What 49ers Insider Grant Cohn has Learned About Australia

How about this? What I've learned about Australia in the three days I've been here. I've told you a bunch about Australia, but it's been like three days. So let me just give you a little rundown. So a lot of people talk about the coffee. I had it. I've been having it since I got here. It's great. It's great. They have two things that they are like known for and you can order anywhere and it's called the long black pause and the flat white, the, uh, the flaccid white. Um, I don't know why, why these coffee names are so sexual, but Hey, they're only, I mean the drinks themselves are really good. The, the flat white is kind of like a latte with less foam and a long black is an Americano, like a double Americano. And it's like, they don't have half and half out here. And they think we're stupid for putting half and half in They just give you the, the long black, you know, black and it's good. Or they'll give you the flat white and it's a little, you know, it's a little easier. It's a little more approachable, not as hot. Uh, but I'm lactose intolerant, so I get a little bit farty and bloaty if I have too much of that milk. Was that from Zoolander? I get farty and bloaty. Okay. Urinals in Australia, they're an adventure. Uh, you essentially stand on a grate and you urinate onto a wall and the urine drops down the wall and goes under your feet as you're standing on the grate and people are standing next to you. I don't know. I didn't love it. I would give it a two stars. At least it was functional, but you know, like a little privacy. I'd like to not stand directly over the drain, but they, candlesticks, troughs were very similar. So you weren't standing on the trough. It's the standing on it. It's not, I mean, who hasn't, you know, urinated on a wall or, or whatever. That's part of being a man, but standing on top, that's just, I got my shoes on. What if there's These are things that I think about. I wonder if Australians think about them too. The tram, you know, I like a good train. Well, they have a free tram here. Kind of like Muni, kind of like the VTA in San Jose. That just takes you all around town for free. I love it. Now a subway is a little bit better. Cause there's like, you're not at the mercy of stoplights, but which this is, but still it's quite generous. I love a city that has trains because it's, it's California. That's the one thing California really sucks with, you know, it's a, it's a newer area in the world and it's such a car culture, which is fine. But like, what about public transportation that the government pays for and invests for the people? I love that. So shout out to the Melbourne and their tram. I don't love walking around the city. I mean, it's a very walkable city, but you will die because the pedestrian is supposed to have the right away here, but he doesn't. So many times I'll be like walking into the street, into the crosswalk, ******* crosswalk. And a car will come whipping around and then like, stop really abruptly. Like I'm the asshole. And then I'll back up, like, and do some like passive aggressive American stuff, like after you, which if you do that in America, the driver would be so mortified. Like, no, no, no. I understand you have the right away. No, after you. And then you'd be like, it's okay. It's okay. ------- jerk. It's okay. No. Cause I'm a, I'm a sensitive understanding guy. ------- asshole. Yeah, that's right. No, it's cool. It's cool. You know, California's all right. No, it's fine. ------- asshole. It's fine. So I'm like, here, go ahead. And they're like, yeah, thanks. ------- jerk. Pedestrian jerk. They look at you like, what do you think? I'm driving here. I have somewhere to go. Scary. The 49ers season is just around the corner. So let's head over to prize picks and make some official projections for the 49ers stars. Brock Purdy, 27 and a half passing touchdowns, more or less. I'm going to say more. Debo Samuel, 724 and a half receiving yards. I'm going to say less. Mike Evans, six and a half receiving touchdowns. I'm going to say more. Download the prize picks app. New users play five bucks and get 150 in lineups. When you win, if you use promo code H M a also they drive on the wrong side of the road. So like when you're in America, you're since like the, you know, three, three years old and your parents teach you how to like drive, you know, walk around and not die. They're like, you, you, you look both ways before you cross the street, left, right, left, right, left, not here, not here. It's right, left, right. And I'm not used to that, man. So hopefully I make it through this entire trip without getting hit by a car. Seriously. But I think I'm getting better at it. I just wish they would be, I feel like Australians are hella nice, but then when they get behind the wheel of a car, they're like Europeans, because that's what Europeans are like. They will run you the **** down. Pardon my French. Um, this happened to me in Paris. Speaking of French people, I was 18. I love this story. I was 18 and uh, I was with a couple of my friends. We were doing like the, the Euro trip, that cliche thing. It was fun though. And I'd had a couple of drinks cause you know, you can drink in Europe when you're 18. So I, maybe I wasn't as, you know, dialed in as I should have been. So I just step into, I'm not thinking it's, you know, going to walk into a crosswalk and I'll be okay. Someone just drives through the crosswalk as I'm walking it and honks me, accelerate, accelerates through the crosswalk, you know, in those little dinky European cars, those little, those little half cars that are so not cool. He gives me that. I'm like, hold on. You almost kill me and you honk me. So, you know, I'm, I'm a little buzz and I'm 18 and I'm an American. So I'm like, what the hell? Thinking like, okay, he's going to drive off and I'm going to feel at least like, you know, tough. This dude slams on the brakes. His girlfriend's in the front seat or wife. He's like 50. I'm 18 slams on the brakes, double parks, walks over to me, gets in my face and says, what'd you say? So you know what I said? Nothing, nothing. I didn't say nothing. And he said, that's what I thought in English and walked out and his, and his girlfriend, like gave him a kiss and, and he see, he came out looking great. It wasn't enough that he almost killed an 18 year old foreigner. He had to completely emasculate him in front of his friends, my friends and his girlfriend, dude, Parisians, Australians are not on that level. That's a whole different level of dickitude dickishness. That's not Australians at all. But I, I've, you know, I've always remembered that if you're in Paris, be careful because they will run you down and then get out of their car and look at you and be like, what were you thinking? Why'd you do that? Why'd you make me kill you like that? Why'd you make me kill you like that? Try to tell you, you ain't got the right away here, baby. I think pedestrians having the right away is a good thing. Just in general. Like if I was in Australia and I was driving, I'd be like, yo, go ahead, buddy. Go ahead. But that's just me because I'm a great person and I'm selfless and I'm never in a rush.