We’re 47-Years-Old and Act Like Children

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today today's question comes from Jackie in Utah buckle up John my husband and I are 47 years old and we're both impulsive Spenders hey I recently came across your podcast hold on can we start right there yeah that's some self-awareness I respect that okay I just James I know we got to go through this question but I just got to startop right here we'll get there eventually we are both impulsive Spenders this is not a diagnostic label like we are both 5'8 right just a fact so we can't reach high things on our cabinets that would be a logical sentence we are both impulsive Spenders is not an empirical fact the way this is laid out this is actually my husband and I are 47 years old and we both act like children there it is we choose to be emotionally immature with our spending habits and I haven't read the rest of this I'm just so sick of the way we have taken adjectives and nouns and created them as identity verbs like we've created them I'm an impulsive spender hey what can you do what can you do no you're an impulsive child all right I will not interrupt again unless I have to go ahead thank you for that John that was a very helpful redefinition here we go I recently came across your podcast and we both fired up about getting out of debt I'm having some real fear and doubt about myself and whether if I'll be able to change my habits and control my spending growing up my family didn't have very much money so I have always had a scarcity mindset and I know that's where my impulse spending comes from my husband isn't as much of a spender as I am he came from a financially stable home but they never followed a budget the person I don't trust to be able to make these Financial changes is myself I've tried to change in the past I get all fired up about something and start down the road of change but before long I revert back to old habits I completely break trust with myself and end up feeling ashamed and defeated I desperately want to make lasting changes with our finances but I just don't have any faith in my ability to do this how do I restore trust in myself all right so first Jackie I apologize for interrupting at the very beginning and throwing a temper tantum because you're calling it out I am emotionally immature with my money and I don't know what to do and I've got a lot of compassion and sympathy for that question so when somebody says how do I restore trust in myself my instant response is always be trustworthy be trustworthy and so what does that mean that means I have to begin to create a world where I do what I say I'm going to do now sometimes we um Overlook uh we step over dollars to pick up dimes when it comes to stuff like this so for instance I am a person who will always follow the follow a budget how can I not follow a budget if I spend money that's not in the budget what do I have to have to spend money I have to have my ATM card I have to have cash cool if I take away my ATM card if I take away cash if I get rid of Amazon Prime then I cannot do those things similar how can I stop drinking Step One is get rid of the alcohol get rid of the environments where there's alcohol so how do I restore trust in myself it's not this wh Knuckle Event where you're going to be flexing I'm going to put in significant hurdles in my way that make it almost impossible to fail when it comes to gaining trust in myself like for me I struggled with getting up and going out to getting in the car letting the car warm up driving across town to the gym so seven or eight years ago I just started slowly peace meal in the gym together in my house now it's right there right I've taken away all the friction now when I say I'm going to work out Tom tomorrow I just go downstairs and work out see like see what I'm saying so yeah Min and there's been Seasons when I gave my wife my ATM card I was out of control I was an emotionally immature spender I gave my wife my ATM card so I I literally couldn't spend and then I had to sit with that discomfort what do I want to buy right now oh I don't really want to buy anything I'm bored or I have a scary meeting coming up or I don't really want to go do this assignment or I have administrative tasks I don't want to do I had to deal with why I was feeling those things I didn't have that emotional that that little scrolling thing that makes you feel so good that's dope of me dope of me dope of me I didn't have that anymore right so how do you restore trust become trustworthy what do you think George yeah I'm with that I was just thinking there's this element of kind of making the bad habits more difficult and making the good habits easy and part of that is I'm taking the apps off my home screen and putting just every dollar there so anytime I open my phone I see every dollar it's a reminder I'm G to put the every dollar sticker on my debit card so that I'm reminded to go check the app to make sure I have the money and make sure I budget for it it's things like that they might sound silly it might seem silly to other people but if it keeps you on track if that calendar where you have the red X because you did one more day of budgeting and you tracked it that's a win you don't want to break the chain now that stuff matters psychologically and so I don't know what that is for our friend Jackie but she's got to figure out the root of that and where she's stumbling and if that is Amazon we're taking out our debit card information we are deleting it we are making it difficult blocking that website on our computer whatever we have to do in order to get those good habits in place I I can't stress that enough that we over intellectualize Behavior change sometimes and um sit down with your husband and say hey it's really really important to me that every week we do a budget together every Sunday night can we just put this on the calendar that we don't ever miss this this is so important to me it helps me feel safe and I'm trying to change my life I want to change our tree I want to change everything about our world will you just have this budget meeting with me on Sundays right what husband's going to say no to that and afterwards we get to watch our favorite show and we can't do that until we have the budget meeting yes or if you want to be more adventurous then watch a show but we we'll get we'll do things together after that right but it's it's about bringing people together and good for you Jackie good for you uh this kind of change is hard but also wow and by the way changing a scarcity mindset um begin to begin to keep a gratitude Journal write down five things a day that start with I am grateful for and begin to tip well scarcity mindset is cannot be in um in the presence of that's right it it Withers and dies on its own little thorny vine when you are insanely generous right um because then you realize oh I gave this kid this guy I over tipped this person because they were so wonderful I gave them their light bill or their water bill for the month and that means I got to make lunch for the next two days it's that exchange is almost always worth it right always always so good for you Jackie great great question