She Just Discovered Her Husband’s Gambling Secret

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Almost a month ago I found out that my husband was gambling online and all of our savings has pretty much been depleted and we have quite a bit of debt. So he's used up the savings gambling? Yeah. How much? It's a total of $120,000. And he borrowed money to continue? Yeah. So that's the money that we owe. How much do you owe for his gambling? That is the total. I'm sorry, $120,000? Is the debt that we owe in regards to what's been spent from savings. How much did he steal from savings? I couldn't even tell you the total, but we're basically starting from square one. So we have found, we've gotten a loan. He's gotten a loan to take care of the debt that he needs to pay back. So I guess we're kind of focusing on going to counseling and getting ourselves back into a healthier place independently before we start to kind of focus on next steps with the marriage. But right now I just need to know kind of what, how to prioritize my funds to start replenish. Like I have an educator pension, but I know I need to save and invest in addition to that for retirement and to also like build up that emergency and savings. So I guess I was just looking for some guidance on like how to do that while knowing I also have a daughter going off to college next year and just life expenses. So we're going to have to be real honest with you. Okay. In a short amount of time, is that all right? Tax season is coming up fast, which means a lot of you are paying more attention to your money and maybe realizing the holiday damage. So if you're trying to clean up the budget and start the year strong, cutting your phone bill is an easy win. With Boost Mobile, keep the phone you love and pay just 25 bucks a month for unlimited data, talk and text forever. No contracts, no traps, just predictable savings that help you stay in control. Switch now at boostmobile.com slash Ramsey. Restrictions apply. See website for details. We're going to have to be real honest with you. Okay. In a short amount of time, is that all right? Yeah, absolutely. Your college, your daughter's college plans have probably changed dramatically. Yeah. And y'all are going to have to metabolize that and have an honest, direct conversation with her. But chances are, I'm almost guarantee you, she's not going to go to the college she thought she was going to go to because she don't have the money. Yeah. Yeah. And she's aware. She knows. Yeah. And you're going to have to set up, at least in the short term, for the foreseeable future, you have to make sure you're safe because he's untrustworthy. Yeah. Just going to counseling isn't going to solve his problem. He's got to go to rehab. He's got to get with the Gamblers Anonymous. He's got a bad problem. Yeah. He's doing that. Okay. Yeah. He's been doing that for about five or probably longer than five weeks now, and then seeing a therapist in addition to that. Okay. So number one, so your long-term issues are he reaches a level of healing and then over time can rebuild trust. It's not instantaneous, but over time he rebuilds trust. And the two of you are handling every dollar in the household together. Yes. And before that happens, you're going to start operating just to take care of you. Yeah. And I really don't care about your teacher's pension and your long-term investments right now. I just care more about you having an account where you're in control of food, shelter, clothing. Yeah. We kind of did that right away. I got my own checking account established. And then we have a joint one for him to have a portion of his paycheck to go into, so he can cover the debt that he's repaying. But I still have views of that, I guess. Yeah. So what do you make? How do you make? What do you make? I make about $75,000 a year. What does he make? I think it's between $90,000 to $100,000. Okay. And in a month, our monthly income after taxes and deductions is about $9,000 a month. Yeah. And like- I think you'd probably sit down with a marriage counselor and get some guidance on this, but I would not be opposed to all the money going into your account and him having visibility on it and having a discussion about it, but no access to it. I'm in full agreement of that. Yeah. I think his account, his check and your check should deposit into your account. And then you pay the debt bill out of that account, but he's got visibility. I don't mind him knowing what's going on, but I just don't want him to have, I don't want him to have access to money. He's got an addiction. Okay. I don't even want him having access to quote unquote his money to continue his addiction. You follow me? Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So because his track record right now is pretty blemished. Yeah. So you sound very factual and logical about this. I guess you're the other side of being pissed off to where you can't even breathe, right? You're detached because you have to be. Yeah. I mean, it's been four weeks of, I don't know, I guess trying to be very solution focused and very, I mean, like I said, we're, you know, we're very much focusing on- Long-term one of two things is going to occur. He's going to get well and rebuild trust and never go near these sites again, never do this stuff again. Or you all probably aren't going to be married. Yeah. So if he rebuilds trust and over time, 10 years from now has not touched a single, has not lost a single dollar gambling, not, not been on a site at all and stays completely sober. And you guys have rebuilt a marriage. You've rebuilt a relationship. Then the two of you together 10 years from now, we'll be building your retirement plans. Okay. But if he doesn't and you guys are not together, then yeah. Then you start asking those questions later about your long-term retirement plans. But right now I just want short term. I want you to think one year out right now, not 10 years. Yeah. Okay. And even shorter term, Dave's talking about, he has to rebuild trust. You get to decide what the path looks like. And I want you to establish that in 30 or 60 day chunks. And what I mean by that is for the next 30 days, here's what you can do to reestablish trust. And then he gets to decide it. Do I want to be a part of this marriage or not? But for 60 days, all of this money goes into one account and you can sit by me, but you don't have access to it. I don't mind you seeing everything and even let's talk about what we're going to do with it. That's all fine. You speak into it, but you don't have access to any money and your name's off of everything. Yeah, absolutely. And then he gets to choose, do I want to stay into this marriage? Yeah. But you get to decide, here's what reestablishing trust is going to look like for the next 60 days. And then the next 60 days after that, and the next 60 days after that. Pick up Henry Cloud's book called Trust. It's got some real good frameworks in it on this to have a good discussion about as well. Yeah. Let's first establish a short-term game plan that's solid and you're protected and safe. Then you worry about retirement. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.