My Girlfriend Borrowed Money and Still Hasn't Paid Me Back (She Owes Me $1,700)

[Music] Brought to you by Y Refi. Refinance your defaulted private student loans today at yii.com/ramsey. Today's question comes from Randy in Delaware. He says, "I've been seeing a lady for over a year and she has borrowed over $1,700 from me that she has not paid back. I'm a single day." Oo. I'm a single father with over $20,000 in debt. My wife passed away and I'm living on just my salary. I have a nine-year-old son and my daughter is 24. I am serious about this lady, but it bothers me that she has not fulfilled her promise to pay back my $1,700 after 9 months. How do I approach her about this concern? Randy, listen. Oh, man. and Randy, sometimes I read these questions ahead of time and sometimes I don't cuz I just want to feel the impact in the moment. What are you feeling right now? I'm feeling impacted. How? Well, I It's two parts to this, Randy. There's two parts to this. A you lent her the money. And whenever you loan money, there's always a risk, right? There's a risk that the person's not going to repay it. That's the biggest risk. And then the secondary risk is that because they don't repay it or even if they do, it will affect the relationship in some adverse way. Right? Those are the two biggies of why we say don't loan money. And you hit the nail on the head on both of them. Number one, she's kind of being a scrub and not paying the money back. And how are you supposed to feel good about this relationship? Because now it's has the ability to create like a little bit of bitterness. You take her out on a Randy takes, let's call her, you know, Sheila. Randy takes Sheila out on a date. Let's call her Sally. Randy takes Sally out on a date. He's not gonna feel good about picking up her steak dinner. He's already I'm gonna tell you, okay, I'm going to talk to Randy like I would be talking to Randy if he showed up here and we had a cup of coffee. I would look at Randy and I'd say, "Randy, I'm gonna tell you what the problem is. You are serious about this woman, Sally, aren't you?" And he'd go, "Yeah, I'm serious about it." I go, "Yeah, and she knows it, doesn't she?" And he would go, "She knows it. She's not paying the 1,700 back ever." Because Sally, is that her name? Sally. Sally. Sally. Sheila. Sally Ride. Sally is banking on closing the deal. Is this what you think? I know. I know what's going on. He has made her feel like she's the one. He told us in a simple email that uh he is serious about her. She knows he's serious. She thinks the 1700 is already their money and he's gonna forgive it because he's gonna put a ring on it. I don't know. Sally could be a Rolling Stone. Sally could be a Rolling Stone that's like, "Hey, Sally is I'm just here for a little while." All right, let me flip this for a second. I might get in trouble for this with you, but I'm going to do it. Okay, get in trouble for If you and Sam were dating, okay, this is not you and Sam real life, but this is you and Sam. This is male, female. Got you. Got you. And Sam loaned you $1,700 and you had not paid it back. Same deal. N months. Mhm. You're a human being. This isn't a Jade or a Sally. This is a human being and a woman who feels like her man is serious about her. Are you going to be in a hurry? Is any woman going to be in a hurry to pay the $1,700 back? I think if I really was Do you think that you guys are going to be an item and get married? If I was on like if I was dating Sam, that means I'm like I've got respect. And not that I would ever do this, but if I had borrowed money, I feel like it's a great opportunity for me to if you think he's going to pop the person I am. You're going to pay that back. If you think you're going to be two instead of one, come on. This is a human question. I'll tell you, it's hard for me to put myself in that position because I can't even imagine being in that position. I'm going to tell you what's going on. This woman feels like he's in love with her. And because he's in love with her, she doesn't have to pay the money back because it's their money. There's a guy in the lobby with his thumb up in the air. He knows I'm spitting truth right now. But then why would they even like That's why he should have never lent her the money. Why would they even come up with those terms if they were on on that level at that point? It's just like terms. Well, he's clearly saying like she was supposed to pay it off within a within a term because it's been it's past nine months. No, it wasn't a term. He's saying he's saying here it's been n months. Where's my money, honey? Yeah. But the problem is she said to him in a moment of weakness, I need 17 point and he gave it to her and now she's never going to pay. Ken, you don't go 2015 Rihanna talking about pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot to the woman you love and want to marry. You don't do that. I know that's what Well, but that's the point I'm making. He needs to reconcile the fact he's never getting this money back. So, he needs to close the deal. Close the deal and then get rid of the resentment or it's going to end badly is what I'm getting at. My point is is I'm not throwing shade at Sally, Sheila, or whatever you called her. I'm saying I think this is a pretty typical human behavior when you're in a pretty close relationship that he's he's the last person she's thinking about paying back. Oh, here's my other point. You don't borrow money and I know he's already done it. So, I'm saying to him, pal, you need to marry this woman. I think I'm I'm just going out here. He's not getting the money back. Okay. I'm the exact opposite. I think she's a rolling stone. I think that he's vulnerable and because he's gone through a lot and found a nicel looking lady and she might is taken a little bit of advantage but she has no aim. And would you also Okay. Would you also agree she probably has other debts? Yeah. That are much bigger than what she owes this port. That's what I'm saying. He's never getting the money back. Okay. That's what I'm saying. He's not getting it. Getting it. Hands up if you agree with me in the lobby. Look at this. This is real time. You guys are really giving this lady a lot of credit. I'm giving her zero credit. I'm just saying she's not she's never paying it back. That's what they agree with. No, she's not. Like I agree. She's never paying it back. But I also don't think they're getting married. Raise your hand if you think they're going to actually end up getting married. Okay. See, there you go. There you go. So, well, now in this case, he uh Well, now this changes everything. See, I wasn't even going that far down the road. I was telling him to cut his losses. Yeah. Yeah. But now if like they cut their relationship losses, he needs to do that sooner rather than later. But I think he's smitten. Yeah. Well, she's shown a piece of I feel like she's if if what you're saying is true. I feel like she's shown a piece of herself cuz there's a little integrity there cuz they're not married yet. He hasn't even proposed yet. Be one thing if it was his fiance. He hasn't even proposed. If you borrow money, you should pay it back. Whether it be to credit card company, your grandma, you know, whoever it is, if you borrow money, pay it. But relationship 101 here, you shouldn't even borrow money or lend money to your fiance. You would agree with that? I would agree with that. I am a like I have a hard line on that. I think that if you would like to give someone money and you have the money to give, you should give it. In his case, it doesn't even sound like he didn't he clearly did not have the money to give. That's why he made it a loan. And I think that's when you get into hot water is if you don't have it to give sometimes you can't give it. Yeah. And that's just hard, you know, when people you love are asking. If Stacy and I were dating and she asked me for money, I'd say, "Honey, you got to marry me cuz it's all yours at that point anyway. Until then, I'm not loaning you a nickel." I mean, I'm just telling you. I'll tell you what Sam Warshaw did do. This is terrible. This is a bad This is tisk. Don't do this. He Okay, my car. I was driving a Jeep Liberty and the the the AC and the heat on it was bad. And so when winter came, my heat wasn't working. And he got in my car and was like, "You've been driving around like this?" And I'm like, "Yeah." He's like, "I'm going to get you a car." And I thought he was being a hero. He co-signed a car for me. This is pre you guys getting out. This is pre us getting No, we weren't even married. We weren't even married. Oh, you were dating. He co-signed a car for me. We were just about part of your story. This is all part of you. And that's what I'm saying. Seeing the light, paying off. That's why I'm saying like you might be right that he was smitten cuz I think that a guy like Love Goggles will make you do anything. That's what Sam did with you. Yeah. But it's a good thing I married. That's a fact. Married him otherwise. Here's the problem with our guy. What's this guy's name? Uh Randy. Randy. Listen, here's the problem. Every guy wants to be the knight on a horse. Exactly. Knight in shining armor. And it's it's one of our kryptonite problems. And this girl bat her eyes at him and she cried and he swooned and gave her $1,700 and he might as well lit it on fire. Mhm. All right. Not getting that money back. Just don't do it ever. It muddies any relationship, whether it's romantic or any kind of relationship. Don't give friends or family a loan. Why refi refinances delinquent private student loans for struggling borrowers. Learn more at yfy.com/ramsey.