What I’ve Learned About Money, Motherhood, & Men

Okay, so you guys have heard my music. You've seen my TV shows, movies. Sometimes I was acting, sometimes I wasn't. But this channel is about bringing you guys into my real world. Everything Toya. Me being in a vulnerable, transparent place with you guys. I want you to know that I go through some of the same stuff y'all go through. Do you hear me? It's real over here. And I just wanna share with y'all. So in this episode, what better way to introduce you to Toya, who Toya really is, than to tell you about some of the lessons I've learned. Today we're gonna talk life lessons. Starting with money, motherhood, and me. When it comes to money, what I didn't know ended up hurting me in the long run. I lived in a very middle class family. My mom wasn't a huge spender, but my dad was. He wanted the Rolex, he wanted the this, the that. And I don't know if there was really a budget involved, you know, per se. I was well taken care of. Didn't want or need for anything. But I do know that my dad was a big spender and I think I got the itch. I think I inherited that. And I was not good with money at all. And I was, I earned it at a very young age. So, yeah. Ooh, one of my brokest moments. Happened when I was younger. You know, I'd worked professionally at a very young age. After that experience, pockets was ashy, okay? Just dried up. And I found myself wanting a taquito from Whataburger here in Houston. I think it was like a dollar for two. Or it was like, I mean, not even five bucks. So I was like, okay, let me, let me get that. So I rolled up to the window. And it's crazy because our song was like playing on the radio. It's just, this is a moment. She gave me the total, had my bag, I already had the food, you know, in the car. And she told me how much it was. And I was like, did I, maybe something in the cup holder. Babe, I couldn't scrap folk quarters. You hear me? Folk quarters. The song on the radio, but I ain't got folk quarters. All right? The lady looked at me and what a sweetheart. She was like, baby, I got it. Don't worry about it. Enjoy your breakfast. And I was so embarrassed. And I said at that very moment, I would never be broke again. Never. I knew I wasn't lacking the work ethic. I'd been working for a very, very long time. I just learned in that moment to make sure my business was on point and covered at all times and protected. One. Two. To manage my money a lot better. And that's probably a lesson I'm still learning. Yeah. But I've gotten a lot better. I used to be the girl that when they gave like the $25 per dim, baby, I'd go to my favorite store and run that $25 all the way up. Didn't have nothing to eat for the rest of the week. You know a per dim is supposed to pay for your food and you know, your toiletries and your necessity, all the things. No, baby, I went to my stove. I got my things. And within the rest of the week, I was looking just about as stupid. Like, okay, how I'm gonna eat? When some of my other friends were, you know, work partners were like stashing they $25 and saving it and then adding it up. And that was not my story. Budget. Budget is almost like a curse word to me. When somebody said it just makes my back and my neck, it's uncomfortable. I like all the things, okay? I like my jewelry. I like my watches. I like my rings. I like the hot fashion, whatever. Shopping, it brings me joy. It's retail therapy. It's my vice. Okay? See, the enemy is in online shopping. So one time I got too excited on one of them little sites and I remember just buying up stuff. And in my mind, I was like, oh, cause I got this to do and that to do and I need an outfit for that. And I need some shoes for that. Oh, and that bag, cause that's gonna happen. I'm gonna kill him when I step out of that. And then I remembered, your taxes is due. So I quickly had to go and make some returns. It stung a bit, but I don't want no problems with Uncle Sam, but I'll tell you what I don't. That outfit wasn't gonna wear that outfit to court, to jail. No, we're not doing that. I don't play with Uncle Sam. He don't get his bag. I'm gonna let him have it. Okay? So I had to put my bag back and be a responsible adult. My mom and some of my friends and my accountants are like, you need a spreadsheet. For what? What am I gonna spread? What? Why do I need that? But I found that they are so helpful having those spreadsheets and seeing things. Cause when you see it on the spreadsheet, it's like all there in your face and you see like, oh my God, I spent what on what? Or I need that to pay what? Okay, y'all, hold on, wait. So I don't want y'all to feel like I ain't learned nothing. I learned something, like one thing, right? Outside of the spreadsheet, I learned that there is of course a difference between establishing business credit and personal credit. See, part of the reason why I got a credit card, which they should just never have given that to me and they gave me four of them, and I got good credit cause of it. So don't let me sit here and fool y'all like I got bad credit, cause I got good credit, baby. Okay, this ain't one over here. They proving me for everything. Okay? They proving me for you. Okay? You want to get approved, huh? You want to, you need a co-signer. So I had got a credit card thinking, oh, you know, when it comes time for me to buy a house and all these different things, I'm gonna just swipe away and I'm gonna, you know how you come in, I'm just gonna buy gas with it and groceries and make sure I paid on time. No, baby, I was at all the major department stores, running it up. And then when it came time for me to make a major purchase, they was like, this was your personal credit. Your personal, that you did all that, all that fun and carrying on, on your business credit. But we can't use your business credit when you buying a house or anything else. Okay? It was your personal credit. I ain't had nothing on that personal credit. Cause I was paying cash, which I thought was a good thing. Here, run it up. Boom, boom, boom. Nothing happened. Crickets. Okay? Crickets when it came to my personal credit. Okay? There was nothing there. So I had to go through months of establishing my personal credit so that I could make this major purchase that I needed to make. So kid, okay? Get your credit together because it will come back to haunt you. Okay, y'all. So we talked about money. All right? Lord knows I'm still working. He's still working on me. Okay? I wanna know how you handle your money. Let me see it in the comments below. Have I learned about being at this stage? Are we going? I ain't learned nothing. I still don't understand them. They are different species that I don't care. Actually, I love them. I love love. Love is so amazing. I want a good guy, you know? Like I want to fall in love and like do the things and just, you know, have the pictures, make reels with him. I want a reel with a boo, you know? We're doing it, you know, over the time. Oh, look, when we first started dating and now we're, look, oh, here's the baby. You know, all the stuff. Men can suck. I think women suck too. Men can really just not, we don't understand each other. And I have a brother. I should understand men, right? I shouldn't, I talk to him. I don't understand him sometimes. You gotta like speak the male language and it's really simple. That's what I'm learning. It's like, you gotta do like five things all the time. And if you slip up on one of those five things, they're like, you forgot about that. And you're like, bruh, it was one time. You know what I mean? What are the five things? You have to like listen and be understanding. You have to be patient. You have to cook a meal, not make a reservation. A meal or two. Some men don't care about that. Some men are like, baby, let's go. I don't care that you can't cook. Like we can go and have, you know, do a little restaurant, but sometimes just get up and scramble some eggs. It's not that, you know. Pop a can of tuna. I don't know. Peanut butter jelly. I'll stop there. You have to be like their piece or whatever. You have to be loyal. Oh, I know. They wanna smash at all times. How deep are we going with this conversation here? Like they just wanna be able to run into something. You know what I'm saying? So you always gotta be the person that, you know, they wanna run into. My motherhood journey did not turn out to be what I thought it was gonna be, but how I'd always pictured it to be. I am divorced. There are a lot of really not cool things that come with divorce, like being away from your kids. It is very tough to not be up under the same roof with your children every day. To miss holidays, to miss moments. Yeah, that's tough. I don't care what vacation you take, what outfit you buy, what man you have. It's nothing like not having a certain amount of access to your kids or walking into your house and just looking at toys and counting down the days till you see them again. It ain't nothing sexy about that. So the picture perfect vision that I had for being a mom was interrupted. And I just have to have faith that it'll all work out and that they'll be okay, and that it won't affect them too bad. I want them to be their own person. I don't want them to be followers. I want them to be leaders and very sure of themselves. I want my daughter to know she's beautiful. I want my daughter to know she's enough. I want my daughter to know that she is unstoppable, she's capable of having it all, and that she's special. And I want my son to know he's strong. I want him to know he's vulnerable. He can be vulnerable, that it's okay to cry, that he doesn't have to be tough all the time, that he is enough. I want him to know that, that they're smart, and that mommy always won't be here, but y'all really don't belong to me. Y'all belong to God anyway. So I'm just here to guide you through life as best I can and put people around you that are gonna help me do that. Oh, here's one major thing I learned. Ladies, we know we got this. Or fellas, we know when we're in a relationship, we're in a conversation, right? And then it's that little voice in your head saying, don't say that, don't say that, don't, just don't say that. Just wait, walk out the room, be quiet, shut up. And then you like, no, they need to hear it. Like, no, seriously, I need to get my glass. They don't understand if I say this one time. Listen to this one. I'm not saying don't voice your opinion on things and don't stand up for yourself. But if you know for a fact that what you about to say is going to start an argument or take y'all down the rabbit hole, shut up. Just be quiet. They don't need all that information. Write it in a letter, a text, I don't know. But take a beat before you start, before you start World War III, okay? Just take a beat. Don't be reactive. That's the other thing, ladies. Don't be as reactive. We can be reactive with our girlfriends and do this, but they don't react well to reactiveness. Is that a word? I don't know. Oh my God, this is exhausting. Why are we asking this question? Okay. It is so heartbreaking. I remember this one time I was single and there was this website and it was like, what's wrong with Latoya Luckett? She's so pretty. She has these things going on for herself, but she can't keep a man. First of all, let me be very clear about something. It's not about keeping a man. It's about if they don't act right, I'm out, period. It's not about me losing. It's about me getting rid of. Let's just clear that up. You could tell I was hurt by that, huh? I could tell I was. But now, see, I'm letting you guys in. I wouldn't have said that on my social media space or in an interview, but you have to come here and subscribe to find out information and my real reactions to some of the things that go on, that play out in the media. That came out in about 2008. It was a long time ago, but that stuck with me and it just hurt. I'm like, yeah, you can be beautiful inside and out. You can have everything going for you, your career, all the things. And yes, I do know how to bust down some pants, but at the same time, we can also find ourselves in situations that aren't fitting for us. And we decide to not be in a relationship for a long time. That was me. To round this thing out, what have I learned about men and what questions would I ask my next suitor? Well, first of all, I will say this. I think it's more about actions. Men can say a lot of things, but it's really about their actions. Watch, listen. They'll tell you who they are. You just have to really play close attention to everything. Notice the flags. If they red, sis, they red. They not yellow. They not purple. They red. So make sure you pay attention to those flags, but also open yourself up and allow yourself to love. Don't hold yourself hostage with past hurt. Don't bring that stuff from that past relationship unless it's good lessons, unless it's something positive. Don't bring that into this new experience. I'm gonna tell myself that. I'm very spiritual. And it wouldn't even be a question because I wouldn't wanna say how is your relationship with God? I would wanna see it through his actions. I would wanna see it through the way he treats me, the way he prays, the way he is in his word, all of those different things. Those would be things that I would take notice of, not just a... Do you talk to Jesus? No, no. That's something I would wanna see. I would ask him about his time. What do you wanna do with the rest of your time here and how do I fit into that time? That's something you can't get back. That's something more valuable than anything. What do you plan on doing with your time with me? What are your intentions? Why do you keep spending time with me? Are you a waste of time? Because the minute I figure out who you are, it's over for you. But yeah, I think that that's what I would ask him. I bet y'all didn't think I was gonna go in about the menses, but I did.