REACTING to GETTING TRIGGERED!? 2021 vs 2023 | Dissociative Identity Disorder | DissociaDID

Hello everybody, welcome back to another video by Dissociated. Today we're gonna be making a video that we mentioned in the last video that we made. So, can you chill? We good? Anyway, in the last video we made we talked about some of the ways that you can handle, manage, or deal with triggers, especially during triggering conversations, and we mentioned that we had found a video from 2021 where we had tried to vlog a week. We caught us going into a panic attack and managing to avoid it by using one of the techniques that we spoke about in that last video. This situation could very easily have turned into a flashback. It happened because Nin's mind wandered and she triggered herself. That was it. We weren't faced with the triggering situation, we weren't put into a situation that was dangerous for us, we weren't faced with any particular triggers. Nin's mind just wandered and this was during a very, very difficult time. If you don't know about the things happening in 2020 and 2021, we'd recommend please going and having a look at our system update, alter update videos. There are two of them. If you'd like to find out what happened to the alters who are in this video, or some of them at least, some of them are still around, but Nin and Kyle obviously are not. So, Nin and Kyle eventually did fuse to create me, Kaya. So, I have perspective of at least two people in this video. There are a couple of other alters who front, slash, are trying to do in this video is speak about and name what was happening, specifically the emotions that Nin was feeling. It may not look like it's helping, but I promise if Nin was not doing this, this would have devolved into a flashback or a panic attack very quickly. Because Nin was speaking about who was feeling what, they started off by naming the emotions they were feeling. That helped Nin to connect with herself, her emotions, and because she was then looking inwards and paying attention to the responses to this trigger, she was able to identify what was actually going on inside, what other alters were close, and what they were feeling. By doing that, she was able to distinguish between her emotions and other alters' emotions, who was trying to help, and what was going on. This made switching eventually easier, and it allowed other alters to express their emotion and deal with it together as a relatively cohesive unit, rather than having what could have turned into a flashback-y situation with rapid switching and lots of alters trying to either get or avoid front, and everybody having their own reactions to the trigger. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to play it and react to it, and I'm going to have it up here. Obviously, I have seen it before. This is part of a lot of clips, none of which have ever seen the light of day, because it was just a really bad time period for us, and it was just... the footage of the week, I think we only managed a couple of days, was just really depressing. Really depressing. Awful. Terrible. So this is the only thing that we're sharing, at least as of right now. So I hope that it helps. Let's go. Okay, it's like 15 minutes later. I know we're supposed to be recording how we feel, and as things change throughout the day, we've somehow triggered ourselves. This is Nin filming at the minute, in this video. And I'm frustrated, and I'm angry. She's trying not to give in to being upset and just name the sensations and emotions. I think I feel shame. I feel hurt. Anger and frustration are the most, actually, at the minute. She keeps looking. And I think Kyle is feeling it with me. The longer she thinks about it and tries to name them, the faster they come. Betrayal. But she doesn't give up. Anger and hate. You might be surprised how many words you actually find to describe how you're feeling. Helplessness. Fear. And how nuanced your emotions can be. Trying to name the emotions you're feeling can help you make sense of them and help you process them. I was about to say there's no shame in feeling emotions, but apparently I had a hard time saying that, which means I'm having trouble allowing myself to accept that I'm feeling these things. See, if she hadn't done this, she wouldn't have known that. I'm also not letting myself cry. Because I feel like I've cried enough over these people and I don't want to give them the satisfaction, which is not healthy for me. I think there were probably a lot of triggers warring with each other, honestly. Kyle's telling me he's going to be okay, which means that he's managed to pull himself out a bit. Jade's around. Hi. Sally's around. So she moves from feeling her own emotions to being able to tell who's close and who's affecting what the person in front is feeling. Start to dissociate a little bit here. Feeling dizzy. Drained. It's easier to look inwards when you're not focusing on what's happening externally, so sometimes your body might make you close your eyes. You might get dizzy and things might get blurry. It's easier to look inwards without that distraction. Sally, Nadia and I are arguing about who's going to front because Nadia doesn't want to feel it either. This was in February 2021. And now she's really upset. So now I can feel her panic added into our chest. Also noticing where you're feeling your emotion, where it's settling. Her emotions are a lot more distraught and sad, whereas mine are a lot more blocked off and angry. Being able to differentiate Nadia's emotions from Nin's emotions is good. Kyle's gone silent. Sally's trying to calm everyone down. Staying present, explaining what's going on. See, this is how fast things can spiral and none of it is showing on my face. I could be having a conversation with somebody and holding that conversation because this was a minor accidental trigger from my mind wandering. But all this stuff could be going on and people would have no idea. DID is a defence mechanism. People who dealt with trauma are generally pretty good at hiding it. But I also want to keep recording what happens. I knew if we switched to somebody else like Nadia, we would start crying. And I thought this was still going to be used for the vlog. I'm having a hard time breathing. So this could have turned into a panic attack, but we were all fighting it. I'm currently kneeling up by my windowsill. The phone is against the window, trying to control my breathing. I'm doing deep breaths, breathing out slowly, like you're breathing through a straw. Ideally, it should make a noise like that. Try and keep it slow. You can see I ran out of breath and gave up on that. But that's okay. Kyle stepped in to help. That's Kyle. Not fully in front because it's still Ninh fronting. I don't think that's Ninh there. I think that's a bit of Kyle. At this point, Ninh and Kyle hadn't quite started to fuse, but it would have been close to the point where things started to happen. Getting lightheaded and switchy, not because of the lack of breath. Now kneeling down all the way down on the floor, have my phone propped up against the radiator and my leg to keep it steady. Switching. At this point, I think that we forgot that there was a camera or we were just calming down. This was the point where other alters, like especially Sally and Kyle, were stepping up to front to step in and make sure that there wasn't a triggered reaction from the reactions of the body, like having a panic attack and stuff like that. Other alters that were more EP, so for example, Ninh mentioned Ruby and Nadia and stuff like that, would have stayed back. This isn't Ninh. I don't remember who this is. But you can see they've got a handle on the breathing. And while we were switching, our breathing calmed down as well because multiple alters were stepping in to take control of what's going on. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I'm looking at my clock. It's already nearly five o'clock and we've got so much work to do today. Ironically, the jobs that we had to do were later on in this day, I think we found out that it had been manipulated and ripped away from us by an organised campaign on Reddit. It's not work we can put off. We've got deadlines. This didn't even matter. We could have spent the day recovering, but we didn't. That was a wonderful present to get after that, I guess. It just kept coming, bro. It just kept coming. The punches, we had to roll with them. Dissociating, that's Kyle. Not fronting, but it's going to be okay. Speaking what Kyle was saying out loud. I think this was probably a good blendy mess of alters at this point. There's a lot of thoughts running around the head, like, why do we have to live like this? We've tampered down on the physical responses. This isn't fair and we just want it to stop hurting. But the emotional fallout of being close to being triggered or almost getting triggered or narrowly avoiding a flashback. With the state of mind we were already in, it was hard not to react like that. None of that. That's Kyle. None of that. We're all right. You big babies, we're fine. Come on. I don't remember being this brutal with them, honestly. Weren't even a flashback, man. Come on. You got this. Come on. Up. Up. I'm going to stop that there so you don't see our window or anything like that. But essentially, Kyle takes front and says, we've got to keep going. We've got phone calls to make. We've got ---- to write. We've got stuff to do. We didn't even have a flashback. We avoided it. Good job, guys. Get over it. Let's go. That was how naming your emotions and staying present and focused in what you're experiencing now, what your body is experiencing, what's happening in your mind, where your brain is going, what you're thinking, and if you do have DID or OSDD, what other alters are involved, how that's affecting you and your emotions. Where they're settling in your physical body will help not only you, but because generally, with us at least, for alters, it's actually easier to hear what the body's saying out loud than if you're trying to think back to each other. Saying it out loud helps everybody to understand where they're at and can help ground other alters. And we would have forgotten that completely, probably, had we not recorded it. It's really interesting to see, looking back, especially when we had generally such good communication at that point in time, before 2020, around 2020-ish, before everything started to change so that we could cope. It's really interesting to look back and see how fluid our system was, how everybody knew what they needed to do, could step in to deal with it. Which is, honestly, even though our system did change pretty much completely after this because we just couldn't cope, I genuinely think that's why we're still alive if we hadn't done the healing work that we needed to get to that point. Even though we've had to restart now, DID is a ******* fantastic defence mechanism. So yeah, I hope that that was a helpful illustration of how that can help avoid things like full-on panic attacks, flashbacks, and keep you grounded and centred in the front, help you identify what your needs are and what your feelings are. Let us know if it was helpful. If it wasn't, we won't consider sharing anything like this again, but I do hope it was helpful. Maybe one day we'll get to a point where we're able to watch back the other clips of that vlog period or ever feel comfortable sharing some of the things that were happening around this month, February 2021, for awareness so people can see what it's like to live with a trauma disorder like this when things are rough. Meow, Titu. Hi, baby girl. I'm all right, I'm just a little bit dissociated. All right, lots of love, everybody. Bye.