Navigating cuffing season

Well, welcome back. As the cold weather sets in, millions of singles are rushing into cuffing season to find a winter partner. But experts, they warn that pairing up to avoid seasonal loneliness can quickly lead to anxiety and rushed commitment. So joining us now to break all this down and how you can get into a relationship successfully and safely, the psychology behind cuffing season and how to navigate it is Dr. Gregory Jones with Capital Center for Psychotherapy and Wellness. So this is a time of year that apparently people say, you know what, maybe I need a partner. Why is that? Well, once we're coming off this summer where people are traveling, they're having so much fun there. They're having their hot person summer. They're really enjoying themselves. And now that this weather is getting colder, people are more going inside more. They're not traveling as much. And now people have the ability to build momentum in a relationship in the summer. It's really difficult for people to build that momentum because they're traveling, they're doing all sorts of stuff. So now that people are settling down, settling into the fall, and looking into the holiday season, they're really more open to relationships. I like how you're saying that. People are going out and just kind of like enjoying themselves in their summers with their friends, probably traveling and everything. But we get back into work mode. And I kind of led in there to begin with, you want to do this in a way that's healthy, in a way that's kind of safe as well, and not just rush into something. There's always warning flags, right? There's the yellow flags, there's the red flags, maybe there's a pink, purple flag there in between saying, wait a second, maybe this isn't the right thing. what do you need to be aware of to make sure that you're adhering to the right way and you're doing the way that's going to bring you know satisfaction in the in the healthy healthy way yeah i mean one of the things i think it's really important to be able to look at is what is your intention in looking for a relationship is it out of loneliness or are you actually really interested in this person and if you're not that interested in the person really thinking about is it worth investing that type of emotional energy for something that i don't think is going to pan out and also it's really important that people are honest about intentions. So if you're just looking for something short term, be clear and open about it. Do you find how people are going about this one way different than the seasons? Like in the fall, are they looking for love in, you know, by going out socially? Is it still in the dating apps? Where are they trying to find these relationships? All of the above. Yeah. You know, people are definitely using the dating apps, but you know, my impression is that the dating apps are not really doing as well as they used to for people. So I really encourage people try to focus on getting out there more, meet people in the real world, go volunteer, take classes, do something different and increase your chance in meeting someone new. I had someone just yesterday says, you know, it's like, I just kind of want to meet somebody in the wild. Does that even happen anymore when you're out there? If you meet them, whichever way possible, you know, how far do you go before you realize maybe, you know, you have these intentional conversations? Is it right off the bat or do you need to like, you know, kind of like let it enjoy itself for a little bit before you say, you know what, like this is what I'm really looking for i mean there's so many different ways that you can go about it but you know if you know up front what you're looking for you can be clear with that but otherwise if you're just open see how things go with the person and as things evolve make sure you're having appropriate conversations at the right times so date one tell them i want to be married and have two kids i mean you can well why not i guess it depends right let's figure this out and have those conversations i think um better sooner than later yeah but for those that maybe are kind of like getting together just because it's getting colder and maybe they want somebody for Thanksgiving or like the parties that the holidays have. Is there a safe way to make sure that this doesn't become a mess when the spring rolls around? It's really just going to be about that honest, open communication, being very clear with intentions and really just making sure that you're just honest. So don't lead yourself on and don't lead the other person on. Is it okay maybe if you say, you know what, I just want somebody to come to all the parties with me and bring around? like? What do you find how those relationships turn out? I mean, they can turn out great. It's just that again, when you're clear on those intentions and you know what you're looking for and they know what they're looking for, it's a great kind of social contract that you're entering together where you're both getting your needs met. Okay. And do a lot of them come to you and maybe get some advice as well? Of course. We, we love helping people at the Capital Center, working through their relationships, developing relationships and navigating non-traditional relationships. Okay. Thank you so much. Appreciate your insight on this. If you are looking for love, do it in a very healthy way. But maybe you'll find, you know, that date to take home to mom and dad for Thanksgiving or just that Christmas party. Thank you so much, Dr. Jones, for joining us here. Thank you for having me.