Step 1: Get Out of This Marriage

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today hi so my question is do I sell my home to get out of debt and a bad man maybe wow tell us more yeah so um I got married less than a year ago I didn't know I was gonna be emotional I got married less than a year ago and I came to the marriage with debt okay um I have about $91,000 of debt that is not including the home my home is worth um about $180,000 positive so I have 180 in equity okay um my marriage has gotten progressively more toxic to the point of uh verbal threats of harm um it's already been emotionally and verbally abusive but now there are threats of harm so my question is would it be a good idea to sell my home to start over from scratch financi and to get out of this Mar well let's start with the most important thing first which is getting into a safe place and out of this marriage that's that's thing number one do you have a plan in place that you're able to put into action immediately there somewhere I could go I could always go to my mom's house we live together um I could always go to my mom's house I don't I don't have have a plan I'm just confused at this point I I do think you need to go to your mom's house because any man that would make a threat to physically harm you you can't stay there tonight right yeah and I'm sorry I'm so I'm so so so so sorry this was not what you pictured when you said I do no one pictures that right no okay deep breath for both of us all right you're going to Mom's house tonight and we're going to come up with a plan that you can move out be on your own and feel like you have some confidence yes yeah okay so let's talk about what you're earning what what are you bringing in um every month um a little as 6,000 I'm in commissions I get paid commissions so as little as 6,000 as much as 10 okay six to 10 what do you do Car Sales M okay good job all right so can you kind of go through this $91,000 of debt with me just so I can get a handle on what it is can you kind of itemize it for me yeah so around 50,000 in student loans about um 10,000 in a personal loan uh 20 okay 50 student loans 10,000 personal loans $6,000 on a car okay and um 25 on um credit cards okay 25,000 or 25 200,000 thousand okay um yeah haven't made great choices on is this in your name or his name both of your names this is that I bought okay and do you guys currently share your finances like are you sharing bank accounts are you sharing that sort of thing not anymore um we tried the financial pieace University as soon as it came time to put it in act he immediately put our joint account in the negative so I don't contribute to that account anymore okay so for all intents and purposes you're separate yes okay um um okay so tell me about the living situation are you guys renters do you own a house together tell me about that he owns an own home which he's renting out and I own my own home that we live in which is the one you told us you had the equity in all right okay so it's your home um yeah so you can you can it's as when I say it's as easy it's not easy but you can ask him to move out right okay okay so head back around this okay so what about savings do you have any savings no I'm in a financial distress which I haven't experienced since I was very young okay um and to be married and experiencing it now was crazy are you behind on anything no okay no I had to think about that for a second now everything's Cur okay that's a good place so the good news is the good news is in this way you're not really beholding to anybody you're not dependent in in the way that this is his house or you're you know you have a level of Independence here that's in this case good um and at this point really it's just if you're talking about the financial side it's you walking the baby steps like anybody else uh the good news is I think you have a good income you know obviously it's better when you make 10,000 in a month uh but there might be the situation where you can add to that inside hustles do you have any children or do you guys have any kids together no kids together I have a child in college and I'm paying for him to breathe okay okay but no no little kids nobody at home that needs your time so for you the name of the game I mean it's twofold just like we would tell anybody else we're looking for ways to get the income up whether that's you side hustling maybe you can take on more uh time at the dealership whatever that looks like that makes sense for you and then it's bringing the in expenses down um so that's what we're looking at and at the end of the day we're taking these debts smallest to largest right Ken I mean $66,000 car first yeah absolutely so you get some momentum but I I think in conjunction with with what's going on here I think because you own the home that you guys are currently living in um I think we got to play serious play serious with this guy and I think you have to say you're never going to threaten me again or I'm calling the authorities I'm going to my mom's house uh until you move out and this can all be pressed pause on if you agree to go to counseling uh but but at this point when a man threatens you uh I I think he's gone way too far and I would call him out on it and say never again uh you made your last threat now if you want to go get some therapy and you want to we we can sit down with a professional where you feel safe um but I agree with what Jade said but I I would let him know that I'm moving to protect myself and I'm giving you x amount of days to get all your stuff out and uh the next time I see you will be in divorce proceedings um unless you're willing to sit down and and try to rescue this marriage cuz I always love the idea of let's try that we'll see if this guy's the real deal when you come to that but I think at this point you have to play hard ball with him and say this is my home I'm in debt as you said I'm in financial distress so in this case Jade uh answering the initial question I don't think you have to sell this house but I think that if this house represents a lot of pain and this thing does go the routes of divorce it might not be a bad idea to sell it start fresh anyway so you have some good mojo in the next house as you get healthy but not neither one of us are saying you have to sell this house you make pretty good money yeah and I think Jade's right I think if you just get serious um and take care of yourself and this is part of it I think you can walk this out and you make really good money I think you have some extra motivation right now to sell as many cars as possible so and hey don't keep this a secret um a lot of people would keep this a secret make sure you get some good girlfriends around you this is the time if you got Brothers call up your brothers call up your dad call up your grandfather call up your pastor These are times where you don't you let people know what's going on and that you need help and that you need people around you and let them help you and be there with you when you confront this person for the first time yeah thank you so much for the call create your free every doll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life