12 ways to show respect to your husband

Hey everybody, hope you're doing well today. Ladies, I have a question for you. Wives, do you know how to show respect to your husband? Hey, well, welcome to the Turn It Up Marriage Tips and Tools Show. I'm Kelly, a pastor, police chaplain, marriage coach, and author of the book, Turn It Up, how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want. Hey, if you want to have a great marriage, if you want to have a strong marriage that will withstand the storms of life and also be the kind of marriage that you really want, take a look at what God tells us to what we should do in Ephesians chapter 5. In Ephesians 5 33, it says this, each one of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. So he's telling husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. Now, husbands loving your wife, really what that boils down to, I think, is making her feel special, that she's a special part of your life. But notice, ladies, that it tells wives to respect their husbands. Well, how do you do that? What does respect look like? Well, I want to give you some suggestions in this recording that I think are going to really help you. So here they are. There's 12 of these, but I'm not going to number them because I don't want to, and I might get confused. Anyways, here we go. Some ways to respect your husband. The first one is ask for his advice. Okay, now husbands like to fix things, and sometimes I know if you're troubled, if there's a problem at work, or you know you've got a problem with your kids, you don't want him to give you advice. But when you get to that place where he's listening and supporting you, be sure to say, hey, honey, what do you think I should do? When you do this, this is showing him huge respect, and it's going to boost his pride and his ego, which is a good thing because we, as guys, get enough beatdowns in our lives. We need someone to say, hey, I value your input. What do you think I should do? Another thing is ask him for help. Now, there's sort of this thing going around that I've noticed that a lot of wives will be like, if the husband is sitting on the couch watching TV and she's coming home with the groceries, and he says, hey, honey, can I help you with that? And she's like, no, I got it. Well, know what? Wait and let him get off the couch and let him help you. Why? It's going to make him feel helpful. It's going to make him feel good. He's making a contribution. Ask him for help. Ask him for help doing the dishes. Ask him to help you cook in the meals. Ask him for help doing all kinds of things that you need done around the house, and not just the typical guy stuff that he's going to do anyways, like put gas in the car or whatever, but ask him to help you just in day-to-day things. The third area, the third thing, another thing that I want to encourage you to do, ladies, is don't talk to him like a child. How do you know that you're doing that? If you can kind of see yourself as the expert or the teacher or the parent, okay, and he's the learner or the child or the student, okay, because he doesn't know. So then you take this tone and you begin talking to him like he's one of your kids, and the way you know you're doing this is when you start putting shoulds all over him. Well, you should do this, or you should do that, or you need to do this, or you ought to do that. No, talk to him like an adult and say, hey, I have a suggestion. What do you think if you did this? That way he can say yes or no and not feel like he's letting you down or disagreeing with you. Another one is to be his cheerleader. Being his cheerleader simply means letting him know that you believe in him, that you think he can do it, that he needs to, you're going to encourage him. Like I said, guys get beat down enough in life and in our jobs. Sometimes our boss is mad at us. Sometimes we fail. If a man loses his job, it affects him deeply on the inside, and what you need to do is encourage him by being his cheerleader and saying, hey, you can do it, honey. I know you can. Get out there. Keep applying for those jobs. You have a lot to offer. You can make a difference. You're going to get a job. Don't worry about it. I believe in you. That, my friends, is going to really encourage him and show him respect. Another thing you can do is make sure you trust him. Now, if he's broken your trust or damaged it in some way, encourage him to build that trust. I like to think of trust as a bank account where we make both Well, allow him to make some trust deposits with you, and that's really by just doing what he says he's going to do, but choose to trust him. Another thing you can do is honor him in front of others. Maybe at church this Sunday, when you're talking to your friends afterwards and he's standing there listening in, you could say, you know what? I'm really proud of Bob. I'm really proud of my husband, because let me tell you what he did yesterday. We had this broken, you know, pipe, and we didn't know what to do, and we couldn't call a plumber. And my husband, let me just tell you about him. He went on YouTube. He figured out what to do, and he fixed it himself. And they're like, wow, Bob, that's awesome. Can you come over to my house and do that? He's like, well, I don't know, but you know, something like that. Let me tell you, that does wonders for his self-esteem and a good sense of pride, all right, and his self-image. Another thing you can do is appreciate him, and that's saying thank you to him all the time. Overdo it. Thank you for going to work. Thank you for cleaning up the house. Thank you for moving the furniture, you know, whatever it is that he's doing, even if it's something that he does all the time. Like in our house, because of our work schedules, I do the cooking, and I clean up after dinner. I just do. And my wife works long hours, and so this is something I can help her with. And so it's expected of me, in a sense, to have dinner ready every night. But even though it's expected, my wife still takes the time to say thank you. And that is, I mean, it's just, it's the paycheck for the volunteer, right? It's the, it's what we want to hear from you. So say thank you all the time for what he's doing. Another thing, and this has to do with physical intimacy. Say yes when he wants to make love to you. Don't make sex a power play. Don't, if you're mad at him, or if you're tired, or if you don't feel well, you know, here's a suggestion, ladies. If you're just not in the mood, say, you know what, I'm not really there right now, but let's do this tomorrow. You know, I didn't sleep well last night. I'm really tired right now. Let's do it tomorrow morning. Let him know when you can. Make a date with him. That way you're not saying no, you're just saying not now. All right, what's another one? Allow him to influence you. Now this isn't just asking for his advice. This is really allowing him to say, hey, here's something I think we ought to do. And you want to just consider it and be open to it. And then maybe even say, yeah, you know what, I think that's a good idea. When you follow his lead or are open and receive his suggestions, that is showing him respect. When he's troubled, okay, and he will be. Maybe it's a work situation. You know, something bad is happening. Maybe somebody in his family has died and he's grieving. Listen and support him. Okay, don't try to fix it. Don't give him advice, but just listen and ask questions and let him process it by talking to you. Another thing is to let him know what you want. Oh, this is a big one. We as guys, generally, most guys that I talk to in marriage coaching want to please their wives, but we oftentimes don't know what they want. Okay, so be direct and clearly communicate. Let him know, hey, would you please do this? Or I would like it if you did this. Or this is something I would really like you not to do. Would you please not do that? Okay, let him know what you want. Then finally, the last one is doing stuff with him shoulder to shoulder. Guys like to watch sports together, sitting on the couch shoulder to shoulder. Women often want to have time together face to face without distractions. Well, you need both in a marriage, but make sure you add in some shoulder to shoulder time. Watch a game. Go play golf with him if you enjoy doing that. Go for a ride. Go for a hike or a walk that you're walking down the street shoulder to shoulder. Those kinds of things guys generally like, and it really will make him feel much better about himself if he struggles with that. All right, I realize too that sometimes husbands make it hard to show them respect. If your husband has betrayed you, if he struggles with listening to you, if he has trouble sharing his feelings, or if he doesn't make you feel loved and special, well, or anything else really, please get some help. Book a call with me and allow me to help you work that through as a couple, or maybe just with you as an individual. But I know that I could give you some coaching on how to get through that. Having the lifelong marriage that you really want takes work, but work smart. Don't just work hard. Most of all, learn how to respect your husband, and husbands, if you're watching this, learn how to love your wife. I'm sure you'll be glad you did. Hey, if you'd like more info on this topic, I want to help you get a copy of my book. It's called Turn It Up, How to Have the Lifelong Marriage You Really Want. I'm offering it right now at an incredible 75% discount. Go to turnitup.coach75. Another thing that I want to encourage you to do is book a free clarity call with me. This is between 30 to 60 minutes. We'll do it over the phone, and then what we're going to do is come up with a three-point roadmap of specific things that you and your spouse can start working on in order to strengthen your marriage. Maybe it's solving a problem or addressing an issue that's concerning you, or maybe just learning how to get closer and get on the same page and communicate more effectively. Anyways, that's it for today's episode of the Turn It Up Marriage Tips and Tools Show. Until next time, keep turning it up. May God bless you, and may God bless your marriage.