4 Ways Money Can Make You Happier

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today you wrote this masterpiece from strength to strength and you recently wrote a new book with Oprah Winfrey which is not a bad co-author not bad called build the life you want um just an amazing voice out in the world you do something very unique you teach happiness yeah science of Happiness the science of Happiness which God help us we need it right yeah the world I mean it's you look at the data on the you know what's been going on in the States and around the world we've been ticken down in happiness since about 1990 as a matter of fact and it's free Fallen it's you know I dedicated my the rest of my life to lifting people up them and bringing them together in bonds of happiness and love using science as a scientist because that's what the world needs most okay so I want to know from that scientific perspective because we you can have the motivational quotes you can have the Gratitude Journal like right all this stuff but for real in science what do you what what what do you what have you found because everything you've written about but like what are some of the things that you're you see that just mind-blowing cuz it has to be where you actually see science and emotion all come together yeah no it's it's an incredible field my mind is getting blown continuously I read a column every Thursday in the Atlantic about the signs of happiness and I've done 204 columns and I'm just getting started still there is so much about it there's so much to write about it but when I have you know if I get an elevator ride with somebody they're like what's the secret I better have something to say here it is the habits of the happiest people come out to four things faith family friends and work serving others and this this is not influencer mumbo jumbo this you're a Harvard scientist right this is based on this is this is this is my Behavioral Science Background the last 30 years since I got my PhD say it again Faith Family friendship and meaningful work which means that you're serving others okay that's what it is so walk walk through some of those real quick so Faith what does that mean people of faith is it because there is something higher than the there's something bigger than them it's not just about them on this earth right and and I'm not saying my faith I'm a Christian it's most literally the most thing in my life yeah but I will say as a scientist I won't say who's right but I will say as a scientist what you need from faith is something Transcendent to you what that means is Mother Nature will put you in the Psycho Drama of your life where you're the star and it's awful cuz Mother Nature doesn't care if you're happy yeah she wants you to focus on me me me me me all day long you need to get little and make the universe big now and faith is the single best way to do it and the more you focus on it and practice it every day it doesn't feel natural at first but I'm telling you it's the game changer so good that's number one higher power number one number two is is family and people Define it differently in different ways and and and John and I know the neurobiology of how oxytocin links you with your K because we're a bunch of nerds but it really comes down to this if you're walking away from your family or you're letting anything besides abuse put a Schism in your family you're ruining your happiness and theirs two people one in six Americans is not talking to a family member today because of politics it's Insanity so we're letting all these things completely drive a wedge into one of the four pillars of our Happ for sure politicians want us to do that the media wants us to do that look when you're walking away from your family somebody's profiting and it's not you that's the bottom line and no matter how much you think you're winning it's coming at a cost you're losing you're you're losing because it's a bad proposition you're you're basically you're it's the stuff that you guys talk about but in The Ledger of Happiness when it comes down to bad investment third is friendship now we're at a the lowest point in friendship that we've seen since we've been keeping records loneliness is higher than it's ever been in the United States but we're around people all the time what's the deal and the answer is that that we're mediating our relationships with electronics this is a problem social media relationships are not real relationships you a lot of people I I deal with a lot of people really really successful and they say I'm so lonely even though I'm I'm I'm with people all day long and I say well that's a problem you don't have any real friends you just have deal friends you know and everybody knows the difference between real and deal but with young people it's real virtual M so social media won't get it done it just won't if it's going through a screen you're not going to get the brain chemistry that you need and and if you want to know whether or not you got enough of this going on if you're finding that you're feeling lonely despite having a lot of conversations with people then you're doing the conversations wrong I was going to say because the content of the Friendship is what's key there right the vulnerability the honesty being known at a deep level and also the contact the method of contact eye contact to the in person yeah okay so tell me this I'm going to yeah work tell myself I'm going to tell them myself real quick cuz I'm curious what you think about this but so Marco Polo is an app it's a video app and so there's me and three girlfriends and we keep up I mean almost every day like when I come home from work I they'll kind of chime in because we're all over right um we're not all in the same city can we have that same connection if our conversations are are good and we're knowing what's going on and we're checking in and asking questions and all it I mean I know it's not as right fruitful as like a backtack person yeah go ahead tell me about that yeah say so self here's kind of here's what's going on in your brain okay so you have a a a neuropeptide a hormone in your brain that's intensely pleasurable called oxytocin you know the biggest amount that you get is when you lay eyes on your newborn infant and it's like the Fourth of July inside your head totally right now we have this because we're supposed to be linked to our people and they're supposed to be linked to us so when you're lonely won't be able to sleep you won't it's like things are messed up you you feel out of sorts you're feeling restless all the time the reason is because you have a deficit of oxytocin and the monkey's on your back it's like you're a an addict and can't get what you want is the way that that works okay so all of these mediated ways to deal with people look we have a place to scene brain we have caveman brain I mean we have not evolved our brains over 250,000 years we're made to be connected to our kin CU we're we're built we're kin based hierarchical tropical species that's what homo sapiens right now we can we can we can you know there all sorts of ways that we can change that like invent coats so we don't have to live in tropical places right right we're still kin based so interesting and we link to each other neurobiologically through this hormone so inperson I contact and touch that's best below that is anything that gets you closer to that particular experience Zoom is terrible Zoom is terrible Twinkies right Zoom is like getting well actually the worst in social media because they're not even there so Zoom is like getting all of your meals through fast food it's the junk food of social life you'll become obese and malish simultaneous Qui can I ask one question yeah yeah this has been haunting me and you and I were talking about this earlier there is data on the psychology of debt yes we Dave has been talking about this for 30 years the borrow slave lender that's from scripture but there is now like like there's data that suggests we got it we we know how money and happiness are related okay we got we got like a minute talk to us grandma says that money doesn't bring happiness she's right but money at low levels can eliminate sources of unhappiness unless you spend the money wrong there's five ways to spend your money okay buy stuff buy experiences with the people you love buy time and spend it with the people that you love give it away and save it it turns out the one thing that your neurobiology wants you to do which is go by stuff is the one thing that doesn't buy happiness wow the other four will will huh now it depends on where you are if you're actually at the bottom and you're trying to make your way the thing the best way that you can actually bring happiness to your life is save your money because you're making progress there's there's a ton of psychology behind this and by the way going into debt especially for Consumer things will reliably make you miserable that's not just Dave having fun and being angry y this is this is happiness science my friends oh yeah know it's changed my life and has helped me to give better advice to people at all different stations in life and different economics circumstances because I can say this to people I can say look I got the data on this and by the way if you're really really rich God Bless you that's wonderful I'm so happy for you under the circumstances but that means you have to still spend your money the right way getting a fifth Ferrari is not the right thing to do experiences with people that you love philanthropy these are the ways for you to buy your happiness don't buy like you're not going you can say you're not going to be on your death bed saying I wish I'd bought more crap that's right but you're going to say wish take fishing trip with my buddies I wish I had actually spent more time with the people that I love and I wish I'd supported the causes about which I'm passionate so good my go one of my absolute Heroes Dr Arthur Brook yeah so you guys check out his book build the life you want thank you so much I wish we had like the whole hour with you thank you thank you so much create your free every doll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life