My Wife Is Spending Too Much And Won't Pay Off Debt

brought to you by Chom, a budget friendly, faith-based alternative to health insurance. ch ministries.org/budget. >> So, I got a little bit of uh financial problem as well as marriage problem. And it's becoming a strain more so you know with the marriage because of the financial problem. Um, I have >> we recently had gotten married about 5 years ago. My, uh, wife and I have had three kids in the last 5 years. And my youngest kid, um, he was put in the ICU. And >> long story short, we have a bunch of medical debt. Uh, it's about $35,000 worth. And >> I just can't keep up. I just recently in the last couple years we've been on um Medicaid, but um I just recently got a raise working, which is good, but it's like the more income I come in, the more my wife likes to spend. Um I'm the saver. >> I like to say no and, you know, get bills paid. We currently have been taking care of some of the medical bills by credit card, which recently I figured out was a no no. >> Yeah. >> So, I have seven grand left in medical debt. We have >> Oh, that's it. Of the 35, you only have seven left. >> No, no, no. Sorry. I have $7,000 of credit card debt. >> Got it. >> And I still have the medical debt. >> Got it. Okay. Um because we have the three kids, we had to purchase Well, we didn't have to. I guess we could have just kept going, but my wife wanted to purchase a bigger vehicle for traveling and stuff. >> What' you spend on that? >> Uh that was about $50,000. >> Yeah, you're right. You didn't have to spend that. Okay. >> Yeah. So, long story short is that we messed up when we bought the car and now it's kind of a paycheck to paycheck uh repetitive thing. >> When did you get the $50,000 vehicle? How long have you had it? >> Uh, it's been about a year. >> Okay. Shoot. >> Okay. So, when you talk to her, Cody, about this, how do those conversations go? Are you showing her numbers? Are you >> telling her that she's spending too much? Yeah. What's the >> It originally came up because I noticed that our savings account was going backwards >> and uh instead of paying uh monthtomonth uh >> I mean that dude's circling in there. Can you do that going down the road so we can the >> Cody? >> Sorry. Sorry. Can you hear me? >> Yeah, I can hear you. >> How much was in the savings account to start and how much has it dwindled down to? So, originally we had about 20 grand in savings when we switched uh >> to um because we had sold a house and we had a bunch of money invested into the house and we got a bunch of money back to pay off some debt. >> Well, we went into the house and had money left over. We had 20 grand in savings. >> Got it. And what you was having to I've got it down to like 5,000 now. Five. Okay. And was she using any of this Cody for >> everyday expenses like like the grocery store? Like where is she spending it? >> So most of it has been when I get a budget cuz I do all the money cuz she stays at home and takes care of the kids because if we tried to put four kids through daycare then it would just take an entire paycheck or two almost. So, the biggest thing is how do it's going through like she's buying clothes for the girls or Yeah. >> and I can't get her to stop. >> Well, let's let's let's I feel like you're >> I feel like you're laying out the problem. I want to get into some real numbers so we can see exactly what what you're describing looks like. How much money are you bringing home every month? >> I'm I'm bringing home from So, I got two jobs. I just started a recently a landscaping business which my main job I'm bringing in about $5,000 a month >> plus >> and that's you know what I'm actually bringing home um not >> after taxes and then um plus my side business if I get a job or two and I only have time to do that on the weekend. >> How much? >> Uh roughly two grand at most. Okay. Probably. And give me an idea cuz you said you're a numbers guy. What are you for your cuz I thought you said three kids but then you said four. Is it four kids? >> So my old Yes. So my oldest I have four kids. I have three with my wife currently. >> Understood. So for Give me an idea of what you have on the budget to spend on groceries >> for our budget right now is roughly about $1,200 a month on groceries. Oh, by the time I go to the grocery, >> I can't I can't I've tried to limit it and it just seems like every time I try to limit it. >> Well, that feels right. That feels right. Give me an example of a budget item that she's gone kind of ballistic on. So, we can get an idea. Is this $50? Is this $500? >> No. So, right now we have our joint checking, which is what I, you know, feed the money to her through. um is like if I tell her $100, it ends up being $150. >> Okay, Cody, you're not her dad. Okay, so the everything that you're saying in this call so far, not saying that she's out of bounds. She could be out of bounds cuz she she spends more than what y'all are making. You can't do that mathematically and be a grownup, right? That's how you live life in debt and we we don't want that. >> But I mean, you just said like, well, she stays home with the kids and I do the money. I put the money in the account that feeds her that I mean it's a very separate even though maybe technically it's together >> emotionally and plan-wise you guys are on two different tracks and when you tell her this is this is how much you have to spend on groceries to me that's a red flag in your your marriage and communication and so you you you need I wish you had said or the the goal I should say this the goal is for you to say we planned on spending 1,200 a month >> and that was our plan and so what well I think the first step you you have to do is to get her to sit down at the table with you and you guys look at numbers and together you guys create a budget, Cody. Because I'll be honest, too, >> you know, I'm sure there's some wrong in there that she has, but also she is seeing expenses every single day and knowing the reality of what things cost because she's the one buying them and you don't. Now, again, I'm not saying that she's justified in it, but you actually may learn something in sitting down with her and hearing what she has to say to say, "Oh, wow. I didn't realize that sports uniforms cost, you know, 30 bucks a kid. And so now we're spending a hundred bucks, you know, in one, you know, swipe cuz we needed uniforms and that pisses me off cuz how do we spend them hundred, you know, you may actually see some reality as well. But she also if if there's any entitlement in her end or any like, oh well, I don't know. I just I just have to buy the girls. If it's that attitude either, she has to grow up and mature. So, you both need to sit down and you need to come to her and say, "You have you you don't need to say, "Well, you're spending too much. You you you Cody, you need to tell her, "I'm freaking out over here. Like, I am to this point where I feel so disconnected. I feel so fearful. I feel so protective of the money cuz I feel like we are not on the same page. So, will you please sit down for me?" Right? like you make it really about you and what you want for the outcome to be, which is you guys be on the same page and for this not to take your marriage because it does, Cody, you're exactly right because because I do think people cannot get on the same page and so I would beg you to say that that is that's one of the best things that you can do because out of that budget meeting, I think she's going to have a lot to say. I think you're going to have a lot to say >> and to be able to actually discuss it together, not these oneoff conversations. Does that make sense? Yeah. So, we actually recently uh I've been m well I almost make her I mean it's it's kind of like feels forceful sometimes because I'll sit down after the kids go to sleep and we'll sit and then I'll go over the budget numbers and stuff with her and um but like here recently I've done it more so to where she's aware of you know >> but there's a reason saying how much is there >> there's a reason that this is offputting for her um And you got to get to the bottom of what that is there. There's something there. Whether it's something that has nothing to do with you possibly, how did she grow up? What were the relationships she was in before? Maybe, I don't know, we didn't get to talk about it, but did she have a career before and she's used to kind of contributing in that way and now she's not. There's something behind this. It's not just, well, she won't stick to the budget. It's never that. There's always something beneath and you've got to be a professional detective to figure out what that is instead of just saying, "Well, she won't do it and I've got to make her do it." >> Christian Healthcare Ministries can save your family hundreds of dollars on healthcare every month. Learn more at chmin ministries.org/budget. org/budget.