Why You're Not Where You Want to Be (You're Better Than This!)

think about the reasons why you're here right now like in this moment in your life where you ended up at this moment think about all the things that happened to you uh everything you participated in everything you said yes to everything you said no to all the decisions that you made things that were in your control the mistakes you made things that weren't in your control things that went really well the things that didn't go so well and all these things add up in some kind of messy Ball but then there's somewhat of a Common Thread that follows us and if you look back there's a Common Thread whether it's um the spirit or part of your personality but there's something common along the whole journey and I never ever like to pick on people on YouTube or on the Internet and there's some people that make a career out of that is just saying everybody else is wrong there are so many reasons why in this particular moment you may not be where exactly you want to be okay and what people will say online is that is that the whole idea about being a person today especially uh about being a man is that you need to be uncomfortable you're too comfortable why you just sitting on your ass life's too good for you you're too comfortable that's not going to give you the six-pack that's not going to make you change it's so cringey it's so wrong in so many ways oh my gosh what these people don't realize is that the only reason you do anything and have gotten to this position right now is because you have been uncomfortable we're uncomfortable all the time every day before every decision that we make there's a sense of being uncomfortable and we're constantly seeking Comfort now you may think okay I'm finally comfortable in this moment but before you know it there's a little bit of uncomfortability if that's a word and then you get up and make a sandwich okay and then maybe you sit back down and you get bored there's an itchiness to it and then you feel like you got to do something else and then you're at the job for six months a year a year and a half and you get an itchiness and you get uncomfortable and you move and then you're in a relationship and you know things are going well but then you realize this and this and this and you get a little uncomfortable and things aren't just right so you decide to change okay in certain moments there are things where things seemingly stay the same like you find the person that you love but there's still parts that are uncomfortable and that change means doing different things together or talking about different things changing up a routine doing something with a job it's about okay maybe there's boredom maybe there's you're not being ch challenge so you want to talk to your Superior boss co-workers to get the challenge going the point is you are uncomfortable and we all are human beings are all uncomfortable in a point and that's why we move that's why we change you aren't where you're not supposed to be or where you are right now you're saying Scott I'm not in a place I want to be in my life right now I don't want you to beat yourself up thinking that it's because I've been too comfortable it's because I've been spoiled that I'm where I am that I'm overweight that I have a mental illness that I deal with depression that I deal with anxiety that I don't have the job I want that I'm single that I don't have a family I'm not in the right part of town I'm not smart enough I'm not good enough see this this is the that I hate about these motivational speakers these gurus even people in the spiritual practice here's why you may not be in the position that you want to be right now in life a you're just living your life and you are in an uncomfortable position and you're going to keep making decisions and keep moving towards something if you aim high enough okay aim high look for something that's better than where you are now have a plan go for it the dopamine is going to be oh my gosh the dopaminergic system is going to be on fire and you're going to feel better right when you set a Target and start walking towards it I guarantee it science doesn't lie this is what happens okay so if you're not in a position that you want to be in it's because okay maybe you haven't made that plan to get to that goal start making a plan maybe it's also because you don't actually know what you want and you're thinking too big think smaller set the goal that oh my gosh you know what I just want to lose six pounds over the next three mon months set the goal get it done now this whole thing about being uncomfortable about setting goals about not being where you want to be I'm going to make a guess and it's going to be the right one okay I'm going to try here you look at people who aren't satisfied with their bodies sometimes you look at people who aren't satisfied about the decisions that they've made and they beat themselves up for it have you ever made a mistake and you're still thinking about it you're still thinking about that time you said that thing you're still thinking about you know that that that experience that really left you hanging that really left you alone we all do we all do sometimes we always travel back and think of those things but the difference can be you can think about what's happened in the past and what's brought you here but the ultimate question is what's stopping you from becoming unstuck and moving forward I guess that's what we really want to get to right what is stopping you from moving into a better place because we all have to grow up in the shack we all have to grow up up in something small but we don't want to always be there forever we want something maybe a little bigger we we we our our clothes get too tight right and we and we grow out of them spiritually we grow out of these clothes and we need some bigger sweatshirts in 10 years the same place that we're in at age 10 needs to be different than when we're 45 okay this doesn't mean materialism this means what's right for your state of mind and we change over time so what's really stopping you from having a plan getting what you want being the person that you could be being the person that maybe you want to be having the qualities that you might want you know one of the reasons I went back to school was I've always wanted to be the Science Guy I've always wanted to understand science and I find biology chemistry neurochemistry physics I find it fascinating and my high school teachers butchered the whole thing the curriculum butchered the whole thing for millions and millions and millions of students math is the coolest thing science is incredible it's all around us and yet we found a way which is pretty amazing as human beings we found a way to make the Miracle on Earth trees water clouds neurochemistry biology how our heart pumps blood around the body how a spaceship flies how a plane flies across the sky how it takes off we've managed to make that incredibly boring where people fail and they hate it isn't that incredible let's thank Humanity okay I've always wanted to be that Science Guy so I went back to school because I wanted the qualities of that guy I wanted to be able to speak to the people I coach with with a little more certainty and maybe actual advice to to help them move forward what's going to help with your brain health what's going to help with your physiology what's going to help now with your psychology now I can match it with the bio it's awesome so I took a leap but why did I take a leap here's the whole thing guys here's the whole thing thanks for making it this far okay these aren't scripted I've watched podcast where people have a a teleprompter and they're just reading that's why I don't consume content to be honest so if you have any podcasts you would recommend where uh uh male or female anyone you like but they're real I I love hearing people's stories and and hearing from them where they actually speak from the heart and and kind of know what they're talking about cuz I like like to learn from them I'd like to get better at that so the reason you may be stuck in not moving forward and it's going to feel it's going to sound weird it's compassion it's compassion for yourself because maybe maybe if we chatted one on-one and I asked you some questions became friends in a therapeutic sense and I got to digging just a little bit we might figure out that you don't think you're worth it that you don't deserve better health that you don't maybe deserve more money than you have that you don't deserve the raise you don't deserve the promotion the new job you don't deserve the new place you don't deserve to be in a beautiful and healthy relationship you don't deserve to be extremely fit strong wrong if you really thought you deserved it wouldn't you be working towards it if you really had compassion for yourself would you be eating what you're eating would you be living how you're living now compassion is all about non-judgment okay so if you eat 30 packs of Doritos I freaking love Doritos sweet chili Heat forget about it but if that's all you're doing all day are you being compassionate to yourself I'm not judging you for eating 30 packs of Doritos you don't have to judge yourself for earting 30 packs of Doritos compassion is if you were eating ice cream and Doritos all day as a 10-year-old and your mom and dad really really really loved you would they let you do that to yourself of course not what loving parent would let their child hurt themselves by eating junk food compassion isn't just saying boohoo woe is me I need to rest all the time just take it easy calm down let's not go to work it's too hard it's not comfortable enough let's not talk to our boss about this let's not talk to our friends about this let's not go to therapy because of this because I'm scared so since I'm scared I'm just going to I'm just going to go back into my shell that's not compassion self-compassion is saying what do I need right now what do I deserve what would be good for me right now what would a loving parent say to their child in this situation what would someone that really really really loved me and wanted the best for me what would they say what would they tell me what would they say I should do what would they say I could do what would they say I'm capable of love and that's the voice that you strengthen that's the self-compassionate voice and self-compassion follows you because self-compassion is so badass compassion meaning to suffer with because you follow yourself everywhere and you're with yourself all the time and when you suffer you suffer with yourself if we're in a group if we're in a circle yes we're suffering yes we're together yes it feels better to go through hard times with people that love us of course but if we don't love ourselves in those scenarios we can't feel anybody else it doesn't make the process real it doesn't go deep enough the reason you may not be where you want to be in life right now is because you don't think you don't think you're worth something better and to be compassionate with yourself is to say you know what sitting on the coou all day is not an action of love it's not it's not not speaking up for myself when someone puts me down that's not an act of self-love not going to the gym not going for the walks I need to not taking the medication I need to saying oh my gosh you know the meds for depression were making me feel better but then the side effects and I just said screw it and now I'm in a hole what's a compassionate thing to do for yourself what would you do if you really loved yourself because to me some of these things and I'm guilty of it too sounds like self- sabotage sounds like when you get to a point and you're almost going to make that breakthrough you got the habits going you're almost there boom not good enough what would happen if I was happy who would I be then do I deserve to be happy you know this week I know I missed the video last week my friends also my name is Scott St maray welcome to the channel uh coach mindfulness practitioner and teacher spiritual Seeker identified as a Christian I would sit down this week here's my little invitation sit down this week have a pen this is a spoon pretend all right have a pen have a piece of paper some Cohiba cigars here and write down why you're worth it write down what you need right now in your life write down if someone were here right beside you someone that loves you so much someone in your life someone who may not even exist if someone and what I do and I talked to my friend Ian about this when uh we Jam On guitar and stuff and I've for those of you who follow for or followed for a while I'm always like okay album coming out this year and then life gets in the way not gets in the way it is the way and we come up with new music every single time we meet but I talk to him I'm like you know what I do I have my pen I have my piece of paper or I just think about it and the person that loves me so much I picture Christ is right at the edge of my bed the all loving all compassionate non-judgmental God in human form he's right there blonde hair blue eyes no I'm just kidding the Jesus ey picture I won't spoil that I want to keep that to me talk to him let him talk to you now of all other faiths and religion if you have um a sense of what God is to you whether that's Muhammad right there whether that's Buddha right there Krishna right there right on the edge of the bed okay as someone that loves you so much someone's right at the edge of your bed they're right there and ask them what do you want for me yeah that's the one what do you want for me if you were created in the image of God what would he want for you he loves you no matter what no matter what but I think deep down you know something stopping you and I'm here to tell you that you're worth it you're worth Aiming High you're worth achieving you're worth loving yourself and compassion is right there for you so take time this week and think about that take time this week and to be like you know what what is really stopping me is it it's not something huge everyone I'm not talking about 10 Xing your revenue and being these rich people that you see online this is disgusting I'm talking about what would be spiritually fulfilling for you fulfilling in life what would make you happy and can you walk towards that slowly and along the way my gosh you're going to meet people you're going to have experiences that you wouldn't believe you are going to have an adventure of a lifetime so just pick a point I've talked about this before when you feel lost pick a point and start walking start start walking with yourself and as we suffer and as we go through hard times self-compassion tells us that we suffer with ourselves and we're with everything in a sense of non-judgment and I think you can really do it and I believe in you baby I do I know things are hard with pain I know things are hard with depression I know things are hard with anxiety I know things are hard with bipolar disorder I know things are hard with schizophrenia I know things are hard with ADD I know things are hard with with ADHD I know things are hard with no limbs I know things are hard in a wheelchair I know things are hard with a cane I know things are hard when you have a concussion I know things are hard when you're blind I know things are hard when you're partially blind I know things are hard when you're deaf uh I'd be I'd have to go on for a couple thousand years to list every disability but you get the picture we all have our cross to bear and part of what makes this difficult is we expected things to be different we expected things to be different but you're right here this is the way it is it isn't the way you imagined life isn't the way it unfolded like it was supposed to like you thought it would be it whatever it's the way it is right now this is it this is what we got this is what we're dealing with this is what we're dealing with right here right now look around look around where you are this is what you're dealing with here what tools do you have what abilities do you have what can you learn what can you strengthen who can you talk to and let's start let's start today okay compassion think about it it is not about the uncomfort that you're experiencing or the comfort that you are experiencing that's nothing you're all you've always been uncomfortable that's why you've made the changes and that's why you're here and if here's a bad point it's not because you messed up along the whole way people get to points where they're just not satisfied I hope people get to continue to be at points they're not satisfied because that's what keeps us going okay we're never ever ever going to be 100% content I hope only in death there's always got to be a little itchiness and we be with that itchiness and we notice it and we laugh at it there's always going to be those parts just like there's always going to be those parts that think of the past think of the future there's always going to be parts that are angry there's always going to be parts that are a little envious and we are with it all man that's The Human Experience be with it laugh at it be kind to it be kind to yourself keep loving yourself okay this has been Scott St Marie I'm checking out here I got little lamb chop going to go say hi to per the doggy he loves sucking on this thing the best thing is when I put this in the washing machine and it and okay so it looks all wet but then you put in the dryer and it puffs up this little lamp chop oh my gosh and we take him out on the street in Toronto and he walks with it in his mouth so people are looking at this Palm CHI with a lamb chop in his mouth walking around and everyone we pass Smiles they tap to their partner whoever they're walking with they're like look look look it's such a good feeling so why I love living in a city Love Faces love people keep going my friends life is fun I know it sucks a lot sometimes but it's pretty awesome it's pretty awesome sometimes too soak in that awesome uh please look at the links below remember so all this self-compassion talk you know one of the things I'm aiming at is again finishing my my masters getting that done and in the meantime I'm starting this program of of really wait burp excuse me really taking people um and I'm going to do less one-on-one coaching now so if you'll see the coaching form you can fill it out I may get back to you um I probably will I'll let you know if if you're approved or not if you want to talk because time's limited a bit but I want to do group coaching where I'm inviting you to be part of a community where it's lifetime access how cool would that be and we would do Zoom calls once a week forever like how awesome would that be because you know what helped me through hard times good times and my my meditation practice and mindfulness practice is every week Imagine whether it was good or bad whether you're busy or not you always in the back of your mind and I could tell you the Neuroscience about this in Psychology in the back of your mind you're going to know that oh every single week I can have a place to go every single week for the next 10 years Scott and other people that I recognize are going to be online and I can always go there as a place of non-judgment and compassion to to help with my self-compassion practice help with my meditation practice chat about what's going on in my life like that is what I want to build that is what I truly want to do and also getting a property so we can do Retreats so you can come up and we can meet in person go up north where the trees are beautiful there the stars are absolutely incredible in Northern Ontario and we're going to have a huge massive fire pit good food hot tub Lake to paddle on Lake to swim in telling stories around a fire marshmallows beers water whatever you want to drink it's going to be there um super excited so these are the things that I've put the pin in and I'm walking towards that okay and some are big some are small so I I I just love putting that out there telling you the news um because if you followed me for a while or if you're new I'd like to welcome you to the community one day and hopefully we get to chat be compassionate to yourself love yourself and if you truly love yourself you're going to make the changes you need to baby no problem at all take care my friends love you and God bless you every day all day bye-bye