어릴 때 부모에게 사랑받지 못 한 사람들, 90%가 '이런 어른'이 됩니다. (최명기 원장 2부)

People who have the memory of being in love are likely to be living a positive and good life even now. But when we watch movies, there are many strong characters because they didn't have parents and weren't loved. It doesn't make sense. For example, someone said that he was 3, 4, 7 years old, but he was slapped by his father and mother even though he was in his mid-20s. I always grew up thinking that I wasn't loved. And I find the reason why the relationship was broken in my past that I wasn't loved. So, the person who has a perfect memory of not being loved is a person who has a perfect memory of not being loved. For example, a child is very dependent. So, you have to take care of your parents one by one to feel comfortable and good. If you meet a parent who takes care of you one by one and a dependent child, you will get along well. In addition, parents take care of them one by one, and children are very kind, so whenever parents take care of them, they become a completely harmonious relationship that we think. But parents like to take care of them one by one. Children are independent, so they have to do it themselves. Then every time parents try to help them, they say, Don't do it. Please don't do it. When parents buy clothes for them, they hang it in the back and wear it themselves. Then the parents say, Hey, why don't you wear the clothes I bought you? Why do you only wear weird things? Then this side says, My parents have always interfered with me since I was young. If this happens, it will change. But some parents are very independent. So I think children should do everything on their own. If you have an independent parent and an independent child, and if both are cool, you will think like this later. My parents were very cool. I think my parents raised me independently, so I became an independent and great person. But I'm dependent, but I meet independent parents. My parents didn't care about me. There are also cases like this. Parents are rational, but children are emotional. Then the child comes crying because of something upsetting. What the child wants is, Oh, what happened? I want them to hug and empathize with me. But that's not it. Rational parents bite each other like this. Children don't like that. That's why it doesn't fit. It may be weak because it grew up without being loved. When we watch a movie, there are characters that we see a lot in the movie. There are very strong characters because they didn't have parents and they weren't loved. When we see those characters in the movie, we empathize. That's right. He became so strong to survive alone. But in reality, what do you think? I'm so weak because I'm not loved. It doesn't make sense. That's why I'm so weak right now. I've been weak since I was a kid because I wasn't loved. I've been weak. I'm not filled with the love people give me in reality. My heart is looking for love in the past. I'm looking for love in the future. When I think about the past, The love I want is not found in my past memories. So you get out of weakness. Then you don't look for love in the past. If I always thought I wasn't loved, I grew up. But I meet a man who really loves me and a woman who loves me. Then while the relationship is happy, I forget that I wasn't loved by my parents. But the relationship breaks. Then I think about not being loved again. And then I find the reason why the relationship is broken. I'm looking for it in the past when I wasn't loved. But on the contrary, I'm going to meet him. I didn't meet him because I didn't know how to love. People who have memories of being in love. In general, it's positive even now. There's a high possibility that you're living a good life. That's why I'm talking about other people. There's a high possibility that you'll react well. People who are overwhelmed by memories of not being loved. In a way, bad memories are pushed out by good memories. If you enjoy watching movies all day today, If you spend time with your loved ones, If you eat deliciously and go to bed as soon as you get home, You don't have time to think about your past in a happy and unhappy time. But the fact that my bad memories come to mind means that my present is broken. If I'm in a state where I can't do anything, I only think about the most unhappy times in the past. So the memory of not being loved. The person who is perfectly occupying my brain right now. I have no choice but to be negative about others. I have no choice but to be negative about myself. I have no choice but to be helpless. I have no choice but to be desperate. I'm having a good time every day now. So I don't think about the scars of my childhood. It's a lot of happy time. And whether it's true or not, I believe that the scars of my childhood don't affect my life. If you think that the scars of your childhood affect your life, Your life won't change until you die. Rather, the truth is that the scars of childhood are real. In order to get rid of the scars of childhood, It's reasonable to think that the scars of childhood can't be the cause of my present. This is the best way that many children want. Parents help me to be independent. But there's no end to this help. In other words, I want to be independent from my parents, so I pay for my education. I want to be independent from my parents, so I ask them to pay for my office. And I want to be independent from my parents and get married. And I ask my parents to pay for my marriage insurance. There's no end to our desire for help. But parents think they have the right to interfere because they helped them. Because I pay for your college tuition, I think I have the right to decide what department you will go to. Because I pay for the cost of living alone, I think I have the right to decide where to live. When I get married, I get help from my parents for my marriage. When I get married, I think my parents have the right to participate in my marriage. But I can't say no to them. My parents buy me a house. These days, there's a lot of controversy on the Internet. My mother-in-law pressed the password and came home without us. How can this be? But it turns out that my mother-in-law bought me that house. So my mother-in-law thinks that my house is in front of her. Then we have a conflict. Should I live in the 60-pyeong area that my mother-in-law bought me? Or should I move to the 15-pyeong area without my mother-in-law's help to be confident? But people want to live in the 60-pyeong area and not be interfered by their mother-in-law or parents. So the more we get financial help, the less we can do psychologically and the less we can do psychologically. Once upon a time, there was an idol on TV. The idol was having a hard time practicing, so he was resting. So someone came and said, If you die, you'll lie down and rest all the time. Get up and practice. And then he remembered that and practiced harder. But on the other hand, I thought he wouldn't be able to succeed because he just took a break. You're having a hard time. You're practicing hard. I wonder what would have happened if I had complimented him. Usually, the success and failure of a person is often dependent on that person's ability. But who gets scolded and who gets hurt first? I say this a lot. Many parents are worried that scolding at the age of three or four will affect their children for the rest of their lives. Of course, it's not a child abuse that causes a lot of pain, but many of us forget that we were scolded by our mother when we were young. If you ask me what kind of people I remember, I get scolded when I'm six, when I'm seven, when I'm ten, and when I'm twenty. I remember it all in a row when I was young. Because I was scolded every day. For example, if someone is three, four, seven years old and is in his mid-twenties, but he was slapped by his father and mother, then he will continue to remember. But in fact, I was punished and scolded by my parents. If you stop at the age of nine, you can't remember most of it, and you can only remember it as a fact, but you don't have any feelings left. But many parents are confused when they were young, and they've been scolding me since I was in middle school. It's not a curse, but it's not just a game, it's not just a game, it's a study. But you get scolded by your parents once. I can't do anything for a week because I think I've been scolded. If I hadn't been scolded then, I would have studied more during that week. Parents say that if they get scolded and go in and play games, their children don't think about anything, but the reason why they get scolded and go in and play games alone is because they get scolded, they get angry, they just play games, and they can't study. Similarly, I think it is a sign of self-reconciliation of those who are abused. As a result, abusers bully the weak and try to wrap it up as a reality. That's why I have to forget the memory of being loved, ignored, joked, or hurt, and I have to get rid of the feeling of humiliation at that time. Of course, there are people like that, but I personally don't want to recommend it. It means this. If you think that your parents acted like that even though they couldn't, that's a morally and ethically wrong decision. Then you will continue to remember me as an unfair victim. But my parents may be more moral, human, and ethical than I am. The reason why my parents acted like this to me at that time is because my parents were really bad people, and there was no better way to do it than that. But that doesn't mean I should forgive them. After that, I remember it as an objective pain. What it means is that it's raining in the sky, and there's a storm, and my house is gone. But the house collapsed because of the storm, and it turned out that the next door neighbor went and locked the water pump to break down my house. How much more angry do you get? You blame the next door neighbor. In the end, we accept that natural disasters are inevitable, so our anger at natural disasters is reduced. But the more we think of natural disasters as human errors, the more angry we get. And when we find out that the human error was a malicious act to harm me, we get angrier. It's the same. If you accept that the actions of your parents were the limits of your parents, it becomes objective, so I think it's a little better to get out of it. If there's someone who loves you, you'll regain your confidence. You don't have to be rational to love someone. Your self-esteem doesn't go up by itself, it's usually raised by others. Everyone around me likes me. So no matter how much my parents hated me when I was young, my self-esteem goes up by saying that I'm a good person. And there's an idiom. One child's parents were all Nobel Prize winners. But by chance, he was adopted by a gang in Harlem. So he's been studying since he was a kid. He was scolded a lot. What are you doing doing this? And then I told him to go steal and look at the net. I told him to look at the net, but he was scared, so he couldn't even look at the net properly. And then he went to an orphanage. He studied hard from there. So later he became a professor. As a result, when he was young, he was scolded by his parents for being honest and working hard to achieve something. His self-esteem went down. But his parents scolded him. His morality leads him to success. His self-esteem goes up. So no matter what we are, if we are recognized by what we are good at, our self-esteem goes up. But there's something more important than that. You have to avoid the object that drops your self-esteem. Even if all my friends say I'm great, as soon as I get home, my parents scold me for being incompetent. Then as long as I live with my parents, my self-esteem goes up during the day and drops at night. My parents don't scold me, but my parents fight two or three times a week. When I go home and hear my parents fighting, my self-esteem goes down. But no matter how much I tell my parents, they don't change. In that case, my self-esteem will go up when I'm away from my parents. In order to do that, I need to have at least economic support for my independence. It's the same when you're in love. If you cling to someone who hates you and continue to love, your self-esteem will continue to drop. You break up with that person. Then you meet someone who likes you and supports you. Your self-esteem goes up. That's not about the growth process of childhood. It's because some of the characteristics of childhood are maintained to the end. For example, there's a term called social inequality. They're people who feel strange and hard when they're with people. But when I look at them, when I was a kid, I liked to be alone and unfamiliar with people in kindergarten and elementary school. In the case of such a person, his personality continues when he is young. He was afraid of his parents. Then I think of him. When I was young, my parents were afraid of me. I was intimidated because I was scared. I think it's the same when I get older. But on the contrary, there's a theory. The essential nature we have is not when we were young. There is a theory that it is developed after the age of 30. Some people are born with genetic factors that can cause alcoholism. That's why he's a very nice kid until he's 15 years old and can't drink. But as he drinks, he changes. That's why his nature is not when he was young, but after he was 15 years old. There are also cases like this. Some people have a nature that can be introverted. But when he was young, he was so active that he only liked exciting and fun things. Then when he gets older, he'll sink like this. That's an introverted nature. So there's a statistic like this. People who were diagnosed with alcoholism when they were young. In order to be diagnosed with alcoholism, it's not as bad as we usually think. You have to run away from home, you have to hurt someone with your fist, you have to damage property. When we reach the level where legal problems almost occur, we are diagnosed with alcoholism. Then, how many people are diagnosed with alcoholism when they are young? It's less than 30%. In some countries, some statistics are 15%, 20%. The rest of the seven people change as they grow up. As the impulsiveness decreases. That's why the environment can act as an absolute factor. In fact, the factors that affect the environment can have a greater impact on your instincts than the environment. So there are people like this. When he was young, he was very, very scared. But as he gets older, his brain gets better and better. For example, when we compare a person with an IQ of 150 in the first grade of elementary school and a person with an IQ of 110 in the third grade of high school. Of course, a person with an IQ of 110 in the third grade of high school is smarter. So when he was young, he lacked the ability to judge situations. When he was four or five years old, he was always scared of people. But when he was in the sixth grade of elementary school, he was in the first grade of middle school. Then there are people who are suddenly fearless. So when you look at it all the time, the factors that affect the environment have indispensable factors in what kind of person we are. In fact, it doesn't affect what kind of person we are. But if I had a painful childhood, The pain in my heart can sometimes affect me painfully. Also, if I only have very happy memories in my heart, Sometimes I have a good memory when I'm having a hard time, and I can get a little reward. The personality and values ​​formed when you were young do not change easily in terms of personality. But it changes easily in a bad way. For example, when I was young, I used to keep my promises well. But when I got older, I became an alcoholic. Then I can't keep my promises. And when I was young, everything was fun and exciting. But as we get older, we tend to be less and less impulsive. We have to be patient with boredom. But if you don't get rid of your impulsiveness when you're young, Even when you get older, you're still bright and bright when you're young. It's not easy to change your personality to a good one. But as we get older, we have wisdom. In the end, we have a problem with someone's personality. It's a one-way street. Because when the water boils, it becomes 100 degrees. If you stop at 99 degrees, the water won't boil. Even if my personality doesn't change, The advantage of my personality is that it raises the temperature by 2-3 degrees. It's a good thing. The advantage of my personality is that it raises the temperature by 2-3 degrees. The disadvantage of my personality is that it lowers the temperature by 2-3 degrees. I'm trying to make my life a little more harmonious. It's possible in terms of personality. But there's a limit to that. I'm an introvert. I'm suddenly an extrovert. I go to a lot of meetings. I can't be like this. What do I do? I'm a one-way street player. To do something that's 10,000 meters, I have to run 100 times at 100 meters. He can run 50 times at 200 meters. It's hard to have the patience to run 10,000 meters at once. But as I said earlier, It can change to the bad side. We have to be careful about everything so that it doesn't get worse. For example, changing our personality the most. As I said earlier, alcohol. Another thing that changes your personality is surprisingly healthy. When I get sick, My personality changes. And if you're an extrovert, When I'm rich and relaxed, I have a good personality. Showing off to others. But when I get poor and tired, I'm intimidated by what others think of me. Then, in the case of him, Maintaining one's wealth and power It's about having a good personality. So I think I'm trying not to change badly. The part that corresponds to values It can change a little bit. But it depends on your values. It's going to change a little bit. But the premise of that value is If we have a conflict with someone, If we fight because of values, We think we fought because of values. Actually, it's not that. It's because of the personality that makes him fight. Even if we have different values, We're both scared and warm-hearted. We have different values, but we don't fight with each other. We give up each other's values to continue our friendship. But we're both revengeful and fearless. Then, if the values are different, It's going to go all the way to the end. So the human values As society changes, It's changing little by little. In the case of Korea, In the old days, there had to be one son. It was a value. But now the values have changed. You have to get married in the old days. Now the values are changing. So if the whole society changes, Because I live in that society, It's possible to change the values to some extent. But the difference in values The personality that leads to the fight It's very hard to change. So it's not about fighting for values. Because of his aggressiveness. We have to recognize that we're fighting. A lot of people are aggressive. Because I want to deny that I'm fighting. I'm fighting to protect my values. I'm wrapping it up.