The beam in your own: you re not working hard enough

I'm Dr. Orion Teraban, and this is Psych Hacks, Better Living Through Psychology, and the topic of today's short talk is the beam in your own. So, I try to take care of myself physically. I run most days and lift a few weights, and about a year ago, I started taking high-intensity interval training, or HIT, classes a couple days a week. Now, initially, I was a little concerned, since this particular franchise puts everyone's heart rate monitor information on a big board for the whole class to see. I was afraid of being judged, or embarrassed, or of the class turning into a competition. And much to my relief, none of that has happened. Like, that just hasn't been my experience. And I think the reason why that hasn't happened is that I'm typically so focused on simply surviving my own workout that I don't have the bandwidth to take in how anyone else is performing. It's hard enough for me to track what I'm doing, you understand? I just don't have the capacity, in an all-out sprint, to compare myself with others, let alone to critique what they are or are not doing over time. Now, the corollary to this is that if, by some chance, I do happen to start getting curious about where I stand relative to the other people in the class, it means I'm not working hard enough. I'm not running fast enough. I'm not lifting heavy enough. I'm spectating more than participating. Maybe you see where this is going. The title of this episode comes from a saying of Jesus. In Matthew 7, Jesus asks the apostles, how can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of your eye while there is still a beam in your own eye? First, take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. So I guess this is what I'm getting at in my roundabout way. If you ever catch yourself finding fault with other people, complaining about them, giving them unsolicited advice, or putting your nose in other people's business, then you're not working hard enough. You're coasting. None of these behaviors are good looks because nothing communicates I've got nothing better to do than criticizing others. Are you sure about that, my dude? Are you sure that you've got nothing better to do? You've already attained to a state of unflappable composure. Your health and finances want for nothing. You found your higher purpose and are relentlessly pursuing it. You're surrounded by people who love and respect you. You always get what you want and don't get what you don't. If not, then I'm afraid that you do, in fact, have something better to do. And you don't have time for this, my friend. Why are you so concerned about other people's performance when in that moment, you are underperforming? Like, I guarantee that if you were honest and you looked at yourself with objectivity and clarity, you would find plenty of things that you could be improving right now. If you have the time and bandwidth to critique others, it probably means that you're not adequately attending to yourself. Trust me, you'll have your hands full if you do that. David Goggins once said, you'll never see a hater doing better than you. Why is that? Because the reward of success is more work. That's the Matthew principle. For unto everyone that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance. When you start to succeed, people bring you more work, more projects, more opportunities. Not because you're the one who needs them the most, but because you have a track record of demonstrated ability. As you take on more, your time, your attention, and your energy become increasingly constrained. Successful people are taxed. They're sprinting. And they're typically so concerned about just getting through the sprint and achieving their goals and discharging their various responsibilities that they don't have time to judge and criticize others. If you appreciate the insights on this channel, I would highly encourage you to get your hands on Over the course of 432 pages, I delve deep into my economic model of relationships and explain the behavior of both men and women in the game of mating and dating. I also provide a lot of actionable advice on how to get and keep more of what you want in the sexual marketplace. Once you read The Value of Others, you'll never look at relationships the same way again. Now available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback formats. The links are in the description. So, my friends, if you ever find yourself in a mood of complaint, I would suggest that this is your cue to increase the difficulty level of your life. Stop going easy on yourself, as that laxity keeps you weak and undisciplined. Pick up a heavier weight and start running a little faster. You should be so focused on your own development, your own growth, your own perfection, that you won't have time to critique the lives of others. And what's magical about all this is that the more you attend to these things, your development, your growth, your perfection, the more useful to others you become. As you clarify your thoughts and purify your heart, your vision will become much less distorted. You'll see reality more clearly, and this will make you much more helpful to other people. That's the second half of Jesus' teaching. Then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Without clarity of vision, action will likely prove to be more destructive than inaction, even if the action is well-intentioned. Of course, removal of your own beam is probably the best, if not the only, indication that you might be able to help another with their speck. After all, why would you reasonably trust in anyone's ability to remove specks if they haven't yet been able to exercise their own? Be your own guinea pig, and practice on yourself first. This will help you develop the skills that will be useful to others once the time comes. However, one final word to the wise. Don't give unsolicited advice. As a therapist, I can tell you that it's hard enough for people to follow advice that they asked for. In my experience, advice they didn't ask for, no matter how true and potentially useful, is rarely, if ever, followed. It's better to save your breath and wait for the right moment, which will come in time. What do you think? Does this fit with your own experience? Let me know in the comments below. And please send this episode to someone who you think might benefit from its message, as it's word-of-mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow. And anyone looking to join my free weekly newsletter or book a paid consultation can do so on my website. The links to everything are in the description below. Of course, you can also check out my book, The Value of Others, which is available in paperback, ebook, and audiobook formats. It's in the top 10 in a number of Amazon categories, even some months later. And or join my new paid members community, The Captain's Quarters. You can find more information about all of those opportunities in the descriptions below. As always, I appreciate your support, and thank you for listening.