Just Found Out My Husband Hasn't Paid Taxes In Years

In today's digital world, you need ID theft protection that actually works. Protect yourself at xander.com. Me and my husband got married about seven months ago and over the course of this tax season and gathering all of our documents unbeknownst to me, he has not paid taxes for 23 or 24 and now 25. And so, yeah, kind of a big deal going into marriage, wanting to know something like that. I'm very type a and on top of that sort of thing. I'm a w two employee. And so it's pretty simple, straightforward every year. He's a 10 99 graphic designer. And so now this year we're in years past, I would get a return. We are going to owe a pretty big bill on top of owing for 23 and 24. And so I just kind of want some advice on what to do. I will say first and foremost, same day I found out I contacted the CPA and we're in the process of, you know, we finalized 2025 and we're working on 23 and 24, but definitely unexpected, you know, going into a marriage and now having what could potentially be up to a 35 or a $40,000 debt. Wow. Okay. So what does Mr. Creative say about his irresponsibility and lying to you? Well, he is, it has been a rough couple of weeks. He obviously is very apologetic and in his words, it wasn't intentional. It was kind of in the back of his mind and he knew it was not going to be good, but in his mind, he didn't realize it had been that long since he had paid taxes. That doesn't make me feel better. Makes me feel worse. Yeah. Like what else is rumbling around in your little mind that you haven't told me about and you've forgotten, didn't think it was important. Yeah, that was definitely my first question as well. The first couple of days when I pulled hit or asked him to pull up the IRS website so I could gather our documents and I realized that it had been that long. Yeah, that was not a good feeling. How long were you together before you got married? We've known each other for seven years. We've known each other since college. Okay. How long were you dating? On and off for a while, but, um, about a year before we finally got engaged and got married. Um, well, you did the right thing by getting on the ball and getting a CPA and getting a hold of this. Um, it does point to a deeper issue. Um, because this all came about as a result of your diligence and you being on top of things. And this was all solved as a result of your diligence and your being on top of things. Yes. So that's where my issue is. And that's probably where my conversation would start is listen, identity theft doesn't happen because you're careless. It's part of the modern world. Even when you do everything right, criminals can steal your information and turn your life upside down. That's why I've told people for years to have identity theft protection. And the only one I've ever recommended is from Zander insurance. They monitor for fraud. And if something happens, they do the hard work to restore your identity. Go to zander.com and protect yourself today. That's where my issue is. And that's probably where my conversation would start is, uh, this is a behavior that won't be able to continue. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you started that conversation? Not if you want to live? Well, here's the thing for being a young married couple, I've been intentional about us saving. And so we have a decent amount in the bank right now that once we know, that's not the point. The money here is not the problem. I'm not concerned about that. You'll put money aside. If you're concerned how we can talk about that. The problem here is my mom used to tell me, she'd say the patterns that you allow from the beginning will be the patterns that persist throughout the marriage. That's what she told me. She's right. If you allow things to persist. So for you, this is something that you guys have got to grab hold of immediately. And if I were in your shoes, I'd really be kind of searching, searching my memory and searching my heart. Is there anything else that sounds like this? That's been going on to where I'm seeing a pattern because if I'm seeing a pattern that I'm really concerned, if this is not a pattern, this is just a concealed incident. That's very different. I'm probably going to be approaching it a little bit differently, but nonetheless, this is a conversation. Have you had that conversation with him about the behavior, not the money, the behavior? Oh, for sure. That was the first thing because to me it's, it's the dishonesty of not knowing that because that would have been vital information, you know, going into things. And so we've definitely, definitely had that conversation. And you know, I did say it's not something I can just get over in a day. Like this takes time because it is, it is kind of a big deal, especially with the dollar amount. It is, you know, I, I file every year, I'm on top of this. And so to find out that not only are you not W-2, which I knew, but to know that nothing's really been set aside with that in mind, here's where I want to get to. If I'm you and him for that matter, where we need to arrive at. Okay. You've already done the tactical things. You've got, you figured out how you're going to pay it and you're figured out how to get the filing done. All that stuff. I don't want this to settle into you're his mommy and you spend the next rest of your life bailing this guy out. Uh, every time he is irresponsible or forget something and throws it in the bucket of, Oh, I'm a creative. I don't do details. No, I'm going to kill you. It's not going to happen. So, I mean, real, I'm a loser right here. So I, so where I want you guys, instead of settling into that rhythm, I want you to settle into a rhythm that says, okay, you're a creative and you don't do details. I get that. But you have to get that while you're a creative, you also have to be an adult and adults file taxes. Adults take care of business, even if it's not their natural strength. So as long as we both are together on this and we're two adults making decisions about all the adult things that together from this point forward, and there's no more deception or no more, I forgot. And mommy take care of me. We're not going to, we're not going to run that script out in this marriage. We're going to be two grown people handling our responsibilities within our strengths. And you've got natural strengths toward detail and task orientation that he doesn't have. And that's fine. I have that. My wife is more, uh, more of the free spirit that we call them the nerd and the free spirit. You're the nerd. He's the free spirit. I'm the nerd. Sharon's the free spirit. So on. Right. So you can accept those things, but that does not give you a pass on emotionally carrying the weight of the household and the making of adult decisions together with me. You don't get a pass on that. Yeah. And so as long as we can make, as long as you feel assured, maybe meet meeting with a marriage counselor a couple of times and you guys get some language to this, that you can, that, that some tools in your belt so that he really grasps, uh, what this does to your psyche and that, that, that we're not going to have a pattern going forward to your point. Then I I'm good with it. I think you've, you've done everything perfectly. Just make sure that we're okay. That however we got here is gone. We're not going to get here again. And the way we avoid that is the two of us standing side by side, both of our shoulders bearing the weight of being adults. And then we make the decisions together. Then having said that, you know, he's going to have more of a natural tendency towards fun and creativity. You're going to have more of a natural tendency towards detail and task orientation. And that's good. We'll utilize those strengths in executing the plan that we developed together. Yeah, it's really important. I think a lot of times in the beginning of marriage, you kind of tiptoe around things. Everybody's still trying to be on their best behavior. You don't want to rock the boat. You don't want to, you know, be too strong on certain things, but actually now is the time to really lean into those issues and try to write, get them right side up early on. Yeah. And she's so on it. Yeah. This, this is like, listen, she's going to be the best thing that ever happened to him. Yeah. He got, he got lit up and he deserved to be, he deserved to be lit up. Oh my gosh. The best ID theft protection comes from Zander. Real monitoring, full restoration, no fluff. Learn more at zander.com.