When Your Teenage Daughter Has a 42-Year-Old Fiancé - Mom

Where are you headed? I'm going to a birthday party with Gregory. Gregory, again. Wow, that's been going on a little while now, huh? I guess. When do we get to meet him? Yeah, I'd like to meet young Gregory. Yeah, I just don't see any reason for that. Oh, come on. There's nothing to hide. Your last boyfriend was a burger-flipping stoner who got you pregnant. The bar is very low. Why are you so interested in my life? Are your own lives that boring? Yes, the most exciting thing that happened to me today was a hairball with an overbite. Come on. Tell me about him. I'm a cool mom. I'm hip. I'm happening. I got it going on. How are you ever a stripper? Some men enjoyed my awkwardness. What's the deal with this guy? Does he have, like, a misshapen head? Little tiny legs? Lazy eye? Canadian? Canadian? That's the border we should be watching. He's just a guy. Where'd you meet him? At school. So he's a student. God, what is with you guys? Just leave it alone. He's not a student. Riley, you know the kind of men your grandmother and I have dated. We are the last people in the world to judge, am I right? Mm, absolutely. You cannot shock us. All right. He's a professor at my school, and he's 42 years old. I'm calling the police. Here we go. Oh, this really wasn't necessary. Don't be silly. You're Violet's boyfriend. Right? Right. So, what did you want to talk about? Well, you both know how amazing Violet is. Sure. Okay. So it'll come as no surprise to you when I tell you how much I love her. We love her, too. Yeah, we love her. And the reason I wanted to speak with you guys was to get your blessing. I'd like to marry your daughter. Is she pregnant? No. Then why do you want to marry her? Mom. I'm sorry. You kind of caught us off guard. It's okay. I know it's sudden. Before we give our blessing, I just have one question. Really? I have eight. Do you understand what it means to be a 19-year-old girl? How unformed her thinking is? That's one of the things I love about her. She's not jaded. She sees the world with fresh eyes. Why do you see those eyes when you drink the last diet Snapple? Don't worry. I'll never do anything to upset her. Oh, if only that were possible. So, do I take that as a yes? I have your permission? Gregory, I appreciate you coming to us, but it's really not our call. Yeah, Violet might not be as ready to settle down as you are. I hear you, but I just can't help the way I feel. I'm desperately in love. Oh, you poor bastard. Oh, my God! Do you hear the words coming out of your mouth? I know our neighbors can. All I said was, if Gregory's mother comes to live with them, they can say goodbye to sex. They're getting married. They can say goodbye to sex either way. I am so sorry about... You don't have to keep apologizing. Mother-daughter relationships are often quite challenging. Challenging? Does your mom have a rap sheet in California, Arizona, West Virginia, and, I am not making this up, Micronesia? Um, not that I know of. I was... We're so glad you two could join us tonight. Violet worked very hard on preparing a traditional Shabbat dinner. Shabbat? It's Jewish for Friday, right? Close enough. The reason we asked you to come over, other than the joy of getting to know you better, is, uh, Violet has some news. You're pregnant? Why do you always jump to that? Oh, like you weren't thinking it. Of course I was! But unlike you, I don't vomit out the first words, that pop into my drug-addled brain. Hey! Clean and sober, six days. Mazel tov. I made the Dean's list. And I hate you both. Excuse me. Twenty years of therapy, and all it took was an hour and a half with you two to make me love my mother. Well, as a psychotherapist, I know that if a woman has a positive relationship with her mother, she's more likely to forge strong bonds with her own children. Sorry. Too late. Anyway, I, uh, can't wait to be a father. And you and Violet getting along will only make her a better mom. I get that. But you can wait a little while, right? Oh, yeah. Well, we're not even married yet. On the other hand, I'm not getting any younger. True. You wait too long, you'll be shooting sawdust. Mom. Uh-uh. Where do you think sawdust comes from? You have lots of time to have kids. And I know that Violet's not in a rush. She wants to finish college, maybe even start a career before she has another baby. I'm sorry, another baby? Huh? You just said before she has another baby? Yeah, you did just say that. Why'd you say that? Huh? Are you telling me that Violet had a baby? I think it's charming you giggle after sex. Who's ready for banana cream? What's wrong? Excuse me. What's going on? Violet, I assumed you told him about the baby. Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I do so much better when you are not in my life. I know how upset you must be, but if we leave now, we can get home in time to see the fourth quarter. So, Christy, I have to ask, what inspired you to go back to school to become a lawyer? Well, actually, it was something I've wanted to do since I was a kid. I saw this one get hauled off by the police a bunch of times, and... I wanted to help her. You couldn't just say you read a book about Lincoln? You know, that's interesting. I got into psychology to help my mother. As you can see, it didn't work. Cute. I thought it was to understand your obsession with boobies. Had to breastfeed him till he was four. Yeah, you want to zets with the big boys, that's what happens. So, are we gonna talk about the age difference with these two or what? Please, let's go back to boobies. Christy, tell me that you're not concerned. Well, I was at first, but... they both seem happy together, and... isn't that what's important? Thank you, Mary Poppins. How about you? Well, Phil... Who am I to judge? I'm a middle-aged woman. What does that got to do with anything? I just wanted you to know I'm a lot younger than you are. Why don't I get that? Now that's a zets. What are you doing here? You wouldn't answer your phone, you don't return my texts. I wanna know what's going on. What's going on is we've got company. I'll talk to you tomorrow. No. No? I demand to be heard. I am not your secret sex toy. Give me some. Mom, you mind taking your dumbass life outside? Sure, move. Can you imagine what they were like when they drank? I'm tired of letting you call all the shots. Now, are we in a real relationship or not? Wow, I've never seen this forceful side of you before. Well, sometimes a man's got... Is Christy here? I need to talk to Christy. No, she's inside. What's going on? My ex-husband is having a baby with a skanky anesthesiologist, which is crazy because he never wanted to have a baby with me. I mean, why would... So, you can't even take a Xanax? No, we face our difficulties with dignity and grace. Christy, I need you. My husband knocked up his whore. Eddie, this is Jill. Jill, this is... Don't care. Why don't you answer your phone? Let's talk in the kitchen. Mom, can't you do this later? Just need five minutes. I would have been a wonderful mother! Maybe six minutes. Maybe we should go. Are you kidding? This is like dinner in a show. You'll regret this, Bonnie Plunkett. You're gonna miss my lovin'. Act two. Tell me this isn't perfect on you. It is beautiful. Oh, I'm crying already thinking of you wearing this. Listen, about the price, Gregory's mom offered to take care of it. Hey, this is my little girl's wedding. I am more than capable of buying her a dress. Not this one specifically, but a very nice dress. All right, why don't we take a look over here at the bride on a budget rack? A lot of attitude from a middle-aged broad working retail. Sorry I'm late. Someone hid my keys but forgot I can see on top of things. Oh, I'm so glad you're here. I wouldn't miss it for the world. What are we looking at? Just trying to find something reasonably priced. Oh, Christy, your only daughter's wedding is not the time to go cheap. You're right. I should spend the same amount on her that you spent on me. Oh, wait, that was nothing. Because I knew the marriage wouldn't last. I don't think her marriage is gonna last, but that doesn't stop me. What? Not important, honey, just trying to hurt Grandma. You know what? Let's try on the expensive one. Mom, you don't have to. No, but I want to, because that's what good mothers do. But the price. Forget the price. Try it on. Oh, my God. Right this way. Okay. Okay. Thanks a lot. Now I'm on the hook for a dress I can't afford. Oh, don't worry about it. You're gifted. You'll figure it out. Don't you dare ruin this special day with my daughter. Oh, I think this special day will be ruined when your credit card gets declined. That's it. Get out. Get out? You heard me. Turn into a bat and fly away. Make me. I didn't think so. Ah! Get off of me! What is wrong with you? There was wrong with me! All right, that's it! You've got raccoon hands now! I swear to God, I will helicopter you out of this village! I'm not letting go! And I am taking you down! That's all you've ever done! Here comes the bride. Mom, Grandma. Oh, honey, you look beautiful. You look pretty. How much time do we have? Not a lot. Let's just grab our stuff and get out. What about those big potted plants in the lobby? We're not here to just randomly steal things. Then why'd you bring me? Hello? Gregory? We're good. You get Violet's clothes, I'll get the rest of her stuff. Got it. Christy? Are we just going to get her things or are we going to go all helter-skelter on joint? Just getting her things. We'll revisit it on the way out. Does Violet drink espresso? I don't know. This is probably hers. You're eating his food? May I remind you, that cheating son of a bitch broke your daughter's heart. Clear out the fridge. I feel like we hit the jackpot at Bed, Bath & Beyond. You think that's Violet's giant flat-screen TV? It's bigger than ours, so yes. Oh. Hello. Phyllis, hi. We didn't expect to see you here. Yeah, I get that from the looting. We're just getting my daughter's things. And some of my son's. I gave him that espresso machine. Oh, sorry. It looks just like the one we gave Violet. Okay, we're just going to take this stuff out to the car and then I'll come back for the rest of Violet's clothes. I'm sorry things didn't work out. Yeah, me too, but what are you going to do? Your son met someone else. What? Please. My Gregory with two women at the same time? Two doughnuts, maybe. That's what Violet said. Are you saying my daughter lied to me? Yeah. Or maybe you raised a scumbag of a son. Oh, now he's a scumbag. You really don't have a second gear, do you? Well, what did Gregory tell you? My son, who has never lied to me, told me that Violet has been drinking a lot and doing the pot and the ecstasy. Okay, first of all, there's no the in front of pot and ecstasy. You would know. And I think I would know if Violet had a problem. You sure about that? You know what, Phyllis? I've got a daughter at home crying her eyes out. I am not going to stand here and argue with you. I'll stay. Come on! Screw her blaming Violet. Wait till she realizes she's having mustard for dinner. And we're taking those plants.