I'm Losing Sleep Over Giving $900 To a Friend

[Music] Brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. >> I'm literally losing sleep over a decision I have to make by tomorrow. And what I'm struggling with is whether to give a friend $900 who hasn't responded to any of my calls or texts for like three years. And then she suddenly reached out and she's literally begging me for help to pay off a storage unit lean that she says needs to be paid by four days from now. And she said it holds all her worldly possessions. So I contacted the storage company directly today. And in doing so, I learned she actually owes double that amount. And I'm kind of uncomfortable with the variety of the details they gave me. But it als I could get the money, but it would be a financial hardship for me. But I'm what I'm torn with is I'm feeling so guilty because what if this was me >> and because like what if this was me and like the way she worded it and stuff and but at the same time it would be a >> a boundary, you know. >> Okay. I love this. I love that you called us because you need somebody that's objective. Jade and I have zero feelings on this deal. Uh, so I'm going to ask you a couple questions. We're just going to rewind. When she first requested the $900, what did your gut, what did your body, what did your brain say? >> Well, I just felt so sorry for her because she hasn't talked to me for years. >> No, no. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Let me re ask the question to make sure you get what I'm asking. About the $900 when she If she'd have asked for $9, what would your brain have said? What would your body have said? >> $9. Yeah. >> Okay. If it was $90, what would your brain and your body have said? >> Yeah. >> Okay. When she asked for 900, don't tell me all these other things. What did your brain and body say when you processed $900? >> Um, it was hard because I'm trying to follow some advice from you and pay off my mortgage. >> Yes. And you just told us that $900 is a hardship that would be brought on yourself to help somebody pay off a debt. And this somebody's not even in your life. They haven't even returned your calls. They haven't even had the common decency to return a text. This is a hard no from me. >> Jenna, >> but she did return. She reached out three weeks ago and then I got the text two days ago. >> That's fine. That's fine. But can I ask you a question? >> If I said today, Jenna, it is your mission to go out into this world and earn $900, could you do it? >> I think I could. >> Okay, that's your answer. Cuz your friend can too. And is And the question I also have is, is this still your friend? Well, you know, we were close and she went through all these things for, you know, time sake. I won't go through it that she shared when she called me and she says she's getting a contract in the middle of the month and that she would pay me back. >> Well, oh, Kaibos, I'm going to put the kibash on this right now because here's the here is what I will say. If you decide because this is your choice. If you decide to give her the money, you are giving it to her. you cannot lend her this money. You either give it to her out of the goodness of your heart and out of the detriment to your own budget and to your own life or you don't do it at all. You cannot lend because if you lend >> if you lend it to her, you are not helping her. You're just moving the debt and now you're straining an already strained relationship. >> That's why I called because I needed to hear you say that cuz I knew that's what you would say. >> Yes, ma'am. Listen, you didn't even tell us, nor do we need to know what are the other details that you found out from the storage facility. But it it screams to me that you're not getting the full story from this fake friend. This is not a real friend. And I'm going to say it. Real friends. >> I just feel very not generous. >> Well, Jenna, that's your problem on how you feel because I can tell you, you're a generous person. The fact that you're even considering helping this fake friend tells me you're generous, but you've got to make a good decision for you. >> Not a good decision for her. Do you do you understand what I'm saying? >> Also, also, can I just throw out there um guilt and generosity don't live in the same house? Like, they don't live in the same >> You don't give out of guilt. You give out of the abundance of joy. >> I think she's manipulating you. This is a person who did not return your calls, did not return your texts. Three weeks ago, when she knew she had a problem on the horizon, she thought, "Hm, I better hit Jenna up, start acting friendly again." I think this smells, this stinks of manipulation. This is a fake friend, and I don't give nine cents to fake friends, much less $900. >> Yeah. Yeah. This is really think about that, Jenna. When you give, it should be out of a cheerful heart, not a guilty heart, not under compulsion, not under, oh, what are they going to think of me if I don't give that is the exact opp matter of fact I would say wait until if you are still thinking about it, wait until all those feelings dissipate and then if you can really look at this and go, I am just so grateful to help my friend. I have the money. I feel joy about it. I feel good about it. Do not give with a guilty spirit. That is not that is not generosity. That is guilt and shame. >> I got another thought just now. Jenna, how much is she actually owe? Was 1,800, right? >> Yeah, 1,800. And that's just the rent. So that means they won't take a lean if she pays it by the 23rd of the month, but she told me Tuesday. But she still would owe lean fees and and late fees. And then the first of the month, she has two units. She has a $900 payment and a 786 payment on the 1 of October. >> So, Jenna, >> so I don't feel like I'm helping her because if I this money, then she's getting the next money. >> Yes, Jenna, I wish you could see our studio audience. They are shaking their head. You just came into the light. >> Uh, you you actually just you took you took us where I was trying to take you. In other words, the $900 isn't even going to solve the problem. And that tells me, >> and I hate to say this, Jade, but I'm old enough now >> do it >> to have lived enough life to know that she's hitting several people up for $900. This stinks, as my grandmother used to say, to high heavens. There's an old phrase from the South, >> Jenna, this is bad news. And I am hoping to remove any unnecessary guilt. You are not a person who has done anything wrong. Thus, you should not feel guilt. But you're such a kind person, Jenna. >> That I just keep hearing my mother say that's not Christlike. So I just >> Well, that's another problem. We're now arguing with our mother. All right. >> And yeah, >> probably no longer here. >> So So listen, >> I guess I did need that non-objective opinion because I knew if I give her the money, it's not a loan. I'll never see it again. >> I'm gonna say a final word. >> You don't even know if she's going to put it on the storage. >> I I got a final word on this, Jenna. >> You know, >> the reason you feel guilt is because you think that not wanting to pay her is wrong. That's actually right. And I'm going to flip it on you and say that if you give her this $900, that's wrong. >> Entitlement, baby. >> It's stupid. It's not good management of your money. Therefore, Jenna, it would be wrong for you to give her $900. It's my best shot. >> Stand business, Kim. >> Where's my hat? >> Where's your hat at? >> Create your free every dollar budget today. 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