I Need To Get Out Of This Relationship

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today well I'm oh I can't believe I called in and and doing this but anyways um I am in a very um emotionally abusive emotionally and financially abusive relationship um I've been with him for 18 years we have a nine-year-old daughter and I need out and I I I start trying to figure out plans and I like we research this and research that and then I'll put this in order and then I and um I become this paralyzed Whirlpool of this is I you know what I'm saying like I could probably help other people but my brain and I'm just emotionally exhausted too so I don't think that helps um what what happened Jody something happened that said you said this is enough what happened um you know I think I have um a blood cing disorder and I had a blood clot um at the beginning of the summer a a deep vein blood clot in my leg um and they are incredibly painful um also potentially life-threatening I've had a couple of ones I had one in my pelvis after my pregnancy that um came close to damaging my heart I had some in my lungs things like that so it's a really serious thing and um I am sitting on the recliner and he comes home from work and starts screaming at me to get off my lazy butt that I'm on his chair and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and I mean that's just one example and I mean my daughter and I are both staring at them and I said I don't know why you think you can talk to me like this and I mean I you know like it's a big deal my blood clot is a big deal and I just I've been done before and then things happened and I love my plans to become derailed and everything like that and so I do me a favor right do me a favor right now Jody uhuh where is all of this in your body is it in your chest it is okay take your fist and put it in your chest right now uhhuh take a humongous deep breath real big and then exhale it out drop your shoulders as low as you can go pull them down okay okay and here's why we're doing this exercise this is what happen inside your mind too yeah when you start researching stuff isn't it it spins faster and faster and faster and faster yes and then it feels chaotic and then your daughter comes in and says hey can you help me with my lunch tomorrow and then you're off to the next thing and this thing never resolves itself and it just spins faster and gets heavier and heavier yes the only way I've learned and and I'm like you I get pretty emotional got hard I don't have anything like what you're dealing with at home but when I get emotional I Spin and I go faster and faster and faster and the only way I've learned to be able to walk through those things is with other people I have been Gathering my friends and family I've um kind of explained where I'm at but listen to me you're doing a lot of you're using other people and you're using your internet searches as Xanax yes you need to find somebody I want a practical plan you need to sit with a lawyer that you're pain that you are on the clock with because that will force you to Laser in and say what do you want to do next otherwise you just have a bunch of people that you talk to and talk to and talk to and talk to and talk to and you've got you've got to have a you've got to have a gang you got to have people that will listen to you and that will sit with you and we'll show up with casts but you need to have somebody who will say here's what happens if you do a here's what happens with b m and someone that will walk you through step by step here is legally and practically what happens next yes and there'll be Financial ramifications there will be um custody ramifications there will be all sorts of ramifications yeah but I want you to stop spinning and sit with somebody and by the way an some attorneys aren't people of character and they'll take your money they'll let you spin all day long and they'll just put you on the clock most of the ones I've ever met with care deeply about their clients and they will say okay if you're hiring me to go to war let's go to war yeah so I'm going to ask you what's your next move I I will well lawyer retainer um I have a friend who said that she would help me get the money I have no money I have nothing M well that my next question is fault what does this mean for you because you got to eat I'm yes and I um met with an Employment Specialist um I had gotten a therapist um and a psychiatrist um because I was depressed and I um was undiagnosed ADHD for many years and um so you know and tell me about your job tell me about your job oh she's so awesome but but this is this is why I need to go this is taking its toll on her and as he was sitting there yelling at me I'm like I don't want her to think that I'm I'm sorry tell me about your job not your child tell me about your job what are you GNA do for money if you leave how are you going to eat and where you going to live um I told the employment Specialists we're meeting um next week to um help me with my resume okay and um I am my heart is in the nonprofit World however I told them that my first priority is to make enough money for me to be able to live on my own and support my daughter there you go have you ever done that before um lived on my own yes okay then you can do it again as a student yes okay I know I can do this that that's the thing like I know that I can do this I keep tripping myself up I know I'm worth more and um more than anything and the the reason I'm willing to accept Help from My Friends and Family financially is that I owe my daughter more MH and um part of the reason that I've been also kind of um not putting it off is um I know um I know he's going to make it so ugly and I know he's going to drag her in it but I tell myself he's already dragged her in it yeah and I've allowed it and in leaving him I I think I hope that that means I'm not dragging her in it I'm dragging her out of it and if he continues to drag her in it I will just have to do my best to so let's let's solve that let's solve that problem when we get there let's do the next right thing in front of us and Jade's going to walk you through the four walls but these are the things I want you to put on a list I want you to sit down with a trusted friend or or um a a a couple friend that you trust that you can walk through what this actually means because these have to be real numbers they can't be feelings and thoughts they have to be real numbers and I want you to sit with an attorney and if you need to leave and go stay with somebody cuz your home's not safe then do that right now like today physically I'm safe I am physically safe I really do believe that okay but not mentally okay yeah you know when you get when you make that leap and you you know walk out of this thing the thing that you're going to have to focus on first is just making sure that you can pay for your shelter like you've got to find a place that you can live that you can afford after that it's utilities after that it's food after that it's transp because you need to be able to get to work and back and so those four things before you get off the line today we're going to get you set up with every dollar um and and totally for free so that you can use that you can start budgeting you can start looking at what your life is going to look like financially I think that you making this choice I know you said you were worried about dragging your daughter through it but she's also going to see something really great of a woman who says I'm not going to be treated like this and I get to decide and she's going to take that and carry that with her and it's going to mean a lot for her so oo tough stuff good job John we're blessed we're praying for you create your free every dooll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life