You are two men: how to accelerate your development

I'm Dr. Orion Terriban, and this is Psych Hacks, Better Living Through Psychology, and the topic of today's short talk is, you are two men. So today I'm going to address the guys out there, and I'm going to share with you a concept that has helped me personally to accelerate my growth as a man. It's this idea that every man is actually two men, in the sense that every man contains two radically different, irreducible selves, and that both of these selves deserve attention and cultivation, and that one is ignored to the detriment of both. Let's get to it. So every man is two men. We're going to call the first man the worldly man. This is the man who is involved in games of status, power, wealth, and women. These are social games and or games that involve stuff or matter, and we can call the second man the spiritual man. This is the man who is involved in games of virtue, meaning, self-actualization, and enlightenment, broadly defined. These are psychological games and or games that involve abstractions or spirit. The domain of the worldly man is the domain of matter, and the domain of the spiritual man is the domain of spirit, and everything you encounter can be classified in either one domain or the other. How? It's actually very simple. If you use it and have less of it, you're dealing with matter. On the other hand, if you use it and have more of it, you're dealing with spirit. For example, if you spend a dollar, that is, if you use it, you will have one fewer dollar. So money is in the domain of the worldly man. Conversely, if you use courage to face your fear, you will have a little more courage the next time you need it. So courage is in the domain of the spiritual man. Make sense? Now, these two selves are like railroad tracks. Close up, they seem to run on completely parallel tracks and even appear to be diametrically opposed to one another. However, as the tracks approach the horizon or the limits of our vision, they meet at a single point of convergence. At the highest levels of comprehension, the two selves are really one. However, it is useful to consider them as separate and distinct until we arrive at that understanding. And that shouldn't be too difficult, because that's our everyday experience of them. Like being rich doesn't make you good, and being good certainly doesn't make you rich. And this is because in our everyday experience, the game of wealth has little, if anything, to do with the game of virtue. The rules and methods of the one are very different from the rules and methods of the other. Unfortunately, this means that, practically speaking, what is good for one self is not necessarily good or may even be detrimental to the other. So what typically happens is that men develop very asymmetrically. They are out of balance. They either heavily invest in their worldly success or, less commonly, their spiritual success. Those with worldly success can look down on the spiritual man as naive, idealistic, and soft-headed at best, and losers and failures at worst. The worldly man is proud to have dispensed with his illusions and gains no small measure of confidence from his demonstrated ability to successfully compete in zero-sum games for specific goods. On the other hand, the spiritual man often possesses a measure of contempt, even if it skillfully disguises compassion, for the worldly man. He's immature and superficial, taken in by appearances and driven by crass materialism. Unlike the spiritual man, the worldly man has no conception of what is truly important in life and has been corrupted by venality and pleasure. And though it may be difficult for him to admit it, the spiritual man is often envious of the worldly man for enjoying the success that he believes would be his just desserts in a fair and equitable world. If you're interested in taking your understanding to the next level, I would encourage you to check out The Captain's Quarters, my members-only self-improvement community. Your monthly membership will get you access to a cadre of like-minded, supportive individuals, bi-monthly group consultation sessions hosted by yours truly, and exclusive content that you won't find anywhere else. Click the link in the description for more information. Hope to see you aboard. Now I'm here to tell you that this antagonism between the worldly man and the spiritual man is misplaced and dangerous. The two selves actually support each other and at the highest levels merge into one. For instance, a man who has overly developed his worldly self at the expense of his spiritual self is unlikely to enjoy sustained success. This is because it's virtues like prudence and wisdom that keep a life of worldly success from going completely off the rails. Failing to cultivate the spiritual self is ultimately self-defeating for the worldly self. Why go through the trouble of conquering the castle if you can't keep it? By the same token, what is the point of becoming good if you lack the power and influence to do anything about it? Failing to cultivate the worldly self is ultimately self-defeating for the spiritual self who would like to see some measure of positive change in the world, whether it's healing or teaching others, or righting some intractable social wrong. Spiritual development without worldly influence is kind of solipsistic and masturbatory. It believes that it's good to cultivate good for its own sake, but that's not ultimately what good is good for. If we want our world to look different, we need to imbue good men with worldly power and authority. But that depends, first and foremost, on the willingness of good men to not turn their backs on that domain. There are a lot of spiritual virtues, things like perseverance, trustworthiness, and discernment, that facilitate worldly success, and many ways in which worldly concerns like attractiveness, aesthetics, and feasibility can support spiritual growth. So the two selves actually support each other, like I've said. However, their differences are also extremely useful. Why? Well, because the two selves are so different, because their domains of action are so separate, that no matter what life throws at you, you can use it as an opportunity to strengthen either the worldly man or the spiritual man. Like no opportunity, no experience, no event exists outside of the domain of either one or the other. This means that literally everything that you experience can be grist for the mill. Nothing is wasted, and everything can fuel your development one way or another. The idea is to switch from one mode to the other as circumstances dictate. When you're dealing with stuff, with things that decrease with use, it's a good idea to prioritize the worldly man. And the worldly man wants things to be easy. Why? Because ease is a sign that things are working the way they are supposed to work. The problems come for the worldly man when things are difficult, and it's his work to transform ineffectiveness, inefficiency, and obstruction into effectiveness, efficiency, and progress. Once this occurs, the worldly man doubles down on what is working, as this will serve as the source of even more worldly success. Too much difficulty cripples the worldly man. On the other hand, when you're dealing with spirit, with things that increase with use, it's a good idea to prioritize the spiritual man. And the spiritual man wants things to be hard. Why? Because difficulty is a sign that there is an opportunity to strengthen and preserve the virtuous self. The problems come for the spiritual man when things are too easy, and it's his work to seek out challenge and difficulty to stimulate growth and self-development. This creates a virtuous cycle in which the spiritual man is increasingly emboldened to overcome even more difficulty and contend with even more powerful adversaries. Too much comfort cripples the spiritual man. If your life is nothing but difficulty and obstruction, it's going to be very hard to make progress from a worldly perspective. It takes time and consistency for the harvest to come in. But by the same token, if your life is nothing but ease and comfort, it's going to be very hard to develop yourself from a spiritual perspective. A sword rusts in its scabbard. Fortunately, men can do both as the situation warrants. When things are easy, become the worldly man and double down on what is working. And when things are hard, become the spiritual man and lean into the difficulty. In this way, no experience is wasted, and you will be able to accelerate your growth considerably. You will also increasingly understand that the two men are one man as the selves converge in their highest expressions. What do you think? Does this fit with your own experience? Let me know in the comments below. And please send this episode to someone who you think might benefit from its message, as it's word-of-mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow. Anyone looking to join my free weekly newsletter or book a paid consultation can do so on my website. There's also my book, The Value of Others, and my member community, The Captain's Quarters. The links to everything are in the description below. I encourage you to check them out. There's a lot, a lot of great information in all of these sources. As always, I appreciate your support, and thank you for listening.