HOW TO HELP SOMEONE HAVING A FLASHBACK | DissociaDID

hello everybody it is kaya i think and welcome back to another video by dissection i'm a little bit overwhelmed right now if you haven't seen our last update please go watch that because we are so full of love for the community right now and for all of you guys i sat down today being like let's film a video about how you can help people through flashbacks so recently uh we met up with some other systems and spent maybe like four days together and it was great it was the first time we've spent with systems since 2020 um since like february 2020 i think in person it was quite a full full-on time there was a lot of stuff going on there were a lot of switches it was three systems that we were with and we were all staying in the same hotel room and of course there were triggers and all three of our systems had flashbacks multiple flashbacks actually and thankfully we were around to help each other through it we have lived with systems before we have met multiple systems we've spoken to a lot of systems within the community and obviously we have our own experience of having dissociative identity disorder but that doesn't mean that any advice that we can give or any of the things that we've seen will apply to everybody so this is just advice that we can give based off what we've found works for us and the people around us that doesn't mean that it's gonna be right for everybody so if you are gonna try and help somebody through a flashback the first thing you should do is before they have a flashback try and speak to them about it hey if this happens how do you want me to approach it how can i best help you is there anything i should avoid doing is there anything that would really help um sarafina's nibbling on my foot is that is that what's gonna help is it it's very grounding thank you yes that's my sock it's my sock some people might really not want to be touched when they're having a flashback for other people touch is extremely grounding or could help distract from physical sensations so if you haven't seen any of our other videos on flashbacks nin and i think chloe as well made a load of videos on like the science behind flashbacks the psychology of it the neuropsychology of like the parts of the brain that are activated why it happens how you can help that sort of stuff but nothing particularly just about okay if this happens and somebody in front of you is experiencing it what should you do right first things first try to stay calm whoever you're with especially if it is a system it might be somebody with ptsd and not necessarily somebody who has did anybody with ptsd cptsd osdd could all have flashbacks right so they have probably experienced it before it might look like it's the end of the world and yes they are probably going through an extremely unpleasant and very traumatizing experience but they have done it before they have come out of it before and they will come out of it again okay the only thing that you need to focus on is being there listening to what they need um and a lot of that is going to be body language and not panicking some people will be aware of what's going on vaguely while they're in flashback and it does depend on what kind of flashback it is some flashbacks are purely sensations feeling physical feelings that happened in the past some are visual images like an overlay of what's going on in the real world or could be completely you can't tell what's going on in the real world and you're fully in this flashback there can be sounds um like i said touch taste the experience is gonna differ from person to person and from flashback to flashback makes a little bit harder to deal with it's going to be easier the more you know the person and the more you've spoken about this beforehand so the first thing you want to know is can you touch or not if they are aware and it might not look like they're aware but they may be able to respond to you if you just ask can i touch is touch okay do you want me to touch you or i'm going to touch your arm right now is that okay they might just be able to nod or shake their head or move away listen to what they're telling you even if it's not verbal and don't try and force them to do something they don't want to do even if you think that touching might help them if they say do not touch me whether it's verbal or nonverbal as i've said do not touch them okay things that can help use a soft voice a soothing voice saying things that help them acknowledge that it is a flashback will help but don't try and diminish their experience by saying things like it was 10 years ago get over it that sort of thing or it's not even happening right now snap out of it do not say anything like that you can say things like it's over now you've done it you survived it it's from the past it's just a flashback and it's gonna be over soon praise can sometimes help you doing so well it's nearly over it's nearly done it's nearly done you've got this grounding through physical sensations if somebody is experiencing a flashback where they can feel what's going on whether that be in any part of their body for example with us omega may have a flashback and may find herself struggling to breathe um do not try and pull her hand away from her neck okay unless that individual is hurting themselves because if they find anything touching around there they may freak out even worse so if somebody is pulling or scratching a certain area of their body you can gently touch their hand if they've said it's okay to touch and try and move their hand away from hurting themselves more but trying not to touch the area that they are scratching holding grabbing onto okay and obviously if it's in a personal area just don't don't go there don't look just let them do what they're doing do not get anywhere near that zone okay unless you have expressed permission that you've spoken about before and even so i've never met anybody you that's okay with i've never even asked but i would be extremely careful consent is always going to be your number one priority and even if somebody has said oh yeah please do this when i'm in a flashback they may change their mind when they're actually in a flashback which is why it's so important to ask so yes you can try and avoid them hurting themselves again do not be forceful i'm going to use the example of somebody grabbing their throat and you know potentially causing themselves damage or making it harder for them to breathe don't grab their hand and try and pull it away hopefully this isn't triggering i'm not going to put any force this is just an example it could be on somebody's arm maybe they're scratching at their arms or something like that instead of grabbing and pulling forcefully away maybe you try and get your hand excuse my nails um maybe you try and so okay so somebody's doing that to themselves right you're going to want to try and get your hand underneath where their hand is grabbing on so you're going to want to try and go like that and gently hold their hand with yours so that way they're not going to be hurting their skin they might dig their fingers into here but they're not going to be doing any actual damage where they could take their skin off or cause any serious wounds squeezing especially on hands around um fleshier areas that isn't going to be super painful be careful if you're squeezing around the wrists if you are um with somebody who you know has been restrained or has trauma around being restrained so i would say stick to hands if you can squeezing and saying things like can you feel me squeezing your hand can you feel that can you squeeze back squeeze back if you can feel me squeezing your hand how many squeezes am i doing i'm gonna count with you one two one two three one one two three four that's gonna help bring their attention back to what's actually happening and not what they can feel happening from the past because you're counting through exactly what's happening as it's happening now that might help them start to distinguish between sensations now and somatic flashback again this won't work for everybody and you need to check beforehand if you can some people find um repeating the date where you are who you are um and that you're safe to be helpful for other people that doesn't help at all you can try it's not gonna hurt i don't think um it's i don't know what the date is let's say it's the i have no idea what the date is i don't even know what month it is june june june 2022. okay so let's say it's the first okay it's the first of june 2022 it's over it's done you've got through it you can get through it again it's just a flashback it's the 1st of june 2022. you're 25 years old you're safe you're in a hotel room you're with i don't know bobby and blake or somebody whoever's there you're safe nobody else is in the room you're just with us you're 25 years old it's 2022. it's over it's just a flashback that can help some people other things might you know might need to use a little bit more not sharp but i guess something that is more gives more sensation than squeezing um so for example um running your your hands across somebody's back like that if that's safe um or up and down their arms maybe scratching a little bit gently not digging your arms in just running your nails across the skin if they say please don't use your nails do not use your nails exactly the same kind of thing positive triggers only use a positive trigger if it's really really necessary and if you have consent from the system either beforehand or at that moment and you need consent okay so if you know a positive trigger for a protector for example and let's say you're in a public space maybe you need to leave the area that you're currently in and you need to help get this person out from where they are into a safe area but they are too deep in their flashback to walk or move and they're just getting more and more distressed you need to find a way to help leave that environment that's making it worse and making the trigger worse and get them somewhere safe or quiet or familiar okay that's not always possible when you're having a flashback if you are a did or potentially osdd system you may have positive triggers that you're aware of that will encourage certain alters to front never do this without permission and only when it's really necessary and i mean really necessary so this could be something like playing a particular song it could be touching a certain area of the body in a certain way it could be calling a particular name and asking them to front um okay um okay okay okay okay i think i said about touches i said about positive traders i said about making sure they don't hurt themselves i said about seeing the date i love you thank you for oh helping girl yeah okay um [Music] don't find that please it's a fairy light it's not for kittens to bite on no it's not there's nothing to bite on there you go sorry you can't bite it and it will hurt you okay um sometimes just hugging and holding can help if they're comfortable with touch just hold on to them tell them that they're safe tell them that they're okay be as soft and enveloping as you can be not tight make sure they can breathe soft sensations to help ground them whether that's just stroking if they're comfortable with that that's a candle um if they have any grounding objects with them that might be a bracelet ask them to feel the texture on the bracelet if they're with it enough if you have any strong smelling perfume or some oils or anything like that maybe give that to them hold it near their face and ask them to smell it can you smell it what does it smell like can you describe that as they're starting to come out of the flashback and they're able to what you doing and they're able to uh respond to you better maybe they are a little bit more aware of their surroundings you can ask them to do some grounding techniques like can you tell me five things you can see um or touch the walls or um things like that how many colors can you see right now um can you count them and tell me what they are um a good way to judge whether they're coming back to themselves and how far back to themselves they are is do you know where you are can you tell me why we're here do you know who i am how old are you do you know what the date is and um people can be pulled back into flashbacks so just because somebody seems to be coming back in that doesn't mean that it's over they could go right back that's fine don't panic it doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong it can take a while to recover from flashbacks especially if they're very intense ones or very full-on it can take yeah that's right i know it can take anything from minutes to snap out of if it's a relatively uh easy one well not to snap out of but to you know be okay and keep going uh when you come out of it careful those are my earbuds i'm sorry it's a very nice noise you don't have any toys in here do you or it could take hours or it could take a day or more to feel okay again after a flashback and it's okay just to be quiet just let them breathe let them recover it can be not just mentally and emotionally draining but physically draining too your body will probably be very tense you might struggle with your breathing you might have been flexing certain muscles you might have been clawing at yourself it can be very physically draining and you can't hurt yourself in flashbacks so give them the time they need if they need space give them space but keep an eye on them if you can um some people might vomit well they're having a flashback if they're remembering something particularly bad or if they feel like there's something in there they might feel the need to vomit what's that yeah play with it like that so yeah sorry i difficult topic i guess but uh yeah just be there for them discuss it beforehand if you can don't panic everything will be okay and i understand that it can be a very distressing and sometimes traumatizing experience to see people go through flashbacks especially if you then become aware of trauma about them that you weren't aware of before is absolutely okay and advisable to get therapy um mean sometimes we've been more traumatized learning about other people's trauma than we have when our own comes to light just because it's not yours doesn't mean that it can't be traumatizing to you so if you're struggling please seek professional help it's just as valid there's our advice like i said might not be applicable to everybody probably won't be applicable to everybody but that's the the best advice that we found works for the people that we've uh been in close proximity with and that's been a number of different systems and ourselves and i hope that it's helpful i know it can be very scary experience for whoever's helping and for obviously whoever's experiencing the flashback oh physical sensation flashbacks uh can last even if somebody else switches out and you can get little bits leak through as well even if it's not like a physical flashback um if somebody else in the system is having a flashback sometimes you can get glimpses of it or you can hear things you know whether that's hearing them have a flashback screaming shouting whatever or actually hearing part of the flashback they're having or feeling odd sensations that's normal it's just flashback stuff um something that helps if you are experiencing um pain in your lower areas is pace walk keep moving um for as long as you need to just walk um and yeah if you want ways to cope with actually experiencing flashbacks yourself and recovering from them then i'm more than happy to make a video on that too what are you doing this but for now i hope that this video is helpful and uh yeah if you've got any questions shoot ask us one of my old hats by the way from when i was kyle it's nice to have it back on again but um yes we will see you next time stay tuned everybody lots of love bye [Music] so [Music] you