My Husband Won't Stay With Me Unless I Sign A Postnup

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. My husband and I are separated, and I want to work on the relationship, but he says he'll only work on things if I sign a post-nup. We already have a pre-nup. I think this is insulting and indicates he's not really committed. I need some guidance. What's the conditions of this? What is he wanting out of this? Well, he wants the business to be completely separate. We're self-employed. We have a construction business. So you're both in business together. So, yes, we're both on the LLC and we have joint accounts, yes. But his separate property started the business. So he started the business? And so he's wanting full ownership of that? Well, the business started after we were married, but his separate property went into starting the business. Okay, so one of his assets was used to start the business. And so he's saying, does he just want that asset or does he want the whole business as part of the postnup? The whole business. Did something happen in the business that was part of the separation that he doesn't trust you for some reason? No. So he just wants it in order to get back with you. Right. That's a very odd bargaining chip. He thinks that it protects his life insurance because the business has had losses and gains over the years, and that initial investment has—we don't know where that initial investment is now. How much was it? Do you remember? The initial investment was about $1 million. Okay, and how much is the business worth today? About $3.5. Well, that makes no sense. You said the business was started after you guys were married and you've been contributing every step of the way um, not Not physically working, but um, I do the books and okay, I would call that a contribution. Yeah, do you guys have kids? Yes. Yeah, and are you home with them most of the time and doing the books? Yes. Yeah, so I see this business as an asset in the marriage and I mean And even the way we talk about prenups to people that if there's a prenup and there's because there's a big difference in a financial standing with each other, even the one we kind of all lean toward, I think, is that whatever you bring into the marriage is yours if something were to happen. But everything you build from that point on, if you say, I do then, is considered- Co-mingled. Yeah, it's a marital joint right at that point. And so this business would be that. So signing something away that gives you nothing at the end of this, Leah, I feel weird. That feels wildly unfair. What other assets do you guys have besides this business? How much money do you guys have? So the majority of the assets are all in the business. It's not cash. So it leaves you with nothing, essentially. Yeah, what caused the separation in the first place? um verbal and emotional abuse i'm assuming from his end to you yes and what's causing you to want to go back um the children how old are the kids um we've got two and seven and ten um are you seeing a good counselor or therapist through this process Yes. Okay. And what is she saying? She's saying that I need to look towards the future and taking care of the children. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. His language already with you guys getting back together feels very wrong, which would put him in that category of what abuse feels like. It's a power move. This is another manipulation tactic right here. Yes. Is dangling this thing over you. And we, I mean, I can't even imagine being in your position with these kids and how badly you want what you thought you were building a life towards and you want that life back. But, I mean, I've heard our friend Dr. John Zaloni talk about all the time that, you know, the reality you're in now, there's a true moment you just have to grieve of what you wanted is not and for your safety Leah and for the well-being of you as a as a whole human being doesn't feel like you can live a great life with a man who is an abuser and he doesn't sound like he's willing to change yeah i don't think him getting this business fixes your marriage that's my big hang if anything it's a bigger red flag to me it's one thing if he's just overly remorseful and is like i will do anything to get you back and do you know what i mean but the fact that he's already thrown a postnup, which I don't have really even heard of, and the only asset that you guys have in your livelihood, that he's not even willing to give you that. I think he's telling you something without actually saying it. Okay. Have you talked to your own family law attorney? Not much. A little bit, yes. And it's yours personally, not his? Correct. Okay. I would find out what this business is actually worth and what your legal claim to it already is, independent of what he's offering. I don't want you to rush into this trying to save the marriage and then it still doesn't work out and you have nothing. That's a very scary proposition. Yeah. And I would want to know if you go the opposite direction, Leah, and you end up filing for divorce from this man, what your legal standing is with this business to create a life for you. Because I don't think none of us can, I can't in good faith sit behind this microphone and tell you to walk back into a marriage with a man that treats you like that. You can't do that. it's not worth it and and the and the and I understand for the kids sake but it actually creates a worse environment and setting them up to show a picture of what they should expect in marriage and you know that that is not what they should expect you want better for your kids yeah yeah so I I'm so sorry I just can't in good faith tell you to go forward with that I just can't and how heartbreaking that is and I know I can say that and then we move on and you have to live with the repercussions of it but i think you in five years are in a much healthier better spot than living under the roof with a man who's abusive you just can't um there's no there's there's no alternative to that and those kids are they can see it they know what's going on in the house even at two seven and ten they're they're emotionally taking this all in and so for your own sake, Leah, I would go to safety. I would talk to the lawyer. And it doesn't sound like on the other side of his postnup is this beautiful, perfect marriage all of a sudden. I've just never seen it work that way. And based on everything you said, he hasn't changed. That's the scariest part. So I wish you the best. So sorry, Leah. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.