Overcoming STRUGGLES as a PARENT: A Heartfelt Chat with Jay Shetty, Selena Gomez, and Her Mom 🔥❤️

With your own challenges and your own struggles, when you're going through your own stuff and you're watching your child go through their stuff, what's going through a mother's mind in that situation? How are you dealing with your own stresses and pains and trying to be there? And often, as Selena said and you said, children don't want their parents involved at a certain time, right? I can relate to that completely. I think, you know, I listened to everything my parents said up until I was 13 years old and then from like 13 to 25, I didn't want to hear from them. And then after 25, I was like, oh, you guys were the best. You're right about everything. And you go through that journey. So, you know, when your child doesn't want your help, when your child is not allowing you in, what goes through a parent's mind, especially when they're going through their own work themselves? I just needed more therapy and a feeling. And you feel, because I want to use this term lightly, like you feel like you failed in some capacity. So then you're like, I know I took that opportunity to try to see maybe where were the missteps I took as a parent. Was I too open with her? Was I too liberal with her? Or should I not let her do Barney? You know, like it's just all these decisions that that, you know, you make, you would just reflect on. And I think I think as parents, we have this capacity to decompartmentalize your feelings and then prioritizing everyone else's. Like I was telling you earlier when we were we were talking, it was it's easier to bury your stuff and then kind of focus, which then becomes unhealthy for the receiving party and for yourself because you're not taking care of yourself. So I was I went through it. A lot of days didn't get out of bed. There was just like a lot of crying, a lot of therapy. And I had a therapist because I also I had a miscarriage during the madness. And, you know, I had this therapist who gave me the best advice ever. She's like, just I need you to leave your house once a day and go go to the movies, buy a ticket. I don't care if you watch it, but every day you need receipts that you left your house. And so I would like walk through the mall just like crying, being lost and, you know, not knowing what to do. And I would buy stuff and I'd have to go and take it to her in each session. And I didn't I didn't even ask her the purpose. I was like, she's just trying to get me to get out of the house. And then I realized the whole like after about six weeks of doing that, I started feeling more comfortable with being even more vulnerable because I'm crying and I know the world's going to be OK and nobody's judging me. People are asking me, hey, are you OK? That kind of thing. And, you know, I'm just like, no. And then, you know, you just keep walking. But like that judgment that everybody's afraid of, it showed me that, you know, because I was mad that I felt as a mother and this is in my eyes, not like, you know, like I felt as Selena's mother. And then I also my body hurt my other baby. So I was like angry at myself completely. And I needed to see that, oh, the world's alive and there is forgiveness and I can still find happiness for myself because I was just like being a mom was something and the only thing I really knew to do since the age of 15. So when that's gone, you're you're just like, oh, I'm supposed to have hobbies that don't entail my child. I'm supposed to do things, you know, so it was a lot of growing, you know, and it's hard when you're in it. But when you get out of it, it's fantastic. It really is. It's just you feel lighter and you feel like more hopeful, you know, and that then when you have that next opportunity or that next, you know, downtrodden moment, you know, you're going to get out of it. It's like, all right, I just got to get through this. Just got to figure it out, got a vibe through it. And and then it'll it will pass. Yeah. So I think, yeah, you were talking about rock bottom a little bit earlier. Yeah, definitely hitting rock bottom. It does. It feels like you're breaking through. What's really refreshing hearing both of you together is just I feel like this is going to heal a lot of parent children relationships, like listening to you both today, because I'm just thinking so often we think our thoughts to ourselves and we never share them with the people that those thoughts are about. So, you know, I'm sure there's so many children out there who their thoughts are like, oh, I wish my parents did this better and my parents could have done this. And those are valid thoughts. And then there's parents out there at the same time having the same thought of like, I wish I didn't do that to them. And I, you know, and often we just never find out. We never know because we don't get to have these open, honest dialogues. And so I really think this on top of everything you both are doing, this is really going to inspire a lot of parents and kids. Yeah, it's because it's even even listening to you, I'm just I'm thinking of my parents and I'm thinking of my friends, parents, and I'm thinking that everyone needs to be able to open their heart because somewhere everyone's painting themselves the villain and someone's painting themselves as the person who messed up and got everything wrong. And in our head, we're thinking, oh, they got away with it or, you know, they're not aware of it. So I find, I mean, did you were you always open to therapy and was open to this self work? Was that a part of who you were as well always? And that was or was that something you kind of turned to at a certain point? Well, I will tell you a haunting little secret that when I was really young in junior high, I wanted to be a criminal psychologist. So that's why I always say that she's making fun of me in murders. That was I am that person. But I was already reading on serial killers at that age because I was fascinated with the mindset and I didn't come from, you know, an environment where therapy was even talked about. But I just at a certain age, I really felt like super depressed. And so I had to go out and explore it myself and go through tons of doctors. And, you know, you would say one thing and it was just like, oh, hey, are you seeing things? I'm like, I saw a black butterfly the other day. And they go, oh, so you're hallucinating. And I'm like, am I? So like I had to go and I wasn't, but it was a real black butterfly. So I had to learn like how to understand myself and my mind on my own. And finally, I also I did I went away to a facility and was the first time I got to really spend all that time is best 28 days that I spent and, you know, on myself. And yeah, you just like you have to kind of build that relationship with your mind. And and I think people are so afraid of being honest with themselves because then they have to face it. But what like helped me is I realized, like, you know, in this relationship, I was parenting her the way I needed to be parented, not what she was needing. And that is how I feel like I made my contribution to healing this relationship is like, oh, you pull back. I need to know her and her needs, not like be the mama bear, even though I still haven't lost that completely. But like, you know, sometimes I just need to listen and not fix it. And so that was the biggest thing. I think I really went on a little tailspin there. But that was the biggest thing that I learned through, you know, that whole time that we were separated. It was like seeing who I was and how other people see me. And I do that every day. I'll say something. I'm like, OK, how did that come off to someone else? You know, because I have ADHD, so I'm quick to like spurt out whatever's in my brain. And then I'm like, they really didn't need to know that. But it's out there in the world now. The self-work in this room is amazing. The amount of self-reflection and self-awareness in this room is really strong. This is very powerful stuff. No, and you did not get lost on a tangent at all. I think everything you just shared with us, even you just coming to that conclusion of knowing that you're parenting someone that you deeply love in a way that you wanted to be parented, I think that is at the core of so much of how we all live. We're all loving people the way we wish we were loved. And we're all hurting people the way we wish we weren't hurt. And it's so, it's just fascinating when we finally, you know, look beneath the surface and uncover why it's all there and where it is. And to do that together and separately, I love this idea that there are times when you have to do this at a distance from each other as well. And I think that's such a healthy message to be out there as well in the world. I think we're often all trying to solve all our issues in the same place. Yeah, definitely. I think there are moments even, you know, even in friendships where it was necessary for me to take a step back and figure out what is serving me, what's not serving me, what makes me happy, what's challenging me, what's helping me move forward versus what's not. I think it's really important.