MIKE: Comedian Greg Melly and Ask MIKE Anything

Hello everybody welcome to the show tonight comedian Greg Mellie is here He is getting pretty big on the stand-up circuit, and he was born and raised in Philadelphia Good guy. Hi Vince. Hi. It's almost like Philly's a great stand-up town It really people move here to start a stand-up career top three Well all-star game, I know wasn't a great game, but all the hoopla was fantastic Fireworks and the flyover and all the singers and bicyclists the bicyclists What is it? So Now that I think this got lost in all the mix the MLB draft was held Yeah, and I need to get this jersey of a new pitcher that we got out of Clemson University. Oh a Good pitcher. He was 13 and 4 His name is Drew Titsworth And there he is and he has double zeros, huh, yes At first they'd put the double zeros on the front of his jersey, but that was too obvious So they put him on the back. What's the Titsworth? I don't know. I've never I I don't know I'd have to check with CNBC friends to find out 999 a month. I would think Now what do you I Megan can you look up to see what the origin of that name Titsworth is it is Somewhere in Europe or yeah, I'm sure comes down from something like breast good right, I mean like a Chef might be his last name or heard it would be Baker or whatever. Sure Americanized form of a Dutch surname. It's according to Possibly also English from a town in Oxfordshire, Oxfordshire. Sure. Oh sure. Hey, yeah Now, what do you think this poor man has been through in his life? He's a senior at Clemson now. I mean Death Valley give it up for drew Titsworth And then double zeros home on Thank you now the World Cup comes to an end on Sunday Right and what one of the best parts of the summer for me was meeting all these people from around the world, right? Yeah, I got a lot of t-shirts from people that I met. This one was the first game I think it was Ecuador was in town. Yeah, they're a good bunch and they gave me this shirt and then Ghana Was into a West African country sure in Philly and I got a shirt and I can't find it but Speaking of Ghana. I was talking to folks from Ghana and they have this thing over there They will make a coffin for your funeral Based on a passion that you had in your life Let's say like you were well, here's some examples. Okay, see So Vape cartridge, there's somebody like traveling a lot. Yeah, and then it was one was a truck driver Mm-hmm. What is that thing a dog a lion? Oh, there's a lion. Yeah so I Was thinking you and I yeah, I Know you have a passion for ice cream. Yeah, I mean remember when Dairy Queen did the thing where if you buy a blizzard, they would tip it upside down Oh, yeah, they should put me in the casket tip it upside down. Make sure I'm good Would you like to be in something in the shape of a blizzard? Yes, or how about a cone? An ice cream take me to the cone zone. Look at that. Yeah, I mean, that's nice, too I got look I've always is that me? That's you. That's a glimpse into my future. That's it. Yeah, nobody looks sad And I guess your saucer yeah, well, yeah White and runny remember me as I was Do you like the sugar cone I mean be told I actually love to get ice cream in a dish Oh, but if I go to McDonald's I you have to get the waffle cone, right, right? Yeah, but or I guess it's a sugar. I like sugar cone more than sugar. I always think it's a waffley But it's you know, it's real thin and yellow. Yeah, I could do without the cone Honestly if they would let me and maybe if I'm sick enough like as a last wish They would just let me stick my open mouth directly under the soft-serve nozzle and just I did I one time did a story on a new Krispy Kreme store up on Street Road. Mm-hmm And I don't know who his manager was but I he probably isn't there anymore He let me put my tongue under the the icing dispenser You know how they just cover all the don't know the light was on, you know, they do that It was fantastic. You're up on Street Road. You want to stop by just tell Mike's that you can stick your tongue I'm gonna be a glazier So then I thought well Nikki glazier, so I thought well, I've done so much television my life Never see his wife. She's gorgeous. Yeah, he has a type. He's like you. Oh, yeah, pretty much. Yeah fit athletic an insider Okay So my coffin would be in the anchor desk from Good Day, Philadelphia Hold bless it Mike That L Lennon, what do they call it when a saint is like pure and they haven't they haven't eat there What they don't like to be edified or like a thing for it where they say like, you know It's one of the things to be a saint is like you can't eat your body can't decompose. Yeah, I didn't know that Yeah, that's so that's why mummified. No, they don't decompose. They don't that's part of being a saint I was raised a Catholic and I didn't know that you probably missed that day. Yeah, Baltimore Catechism, you know that In ninth grade I went to an all-boys Catholic school corrupt ability. I apologize in corrupt ability in like corruptible in corrupt ability I'll be darned. Yeah, ninth grade sex education taught by a priest My dad, you know his friends. They all grew up going to Catholic school and the one There's always the story in our family how he ran down the street in Haverton yelling. I guys I got a resurrection I got a resurrection he misunderstood Really yeah speaking of that one of my classmates Byron pile Got up and asked the priest father Waylon Can your penis get so hard that it would break? And you know what? He said sit down Byron Okay, we we've discussed we don't do restaurant reviews it has to be really bad for us to do a review Okay, this woman was so upset she ordered takeout from Outback Yes, and she ordered a bloomin onion and she gave them like a two out of ten Because the bloomin onion didn't show up at her house. That's the one damn thing. I wanted and Then she had to write another review and apologize because my big fat husband Ate it on the way home in the car. Is that Diana's picture and Then he lied he lied to her well Diana Maybe we shouldn't be using adjectives and ways of calling people's things when you wear a profile pic Maybe the thought of going home to Diana was so horrible that he sat in the car and polished off a bloomin onion But I get another one. She is round Bloomin we're taking a break coming right back Greg's here Tonight on Mike I'm a grown-ass man. I'm a man. I'm 5'8 He's a man and he's here comedian Greg Mellie joins us that's funny that's tonight on Mike 16% of men ages 35 years old and younger have used or are currently using therapy compared to 36% of women But I think if you put on NFL red zone on a TV in the room in the back of the therapy We'd be tickling 60% All I'm saying is like we're paying $99 a month for NFL red zone. We might as well open up while we're at it It's so true Greg Mellie. Good to see you. Good to see you Mike. Thanks for having me Red zone is one of the best inventions of my lifetime. Oh, yeah when you agree a long lifetime, too Thanks a lot right out of the gate Greg, you're my dad's age. It's cool. We'll be right back. Greg Mellie was here Don't a lot of people think that they've kind of like ruined red zone now now that they why well they Didn't go over to ESPN now. It has commercial That was the whole point, but still Absolutely. I'm still paying for it. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever been in therapy? No So I felt like I was the perfect person to talk about why it should be. Yeah Yeah, no, I haven't but I do have a girlfriend No, but she listens, you know, she's good on the couch. Yeah, she helps she is old as me Imagine though, I guess like a reverse De Niro thing And Al Pacino too, oh, yeah, I think he's got two or three kids with this woman now. So anyway Where are you from? I'm originally from Avington like these Philly and where this girlfriend where did you meet? We met at work in New York City about four and a half years ago. Oh, this is long term Oh, yeah long term Mike. What are your what are your plans? Would you like to announce something tonight? This is crazy. Uh, You know, it's funny that she has two moms. So I've never even had to do with the dad thing yet You know, what? Oh, she has two moms. Yeah. Yeah. She was a what's it called IVF, baby? Yeah, a little like a science lab project. Yeah part of the Israeli Defense Force. Oh Okay, so yeah Where were you working? I worked at the comedy cellar. Oh, so she a comic too. Yes, she is. Oh Her name's Jacqueline Laurie Edwards, look at that Jack you get a shout out immediately. Okay, she's on the gram. She's on the gram Okay. Oh look her up. Yeah, she's great. So When you by the way, you have a YouTube special. Yes, I do It's called more time. I released it about two weeks ago. It's 52 minutes long and it's Great, and it's free and it's free not for me It was quite expensive for me, but it is free for you guys So, please check it out so I can make that money back, you know, I'm more time It's a little double entendre Mike It's my first debut special and it's me trying to legitimize myself as like a comic I want to have more time, you know but also it's One of the bigger jokes in the special the punchline is like it's all about more time It's like this alpha, you know, like those like Instagram videos that your buddy sends you at like 3 a.m And it's like motivational videos. It's like it's about it's making fun of those rise and shine. Yeah We go something bad happened. Yeah good. Yeah more time We have a co-worker who's who's very much into inspirational videos. Oh, he watches them all You know who I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah, do I need to talk to him after this? He'll do a post with you. Oh God so what what do you when you do stand-up? What's the main topic people want to hear about? Um, I'm so I'm 29. They like but I I kind of grew up with like I grew up with Kevin Hart and Kevin Hart Has a topic like I grew up with black comedy and they always they're always talking about something. It's not just like Punchline like one-liners like so I come in with a theme. I think my theme at least for this hour is like the evolution of masculinity America and like how generationally it's different like your generation Mike You went to war and you came back and it was Vietnam not World War two, right? Oh, okay. So you guys went to conflict or whatever you want, right? Mike was a conscientious objective. Yeah, you would So what are we are we more masculine or less masculine in 2020 less like I I think my point of it is like It has to survive on a spectrum, you know Like it like I'm not picking up my girlfriend and putting her over the puddle Like it's just not happening dude, like that that man is dead. She incontinent I don't I don't know what that word means. I feel like my vocab should be better. Let's ask about her legs work. Yes You know like that gentlemanly like like that like I'm not that guy, okay Put down your coat on a mud puddle. Well, no, I got like two coats, you know, do you are Delayed Two no, no, no, yeah, you know New York's expensive like a good wall. Yeah, that's right. Exactly. You got a primer. Yeah Is she into sports your girlfriend? No, but she is a huge Eagles fan now because of me and also the Eagles have been awesome since we've started dating So it's easy to she's a good luck charm. I know I would like a sixers. Good luck. All right. Okay, Vince Yes, Vince pleasure At my job, it's I I'm a server part-time the comedy seller we have a comedy like Party every year a holiday party and we do free tattoos. So here if you want to zoom in I don't even I don't know how TV work. Well, yeah, maybe you lay it on the table here. There we go It's Felix the cat Why? Because I thought the the venue it was the the fat black pussy cat is the name of the venue and so I got it Cuz I was like, oh, it's the comedy seller You know, I'm like like like oh, this is my first and only tattoo at the place that I wear There you go. And then after the tattoo people are like, oh like Felix and I was like, why are you naming my tattoo? But they were like no, it's Felix the cat. It's a cartoon and I was like, oh I've never heard of that before in my life. Really? Really? I Can't get past the name of the comedy club What was it? So if the comedy seller has a venue called the fat black pussy cat and it's literally exactly like that I know yeah a lot of prank calls. It's glad you added the cat. Of course. Yeah Awesome Where can we see you in Philly? How often you come here? I go next in line. Sometimes I don't have anything coming up but YouTube YouTube, please watch the special. It's great. It's 52 minutes. You'll love it more of me. Give him more time more time We're coming right back with ask me anything Yeah Ask me anything. So our producers went around the TV station today and Talked to my co-workers and a lot of them had questions. First up is executive producer Samantha Mike if you had to swap lives with one co-worker for an entire week, how would it be? What swap wives? I think Swap lives. Oh, yeah, if you had to like live somebody else's life for a week who amongst her co-workers would that be probably Alex? right You know what? I think around the apartment. I think it'd be one of our directors Ben Warrington Ben's got a great life. Yeah, he has a beautiful girlfriend. He delivers to travel. He's very athletic and he can ride a skateboard That's true. Yeah, I think it'd be bad houses. Yeah, that's not a very funny or interesting answer But let's listen to now producer Leanna When it comes to all the celebrity interviews that you've done Who is the most different off-camera in a good way and who is the most different off-camera in a bad way? one of the Worst interviews well about I remember was Dennis Miller. Really? Yeah It was when he got a late-night talk show. Oh, yeah a long time ago Yeah, it was so bad and he was so snarky that when I left I threw the videotape in the trash And then what was the other who's the best in a good way? Oh, I Love Robin Williams, really? Yeah, we just got along great Wow a lot of love Are you in San Francisco at that point working in temperance? This was in New York? Okay, but also one of the most What right when I first got into television when I was in my early 20s, I got the interview Henry Fonda Wow I was very intimidated and I met him in his hotel suite. He opens the door and has orange juice Hey Mike want some orange juice? This is a big-time actor and we started talking about his daughter He was having trouble with her, you know, Jane. Yeah. Yeah, so that was one of the most interesting ones Yeah back also that when when your profession and his professional or seen as way more legitimate as they are that people had much more respect for the media and for But but doing television was Lesser right then film for sure. He never would have done a television show. Yeah Okay, I hesitate to do this Megan. You're gonna do yours live here Yeah, I think it's a good one but we'll see have you ever stolen a friend or family members Girlfriend and we need the story if the answer is yes That is true he did Okay, so I was doing a show in Los Angeles and we had a doctor. I'd like a dr. Mike, but his name was dr Bruce and he took me out to dinner to learn some tips about how to do good television and stuff like that And so after dinner, let's go over. I want you to meet my girlfriend over a restaurant. She's the hostess of the restaurant I walk in there Mike meet Tamra boom Boom I go. This is this is it? Yeah And so the next night I went back to the restaurant and we were together for eight years Oh, wow, and dr. Bruce said he got mad at me He calls me up and says you broke the bro code you should have asked me permission to date my I Yeah, so I would what wasn't proud of that but anyway Sue Sario Okay on your birthday July 3rd. We had the poop party and we gave you prune juice for your birthday I just have to know my jerk Did it work? It didn't have you prayed on it, that's one thing I haven't done I've been on my knees begging for relief. I don't know. I just got a text from somebody down, Miami Woman that I know she goes she's got some technique. So I need to call her tomorrow morning It's some kind of yoga move So I'm gonna do it massaging short all this kind of stuff. They were simply take the horses and No What kind of videos are you watching? We're gonna check his algorithm after the break or in the break and then we come back with a midnight snack Do you like matcha? No It's time for the midnight snack in 15 Wait, wait that tax I get the first bite The feeling you remember wrapped up in a home Same hoagie fest love now a full meal got to have a wah-wah Here's the midnight snack it's matcha latte matcha, man Matcha matcha, man. Okay. Could you open this for me? Oh, hold on a second. I wanted to show you something on the back What is that thing That is mucus It looks like the music mucinex. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that doesn't bode. Well for what's inside. Absolutely not All right. I'm not a matcha fan But I love lattes All right Get yourself. So it looks like a cookie. Oh, no, it's not. It's popcorn. All right matcha popcorn. Well, that can't be bad, right? Okay Oh, I'm shocked It's incredibly sweet. Yeah, I like it. There's like caramel corn And I had a buttery. Yeah a buttery flavor. I don't taste any matcha at all It's kettle corn, but it has like a buttery flavor. I always got white chocolate on it. Oh, that's what this is Well, there's no matcha in this Well, thank you for being with us I give us a like a 10 out of 12 Rating of 1 to 12. Yeah I'll go 9. Okay. This is really good. Yeah All right. Thanks for being with us. You will see us tomorrow morning on good day Philadelphia Oh, by the way tomorrow night Banya from Seinfeld Banya live in studio right here Go Jerry