“Why Does She Have Control of a Grown Woman’s Finances?”

[Music] In today's digital world, you need ID theft protection that actually works. Protect yourself at xander.com. >> My question is, how do I stop my fiance's mother from stealing her student loans? >> Stealing whose student loans? >> My fiance's. >> Okay. So, your future mother-in-law took the money that your wife fiance took out for student loans and is using it for nefarious purposes. It it seems so. So, um last week we were trying to figure out, you know, hey, what are her student loans going to look like? She transferred from a university to a community college to finish her nursing um nursing program. and her and we asked her mom because apparently her my fiance's student loans went to her mom's checking account because her mom wanted to put it from her checking account into my fiance's savings. But here's the kicker. My fiance's savings, she's only a signer. her mom is the custodial um the custodian and can only allow with her mom's permission to see her own savings. >> What in the Britney Spears conservatorship is going on here? Why does she have control of a grown woman's finances? >> Excellent question. >> Here's to answer your question. You brother can do nothing. >> I know. >> Okay. Nothing. Your your fiance does not have a checking account. She she uses her mom's, >> right? And we we actually changed sorry we actually changed her all of her funds that were in her old checking account to a new bank because her mom was actually taking little amounts of from her checking, >> right? >> And so we move we moved we moved accounts. >> Well, hold on. It wasn't hers. It was her mom's, >> right? >> And so her mom was taking money out of the account that she set up with her name on it and just happened to attach her daughter to it. >> Yeah. And >> I think the frustrating thing is, you know, it was her money. It's her money that's going in there. >> Um, >> she needs to stop putting money in there >> cuz now your fiance is on the hook for loans that she never saw the money for. Like, did the money even go to the school to pay for the tuition? >> We That's what we're trying to figure out. So, we know that when she was at um university, she we know the we know the amounts went there. Um and she here in Missouri, we have a thing called A+ where you get your community college for free if as long as you do like, you know, community service hours, right? And so that's why she transferred from university to use those and to get her um to finish her nursing program at um a community college um because the same, you know, same title, right? So um we we we don't know and that's why we were trying to look and every time we ask her mom like, "Hey, how much is there?" she kind of beats around the bush and then gets gets kind of annoyed with us. >> All you have to all you have to do is um two things. one, your fiance needs to put a freeze on her credit report so nobody will borrow any more money against her. Period. >> Mhm. >> She also needs to pull her credit report and see what else cuz often this kind of behavior doesn't happen in a vacuum. >> Right. >> So if moms >> and we did >> we did pull the credit report. Um and I actually have the breakdowns of I think there's four or five individual loans. We just can't see if they were cash to um the university or community college or not. So you need to contact those institutions. Get a balance and say, "Hey, was this do I have any past due bills? Were all these things paid? I need receipts for all this." You basically need to be your own forensic forensic accountant and go back through everything and figure out what was paid, what was owed, what are all the receipts, how much loans did we take out, and then there also needs to be this come to Jesus conversation with mom cuz she's essentially committed identity theft and fraud, >> right? And that's what we're concerned about because I mean we don't want Christmas and Thanksgiving especially. >> Well, that's over being Listen, homie. That ship has sailed. >> If your mother-in-law or your future mother-in-law is is enough to steal from her daughter, Christmas is over, brother. >> At least for a while. So, you have to let that go. I'm also going to tell you this. You have to be your your fiance's chief supporter, not you dragging her around through a Law and Order episode. You're using the words we a lot. And y'all aren't married yet. This is hers. And I know you want to be a supportive boyfriend. You're all in. We're going to build a future together and all that, >> but you need to see her also take the reigns of her own life. >> Okay. >> Okay. And relationally speaking, if she won't back down to her mother, I mean, if she won't stand up to her mom who's stealing from her, if she won't take this initiative, you're going to deal with this for the rest of your life. It'll happen with kids. It'll happen with house. It'll happen with everything. So, y'all need to have that relationship conversation. >> It's a big old red flag. >> Huge red flag. >> I would not get married until we solve this, right? >> And there's a there's a forever solution to this, >> right? And that's, you know, that's why we're dealing with this now. First of all, we're getting married in 6 months. Um, and we were like, "Okay, we know she graduates in December. Let's take care of this." And we have had the brief we we've had have a we have had a conversation like, "Hey, I can't, you know, I can't be there when you talk to your mom because I'm going to be on the bad side." And it's going to be like, "Why is your why is your f future husband, you know, getting mad about money?" Um, and she she needs to have that conversation with her mom and her dad, >> right? >> It's not really her dad, but it's her mom. And so, we've addressed that. But we just have to get to that conversation, that next point. >> Yeah. The other side of this is it may be that the same lack inability to have this conversation, the same ability to quote unquote stand up on her own two feet. Um, your fiance, it may be that mom has just been taking care of everything forever >> and this there's there's nothing shady going on. She just deposited the check in her account that she opened up for her daughter when she was 12 and she just kept the same account. And yeah, she buys coffee with it or whatever, but in her mind, she also puts money. Like, who who knows, >> right? >> So, right now, y'all have a story that you can make up on one side that you're dealing with the wicked wisd, right? Either way, you need to go to the colleges and find out what your balance is. That should be a two second either look into a portal or a two second phone call. What's my balance? How much I owe for tuition? >> And then find out how much has been borrowed. >> If there's a gap there, then mom needs to come up with that gap or y'all going to either have to decide we're going to pay it or we're going to have to um go contact the the non-emergency line with our local sheriff cuz my mom stole thousands of dollars from me. I mean, I don't want to make it so simple, but I don't want the emotion to get such a big deal like we got to do, >> man. just go pull the reports, find the numbers, and then deal with the reality that you got before you. >> But but but listen, Christmas and Thanksgiving are different for forever. >> Okay? >> Get that that ship has sailed. >> All right? >> There's a spectrum here from control freak to criminal. And so your job is just to be a support for her, help her research this, but she needs to take the reigns. She needs to regain control of whatever was lost in her life and have the hard conversations with mom. and you just stepping in the middle of that to be the hero is is not going to play out long term. >> And two other things, don't ever, this is going to sound crazy, don't talk bad about her mom. Talk good about her. Support her. And the second thing is, man, if she won't have a hard conversation with her mom now, I promise you, she's not going to have hard conversations when the stakes get higher after y'all are married. >> The best ID theft protection comes from Xander. Real monitoring, full restoration, no fluff. Learn more at xander.com.