My Dad Keeps Falling For Scams, What Can I Do?

[Music] brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Hi. Um, I'm calling more to see if I can get some help figuring out how to help my dad. Um, he is widowed and he's been scammed a couple of times in the past 5 years, and it's a decent amount of money that he's lost from what he's told me. Um, he was self-employed in a pretty niche business and was recently pushed into retirement. Um the most recent scam. What do you mean pushed into retirement? Um the physical labor of his job was just far too much for him to sustain at his age. He's 65. Okay. Could he afford to retire? So the issue is um he hadn't saved up a lot of retirement because growing up my mom was r uh very sick with a very rare cancer. And so a lot of the stuff that they were putting aside for their retirement ended up going toward her medical bills. Um so a lot of what it seems like he's lost from both of these scams were the only nest eggs he kind of had left. Oh, it's awful. What kind of scams were these? The first it sounds like it was a romance scam. Um that was my fear. Yeah. The other one um was crypto. And to be really frank and really clear, I understand like the crypto and some of the stuff that he was trying to do. I think he also kind of got sucked into a selling things on Amazon type scam because he is trying to take care of himself and he doesn't want to be a burden to my siblings and I you know he's made that really clear and I think the effort was noble although misguided right the intention was good but the yeah the execution was terrible he kept turning to the next scheme to get him out of whatever mess he was in. Yeah. You know, this man has never gambled a day in his life. And recently, I saw two Powerball tickets sitting on the table at his house. And, you know, he's also never carried credit card balances. And now he's telling me like he can't afford a 2-hour trip, you know, down to see his mother for Mother's Day. So, do you have any idea of where he is financially at all, Sarah? Like, do you know what he does have? Um, he's not letting a lot on to my siblings and I, which is making that a little bit harder. Um, I do know that the first scam was to the tune of 80 or 90,000 and he's only really he took a a home equity line of credit out on his home to be able to pay that off. Um, and the next the the most recent crypto one, he's not giving our siblings a really clear answer on that. We we've each heard him say different amounts. So, is he asking for help? Hey, George here in the control booth, and I bet you're wondering what they're going to say next. Get out of debt, sell the horse, yada yada yada. The advice may be predictable, but the internet is anything but. You see, your personal info is out there up for grabs by shady companies ready to add more scam and spam to your life. And that's why I use Delete Me. Delete Me will scrub your data from all of these sites so that you can focus on the Ramsay show instead of who's buying and selling your info. And Ramsay fans get 20% off at joindeleteme.com/ramsey or by using the link in the description below. So go take control of your privacy as soon as this call is over. Is he asking for help? He's not. Um we How did you find out about this? the very first one and this happened I want to say 2020 and I remember specifically because I knew where I was when he called me um and told me what had happened but the more recent one um he also called but was really sheepish about letting on that there was a problem. Yeah. Um Sarah the only solution are you are you married? I am. Okay. How are you and your husband financially? Where are you guys at? We're working on our baby steps. Um, yeah, it's great. We're working on paying off a little bit of credit card debt and I thankfully have pretty minimal student loans because I work at a university and most of my tuition has been free. Yeah, thank God. But um, and how old how old are you guys and how old is he? Um, dad is in his late 60s and we are in our late 30s. Okay. Um, the only thing that I can think that would be the fastest way to help him out of it, which sort of puts my husband and I in a bit of a predicament, is we're currently living in a house that he owns that he bought with the intent to flip. COVID happened and we moved into it because you know our housing got turned upside down and um we're paying him rent but this would the sale of this house would knock out a good majority of the heliloc but that doesn't take care of the unknown dollar amount of the rest of the debt that he's got going on. For sure. And has he approached you with that idea or is it just you and your husband thinking through like gosh this is an asset that dad has and We've yeah, we've intended to buy this house from him and getting it inspected and looking at a lot of the things. It's in pretty sore condition and the neighborhood is not the absolute best. So, thinking of our future and our Yeah, we don't want to. So, it's sort of a Yeah. Do you guys um I'm just thinking out loud here. Um, do you know how fast you guys can get out of debt, consumer debt, you and your husband? We are aiming for December of this year. Okay. Well, which would be really, really great. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I I don't know, George. I want to know your thoughts on this, but there's a part of me, Sarah, that he's not I kind of want to separate your dad's situation and you and your husband's. You kind of have to make those two different um ideas in your head. And I think you and your husband need to make decisions on what's best for you guys. and it sounds like it's not a great house, you're probably not going to buy it long term. Um, you may even want to get out of it soon. I don't know. But whatever you guys need, you make decisions based on that. And then if he raises a flag and says, "Hey, as the landlord of this home, the owner of this home, I need the money. So, I have to sell this asset and you all just have to be ready if that's ever the case." But, um, but this whole idea of like I feel like we need to do this for him when he's not asking, right? It starts to tangle tangle the two families and two financial situations where I would want to keep them separate. And your heart is so great, Sarah. And I can I can only imagine. He's such a wonderful he sounds like such a wonderful man and you're like, how are you going down this road, Dad? Like you know better than this, right? And it's almost so sad as a daughter to watch your dad make these decisions, right? And so you're just heartbroken for him. Um but also it's hard because you can't help people who aren't asking for help either. So, um, so I understand that you guys see a way out for him to a degree of this home and everything and that's very generous and maybe that's in your spirit and you're like, "Hey, we do want to offer this as an idea to him." And if you want to do that, that's that's great. Um, but but also he's he's not raising his hand. You know what I mean? To to do anything right now. So, I almost in one way keeping the two situations separate in your mind, but knowing there's going to be a crossover eventually because it's his house. His name's on the on the deed, and unless he's willing and open, it's going to be hard to help him. It's like trying to help a brick wall. You're not going to get very far. So, I mean, if he's willing to freeze his credit, cut up the cards, remove all these accounts, just remove anything in the path that could cause him to cause further damage would be what I would do for my own dad. Yeah. And if he called the show Sarah and he was telling us this, we probably would say sell the house and get your financial house, right? I mean, that probably would be our advice to him, but he's not asking. Do you know what I'm like? So, so it is hard to give advice or thoughts to someone that I mean, he's probably feeling a lot of shame and guilt and doesn't want to drag you into it is my guess. Oh, he is. But if you can get him to open up and say, "Listen, Dad, I'm not here to judge shame. We just want to help in any way we can. Right now, we can't do that." financially, but here's what we can do. But in my conscience, I know this asset is here and if you need to sell it, right? But you could give it as an option, but um give them the assets. Yep. It's awful. Awful. 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