The Truth About Being a Single, Working Parent | Mom Guilt

A working mom, you know how it is to want to provide for your kids and you feel like you're doing what's best for them but sometimes it can be very difficult, very challenging to balance and I don't know about you but sometimes I suffer from mom guilt and that's what we're talking about today. This will be a very tough subject for me but I think that it's very necessary because I feel like there's so many other women who suffer from the same thing. I want to hear your stories. I know I'm not the only one who struggles with mom guilt so let's talk about it in the comments. Now listen, let's be kind to one another. This is a safe space. If you see someone with a story like yours or you have a an encouraging word then share that. This is a place where we can comfort each other, love on one another and show up for each other. Don't be cruel but there's no judgment here. All right so I want to talk about it in the comments below. I know that when my kids get older there's going to be some hard conversations. Every question that they will have will be valid and I will answer it to the best of my ability. If they ask why I work the way I do, I have the job that I have, I mean I will tell them this is all that I know. This is the only life that I know. This is the life that I've been living since I was 13 and I'm so glad that I was able to live out my dream at a very young age. If they feel like man mom you weren't here for this, you weren't here for that because of da da da, I will explain this is what happened and I did the best I could with the cards I was dealt but to know that I would go to the end of the world for Gianna and Tyson. Having kids is what I wanted the most from God. Having a family is what I wanted most. It wasn't because I played with my Barbies and I thought it was cool or what you're supposed to do as a woman. I wanted to share this life with my kids like that's what I dreamed of and that dream did not turn out the way I thought it would. It didn't play out but mommy was the role that I always wanted to play. I get emotional when I talk about my babies because they're my everything and I don't want to fail them. I saw myself married for forever, forever, forever, forever, raising our kids together, doing all the things, being able to be up under one roof, traveling as a family, as one unit. If I would be doing a movie or a tv show we'd all pack up and leave and go do whatever. Well things didn't turn out as I planned and now I found myself as a single parent which I am familiar with because I was raised by a single parent, single mom. My mom made it look easy. She made it look like it was a breeze. I never saw her break down. She never told us how hard it was. She was always very patient with us. She never took any of what she was going through out on us. This was and this has been unfamiliar territory for me. It is not at all how I imagined my mommy journey, wife journey to be. One of my biggest challenges is time away from my kids. You know I'm at work and not sitting their faces all day. Now granted I know anyone that has a nine to five they start taking their kids to daycare sometimes at the ages of four months, three months, six months. I've had to you know explain especially to Gianna, hey mommy's going to work. I'm going to make a video. I'm going to take a picture. How does mommy look? You know and I'll tell her I'm gonna miss her and I'll be right back and now she's like mommy is at work. Mommy's at work. So I FaceTime her. I FaceTime them as much as I possibly can. Luckily they're super duper young right now so they don't know exactly what's going on but for me it's important. Energy is important and still having those conversations whether they understand them or not. I try not to make it a sad thing. I've been blessed thus far to have a one-year-old and a three-year-old that I can have at home with me. My mom is with me all the time. They travel with me when I go and do shows. I get to, that's the cool part of it. We get to go and travel to different cities together and although they might not remember half of this or any of it at this age, I'll have the pictures. I'll have the memories and that's the one thing that I'm excited about showing them when they get a little older and they can understand okay mommy mommy is a working mom. Mommy's job is a little different than maybe some of my friends. That's the cool part of it but the time spent away from them or any moments away from them that are out of my control, they're tough. As a mother you know you've carried this baby for nine, ten months right or however long your term was or maybe you didn't but you assumed a responsibility. You always want to be there. You always want to protect. You never want to miss a moment. There's so many different milestones that can happen and when you're doing something like going through a divorce or deciding to switch things up could be better a better situation for everyone and really you for your mental health or whatever your reasons are but it's not till you go through it that you really have an understanding of how it affects your kids right so the thoughts of did I do the right thing when I'm away from them and it's out of my control I go was it worth it? Did I do the right thing for them? I feel like I might have done the right for myself so I could be a better mom but this sucks big time. What am I gonna miss? What am I gonna potentially miss? A first walk, a tooth being pulled. I remember when Tyson started walking he was taking steps and he was he was falling and stumbling and he'd reach out to me and you know wobble on over but I just remembered God he's gonna walk this week he's gonna walk this week and I'm not gonna and I started to almost have panic attacks and although he was walking with me I was like is he gonna take more steps you know you just don't want to miss moments like that and granted there are kids that start walking at daycare and you're you're having to watch it on the cam from work like oh my god he didn't do that at home he did air really so that's what I have to remind myself like even though I created like this perfect world in my mind and just imagined I'd be there for everything and whatever that is not the case but you don't really start thinking about certain things until you start to see your kids in an outfit you didn't dress them in that morning just moments time you can't get back start to think about that it doesn't really hit you until they're not there the hurtful thought or the thought that crosses my mind the most that gives me the anxiety is that when the kids get older and they understand or have an understanding of what happened in our lives and or why our lives were disrupted I never want them to feel like I made a selfish decision or I wasn't there for them or I would rather be somewhere else than with them I never want them to feel like my you know mom wasn't present or she wasn't there that's the whole thing because I am there I am present I just can't be there every single day because that's not the way our new reality works I always want them to know that I'm I'm doing everything I can to provide the best life for them and that I am protecting them as best I can a lot of my other mommy friends are like girl you ain't put them in daycare yet that baby is three years old she ain't in daycare kindergarten I'm like I know we also went through a pandemic so you know I couldn't schools weren't open so yeah she missed like a year because of the pandemic and I was really really worried about social skills and stuff like that although she's done she's wonderful with that but like they're like girl like you can't beat yourself up because you're not there every moment there are women who work nine to five jobs that drop their kid off at seven in the morning and they don't pick them up till four in the afternoon it's the equivalent of you being on set for the same amount of hours and being away from your child you have to make a living for them they've explained that to me over and over again but I'm like I know but I want them here with me on set I want them here with me all the time and they're like you've gotta let go and you need your time oh my gosh when I tell you I wouldn't have made it without my mom tribe you gotta get one if you ain't got one sis get one okay my mom is a part of my mom tribe of course because she's always there we live together you know their go-go is their go-to you know if mom's away if dad's away whatever it is they know go-go I have so many wonderful friends so many women in my life who I can call on who are moms as well who help me with my mom guilt and they're like girl especially at that she's like you're tripping you're obsessing over nothing she's gonna be fine he's gonna be fine I'm like how you know she's like I was fine I mean she comes from a village like if I was raised in a village your kid has an iPad I don't know if I really had clean water but I made it work and I'm like okay when you put it like that you know what you're right all right listen mommying is not easy regardless if you're a single mom if you're married you have a partner shared responsibility all of that it is not easy I've asked married couples I've asked single folk I've asked the dads as well being a single father isn't easy as well I'll just say make the best of it do the best that you can be patient I think out of anything I said today I hope you walk away with being kind to those babies and being patient with those babies that's the kind of love they need they don't understand just yet what we're going through they don't understand the pressure the sacrifice they don't understand that they just want your love be super considerate be super patient be super loving and give yourself a pat on the back you should have just as many moments of saying good job sis or good job bruh as you do hard moments give yourself a gold star sometimes a thumbs up I made it through the day have a good cry in the shower it works for me okay don't hold that stuff in get you a therapist talk to them just don't go it ain't the baby fault don't go taking it out on the baby and if you're in a place where you feel like your mental health is compromised where you're having thoughts that aren't so good you need to call somebody don't be afraid don't be ashamed it doesn't make you a bad mom a bad person a bad dad it makes it's you being responsible hmm this was a heavy one today this was heavy but like I said when we started this leave it to Toya Journey that I was going to be open I was going to be transparent I was going to be vulnerable I feel like this conversation was all of that today so thank you for joining me I hope this hit home I hope this helped someone who might have been being a little hard on themselves and having that mom guilt sis you're not alone but this is just today this is just for a moment this is just a chapter you're gonna be all right we gonna be all right all right thanks for watching y'all I'll see you next time