INNER WORLD: Flashbacks | DID - Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder)

[Music] [Applause] Hello everybody welcome back to another video by dissociated my name is saurin I'm the host of the system and I'm going to be bringing you today's video if you don't know what dissociated is dissoci is a project that is dedicated to destigmatizing and raising awareness about dissociative identity disorder you might know it as multiple personality disorder but it was actually renamed to did in 1994 so what is did did is a dissociative disorder that develops in childhood if a child is experiencing repeated trauma now because this child is experiencing repeated trauma to such an extreme level it dissociates from its experiences the child will put up amnesia walls that help prevent the knowledge of this trauma or abuse that they're experiencing being able to impact them in their daily life which allows them to be able to continue to function as a normal child would without the awareness of this trauma completely destroying their life because this child has Amnesia walls to stop it from remembering or being aware of this trauma because this heavy dissociation and these Amnesia walls prevent the personality from fully integrating into a singular one it continues to develop with multiple personalities that cannot fully fuse due to this Amnesia this is how a child can develop multiple states of identity that can take executive control of the body they will have A&S or apparent normal parts that have little to no awareness of their past trauma or ongoing trauma and EPS or emotional parts that will have awareness and memories of the trauma this is known as tertiary structural dissociation one thing that we've been asked recently is can Alters or these alternate states of identity experience flashbacks because it is essentially a very severe form of PTSD and PTSD flashbacks will happen will they be able to experience those in the inner World which is essentially when they're not fronting controlling the body they are elsewhere in the mind the answer is yes altars can continue to experience PTSD and process memories whether they be traumatic or not in the inner world and not just while fronting in the body if these altars are close enough to the front and when I'm saying fronting fronting is essentially whoever is in control of the body is fronting you can consider it as being in the front seat of the car the driver's seat whoever is in the driver's seat is controlling the car which is the body body is a vehicle that we use other alts may be giving directions in the front seat next to it or they could be in the back mildly aware of what's going on and perhaps able to shout forward or they could be in the boot or trunk of the car with no real awareness no windows to look out of and those are in the inner World depending on how close an alter is to front so for example whether they're in the back seat versus in the boot you may be able to have some awareness of what's going on back there this will also depend on how good your communication is with those particular Alt if they are closer to front and they are having a flashback there are situations and occasions where you may be able to hear some of it or feel some of it and you will get this passive influence that you will be able to feel even if you are fronting in the body so whichever alar is controlling the body they may still be able to hear people talking to them or hear things that are happening further back in the Consciousness this can include flashbacks and it can be very distressing let's use an example occasionally if an ultra is having a flashback and it's either very very severe or they're not that far away from front or you have very very good communication with them and they're not that far back you can sometimes hear screaming or crying naturally this is a very distressing thing to have to experience especially if you just have to try and go about your day as though it's not happening and you're not hearing somebody begging screaming crying in the back of your head it's even worse if it's Littles it's a colloquial term for young altars Alters who are children who stopped developing usually around the time of the trauma that they experienced or exist to try and regain or retain some form of childhood joy that perhaps the system was unable to experience because they were going through so much trauma if you can hear a child screaming in the back of your head while you're trying to for example work or you're walking down a street or you're trying to sleep it's very very distressing and the most difficult part about this for me sain is knowing that there's not really anything I can do I just have to listen to it or try and if they're close enough to be able to feel things that are going on in the body self soothe with the body and and calm calm them down calm my heart rate down if they're close enough to be able to feel that but other than that there's no stopping it I can't take away the things that happened to them or to us when we were children I can't hide from the things that were done to this body as a child except when an Amnesia allows me to either forget or to not know at all in the first place and those will be memories that other altars hold because of this you may also get more than just auditory noises you may actually if they are close enough to front get flashes of their flashbacks this could be things like sudden pictures Su images a sudden feeling or sensation in the body a sound feeling some sort of leakage of what they're remembering May potentially be leaked through to front to you depending on how strong the dissociative and Amnesia barriers you have between yourself and that altar are one role of a gatekeeper alter is to try and prevent this from happening to make sure that memories aren't shared before that they're ready and make sure the altars are separate from each other as in when they need to be separate from each other this is in order to prevent the system from becoming completely overwhelmed overloaded and disregulated if memories were to be shared before the altar who doesn't have them is ready to know about it if they aren't prepared or other alts in the system aren't prepared it can be dangerous to the system it could cause things like like suicide attempts for example or self harm or just a complete shock and overload that can send you into like a severe Health spiral for example that's why this particular part of the role of a gatekeeper alter is important so if Alters are inside having PTSD flashbacks and you happen to be stuck in the front or an alra is stuck in the front and can't go inside to help them or do not have the control over switching to be able to go inside to help them or step back or they needed in the front to be able to do something for example working or speaking or attending a meeting or whatever it is that they're doing who is helping the person inside this is why we have internal caretakers you may have Alters in your system or some systems may have altars in their system whose role it is to take care of other altars to comfort them when they're experiencing flashbacks to calm them to make sure that they're okay and that they feel protected and that they have some form of figure that they feel safe around this would be especially important to a child who is experiencing this trauma if they feel that they have nobody safe in their life to go to but they have someone in their head a part of their identity that is providing that care for them that they're unable to experience in the real world because without it they simply would not have been able to survive the experiences that they were going through so altars like this may stay mostly in the inner World some of them may be able to front or just front less often and they may have certain altars that they are protectors or caretakers over or they could be caretakers in general for a larger group of altars for example Sally is a caretaker and mostly cares for our Littles our younger altars you can also have caretakers who work externally to take care of the body or altars who are closer to front and these can take various forms so for example our alter Mary takes care of the body and helps the body calm down helps the body relax red who is my personal protector he takes care of me specifically he is my protector and he takes care of me on an emotional level if I were to get triggered he'd be the one who would come and help me most often especially if the rest of the system didn't need to know about it or didn't need to get involved because it wasn't a big enough trigger that other Alters needed to know about it or needed to intervene so in that way they can continue doing what they need to be doing to take care of themselves and function in their own way whereas red is taking care of me in the front this helps avoid disregulation it helps avoid unnecessary panic and it allows people to continue doing their roles without being up set or dragged from it when it's not needed something else to think about when talking about Alters having flashbacks inside is subconscious trauma processing these altars that are perhaps further back in the system or further back in the Consciousness who retain most of their experiences within the inner World it can be the brain sort of subconsciously processing that trauma in the same way that perhaps the brain subconsciously processes experiences through dreams there are also other distress in parts of this that can be to do with persecutor altars if you don't know what a persecutor is a persecutor is an altar who will almost always hold a lot of trauma memories they will most likely be in a lot of pain and probably quite angry or frustrated or hurt or scared they have a very very difficult role that is not one that they chose it is not a fair thing to be a persecutor and it's not something that anybody asks for it's very very difficult to come to terms with that being your experience being someone who just has to hold all these horrible memories and these horrible experiences and the pain that goes with it and a lot of persecutors tend to take that out on the body or the system itself this may be through upsetting or hurting other altars or hurting the body through self harm or suicide attempts and along those lines some persecutors can also essentially weaponize trauma memories or negative memories to force their way into front we know this happens with other systems it's happened with our system too so we know that this is a shared experience with people in the community they can essentially show a flash of a negative memory or trauma memory or a scary memory in order to force a host or another alter out of front because they'll be trying to get away from it that can be very difficult and also very confusing to the people who are seeing those flashes especially because they're usually partial and you might not have a wider idea of what they're about or if you do then that could be very very triggering and cause a flashback I know this video was not positive generally anything to do with trauma PTSD cptsd flashbacks is not going to be positive but it's really important to remember when we're talking about did that yes for a lot of people it may seem Fantastical or bizarre or very very interesting but the most important thing to remember when you're learning about the ID or asking people questions about did or trying to widen your knowledge about other people's experiences who may have did is that this was formed because of childhood trauma this is not a fun disorder to have it's not roleplaying it's not acting it's not oh what altars do I have and let's learn all about them it is a dissociative disorder that stems from repeated childhood trauma this disorder is about trauma it's about survival it's about dissociation it's about Amnesia it's about whatever that brain had to do when it was a child in order to survive the horrific experiences that it was being put through it's not fun and it's not a game but this doesn't mean that you can't live a successful or happy life with the ID it doesn't mean that you can't heal it doesn't mean that there aren't Specialists out there and healthc care that can help you it doesn't mean that you can't learn to communicate with your altars it doesn't mean that you can't reduce the Amnesia it doesn't mean that those dissociative barriers won't lessen over time with lots of therapy it doesn't mean that you can't end up with altars who want to work together and persecutors who want to and may success F reform themselves into the strongest and most incredible protectors that your system May ever see it doesn't mean that healing is out of your reach and it doesn't mean that you can't live the life that you want it may mean that your life might not look how you ideally imagined it would if you didn't know that you had the ID and there may be some things that you can't do but success looks different to everybody this is not a death sentence and you're not alone there are a lot more systems out there than you think a lot more people are starting to get diagnosed now that did is being bought further into public awareness and professional awareness as the stigma lessens more people wanting to do studies on them more people are reading books more people are starting to do research more people are wanting to specialize in treating did and complex trauma disorders more people are learning about dissociation and what significant repeated trauma can do to the brain of a child there is still hope I know that these experiences are overwhelming and I know that for some of you it may feel like you'll never get better or that you'll never have any control and maybe it's not even worth trying but it is worth trying you can develop positive memories along with just the negative traumatic experiences that you've already had in your life you can reform your life it's not easy and I'm going to I'm not going to lie to you and say that it can be cured like that or that therapy will fix everything for you immediately we've been in specialist therapy with specialist did therapist trauma therapists for many many many years and it has made a huge difference to us you'll be able to see it if you watch our older videos on the channel and then further through to videos now the improvement in our communication how much faster and smoother our switches are the way our system has rebuilt and reformed itself to be able to make sure that we can take care of each other better the quality of our videos that we're able to bring you because we're able to live a more functional life now the fusions that have happened the memory integration that has happened that has led us to a healthier place the reduction of that Amnesia and those dissociative barriers that are necessary for fusions to happen the fact that originally when we started the channel we thought we had 12 alters and ended up discovering that we have more than 40 not because loads of new ones were split but because we started to uncover trauma memories and Alters that held them through our experiences with therapy and the more we find out about that the more we can start to work through those trauma memories and integrate those memories and encourage fusion and for people who ask can eventually all altars fuse into a singular identity yes that is possible and it's called Final Fusion for some altars and some systems especially systems who have highly fragmented systems and lots of subsystems and lots of Alters it will be more difficult and maybe not as possible to be able to achieve full Fusion but those systems May instead be aiming for functional multiplicity which is just as valid a healing response and a goal as Final Fusion is functional multiplicity is when you can work together as a group as a system to live a functional life where those dissociative barriers are reduced and you can communicate more clearly and you can switch easier and you can live together successfully rather than the did preventing a happy healthy life it helps encourage you to work with your brain and the way that your brain developed to be able to live a healthy and successful life please don't give up on yourself if you have the ID and please don't give up on yourself if you have PTSD or cptsd or osdd or any other disorder actually you are not on your own you are capable of healing and making changes and you are going to be okay you just need to stay around long enough to see that happen if you like what we do and our videos and you'd like to support us the best way you can do that is on patreon and we also offer rewards to people who subscribe to our patreon you can join and have a look around for free or you can join our lowest tier from1 or $1 a month or the equivalent in your country we have lots of things on there for you including being able to suggest and request what videos you want us to make for you so that you can help shape the dissociated project you can vote on other people's requests you can get merch you can see behind the scenes footage that will never be released anywhere else you get full bloopers reels for every single video that we make you'll get exclusive videos that are only released on patreon that are fully edited YouTube worthy videos you can get everything from posters hoodies stickers mugs bags shirts whatever you want and they are all are handdrawn art and Designs like this which says you are not hard to love and you can find that at www.patreon.com kayandco or patreon.com diso we are also in a court case against a man called Sergio Costa if you want to know what he did to us and why we are in court against him we have a whole playlist called what happened to dissociated which explains everything including the first video in that series which has things like screenshots of conversations that show you exactly what was going on and then we have updates all the way through every step of the court process till now and this has been going on since the first legal letters were exchanged four years ago so there are a lot of updates and we fund raise the money that we need to be able to pay for lawyers through crowd Justice which is a fundraising platform specifically and solely for funding legal costs for court cases the money does not come to us if you donate to crowd Justice crowd Justice sends it directly to our lawyers we cannot keep that money it does not come into our bank account it bypasses us completely and our lawyers can only use it for the case against Sergio Coster if you would like to donate or share whether that's sharing the link or sharing the playlist or sharing the first video in the playlist that explains what's going on that would be incredibly helpful to us and we really appreciate everything that you guys have done to support us in getting our Justice take care of yourself know that you are loved you're believed in that positive things will come your way and that we at least want you to stick around don't forget to subscribe and click the Bell button to get notified when we release another video otherwise YouTube won't tell you and leave a comment if you would like to lots of love everybody see you in the next video bye [Music] [Applause] [Music]