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About 12 years ago, I used gambling as a coping mechanism, and what was a social thing became
an addiction. After about 10 years, I realized that, or after two years, I realized the trouble
I was in, and I tried to fix it on my own. It didn't go particularly well. My wife discovered
my gambling about eight years ago, so two years after that, and I did do the work. It was a
traumatic and absolutely brutal situation for her to be in because all the, as you know,
my confession took the load off of me, but it just put it squarely on her shoulders.
Now, I did the work. I was already in the process of wanting to undo what I had done.
I just wasn't at the place where I trusted the Lord to help me save my family,
and so I didn't confess it to her. When it finally came out, I did the work. I spent a year and a
half. I paid off all the debt. I put a significant sum in a savings account that she only had
control over, therapy every week, GA, and it got to a point where even my therapist said,
I think you're in a good place with the gambling. I don't think you need my therapy for that,
but I'm willing to help you with my marriage, and so what has happened is I've regained the trust
in the financial aspect of things, and now, you know, I have kind of control of my money. We have
two separate accounts, but what has happened is the damage that was done to the relationship has
just put up such a significant wall that the things I now want to do with giving and just
being a steward with the grace that God has given me in my finances are everything on that aspect
is completely separate. If I try to bring her into some of that of what I am doing or how I'm investing
or saving or giving, her response will be, do what you want with your money, and so for the sake of
peace in our household, that is not something I'm going to demand of her, so it's been about
seven years of me being clean. You've been dry seven years? You've been sober seven years? Wow.
Yes. Okay. Are y'all seeing a marriage counselor? We've tried it a couple times,
and she absolutely doesn't want to have anything to do with it, so I understand that until the
Lord softens her heart towards me, that that's not something I can't change her,
so what I'm trying to figure out is without imposing on her and the resistance to any type of
reconciliation in our marriage right now, how can I, I'm not sure how to proceed with some of the
things that, you know, the only debt we have is our house. Well, it's hard to proceed with a life
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It's hard to visualize a future, a unified future, when there's not a unified current,
and so, you know, and so, I mean, you're, the language that you're using around this is all
correct. If what you're really acting out follows the conversation that we've been having with you
for the last four minutes, it's all very clear. Are there kids? Two. How old are they? Two young
boys. I'll say preteen. Is she, and you can answer as honestly as you can, is she only staying with
you because of them? No. The reason I think she's staying with me is then, right now, I am the bad
guy, but if she chose to divorce me, there would be some accountability from her family
and things like that that she would have to deal with. So my point is, she's not staying with you
out of love for you. She's staying with you for some ulterior reason. Yes. Okay, that's the point.
Obviously, you're correct. You can't make someone change, and obviously, you're correct. She has a
reason to be pissed, but at some point, it becomes more about her being pissed than it
does the actual thing that happened. Right. So, like, we went bankrupt. I was 28 years old. We
had little babies, and we lost everything because 100% of the real estate decisions were being made
by me. I wasn't hiding anything. It wasn't an addiction, but my wife lost confidence in my
judgment with good reason. Hello, I was stupid. Okay, so she lost, you know, and so how do you
regain that trust? Well, steadiness, consistency, and working at, okay, you know, anytime I walk
near anything that makes her feel like, the phrase she used, it feels like you're scheming and
scamming again, and I wasn't scheming or scamming, but it makes her feel like I'm, my risk meter is
gone again, and she has a large risk meter, so we have to really work together to make decisions
in order for her, in order for our decisions to stay in her comfort zone, especially in the early
days. Today, completely different. It's 30 years ago, but seven years, there should be some progress
on coming back to the table unless you've given a reason for there not to be,
and what you're saying is it hasn't been. Absolutely. Steadily and consistently moved
away from all the problems, and so to invite her into all decisions, and then, and she refuses,
and I want you to look at this with me, so you have a comfort, so you, you know, you don't ever
think I'm going back to where I was before. I understand the deception. I understand the actual
loss of the money, and, you know, but at some point, we've got to grow back together on this.
Otherwise, we've got real issues here, and so I don't know. That's something for a therapist to
guide you in how much pressure you put on her to do that, but the bottom line is, uh, Chris,
this is not good for her. Right. She's got a bucket of acid in her guts, and it's just boiling all the
time, and that's what lack of forgiveness does. Now, she should not trust you except to the extent
Worthy. Yeah, but if you're sharing everything, and she's got insight into all of it, and we make,
Sharon and I make the decisions together ever since that event. Dave doesn't make any decisions
to come home and say, look what I did. We make the decisions together, and if you're doing all of that,
and she's unwilling to join that, then that's the healing on her part that hasn't taken place,
and I don't know how to force someone to do that or force a discussion about it.
I would turn that over to your therapist, sir. I'm so sorry you guys have been through this
gambling thing. Folks is out of control out there. DraftKings is not cute. Create your
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