Understanding men: rich, attractive, or loyal

I'm Dr. Orion Terriban, and this is Psych Hacks, Better Living Through Psychology. And the topic for today's short talk is understanding men. Ladies, this is an episode for you. Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that some of you might need some education with respect to the opposite sex. So I'm here to explain a few things to you today with respect to getting what you want from men. If you take what I say under consideration, I assure you that you will have a much easier time in your dealings with us. Let's get to it. Perhaps you've heard it said that in business, you can have things good, you can have things fast, and you can have things cheap, but that you can only choose two. This is very true. If you want it fast and cheap, it's not going to be good. If you want it good and cheap, it's not going to be fast. And if you want it fast and good, it's not going to be cheap. Makes sense and fits with your experience, doesn't it? Now, there's a similar principle at work with respect to men. Here it is. A man can be rich, a man can be attractive, and a man can be loyal, but you can only get two, max. And I say max because the fact of the matter is, you'll be lucky if you get one. My apologies if that sounds cynical, but it's true. For instance, most men are not rich, which is why people will say that a woman is fortunate if she finds a rich husband. By the same token, most men are not attractive. They are dull and insipid and do little to inspire authentic desire. And finally, most men are not loyal, at least not in their heart of hearts. You might meet the occasional guy who swears up and down that he is monogamous by nature. However, when you meet him, you'll usually find his wife with an earshot or a suspicious lack of admirers that makes his loyalty less a virtue than a given. And this is why women can only get two of these three goods max. There's an economic principle that no one will pay more than they need to, and any one of these three things is extremely expensive. Like being rich, high status, and successful takes an incredible amount of work. By the same token, being attractive, not just in the sense of being six-two with good abs, though that certainly doesn't hurt, but in the sense of being interesting, or thrilling, or fun, or charming, or a good lover, or witty, or a pleasure to be around, also takes a great deal of work. And while being loyal can also take work, this only really takes work after a man becomes attractive or rich, as it's only then that he attains any optionality to speak of to tempt his loyalty. In any case, any one of these three things is extremely expensive, which is why most men don't have any of them, and why hooking a man with even one of the three is considered fortunate. So if possessing even one of the three already puts a man ahead of most men, then possessing two of the three easily places him in the top percentiles. As a result, possessing all three would be overkill and a waste of necessarily limited resources, since a man can clearly compete successfully with just two. But let's get back to these goods. You may not believe me, ladies, but most men start off by offering loyalty. This is because it takes a lot of work to be rich or attractive, and not a lot of work to be loyal when you're neither rich or attractive. And men understand that if you're not yet rich or attractive, they had better be loyal, because very few, if any, women are going to be interested in getting with a man who has none of the three goods in question. So most men start out loyal because it usually takes a good deal of time and effort to achieve the other two. If you appreciate the insights on this channel, I would highly encourage you to get your hands on a copy of my book, The Value of Others. Over the course of 432 pages, I delve deep into my economic model of relationships and explain the behavior of both men and women in the game of mating and dating. I also provide a lot of actionable advice on how to get and keep more of what you want in the sexual marketplace. Once you read The Value of Others, you'll never look at relationships the same way again. Now available in e-book, audio book, and paperback formats. The links are in the description. Now, I'm going to let you in on a secret, ladies. Most men don't want to be loyal. Like, they'll find a way to be loyal if they have to, but most guys don't want to have to. They want to be able to have sex with the women they want to have sex with. And most of them envy women's ability to do this so easily. However, in the absence of the other two goods, men have to present at least the semblance of loyalty in order to access any woman whatsoever. And even this, in many cases, won't be enough. Most men have had the experience of sincerely pledging their love and devotion to a woman only to be passed over for a man who is either more attractive or more successful. This is how men learn from women that of the three goods, loyalty is the least desirable. Men realize that the way out of this difficulty is to cultivate at least one of the other two goods, attractiveness or wealth. Having either one will open up more and better sexual opportunities for a man, and having both puts them in a world that most men can only dream of. Women might want all three, but getting just two is a stroke of supremely good luck, and a woman must be in some sense extraordinary in order to catch such a man. In general, it's not enough to merely be beautiful. She must also play the game of seduction extremely well. Now, let's briefly take a look at these three archetypes of very desirable men. Let's start with the man who is loyal and attractive. That's the archetype of the Romeo. Romeos can be extremely exciting and passionate because they are themselves so pleasing and charming. A woman is transformed into a queen when she receives their focused and piercing attention. They can be fun and bold and devoted. However, they typically haven't developed much in terms of a lifestyle, and as a result, Romeos tend to make fantastic short-term lovers, as it's difficult to maintain that kind of dynamic indefinitely. Once the magic wears off, women eventually discover that the emperor has no clothes. Next up is the man who is rich and loyal. That's the archetype of the patron. Patrons pride themselves on their discernment and taste. They are lavish with their spending and take pains to demonstrate their ardor for the objects of their devotion. Think the Taj Mahal. Patrons ensure that their women are comfortable, even pampered. Sounds good, right? The downside, of course, is that they're not attractive. Patrons might only want to have sex with you, but women might not feel any authentic desire for them, turning their lovemaking into a transactional chore. Women generally don't **** their fans, and the more adoration and security patrons provide, the more uninterested women can often become. As a result, patrons tend to find themselves disrespected and unappreciated as time goes by. Finally, we come to the man who is rich and attractive. That's the archetype of the playboy. Playboys are sophisticated and charming and well-spoken and debonair. They're no stranger to the good things in life, and they're happy to share them with the women who catch their fancy. There is never a dull moment with a playboy, as he knows how to stimulate a woman's emotions and possesses the resources to actually realize his audacious designs. And don't let the public censure of rakes fool you. Women love playboys. How else could they find so many willing lovers? If you capture a playboy's heart, expect investment, not exclusivity. And if you can't do that, then at least enjoy your time while it lasts. Hopefully, he'll leave you with some exciting memories to enliven your responsible domesticity. And what of the man who is rich and attractive and loyal? That's the archetype of the Prince Charming, which is why we're not going to talk about him. Prince Charming is a fairy tale. He doesn't actually exist. And unfortunately, too many women come to that realization too late in their lives, and then punish the men who do engage with them for not living up to an unrealizable ideal. Ladies, the sooner you can disabuse yourself of that bedtime story, the better. In any case, I hope that was enlightening. Whether or not you want to engage with men is up to you, but this is how you can do so in reality. A man can be rich or attractive or loyal, and most of you will be lucky if you get one. If you have the good fortune to land a man with two, then you better not rock the boat. Plenty of women with better sense will be more than happy to take your place. What do you think? Does this fit with your own experience? Let me know in the comments below. And please send this episode to someone who you think might benefit from its message, as it's word-of-mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow. And anyone looking to join my free weekly newsletter or book a paid one-on-one consultation can do so on my website. The links to everything are in the description below. As always, I appreciate your support, and thank you for listening.