10 WAYS TO SHOW RESPECT FOR YOUR HUSBAND

Hello, today I would like to talk to you about 10 ways that you can show respect for your husband and love your husband and these ways I guarantee can keep you out of marriage and family counseling. And I came up with them actually over my course of 25 plus years as a marriage and family counselor. So I know they really work. The first one is give up the bad memories. If for whatever reason you are harboring resentment over past hurts, give it to God. Ask him to help you to drop it, to forgive it once and for all because it will only be an underlying factor, always making you a little tense, very, very subtly, quick to be hostile in your response to him. The words of the Our Father, forgive as we forgive others, are very literal. They are hard to put into practice but they really work and forgiveness is essential. And whenever that's hard for me, I always think of things that I have done in the past that have been a little challenging for my husband to forgive and yet he has. So it's a two-way street but it often starts with you. So that's number one, give up bad memories. Number two is be polite at all times. Courtesy is huge in marriage. A woman I met, a Hungarian woman married 50 years, said she and her husband have never had a harsh word. Now I know that is somewhat unrealistic and I couldn't say that was true for my marriage. However, I really believe that if we put the effort into doing that, that it is so significant and so helpful, that aura of courtesy over our relationship. So number two, be polite at all times. Number three, avoid complaining, subtly or spoken aloud. Spouses have sensitive antennas. They can tell by your tone, by the way that you walk into a room, if something is irritating to you. So no sniping, no sarcasm, name calling, and never tell your children negative things about their father. So number three is avoid complaining to your husband, to your friends, to your kids. Number four is blend your interests with your husband's so that you can do some things that you enjoy together. If he loves to fish, as my husband does, fishing and golfing, but if he loves to fish and you don't like to, take a book with and read the book as you sit in a boat and you have a time of companionship. That works very well. So do more of what brings you both closer and make a conscious effort to do that. So number four was blend your interests with your husband's. Number five is make time for love. The sexual relationship in marriage continues to be important through your 80s, perhaps your 90s, and most sexual problems arise from being too tired, too exhausted, and not making it a priority. Sometimes you may even want to schedule a love appointment and enjoy dates together as you did when you were courting. So number five is make time for love. Love in all of its dimensions. Number six is be militant about having a good relationship with your husband and not letting anything or anyone interfere with that, not even parents, no, and not in-laws, not children, not brothers, sisters, and show your husband that you respect his opinions, his feelings, and his desires when you are in that relational time with him. And if there is any difficulty, be very solution oriented, like let's work this out together. Expect a few bumps, but if you have that right attitude, so number six is be militant about having a good relationship and not letting anything interfere with it. Number seven is surprise him. Do the unexpected. Try a kiss instead of a grumble, even if you're in a situation when grumbling seems right. And you will find out that you get back what you give. Number eight is share any problem that you have very discreetly, avoid spouse attack. So number seven is basically though, surprise them, do the unexpected, keep some wonder in your relationship. Go to new places, try new foods, make it a fun thing, a joyful thing, the newness. Number eight is stay away from people who feed negativity about your spouse. Share any problem very discreetly. So stay away from people who feed negativity. Number nine is, and please remember this one, divorce doesn't solve the problems that partners think it will solve. It usually only creates different ones and hurts children, whatever their age. Even if they are adult married children, they are still impacted by divorce of their parents. So try to find causes and explanations for your husband's behavior and work through any difficulty. See him as a unique individual and listen to his point of view. And of course, when you've exhausted the communication between you, do call in professional Christian counseling, which can be so helpful, sometimes even one session. I know my counseling was always solution-oriented, short-term counseling. Nobody wants to sit through a long process week after week, but you can get to root issues and have new strategies to deal with them. Number 10, your husband chose you and you chose him. So be always loyal to the commitment you made and shine the light on yourself as well as your husband and find ways that you can both grow into a mature couple, on and on, over and over, for many, many years of marriage. Have a lovely day.