How Do I Convince My Husband It's Time To Move Out Of My Parents' House?

If your private student loans are in default, you're not out of options. Go to whyrefi.com slash Ramsey. So I'm just wondering how I can convince my husband that we're financially stable enough to live out of our parents' house, even though we're still under USEQ and don't have enough saved for a house down payment. How long have we been staying with his parents? Or no, no, your parents. How long have you guys been living? My parents, yes. It's been four years. Since you've been married, you've been living with your parents? No. We've been married since 2017. So what happened that caused you guys to go, hey, we can't rent anymore. We got to move in with mom and dad. So what happened was we lived in northern Michigan and our rent was super cheap. Everything was great. And then my parents, they were the people who watched my kids and they moved downstate and there was no way that we could financially make it living up there without their help with the children. Because you couldn't afford child care. So you went, well, we'll just move in with them and they can just watch them all day while you two go off to work. Right. Okay. What do you guys make? So our financial situation has changed now since then. So we're bringing home about $9,000 a month. For crying out loud. I mean, what is really going on here? What is his deal? What's really going on is, I don't know, he's scared. And I totally understand why, because when we lived up north, we were living paycheck to paycheck and we were getting help from my parents. And now that we've lived down here, we're making at least triple what we were making up north. Yeah. And by the way, we're not going to play armchair quarterback, but you guys could have made it work before. And so this pattern is repeating itself. It does us no good to go back and run the numbers from when you lived up there, but I can tell you there was a way, but you're right. He's not only scared. I think this guy has gotten real comfortable. And what strikes me is it sounds to me like you're on your last nerve and they're your parents. I am on my last nerve. And I don't want to, you know, cause we do help with the expenses of living in the house. It's not like we live here rent free. I give my parents money every month. We help with everything. And that's worked into our budget, you know, what we contribute to my parents. And really living on our own, we'll only be probably $800 more a month. Have you sat down with him and showed him an actual budget to say, Hey, here's what rent would be. I've got three different apartment complexes or whatever you're thinking here's place a place B place C. And with all of those numbers together, we're only talking about an increase of $800 a month for us to live on our own. Have you laid that out for him? The thing is, is he doesn't, um, I'm the one that manages all our finances. I manage it. I manage all the credit card payments, all the car payments, the contribution, any trips that we take, like I manage it all. And he doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know So wait a second. Do you remember the question I just asked you? Have I sat down with him? What's the answer to my question? The answer is I've tried and he's not interested. What do you mean? He's not interested. He's the one that says we can't make it financially. You go, let me show you how we can. He goes, no, thanks. He literally goes, no, I don't want to look at it. He says, no, I don't want to look at it. You, you know, you handle the finances, right? Okay. When a guy is this stubborn, he has his head up is his, you know what? All right. That's all this boils down to. So if he says to you, I don't want to look at it. You handle it. Then guess what? Go, go put a deposit down on an apartment today. They got us a lease. Hey babe, 1500 bucks a month. I got great news. Got us an apartment. Uh, it's only, and by the way, he doesn't know the numbers. So go. So just say, and by the way, this is not me telling you to be dishonest with him, uh, cover anything up. I'm not suggesting that at all, but this is a guy who you've attempted to show him. And he's, he has literally checked out of the situation. He's not an adult when it comes to the money. And so I don't know why you got to convince a guy, nor I don't know how you convince a guy who refuses to have a conversation about it. I don't have a tip for that. Well, he doesn't care about the money. No, he's just so stuck on, um, we're still in debt and we, you know, I want to go straight from my parents' house into a house. Are we what? Are you still big time in debt? I mean, we have like $46,000 in debt. Can I hear the numbers? Yeah. When you guys moved in, what did you start with? What was your total debt balance when you guys moved in? Um, probably 10 grand. So you were 10 grand in debt when you moved in. Now you're 43 grand in debt years later. So this whole plan that we're going to move in with my parents to pay off debt has backfired spectacularly. And has he been a part of acquiring the additional 36 grand in debt? Yes. Oh, he was on board for that. What did he go into debt for? Um, so he's an avid hobbyist when it comes to, yeah, yeah. When it comes to his guns and his bows and, you know, we needed to get a new truck. So he's going to lose his toys if you guys go rent somewhere. He's going to lose the lifestyle he's created for himself. That's it. He's afraid of that. That's what's going on. He's a child. But honestly, you've been an accomplice to these crimes. Absolutely. So you've allowed it to happen. This is not like, well, it's all on him. You both have been very lackadaisical in this process, making zero progress. And here's the thing. It has stunted y'all's growth financially and relationally. And so moving out is not to punish him. It's to go, I married you to leave and cleave. Not to move back in with my parents while we continually go into debt, while you're telling me this is better for us financially. So you need to have a serious conversation sharing your feelings, because sharing the numbers ain't working. And use I statements. You do this and just say, here's how I'm feeling based on everything that's been happening. What was that reaction when George said what you need to do? By the way, George is right. You kind of did the, it was a little exhale, giggle. It was an exhale, giggle combo. What was making you, what's going on there? Um, because, uh. There it is. At this time we have that conversation that gets turned around on me. And it's, and it's, you know, rather than take us collectively taking the blame for this, because it's not just me. That's right. And it's not just him. It's both of us. Yeah. He deflects. Um, it, it gets deflected back on me and it's my problem and it's my job to fix it. And. Wish we could get him on the phone right now. Yeah. You guys are, you're going to need some, some counseling. I really, I actually think that's the case. And I think, how would you, how would you rate your marriage right now on a scale of Um, probably like a 5.5. What would he, what would he rate it? Depends on the day, probably a little bit higher, maybe like a seven. Yeah. So we're both in denial. Okay. That's good. We're on the same page on one thing at least. Yeah. I, I think if he, do you think he cares about your marriage? No, absolutely. Yes. Okay. No, absolutely. What? Yeah. That threw me. Cause boy, you said he cares. Okay. And what way does he care? Yeah. Like, like as far as actions go. As far as actions. Um, we have a very like open and honest relationship in terms of like, you know, obviously we love each other and we love our kids and we're, we're on the same page in terms of we're willing to do whatever it makes, whatever it takes to make it work. Except rent and look at a budget and stop buying toys other than that, crushing it. So the reason that we're poking around on this issue is cause is he going to respond when you say, Hey, this is not good. We, we, we've got to go see a therapist and we've got to get on the same page with this. We can't be, we can't be on the same page about everything else and not on the same page about money. I'm dying here. I don't want to live with my parents. And every time I bring it up to you. And it's not just like, I don't want to live with it's more like my parents deserve to not have us be here. You deserve not to be with your parents or put it on your parents. You're still clouded a little bit. Hey, I got a place to rent. You're welcome to join me. You're ready to be an adult. How old are you two? Uh, 33. If you watched a movie about a 33 year old couple who'd been living with the wife's parents for four years, it'd be a comedy. Jesus saved the world by the time he was 33. You guys can go rent an apartment. You can't drop the deity card on her. Who can live up to that? It's called the Jesus juke can. It works every time. Wow. That, that heated up quickly. I'm going to have to get George and Alka-Seltzer. Y-Refi refinances defaulted private student loans for struggling borrowers. Learn more at Y-R-E-F-Y.com slash Ramsey.