it's when you say that meditation is what you do and not what you are. All the way around. No, you say it's what you are and not what you do. And of course, I'm sorry. And even after this morning, after that beautiful intense meditation, I kind of know somewhere what you're saying. I know it's true anyway because you're saying it, but I'm kind of... I'm kind of feeling, resonating that it's true. But I really don't understand how, even though it's effortless, I don't understand how it's not something that you do. It's what we are. Could you help me with that? If I were to ask you what is it that knows or is aware of your experience, what would you say? I know. Okay, perfect. Did you suddenly become this knowing I when I asked you that question, or did you simply formulate something that is always true of yourself? Did I formulate? When you said, I know or am aware of my experience, did you suddenly become that knowing I as a result of my question, or are you always that knowing I? Yes, always. So when you were a five-year-old girl, was it not the same I that knew whatever you were experiencing then? The same. Okay. Tell us about that I. I... That's a good start. Oh boy. I am. I just am. Perfect. Tell us more. I know that it's difficult, but just try to use words as best you can to try to describe this I. This I is... feels like, seems like this I is in the back, always present, vast, vastness. Perfect. Keep going. Allowing, accepting. Keep going. Letting things happen and moving through without engagement of any kind. Am I getting close? It's not about getting closer. You're there already. You're just describing yourself. You're doing very well. Okay. Can this I be disturbed? No. Is it ever moved or changed by experience? No. Is it ever hurt or tarnished by experience? No. Does it have any innate sense of lack or that something is missing? No. It's quite obvious to me and I'm sure to all of us that you're just speaking from your simple experience of yourself. Nothing extraordinary. Just the self you refer to when you say I or I am. You haven't become that self as a result of this conversation or even this retreat. You have always been this self. Yes? But don't let me put words into your mouth if it's not true. It may not have always been clear to you that you were this self. But it's obviously clear to you now. So at no stage in your life did you ever become this self that you now know yourself to be. You may have noticed this self that you now know yourself to be but you never became it. You were never another kind of self that ceased being that self and became the self that you are now. Correct. Is that right? Correct. So what I call meditation is to be knowingly that one. Oh. So that isn't something that I would do. Indeed. How could it be something you do if it's what you already are? If I were to ask you now, stand up, you don't have to do this, but if I were to ask you stand up and take a step towards yourself, what would you have to do? Yeah, I couldn't do that. You couldn't do it. Your self is, in this analogy, your self is your body. Your self as your body is the one object, the only object, that you cannot take a step towards. If I asked you to take a step towards me, towards the dining room, or towards the garden, or towards the lamp, or towards your car, or towards anyone or anything, you could take a step towards them. But your self is the only object in the world that you cannot take a step towards. You cannot get closer to it because you're already there. Now you, this knowing I, this I that knows or is aware of your experience that you describe very well, it's obviously very clear to you that you are this aware I. You cannot go towards it because it's what you already are. You may not have noticed it, but even when you didn't notice it, you were still only this knowing I. Okay. Meditation is simply to be that, to know oneself as that. So even though I didn't notice it, that's irrelevant, really. Yes, you didn't notice it because your thoughts and your feelings imagined and felt that you were something other than this knowing I, such as a collection of sensations called the body, or a mixture of thoughts and feelings, or a conglomeration of activities and relationships and memories. In other words, those thoughts and feelings mistook you, mistook yourself for something other than this knowing I. You believed and felt, I am something other than this knowing I. But even then, you were still only this knowing I. You just didn't notice it. And that's the meditation that you are. So to begin with, meditation seems to be a journey that we undergo or an effort that we make from the self that we seem to be to the self that we really are. So from the point of view of the self, the mixture of thoughts, feelings, activities and relationships that we seem to be, from the point of view of that self, meditation seems to be something we do, an effort we make, a discipline that we practice. But that is only for one who believes that they are something other than their self. So that's why I say that meditation is not something we do. Normally we think, I am a separate self. Meditation is an activity I undertake in order to become my true self. In other words, normally we think meditation is something... we think what I am is a separate self, and what I do is meditation. From this point of view, what I am is meditation or awareness, and what I do is the separate self. In other words, the separate self is an activity of thinking and feeling. It is not what I am. It is an activity of thought and feeling. So this is the other way around from what one would... from the popular view of meditation. Most people think I am the separate self. Meditation is what I do. Here it's the other way around. Meditation is what I am. The separate self is the activity of thinking and feeling. In other words, the meditation is... the separate self is what I do. Meditation is what I am. That's amazing. Thank you.