Going no contact with a narcissistic parent #narcissisticparent

hi everyone I'm Athena from Courage coaching thank you so much for stopping by today in today's video we're going to talk about going no contact with a narcissistic parent and what you will experience when you make the decision to do this now the first thing that you will experience when you go no contact with a parent is that they will be extremely angry at you for daring to do this a narcissistic parent is always in control of their child so when their child suddenly decides to not speak to them anymore to not be there for them when they want that attention the narcissistic parent will not be able to handle this the narcissistic parents will vilify you will smear your reputation against other family members they will be extremely distraught at the fact that you dared to stop speaking to them if on the other hand however a narcissistic parent goes no contact it is because they are the parent because they are the one in control because they are the one that has the power but when a child decides to do this it is terrible it is Criminal the child has no right to do this now let's think about why an adult child would choose to go no contact well in order to get to that point of choosing to go no contact contact the adult child will have tried absolutely everything in their power to make the relationship with their parent work but they will have come to a point in their life where they realize that nothing is going to change that the parent isn't going to be accountable for any of their bad behavior that there isn't going to be any Improvement in the relationship when an adult child goes no contact this is out of desperation this is because they have had enough because they have done everything because they have spent a lifetime trying to manage this relationship with their parent but they no longer want to do this because first of all the abuse just doesn't stop second of all the parent never says their sorry about the abuse they never show any accountability for their bad behavior they never make any changes to their behavior so they have no interest in changing they don't listen to their child they don't care about their child's feelings so when all of this is happening and the adult child has just reached their boiling point they've reached the end of their patience they will go no contact and when they make this decision they do not take this decision lightly it is one of the hardest decisions that a child will ever have to make they are essentially abandoning their parent but not because they want to because they have to um protect themselves because they have to stop the abuse because they don't want to hear the abuse anymore because they don't want to constantly be filled with feelings of Shame um with feeling like they're never good enough with constantly feeling like they are disappointing their parent they want this to be over they want to also live their life authentically when they have been with a narcissistic parent they have not lived authentically they're parent has not allowed them to be this way and when an adult child does eventually go no contact they can have a more autonomous life a more authentic life it's really sad because when an adult child decides to go no contact when they are the stranger in the family system they are the ones that are usually uh vilified or blamed or spoken to in a very judgmental way but the parent is never the one that is questioned you know the right way would be that somebody says the parent what on Earth did you do to cause your child to not want to talk to you ever again what on Earth did you do to upset your child this much that is the question that somebody needs to ask but unfortunately if somebody moves away from the family especially when there is dysfunction that person is the one that is the scapegoat that person is the one that has done done wrong so there will be a lot of push back when you decide to leave your family of origin when you decide to cut ties with the dysfunctional system that you were brought up in without having a choice now as the adult child who decides to leave this family system you are giving yourself that choice to no longer tolerate the pain the abuse the shaming you are giving yourself permission to finally be free to live life on your terms to live life in a way that feels comfortable and it's not going to be easy it's not going to be an easy thing to do at all going on contact is of course very painful you will have moments where you feel scared where you feel anxious when you are in a lot of pain you will feel a lot of grief because you no longer have a parent because you no longer have someone in your life but if the parent you had in your life was not really a parent then what is the point of keeping them in it it doesn't matter if they are your mother or your father or your sister if they keep hurting you then it's time to let go when you decide to make the decision to go no contact and you do this there will be backlash there will be anger the narcissistic parent will literally lose the plot they will start attacking you they will start sending you messages they will bombard you with abuse they will have a meltdown an adult meltdown so be prepared for this and stand your ground as hard as it is change your phone number if you have to move house if you have to move as far away as possible from them if you can give yourself all the space that you need to start your healing you will feel abandoned even if you're the one that did the abandoning but don't forget it was your parent who actually abandoned you your whole life because they weren't really truly there for you as a supportive unconditionally loving parent so even though you've done the abandoning now and you're going to feel this abandonment and it's going to hurt just remind yourself why you made this decision just remind yourself that you did everything you could and no matter how hard you tried to make this relationship work it just didn't happen and it wasn't your fault the responsibility lies with your parent it was the parent that had to make the change it was the parent that had to apologize it was the parent that had to always be there for you they let you down you did not let them down so keep that in mind when you're feeling guilty or when you're feeling ashamed or when you have moments where you maybe start regretting the decision you are better off without an abuser in your life think about it this way there isn't a child in this world that decides decides to go no contact with a healthy parent if they have a healthy parent they will have a good relationship with their parent and they will want their parent in their life they will want their parent in their children's lives but if a parent has been abusive and horrible that is when they go no contact so if you ever come across somebody who no longer speaks to their parents ask them why ask them what did the parent do to make them feel that they had to stop speaking with them no contact only happens when the adult child wants to finally feel safe want to finally put themselves back together emotionally when they have reached a point where they can no longer tolerate the abuse it's also really important to know that the Journey of going no contact is not an easy one you may have been no contact with your parent for a year or two years years and you are still struggling with this you may notice that you are ruminating and all these feelings are coming up of anger um and rage and disappointment um and pain and grief even two or three years after you went no contact this is normal you were constantly in a state of fight or flight when you were in this relationship with your parents and now that you've been no contact for several years it may be that you're finally St starting to feel safe but within that safety there is also the um journey of starting to heal the healing Journey takes a long time because there is trauma and when there is trauma our mind and our body doesn't forget so we need to process this trauma and work through it with the right support and this takes time so allow yourself to feel angry allow yourself to grieve allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without avoiding these feelings or with intellectualizing these feelings it's very important to allow whatever comes up for you to be present going or contact might not be for everybody and not everybody has the strength to do this but it's okay because everybody's journey is very very unique and it isn't something that we must force on anybody you know tell them to go no contact or to stay in a relationship it is always the person's decision ultimately now that is the end of the video thank thank you so much for listening and for watching today and I will see you very very soon in my next video take care everyone bye-bye