MY ALTER DOES MY MAKEUP: Live Trigger, Inner Worlds & Therapy chat | Dissociative Identity Disorder

Hello everybody welcome back to another video by dissociated this is going to be a makeup tutorial video with some fun facts or something about did I actually know what I'm going to do I just I'm too exhausted to do a normal video and we get a lot of requests about how have you done your makeup this way can you show us how to do it so I'm more than happy to do that you can't see right now but there is a mango our cat laid on the table right behind where I'm filming so there's a chance she's going to go after our wires and we'll have to be careful about that but hopefully she's going to behave herself so this is my bare face I have nothing on I've not had anything done to my face this is just what it looks like however I have had a brow lamination which basically makes your eyebrows stick up a little bit more get your nose out of my makeup bag please get get back and I've also had a lash lift which means these are my natural lashes they've just being curled it's like a perm for your lashes can you get your nose out of there please don't bite it don't bite it what are you doing no no no no no yeah that's better this hair has faded like this but I think it looks like Calico like a calico cat or a torto shell cat with the sort of orangey Red Ginger color the white and our natural brown hair this was from when we dyed it red so we're going to do a makeup look that's themed around that I'm just going to use the tarte shape tape concealer to conceal my spots I have a horrible one on my chin at the minute hey do you want to do your makeup too you've got such lovely white fur so I'm just putting that on the areas where I need coverage the most and then I'm going to blend it in with a little brush I pat down using the brush on the areas where I need the most coverage and then I'll use my finger to blend out around the edges and make that soak into my skin I have used perhaps a little bit too much it's been a while since I did makeup and I forgot how full coverage this is and that's the result of that now we can put on the Tinted Moisturizer which is very very sheer if I can open it the reason I like this as well is because this has SPF this is 30 SPF so it's sun [Music] protection it also smells really good it smells like sun cream to me but like the kind of sun cream that you want to wear like nice Sun cream this isn't sponsored or anything like that I just really like the way it smells it's sort of I don't really know how to describe it slightly fruity I'd say not like a coconuty smell but definitely like a I would wear this on holiday type smell mango back up please you can't go in there that's literally a makeup case yes I love you too thank you for the kisses lick the back of my Knuckles on that hand as you can see the Finish is really really natural so if you just need a little bit of something and some SPF protection and this is going to moisturize your skin as well then I highly recommend this okay what should we do next blush I've picked out two blushes which are blushers by made by Bell made my [ __ ] wow no sorry made by Mitchell absolutely not made by bitchell that that's that's that's insane anyway I've picked some orangish Shades I'm really struggling to speak to today I'm a bit dissociated I've not actually used them on my face before they were gifted to me by a friend so we will see how they actually look on the skin the idea is that I'm trying to match this or I will be with the look not sure how pigmented this is going to be they tend to be quite pigmented so I may have just made a big mistake by putting that much on let's find out that's so pretty though it's definitely too much but it's okay they blend out so nicely that if you're just patient with it you can fix pretty much anything that's such a pretty peach color this color is can't cope with coral it was Saar in when we started this I now also have Sally quite close by not like Ultra close but closer than she usually would be when we're doing blush on our face we tend to bring it quite high up under our eye that's also because we have very persistent dark circles that refuse to be covered no matter how full coverage the products we use are they just they want to be seen they want to be loud and proud and by bringing some color especially if it's on sort of the opposite sides of the color wheel up underneath them it does help to blend and cover that color as well okay I think we'll stick with that I was going to do an ombre of the coraly color and the sort of readyy color but I feel like that would be too much we're going to pop a little bit of Contour on not too much usually I'd put Contour on first but I forgot this is the e.l. Halo wand e.l. Halo glow Contour in the lightest shade I'm going to use the same brush that we used to do the blush with and I tap now I'm going to take a tiny bit on the nose and do a tiny little bit of nose contouring like the lightest hand ever and then just blend it out with a smaller brush like this little one here and again it's more like tapping than anything else except when I'm going down my nose um I sort of stroke along the line to blend it out the good thing about this Contour color is because it's so cool toned it does look like a shadow and it's so light that it Blends into our skin really well so none of those like harsh contour lines if that's what you like that's absolutely fine but that's not what this look will give you this is a bit more um subtle okay the next thing I'm going to use is my ancient Modern Renaissance palette which is I think from actually 2016 I know I shouldn't be using it I know it's almost definitely expired but I refuse to let go of it this is my husband um I love him and I refuse to let go so I'm going to use the shade warm taupe which is a very grayish Brown as a just to darken my crease at tiny little bit nothing too crazy I'm just using the fluffier side of the brush that comes in the pan let's talk about some did related things one of the major differences that we found between having a therapist who is more informed than an average trauma therapist is that she's able to identify switching and triggers sometimes even before we're able to identify them ourselves and sometimes that can be very uncomfortable and startling because you don't always want someone to know when you're switching other times it can be very helpful because you'll be bringing up a topic and she might be able to let you know hey I can see you reacting like this is somebody getting closer that you need to pay attention to and you can be like oh you're right I would not have noticed because I was so focused on what I was speaking about that someone else has actually got closer whether that's due to a trigger that impacts them or something that they want to share or because we're getting a bit too close to something and someone's stepping in to be like okay you need to watch what you're saying I'm not comfortable sharing this yet it's helpful to have that additional Insight which someone who is not as experienced in working with complex trauma or specifically did they may not be able to help you with that just pulling a tiny little bit under my lower lash line as well and this really isn't all that visible it just gives a little bit of extra Dimension to your eyes especially if you're about to do something that doesn't involve a lot of eyeshadow graphic eyeliner or dots or something like that I'm now taking a light shade it's just sort of a l like a a cream color and putting that on my lid just so that any of the Tinted Moisturizer doesn't sink into the creases so it's just mattifying it down but yeah that's something that we find very helpful about having someone who's experienced with the to help us navigate trauma and our system the did therapist that we spoke to recently is actually a fully integrated system herself so fully fused into one sole identity so her insights on the diid as well as working with it and healing it are supremely different to other did Specialists that we've seen except for one they speak quite similarly um and notice things on the same level but she was able to give us some advice that even had me confused I pride myself in liking to know at least somewhat what's going on in the front area of my system because I used to be primary protector I haven't really wanted to let go of that control I've had to obviously but when I was Kyle I was primary protector and I I don't like that I'm now not allowed to know certain things and you know I don't have all that information anymore about the way the system works and say way my systems run and there was one thing that she was telling us to do that would help us this is the Hollywood Flawless filter I'm going to use it as a highlighter there was one thing she was telling us to do which involved making a specific space in the inner World which has specific specific properties built into it and I was asking how do I ensure that it works you know I don't know how to do that I don't know how to create spaces in the inner world what's there is just there and she was saying it will have what it needs and I was like yes but how how do we ensure that it's going to do what it needs to do do we need have a gatekeeper there all the time to make sure for example if ERS who are misbehaving are made to leave that area and until they're behaving better and then they can come back in and she was like no no no no no the space is like its own Altar and I was like I don't understand how that works I do not understand but it's working and I wasn't the one to set it up and she was like you're going to need a little you're going to need a little to do this and I was like what and she was talking about different amounts of imagination and that being able to impact it and as she was telling us this I did have a little close by and she was like I can do it there's things about how did works even with the amount of research that we've done the amount of qualifications and certificates training stuff that we've done plus having firsthand experience plus knowing other systems plus having being able to speak to multiple professionals both in our working career and as a client two different sides of the spectrum there there are still things where I don't understand how it works and I have to learn through experience and I think there's a lot of things where we don't necessarily know why it works the way it does we just know that it does work the helpful thing about raising awareness about the ID in the way that we do and in the way that other people do as well is that it encourages more research more research into okay so we know that this does happen why we need studies on it we need to look into it more because I guess that gives it more backing people are more willing to take it seriously that was interesting I was glad that it was working but I also felt very useless because it wasn't something that I could help with and also I was then nervous because I like to take control of things where I can if something went wrong I don't know how to fix it but that's not my role there's a reason why I don't know how to do it and I don't know how to fix it and I don't necessarily have direct access to it or a way to control it cuz that's not for me and some times letting go of that you know desire for control desire to I need to be in charge of the life and just me I need to know what's going on all the time I need to be able to choose what happens it's so hard to have the ID and not have those options about how to control your own life you have to share it with the other people who can take executive control of your body because that's just the way that your brain has designed to work in order to survive your experiences that doesn't mean it's not difficult gets easier absolutely gets easier some of it is always going to be hard especially the trauma side of things but I think that some of it does get easier this a e.l.f Halo glow setting powder just use this brush oh that's so much powder I'm going to start here cuz we get shiny up here so we're going to Pat that on and it's going to set the Tinted Moisturizer and also help soak up any excess oils so it will be more matte and less shiny and it will help it stay as well over the nose too cuz our makeup always moves on our nose don't forget to flick away any excess powder you guys will have to let me know what you think of this kind of more sit down chaty style of video like a get ready with me there's also a little chat and information about the ID or things that we're experiencing is this something that you would like to be on the channel more often or is it not really something that you're enjoying oo all over my shirt and that's the base done now we get to do the fun Parts I want to do two lines as eyeliner I want an orange and I want a brown going to do the orange first which might not be the wisest thing to do but we'll see makeup is all about playing I'm using the color Case by May made by Mitchell the orange color I'm just going to take it from The Edge zoom in a little shall we wow that's real slow hi and go looking at me from upside down can I help you okay so there's the orange eyeliner now I'm going to grab some brown going to use this brown which is the lightest maybe this one warm that up on the back of my hand in the same place that I had the orange and mix what's left of the orange with that sort of light brown it's like a chocolate mousse and I'm going to bring that just underneath uh the orange it helps if you pull your skin tort like that I may also do a little bit of an inner corner just by pulling a little line like that if you wanted to put fake freckles or anything too this would be a great color to do it with maybe I should okay okay I'm now going to use a water activated liner from glisten Cosmetics this is just a white liner blend it into the [Music] skin black dots maybe here I'm just using the end of the brush to make a circle and then here and yeah oh it's cute I like it and then maybe here now this is where I I have to be careful that I'm not doing too much cuz I get over excited trying to open the packet success it's called kugi it's by glisten Cosmetics the sparkles look at [Music] this I don't even know what I want to do with it maybe a line under whoa I wasn't expecting it to have that much pigment and then I wanted to do dots it's okay I want to follow the white line as well just like along the [Music] top the gold really added something to this and going to lie it's the slowest zoom in the whole world so that's what we've got for eyes oh I do want to put a little bit of gold just right at the bottom in the middle like here right under the Lash line just in the very center of the eye of the eye right below where if you're looking straight at someone where your iris would sit right under there maybe also a little bit under the cat eye we did I think it's cute what do you think but this is the way that we do our makeup it's or the way I like to do my makeup it's just I have an idea sometimes I don't even have an idea of like what colors to use I just like go straight in and I explore and I just keep going until I like it this is why it's h you said that's why it's autistic for me this is why it's artistic for me I find it soothing and I know some people might find it strange like saurin you're a male alter in a female body why would you want to do makeup men can wear makeup too and for me I just see it as art anyway I don't like the feeling of heavy makeup and usually after we filmed we only really do it for filming or if we going to like a special event or something I'll take it off as quickly as possible cuz I don't like the way it feels on my skin when it sits on my skin which is one of the reasons why I like that Tinted Moisturizer that we've got now cuz it doesn't feel like you're wearing anything on your skin whereas heavy Foundation you can feel that and it's really uncomfortable what I'm thinking of doing now is I have this which is the most dried out old ass lipstick no T no shade it's a Jeffree Star thing that we bought like it must have been 2016 2017 something like that it's musty it's so dry if I can get anything out of it I will it's like a brown with a purple Shimmer in it so dry looks more like an ey Shadow now than anything else um so that's just in the outer Corner don't panic and I have a plan and then I have those two blushes remember so this is the darker one called Peach sugar which again haven't used these these were given to us by a friend it's this kind of color I'm thinking if I can mix those together and then put the orangey shade in the middle it's going to blend in a little better let's see if this blush will even work on the lips I'm blending very gently over the lip line so it almost looks like a freshly kissed or bitten look it just Fades out the kind of way that they do it in like China very diffused around the lip line so this is the powder same kind of color as my skin there now you still have a diffused Edge but it's inside your lip line now I'm going to put the orange in the middle this one H not loving it I know well the gloss will transform it but the colors aren't right so what can I do picked up the gold again still don't like the color with the look but I don't have anything else down here had to bring things downstairs to try and do this but I may be able to fix it with gloss so let me run and grab that found two things this also look if you have expired makeup you should throw it away do as I say not as I do this is one of the first bits of makeup it's like a chapstick lip gloss type thing that I ever owned it's completely discontinued now it's called a great kisser by soap and Glory it smells and tastes amazing and I just won't let go of it I very rarely use it cuz it could probably make me ill I've had it since I was like 14 it's like semi sheer oh it smells so nice something that I do use regularly it's pretty much the only gloss I use I just got really dizzy I don't know if it's the smell of this cuz I found it the other day when we were doing a um deep cleaning of our bathroom we haven't used it in years is probably not since we were still a teenager but I was like I'm not throwing away I love that okay I'm going to try and ignore that we're going to switch I want to finish this so I'm at least going to put this ow this on uh this is the fentic gloss bom it's like clear and [Music] gold sorry pretty weird when pretty pretty weird end to video I think this might be a positive trigger for someone um hopefully I'll be able to come back later because we should film while we've got makeup on whether we'll be able to I do not know but uh I'm sorry thank you for watching I'm dissociated the heck but this is the final look we hope you enjoy us uh giving you some little anecdotes and insights into things and then just playing around with makeup let us know how you found it uh if you would like to support us and get rewards then you can join our patreon for free um and help vote and suggest what videos you'd like to see and get merch and see exclusive videos blers and things and behind the scenes footage [Music] I can't remember the other things that we usually say I got to bye [Music] oh [Music]