How terrible is this family? Family therapist takes on THE PARENT TRAP

Lying, manipulation, keeping siblings from even knowing each other exists. This is a majorly toxic family relationship, but we love them. I think we should switch places. Everybody makes illogical decisions. It is a masterclass how you do not hate the parents while watching this movie. I'm not mature enough for this. These two missed a decade of being together as a family because of the embarrassment of this person saw me at my worst and I can't bear what they must think of me. And for that, they kept the family apart. Are you mad about something? Oh, I'm so angry. Your average person doesn't give a crap about. We're doing a live episode July 30th through August 1st in the Pacific Northwest and August 6th through 8th in the Upper Midwest. There will be a Q&A, there will be merch, there will be VIP tickets where you get to meet and greet us. Tickets on sale. Come see us because we want to see you. You specifically, Jeff. Hello and welcome to Cinema Therapy. I'm Jonathan Decker, licensed therapist who loves movies. This is... Alan Seawright, a professional filmmaker who needs a lot of therapy just like this family. The family of The Parent Trap, which if you're not aware, it's not a Saw spinoff. I'm working on that. It's going to be coming in 2028 and it's going to be horrifying. This is a remake of a 1960s Disney film. And guys, I'll be honest, not crazy about the premise. This is like a relic of a bygone era where it's like divorce is bad and the nuclear family is always good and they should always stay together. And if they split up, it's against the natural order. So we got to get them back together. And that's like very much the 60s Disney fabric of this story. And to remake it in the 90s, it shouldn't have worked. It works. Yeah, I don't understand how they pulled it off. I loved this movie. This is my first time watching it. Dennis Quaid, Natasha Richardson, luminous as heck. Lindsay Lohan, absolutely coming out like a cannonball. I mean, there's a reason why Disney was like, and we're riding this train until it derails. There's some messed up family dynamics here that we all just kind of digest because it's so charming, but there's a lot of lying, manipulation, deception, withholding of very important information and keeping siblings from even knowing each other exists. This family is screwed up, but we love them and I'm going to help them. Let's do it. Okay, here we go. What I'm thinking is don't freak out, okay? I think we should switch places. When camp's over, I'll go back to London as you, and you go back to California as me. What? Annie, we can pull it off. We're twins, aren't we? Hallie, we're totally and completely 100% different. So what's the problem? Is that a good British accent? It seems to me like it is. It's pretty good. It's not perfect, but... Yes, you want to know the difference between us? For a first time child actor who is not British. Yeah, no, it's not bad. I've got to meet my mom. The truth is, you know, if we switch... She's playing it big. She's playing it a little commercially. Yeah, cutesy big switch. It's Disney. Like late 90s Disney. It's going to be... It's fine. It's not just fine. It's really remarkable. Like Lindsay Lohan is a very talented actress. Unfortunately, you know, we know what happened to Lindsay Lohan. Seems like she's coming back. Yeah, good for her. Coming back strong and things are looking up for her in her personal life, as well as her professional life, so... She so convincingly plays the dual roles. As a child actor, it's easy to forget there's only one of them. Yeah. You know, there's one actor pulling off both these roles. And I know like it's different camera setups, but she nails the energy of the dual interaction. Okay, so the girls are planning on deceiving their parents. They're going to do a sibling swap. Yeah. And then pretend to be each other. And this is a lying manipulation, which they come by honestly. It's a family trait. If you think for five seconds about what kind of gosh darn monsters these parents must be that they split their kids up. And not just that they split their kids up, but they were just like, I'll just take this one. You keep the other one. Also, we're kind of in love, but we're so emotionally constipated. We can't talk about it. And instead of dealing with any amount of feeling, we're going to separate ourselves from one of our two children. Yeah. It's a hard pill to swallow as a parent. There are real world scenarios where you would say, I'm going to give my child up for adoption so they can have a better life. This, that, or the other. Sure. But not this. Right. There's emotional realism in this film, which the actors kind of like concoct out of thin air. And Nancy Meyers writes in the details because the broad strokes, there's no emotional realism in this premise. Bananas. And everyone's just kind of like, well, your dad and I had a fight. So we got divorced and then we each took a kid and then they never going to see each other. And I, as a parent, am not going to see my other child ever. And apparently there are many adults in both of these adults lives who know this and are cool with it. Don't look at me. I don't know a thing. Yeah. That's called enabling. This is a, this is a majorly toxic family relationship that is kind of like papered over as, but they actually really love each other. And they're actually really sweet. People this sweet and decent. Don't do those things. Would not do what these characters did. It does not compute. And it only works because the actors are so good. And because Nancy Meyers is writing and directing, the premise does not hold up at all. Because the interior decorating in both of their homes is Nancy Meyers chic. Is it ever okay to lie to somebody or withhold to protect them? That's the question that is brought up here. And it's a question I'm going to seek to answer as we continue. Oh, I'm curious about this because I've never done that. Did you know that data brokers can legally collect and sell all kinds of information about you? This can put you at risk for things like identity theft, phishing attempts, harassment, scams, and even doxing. If I were a data broker, I would specialize in using private information to help families reunite by identity borrowing and by deceiving star-crossed lover parents. That's oddly specific and also immoral. Oh. But seriously, it's a good idea to protect yourself online. Yeah. That's why I use Delete.me to delete me from the internet. No, to keep my personal info private. That's what I use it for. This episode is sponsored by Delete.me, a hands-free subscription service that will delete your private information that is being collected and sold online. Delete.me has been the expert in removing personally identifiable information for over 15 years. They continuously remove your data using their own tech and don't outsource to third parties so your data stays safe. And if you need help or have personal requests, they have Delete.me Privacy Advisors, real live human people that can talk to you and help you out. That's a real nice feature. It is. I've been using Delete.me for a couple of years now. They have already removed me from more than 130 listings from a whole bunch of different data brokers. It's crazy. I get less spam than I used to. Ooh, that actually really... It's actually really great. Get 20% off eligible Delete.me international plans when you go to joindelete.me.com slash cinema and use promo code cinema at checkout or use the QR code right here on screen. That's joindelete.me.com slash cinema code cinema because it's cinema therapy. That's who we are. And Delete.me is the thing. Delete yourself from cinema. That's not a service they offer. You're not Annie. That would be correct. You're Hallie? I am. Annie and I met up again. So Natasha Richardson delivers somehow emotional realism with this stupid BS. That is delightful. I was gonna say. It is delightful stupid BS. So we sort of just switched lives. I hope you're not mad because I love you so much and I just hope that one day you could love me as me and not as Annie. Lindsay Lohan is very good in this scene. But Natasha Richardson sells Lindsay Lohan. Well, and sells the sheer joy of a mother reunited with a daughter. I mean, that's beautiful. Oh, gosh. He's overdoing it. He's doing the exact right about it. That's true. He's doing exactly what that character is meant to do. But he's being a cartoon. She's being a real person. And that's all by design. Yep. Well, technically, you belong to your dad and Annie belongs to me. His and hers, kids. No offense, Mom, but this arrangement really sucks. Yep. Yeah. Totally sucks. We're going to get to this later. But they can't even remember what they fought about that led to this whole thing. It wasn't even... You're not to worry, darling. I'll take care of everything. You're not to worry. I'm so angry at these characters. Okay. So it must be said, because I know you watched the original a lot growing up. I did. A lot of family films have ridiculous premises. Oh, sure. Have you seen any of the Herbie movies? A, Genius, B, what? Or the Air Bud franchise, for example, or Rookie of the Year, or I could name like... Like 50 different, yeah. And so they're all ridiculous. And so when we say stupid BS, we say it with great affection. Oh, it's my kind of stupid BS. I love this stupid BS. Right. It's hard to do family therapy for this family because I find the whole scenario so outlandish. But the kernel in there is withholding. Yeah. Withholding to protect, withholding to avoid because you don't know how to talk about it. When we talk about this in our Loki video, which you can watch right here, the damage done by Odin and company by not telling Loki that he's adopted in his true parentage and withholding that for, in their case, centuries. Here, it's a decade about, but still this notion of we're doing this to protect. Usually when you do something to protect, you're planting the seeds for broken trust. Right. You think, well, they can't possibly understand they're a child, but they're also not going to be able to understand why you didn't tell them. Liar, liar, pants on fire. And this goes back to what I always say, if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know. Yeah. So no, I do think it's important to be transparent because that builds trust over time and the trust isn't eroded when secrets come out. Okay. Girls, you were going to tell me why you lied and brought me here without telling your father. Were they? Okay, that's good. Well, then I'm just going to go back to my room and check out the old minibar situation. Allow me to assist you. Wait. You are basically in a diaper, sir. Everyone here knows something I don't know. Mom, daddy's getting married. I'm sorry. Cruella de Vil, she's awful, mom. I'm still just laughing that he's in a Speedo and he's like, I'm going to go help you with the minibar. He won't marry her as if... You tell her, she knows you better. As if he sees you again. Wait a minute. You're not trying to set me up with your father. Actually, we are. You're perfect for each other. Hold it. You two knew about this? What? Oh, no. No. Yes, a bit, a bit, a bit. She has got a wart. Yes. Technically, yes. I did notice. Straight out of Monty Python. Right out of Monty Python. Oh dear, so sweet. Just know for the story, I'm an old romantic. You know me. Yes, I'm I. Okay. Oh my gosh. Let me say this loud and clear. Nick Parker and I have absolutely nothing in common anymore. Plus, he seems extremely content with his leggy, tight-skirted, bare-backed fiance. And I want the two of you to explain to your father that I am here for one purpose. Jealous much? And one purpose only. Still in love with him. Also, Natasha Richardson calling someone leggy. Now, do what we have to do and be done with it. I get it. People are jealous, but like Natasha Richardson ever being jealous of anyone for looks just seems like a writing problem. Like, write her a different problem. You know, speaking of writing, it's not a logic-driven movie. It's an emotion-driven movie. Correct. Which is why when the butler and the nanny meet, that makes no sense, but they're going to go check out the minibar and he's walking around this five-star hotel in a Speedo. It's not like- You can see his religion, dude. It's bad. It's real bad down there. I've never heard it phrased that way. My gosh. Liz here is wrestling with insecurity. Sure. She's wrestling with being lied to. Yeah. She's wrestling with being matchmade without her consent. Right. She's wrestling with her butler and her ex-husband's maid falling in lust in real time. It's a sight to behold. However, her calling her daughters on the carpet for lying to her seems a little bit hypocritical. Maybe. Who, me? Yes, me. It is a masterclass of how they pull this off in this movie. How you do not hate the parents while watching this movie. You feel for both parents, even though Dennis Quaid has the world's third most punchable face. Here's the thing. That's accurate. He's also very handsome, but he's like punchably handsome. He's punchably- It is- Dennis Quaid got a weird face. And I don't know how Nancy Meyers pulled it off. Time for me to actually start doing my job here. Oh, okay. Yeah. So let- How can we help this family? So I've got- This really wonderful, not screwed up at all family. Let's say right now I've got Liz and the daughters in my therapy office. We're not going to bring Nick in yet because Nick doesn't fully know what's going on. We're just- This is a great opportunity for Liz. She's already acknowledged our plan was stupid. Our plan was reactive. Our plan was avoidant. And we're going to get into this in a little bit when we finally see these two together. Sure. This couple that we're rooting for. But recognizing the mistakes of the past came from a place of emotion, came from a place of passion. It's actually on point for what I was saying and how this is not a logic-driven film. It is an emotion-driven film. That's true of the central characters. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Everybody in this film makes illogical decisions based on what they want, based on what they're afraid of, and based on what they hope for. And this is a great opportunity for her to step into accountability because she can't hold her daughters accountable for being lying and deceitful and manipulative if she doesn't lead with owning it herself. Right. Because they're just going to see her as making them the problem instead of, From you, all right? We learned it from watching you. You know, I may never be alone with you again. So about that day that you packed, why'd you do it? Oh, Nick. We were so young and we both had tempers. We said stupid things and so I packed. Got on my very first 747 and you didn't come after me. That you wanted me to. Yeah, I love that. Well, it really doesn't matter. Planting that seed in the script for later. So let's just put a good face on for the girls and get the show on the road, huh? Yeah, sure. Get the show on the road. It's so weird, though. They have, throughout the whole film, every time we see them on screen together, goodwill and affection for each other. These two should either be reunited and remarried, or they should be in a close friends co-parenting situation, because there's no reason for them not to get along, especially for the sake of the girls. And this is what bothers me as a family therapist. I became a couples therapist to help couples stay together, but that's not always the best course of action. And so sometimes you still take the same healthy relationship skills that when a marriage works, you use those skills. And if a marriage doesn't work, you still use the same skills for to have a peaceful family situation. Oh, it's as if those skills work for people. Yeah. Would you call them people skills? Yes, I would. They got married in a fit of passion. They got divorced in a fit of passion. It's important not to make major life decisions when you're caught up in strong emotion. They were young, immature, passionate. Every decision they made was based on passion. And then they made a rash decision to get married. They made a rash decision to get divorced. But these two are in a different place now. It's 10 years later. They're both more mature. They're both more grounded. They're both fully capable of having a blended family situation or even rekindling a romance. It speaks to, there was a huge lack of communication, and there still is. Like they need to, they're still working to get past this. But the lack of communication is, you didn't come after me. I didn't know you wanted me to. Yeah. Right? She didn't tell him. He didn't ask. You know, they were young and very dumb. Sorry, they were both young and dumb. And we often do young and dumb things, even when we're not as young and shouldn't be as dumb. Yeah. Well, and he's not a mind reader. She wanted him to come after her, but she wanted him to want that. He didn't go after her because he thought he was respecting what she wanted. Correct. He thought she wants me to leave her alone. I'm going to do that. Even though in my heart of hearts, I would chase her to the ends of the earth and say, let's make this work. Listen, if somebody threw a hairdryer at me, I would probably think they need time. Yeah, that's a pretty clear message. They can let me know when I'm not going to get hit with another hairdryer. She threw this at my head. At least it's smaller than a hairdryer. And this is why I tell people getting a need met when you ask for it is just as romantic and just as beautiful as if the person just knows... Spontaneously knows what you want. Neither one of those is better than the other one. But to have a person who says, I just want to know what you want because I want to fulfill that need and then they do it. It's just as good. And these two missed a decade of being together as a family because of impulsivity and because of avoidance. They haven't spoken for 10 years because of the fear of rejection, but also the embarrassment of this person saw me at my worst and I love them and I can't bear what they must think of me. And for that, they kept the family apart. I love this conversation because they're finally talking. Yeah. It's the wine that we drank at our wedding. That romance lighting doesn't hurt. You do? I do. See, there's double meaning there. Yeah. Can we open one? You're the stars in her eyes. Do you see that? Her eyes are warm. Can we open one? You're the only one I'll open it with. You okay? Oh, yeah. I've just got a little dust in my eyes. Well, I can offer you a clean sleeve. No, no, I'm fine, really. All better. You don't always have to be so brave, you know. Oh, but I do, actually. No, you don't, dum-dum. Don't call her a dum-dum, you dum-dum. You bring me gum-gum. Be jazzy. She has a key. I love this bit here, though. She takes a step back. And he respects it. I mean, she's in like a film noir now. Yeah, she very much is in a film noir. And we go from the romantic low angle with the warm lighting to slightly cooler and right at his level to like, okay, we're out of the moment now. It's good filmmaking. Good filmmaking happening. And there's emotional realism here. She's not just, it's not just attraction. It was, we were going to have a life together. We had shared dreams together. I felt like I belonged with you. I felt safe with you. And I'm feeling, again, here in this cellar, like I belong. I'm feeling again, like I'm safe. And the last time I let my guard down with you, I got really, really hurt. And I hurt you. I mean, I threw a hairdryer at you. But I also took one of your daughters and then I disappeared, even though I'm the love of your life. That too happened. Shut up! Shut the f*** up! They agreed because he took one of her daughters as well. These people. Listen, okay. I agree. Okay. I don't care. This is great. And it's super fun. We're learning things. Thank you! The realism is that it's scary to risk, especially with someone that you've risked it with before. And there's a history, both of happiness and of misery and heartbreak. Yeah. And he respects it. When she takes a step back, he stays put. He doesn't keep advancing. He allows it. Yeah, I get it. And I'm not going to press. But he's also making very clear that he has the feelings. Those old feelings, they're still there. The fire is still burning and he's interested. But the beauty of when we talk about consent is key is it takes two to consent. And I'm not just talking about sex. I'm talking about anything. Sure. Yeah. Any relationship aspect. And if she's not ready or she just doesn't want it, he's going to respect that. So, of course, she bounces, giving him the opportunity to do what he should have done 10 years ago. But how could he have known? I made the mistake of not coming after you once, Lizzie. I'm not going to do that again, no matter how brave you are. And I suppose you just expect me to go weak at the knees and fall into your arms and cry hysterically and say, we'll just figure this whole thing out. A bicontinental relationship with our daughters being raised here and there. And you and I just picking up where we left off and all together. And she's so good. Come on, Nick. What do you expect? To live happily ever after? Yes. Except you don't have to cry hysterically. Bro, you don't know me. They both have really great hair for the 90s. Have you noticed that? Yeah. They don't have bad 90s hair. Yeah. Good 90s hair. Which is a very narrow... It's a real small target to hit. Again, these two are casting... Because you can have two actors who are great actors, but they just don't sync. Yeah, the chemistry works great on camera. And who knows, you know, their personal relationship. They might have hated each other. But like, on camera, nailed it. This drives me bananas. All right. What? You want to hear something stupid? No! God, please, no! No! Are you mad about something that... Oh, I'm so angry. Your average person doesn't give a crap about. Okay, so the end of your movie is the most important part of your movie. Okay, yeah. I thought that was nice. Crap, what are we in for, guys? I have notes for Stephen Rodder, Academy Award and Emmy winning editor of this film. He did it wrong. The ending of your movie is the most important part of your movie, because you want to go into that black right before your credits roll. And you want people to, like, carry the emotion and the feeling and just really have that satisfaction. Especially when you're dealing with a romantic comedy. I mean, this is a romantic family comedy thing. There's a lot going on. Aspects here, but it's mostly a romantic comedy, right? You want to carry that, like, oh, we're in love and everything's great into the credits. And you want it to be perfectly satisfying. And what happens is there's a big musical swell, and then a big piano note to, like, launch you into the credits. But it happens, the frame that Lindsay Lohan drops below the chair. Yeah. Three or four frames later, we cut to black. The note is not on the cut to black. Just sync it up. Why is this out of sync? Why is this deeply unsatisfying? You have taken a huge emotional beat and a huge emotional catharsis, and then you went ding-bonk, ding-bonk. It's wrong. You did it wrong. We have to. This will be. Do we care? Nobody cares but me. Are we caring about this? Nobody cares but me. Oh, my God. Who the hell cares? Listen, this is truth in advertising. Alan tells you every episode that he needs therapy. And he's so addicted to therapy that he's making up bullshit to be upset about so he can keep going. He's actually doing really well. So he has to find something like this. That's my theory. I'm not doing well. In real life, you know this, you know this. I love explicit apologies. I love putting it out there, taking accountability, spelling out what you did wrong, why you did it, what you've learned, and how you're going to do it different. I love all of that. In movies, it doesn't have to be that. It can all be shorthand. It can all be implicit. Him showing up and saying, I should have chased you last time. That statement covers all of the should have's. Well, and listen, we're cutting out of their relationship at that point. The implication is. They'll probably have a conversation. But him chasing her is accepting influence. It's saying, as long as I know what you want, I want to do that for you. I have hope for these characters in this family. If I had them in my office for couples therapy or family therapy, I would start with, we're rebooting the family culture to be an honest one. We're rebooting the family culture to be transparent and trustworthy because we have affection, but this is all going to go to pot unless we have trust. Right. And that's the work that I would do with this family. But I think this is one of the best remakes ever made. And I don't think that's hyperbole. I think it improves on the original significantly. Let us know what you think in the comments below. And what other remakes would you like to see us cover? So until next time. Ooh, Ice Woman. Proud of it, babe. And watch movies. Shout out to our patrons over on Patreon who get extended director's cuts commercial free. This one's going to be long and beefy. Folks like Ziatto, Sophia, Hannah Sutton, Simon Halstead, and Lindsay Thompson. We love you patrons. And if you're not a patron, what the hell are you doing with your life? Being young and beautiful is not a crime, you know.