Where I’ve Been & Where I’m Going from Here

Hey what's up you guys, it has been a minute. I've been gone for a little bit and I just want to say thank you guys so so so so so much for allowing me to take this time. I honestly didn't want to have to take a break but I really needed to in order to be the person I wanted to be, in order to be the influencer I wanted to be for you guys. There were just things that were brought to my attention that they were old thinkings, there were things I needed to let go, there were phrases that I have totally new awarenesses about and I needed to take that time. It's been about two months and I have missed you guys so so so much but I also know that by taking those two months it was so good for me. It was good for this platform, for like everything that I have planned ahead for you guys and I just I just love you guys so much and I want you guys to know that I'm back. I'm here, I'm here to stay. I'm not going anywhere, not going silent, that is not happening. I'm here now and I just want to say thank you guys so much first of all. I also want to say thank you guys for all the love that you've sent me my way. I honestly deleted all the apps off my phone for a little bit. I know that by me taking this two-month break the impact might have felt like it was just me going silent but it truly was not what that was for. It wasn't me hiding, it wasn't me like just running away from my problems, it was me taking the time to be like okay like clearly like this isn't working, what I'm saying, what I'm doing like I was just like so in my head and I was just trying to figure it out. I want to make everyone happy and like that's just that's not how it works. I had to go, I had to be, I had to journal, I had to talk, I had to do my own thing to kind of realize what was important, what's okay, what's not okay, just really reflect like it just it wasn't good for me to be on social media for me or for you guys. I do have some notes on my phone because obviously I mean I've been gone for a while there's a lot I want to talk about. I literally have this whole thing of notes here on my phone of just thoughts that I have had like the last two months. Anytime I had a thought, anytime there was something I wanted to say I just made sure to write it down and I just wanted to make sure you guys know that like it's not scripted. I just have like literally random bullet points here that I want to talk to you guys about because I care about you guys and I care about my platform. I've been on YouTube for 10 years you guys. In my 10 years on YouTube I never took a break especially this long like maybe I'd like wait a week or a couple weeks you know over the summer I did that a little bit but I never really took this time and in a way I think this was really important for me to do because I really got to learn about my priorities and just certain things that are super important to me in my life and certain certain things that I want to make sure I emphasize more here on my channel. I've learned a lot about my own privilege this year and I'm sure a lot of people could agree with me and I've had some really interesting conversations with so many different people just about like how much I didn't even realize my privilege played into my life and that's something that I will have to work on every day and I've worked on so much just in the last two months and I've been journaling every night and anytime I kind of like had an experience during the day or a conversation or something that really resonated with me or something I learned I've written it down. I've had one-on-one conversations with this amazing gal you know every couple weeks about oppression and privilege and just really just learning a lot about myself and just talking to her about it and really just like kind of realizing like where my privilege plays a role into today's society and it's really interesting you know like I was talking about this this movement is about you know letting go of old thinking and it's honestly kind of crazy how sometimes we don't even know that we're thinking a certain way until we're told we're being thought that way and then as soon as you like recognize that and you hear it's like okay like I see that this is wrong or this is not okay or this is just not how you're supposed to say something and like you take that and you're like okay like let me learn to rephrase that next time or like why that's not okay and then you move on from there and that's what I'm here to do and I'm not going to say the word address because I'm not going to put any of this down after this video these are things that I want to implement into my channel moving forward and just so many different things and I also want to say I appreciate you guys being so awesome to Brooke on gals on the go she was amazing and when I told her I was like hey like I think I need to take this break she was 100% supportive of it and she really believes that I should and she was like you should definitely take the break I will do the podcast while you're gone and she's had some freaking awesome guests on the podcast while I've been gone honestly they're awesome so you guys should definitely go check out that podcast and I will be on the back on the podcast this Wednesday I'm so excited I've missed y'all's on the go so much and it's just so just crazy that I was gone for so long but I really appreciate you guys being patient and being so awesome to Brooke and again thank you Brooke for taking over the podcast while I was gone it was just a very important thing for me that I didn't just take a break from YouTube I took a break from social media I took a break from you know the podcast all of that as a whole because it just it needed to be that big of a thing for me to take that time but yeah I will be back on the podcast this Wednesday and I'll be I'll be expanding on some of these things I'm talking about more on the podcast and again these are not things I'm going to put down as you guys can see I am not in Florida anymore um I did come back to school I go to University of Georgia and I'm a senior it's so crazy it's really really sad um and obviously this year is a little bit different but I you know we have kind of some classes in person some not no one is required to be in person at least none for my classes it's very like you can 100% stay home and zoom that's what they want us to do um and they also have allowed it so if you're on campus you have to be wearing a mask I'm pretty sure even if you're outside I don't know if that's true but even if I'm outside on campus like I wear a mask um and campus is honestly pretty barren right now it's a little weird for sure but um it's also just something that they're doing to like make it as safe as possible for us so I'm taking five classes right now and I came back in early August so I've been here for a bit and it killed me you guys not to do like a first day of school like vlog I kind of wish I did my friends were like you should totally you know film it and then you know post it when you come back and it just didn't feel right it didn't feel right I really wasn't myself I wasn't you know like I said I took the break for a multitude of reasons and one of them is I wasn't myself I wasn't being the person I needed to be or nor did I want to be that person and so I needed to take that time but first day of classes was really interesting um I'm taking like I said five courses right now I'm taking apparel and soft good I'm a fashion merchandising major with brand management um emphasis so I'm taking an apparel and soft goods class retailing class that one's really really fun I really enjoy that um trend forecasting that's probably my favorite what else am I taking um textiles testing not my favorite probably my least favorite and then dress society and culture which is really interesting we're actually having conversations about race and cultures and like different cultures and different religions and that is definitely a really interesting class and we've read some really um eye-opening articles I feel like I said eye-opening a lot but lots of eyes have been opened okay you know yeah so those are the five courses I'm taking right now and one of them is completely online so just one maybe two of them are completely online no just one of them is completely online all the others are available all on zoom and you can tune into the lectures and all the tests and quizzes are online as well however I have certain assigned days that I can go in person and they kind of split us up into groups so there's safe social distancing they basically put like they mark six feet apart from each other like all the there's like certain desks that are completely blocked off so only desks that are open they're all individual desks and they have wipes when you first walk in and you wipe it down the professor is standing behind a desk and a shield and a mask so they're definitely packed in back there and I'm glad they're staying safe and then we stay in class the whole time we're wearing our masks they gave us really cool like UGA masks and then also I've just been loving actually I don't know why I'm telling you guys this but these masks they're like the blue three-ply ones but I got all black ones I got a pack of 50 on Amazon I really really like them they're the most breathable I find and they're nice and thick which is really good my dad's always on me about you know your mask you know I literally have like a basket of masks over there it's it's kind of funny my birthday was last week and I also want to say thank you guys so much for your sweet messages I finally redownloaded Instagram and I had so many happy birthday texts and or whatever messages and dms and comments and I just want to say thank you guys so much I was not expecting that at all but it was really really sweet of you guys but where am I going with this for my birthday a couple people gave me like masks and like I have never been more excited for a mask in my life like it's just so funny where we've come to in this world you know but like it's like the little things it's really exciting sorry I know I'm like really smiley it's just like guys I haven't said bye to camera in two months it's just so crazy like I've really I really have missed you guys so much and just walking on campus like I feel like no one really recognizes me except got my mask and my sunglasses all the things and I've had so many of you come up to me just the last few months or a couple months not few a couple on campus and just kind of talking to me and like people have watched my videos like obviously there's a lot of freshmen here that go to UGA and a lot of you guys probably watched my videos or you told me you watched my videos coming into college and I am so sorry that I wasn't here for back to school time and I wasn't here to like create you know it's my last season of back to school videos technically um which was kind of weird but it just it wasn't right it wasn't the time but I do want to say thank you guys for your support and like meeting you guys in person it's still like the coolest thing it's so funny meeting you guys because we're both like wearing masks and it's like mask selfie you know but like it does mean a lot to me and I I really enjoy engaging with you guys so if you ever see me on campus please say hey yes that's kind of what's been going on I've come back to school and I you know I live with Delaney we still live in the same apartment that we did last year and it's obviously been a little bit different um especially the first few weeks back here was really weird I was still really really not myself um I started going to therapy and I'm not saying this asking for sympathy I'm just sharing with you guys because we need to normalize therapy it's um definitely something really really good to do it's really important to talk about how you feel and get advice and just you know I think it's just good to have a safe space like that so that's something I started doing weekly and it has been very very very good for me and I really appreciate a lot of you guys suggesting that because it was really really smart that I did it so the first few weeks back were kind of rough you know I um was doing that I was having meetings with this amazing gal um just about all kinds of things and it was you know weird because campus like nothing is the same here right now and it shouldn't be and I'm so thankful that I get to be on campus right now I mean I don't live on campus I live off campus so either way I was going to come back but obviously things look different right now and no one like knows exactly like the right thing to do I've really just also learned how to have a balance in my life of having me time having time to talk with people doing things myself like working out just different things like that I I definitely have learned like right before this break I I was I was just on overload was just so many different things and I wasn't like completely myself and I really needed to take this time to kind of figure out what my priorities were kind of like what I was saying before and what really meant a lot to me but yeah so you know going from here I'm going to continue to include this stuff in my videos obviously moving forward but I am moving forward we're doing this I'm not going back on this I'm here I'm here to stay I am here to empower you guys to empower others to share my story to share my last year of school with you guys even though it's totally weird and so different right now I know how much my videos mean to you guys and I enjoy it like not I've been so bored you guys like I mean well school's definitely picked up so now I'm like wait actually whoa YouTube adding back into the schedule it's gonna be a little different but I have missed this so much and I am not going to let 10 years go away I am here and I love you guys and I have so many ideas of videos I want to do you know I haven't done vlogs in so long so I'm definitely gonna get back to that some college week in my life you know if you guys have any certain things you guys want me to talk about to do I am listening to you guys I am here to take your ideas expect some you know more normal content coming up I'm really excited I haven't filmed anything yet obviously but it will be there and I really appreciate you guys being patient with me I care about you guys so much and if you think for one second I don't you are wrong you can ask any my roommate my friends my family it is all I talk about 24 7 here I am I'm so excited to be back I what have I been up to oh I grew a plant a basil plant uh because Laney and I've been cooking a lot so um its name is Ferb it was my dad well my dad said you should name it herb like herb but I was like let's do Ferb like Phineas and Ferb so we've got a basil plant out on our balcony um the weather's kind of starting to cool off a little bit which has been kind of nice um even though I kind of like the heat I don't know I don't mind it but I am excited for fall I've been doing lots of organizing my it's I don't know it's just like when you have more time like I didn't realize how much time I was putting towards you know podcasts social media youtube it's definitely gave me some time to like do some other things I organized my whole apartment my bathroom learned some new cooking things we got an air fryer been air frying it's so funny on the first day of class is actually one of my classes that was the day I could go in person so I was so excited I literally got dressed I don't remember what I wore I probably have a photo like inserted and I was so excited to go on campus and like I tried to make it the most like realistic school day it was so not I remember being so sad I was walking on campus and there was like nobody which is how it should be and like they're trying to maintain it so there's not a lot of people on campus at once but it's definitely different but it was funny the first few weeks of classes any chance I had to go in person to class I did and then now I can't lie I've definitely been like just kind of staying home more and just like doing my classes from home however for my textiles testing the lab is really confusing and so every two weeks we are we have different groups who are allowed to like go into person and be with our professor so I've been doing that for lab going for lots of walks anyways this video is probably really long and I really appreciate you guys taking the time to watch this I know um I've kept you guys hanging for a bit and again I really appreciate you guys but yeah I love you guys so much don't you ever ever ever forget that and I'm here I'm back I'm here to stay and I cannot freaking wait to just get back to it I love you guys thank you again and I'll see you very soon for my next video holy crap it's so weird to say okay bye guys